Jonah’s head spun as he turned on the shower and waited for the water to heat up. What the hell had just happened? Well, logically, he knew what had just happened. He just had sex with his cousin’s best friend. Wait, did it even count as sex? They hadn’t fucked, he knew that, but they had both come, so he was leaning toward yes. Sex with women always seemed so straight-forward—ha, straight-forward—but this? This was a lot to take in.

He mentally shook himself and stepped under the spray, letting the water clear his head. Whatever had happened between them had felt fucking amazing. No, more than that. It had felt right. That was the most meaningful connection he’d had with another person in years. It didn’t hurt that he’d known Christian for years. He felt comfortable with him in a way he hadn’t felt with anyone else in a very long time. Longer than he could remember, really.

The interaction also answered a question he’d been unwilling to ask himself for years. While it was the first time with a man, it certainly wasn’t the first time he’d thought about it. Hell, he’d given it more than one thought while working on Alpha Flight. He just hadn’t allowed himself to seriously consider the possibility that he might not be a hundred percent straight.

“Bisexual.”

The sound was consumed by the shower, but Jonah still shivered. He’d met quite a few gay and bi guys in the time he’d lived in California, but he never thought he would be one of them. Sexuality was something you discovered when you were young, right? Christian had known at least since high school that he was gay. Probably earlier than that, but Jonah had never asked. Even his friends said they’d always realized a part of them was different.

What did it mean that Jonah hadn’t had that? Was he even bi? That was a ridiculous question. He’d just had another man’s cock in his mouth not fifteen minutes earlier.

He shivered at the thought, his skin flushing in a way that had nothing to do with the hot shower. Christian’s mouth had felt amazing around his cock; so warm and wet with just the right amount of pressure. He’d gotten blow jobs before, sure, but Christian seemed to approach it with an enthusiasm he’d never experienced. As though Jonah was doing him a favor just by letting him suck him off. He’d said as much, but at the time, Jonah hadn’t quite believed him.

Hopefully he’d adequately expressed how much he enjoyed giving pleasure as much as receiving it. It had been a bit intimidating at first, sucking Christian off. He’d hadn’t ever really thought about the mechanics of what went into a blow job, but now that he’d given one, he appreciated the skill behind them.

When he thought about it, it wasn’t actually that strange, having Christian in his mouth. Any discomfort and awkwardness was worth it to hear the beautiful sounds he’d made while Jonah brought him off, and he had eventually gotten the hang of moving just so to give Christian as much pleasure as he possibly could.

His cock stirred just thinking about Christian, his responses, the way he arched his back when he came—although that was something that would take some getting used to. Much as he wanted to, he resisted the urge to reach down and stroke himself into full hardness. Somehow it felt like cheapening the moment.

Instead he grabbed the soap and lathered it up, before washing himself. He took his time, enjoying the way the hot spray eased the tension in his shoulders. The pressure from the shower wasn’t the best—certainly not compared to the one in his loft, with its rain shower head and massage jets—but it did the job. By the time he stepped out onto the mat, his eyes and limbs felt heavy.

So much had happened in one day, it was hard to sort out what he was feeling. It made sense he was sleepier than he should have been at nine pm, but he still hated to just go to sleep. Grabbing a towel, he dried off before wrapping it around his waist. He hadn’t brought clothes into the bathroom, but his room was just down the hall. Besides, it wasn’t as though Christian would be seeing anything he hadn’t seen before if he did see him.

He cracked the door open, finding the coast clear, before making his way to the bedroom. Rather than jumping into bed, though, he changed into his pajamas and walked back out into the hall. Christian was nowhere to be seen, but there was music coming from the kitchen, so he followed the sounds of Britney’s “Toxic.”

Christian was facing away from him, his hips swaying as he wiped down the counters. A smile played along Jonah’s lips at the image. Christian had always been a dancer. The few times he’d gone to the same parties as Jonah, he was always front and center on the dance floor, usually with a reluctant Mason in tow. His hair flipped as he swung his head from side to side and ran a hand down his front as he sang.

“Too high, can’t come dow—oh!” He turned and froze as soon as he saw Jonah, his eyes wide.

If not for how vulnerable Christian looked, Jonah would have laughed. He hadn’t moved an inch and his mouth was gaping like one of the fish Jonah had been trying to catch that afternoon. But then something shuttered in his expression and he crossed his arms, almost daring Jonah to mock him. Jonah wasn’t going to take that bait.

“Big Britney fan, huh?” he asked instead.

Christian snorted, a harsh, derisive sound. “I’m an openly gay man born in the nineties. Of course I’m a Britney fan.”

He had a point. “I’ve seen her live a couple of times. She came to LA with her Femme Fatale tour, and then once when we were shooting in Las Vegas I took a night to see Piece of Me.”

Christian seemed to relax, leaning back against the cabinet. He looked surprisingly unruffled from their encounter on the deck, especially considering he hadn’t taken a shower. He’d buttoned his shirt back and even tucked it into his jeans. The only evidence that anything untoward had happened was the way his hair was mussed, although that could have been from the dancing.

“I’ve seen her once. Back in oh-nine. I convinced a group of us from U of L to road trip to Atlanta for The Circus. It was more money than we could afford, really, but between the four of us, we made it work.”

That had been a rough year financially for Jonah, too. Living in LA wasn’t cheap, and he hadn’t made his big break yet. He’d been a supporting character in a couple of indie films, but nothing sustainable. It was incredible how far they had both come in eight years. And how far they still had to go.

Jonah tried to imagine the next ten years and came up short. It seemed to stretch out in front of him like a canyon of nothingness, threatening to swallow him whole. Would he still be an actor? Would he even want to be? And more importantly, would he be with anyone?

Would Christian?

Anger rose unbidden inside of him as he imagined Christian with a stranger, holding him, touching him, whispering sweet nothings into his ear. Well that was certainly an unexpected response. Christian deserved happiness just as much as Jonah did, and he would be damned if he was going to let whatever he was feeling get in the way of that.

“Are you okay?”

Jonah jumped at the question. He’d somehow forgotten Christian was in the same room, even though he was right in front of him. “Yeah,” he said, trying to sound nonchalant. He was pretty sure it didn’t work. “Sorry, I was just lost in my own thoughts.”

“You sure you’re alright? You looked like you were about to rip someone’s head off, and uh, I’m the only other person here.” He bit his lip and shifted from one foot to the other. “I didn’t do anything wrong, did I?”

“No,” he answered quickly. “No, I promise you didn’t do anything wrong. Trust me, you did everything right.”

He felt his face flush and immediately looked down at the ground. It had seemed so natural, what they had done on the deck, but it also felt like it was a secret only the night would keep. Talking about it in the light of the kitchen made it real, and while Jonah was more than fine with it being real, he was still trying to wrap his head around everything. It wasn’t every day you found out you weren’t straight, after all.

“Good,” Christian said with a nod. “I just… I just wanted to make sure you were okay, since you’ve never been with a guy before.”

“Did you think I was going to cut and run?”

Christian shrugged. “Maybe a little? You were in the shower an awfully long time. I thought maybe you just wanted to go to bed and forget the whole thing ever happened.”

“Nah.” He took a step closer. “It was a lot to take in at first, but I think maybe there’s always been a part of me that’s found guys hot. Not a part I ever wanted to own up to, but definitely a piece of me. I mean, hell, I enjoyed kissing my male co-star. That kind of says something about me.”

A wry grin tugged at the corners of Christian’s lips and sent a jolt of lust straight to Jonah’s groin. Those lips had been around his cock. And he’d loved every second of it.

“Well, honestly, you’re handling it a lot better than some people do when they realize,” Christian assured him. “When one of my friends starting questioning whether or not she was attracted to women, she pretty much had a breakdown. Granted her folks are super religious, so it was more about them than her. But they’d really done a number on her, forcing all that anti-gay ‘you’ll burn in hell’ shit on her.”

It didn’t surprise him to hear that other people took it much worse than he had. And if he’d stayed in Kentucky, he might have even been the same way. Not necessarily because of his parents—they were pretty cool when it came to gay people—but his extended family? That was a whole other story. Just the thought of telling them he was bi was enough to make his stomach churn.

“I’ll never understand why parents feel the need to alienate their kids like that,” he said. “I mean, Mom and Dad wouldn’t—”

He broke off, his head spinning. He actually had to tell his parents. Even though he’d literally just acknowledged how accepting they were of other sexualities, that was in an abstract sense. Would they still act the same way when it was their own son?

“Uh, I know I’ve been asking this pretty much all night, but are you really okay?” Christian asked. “Cause now you don’t look mad. You look like you’re about to pass out.”

He felt like it, too. Grabbing the barstool, he pulled it out and sat down, staring at his hands. “I have to tell people,” he said finally.

Christian frowned, as though trying to figure out what he meant, then shook his head. “You don’t have to tell anyone you don’t want to. Look… what happened between us was good. Great, even. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for years. Actual years. But that doesn’t mean you have to come out to anyone you don’t want to. If you just want to keep this between us, then okay. I’ll get it.”

Did he? It was one thing to come out to himself in the privacy of the shower. Coming out to the rest of the world was a different story. Were there gay A-listers? Of course. But Afton had done such a good job of crafting his personal image that this would be a huge blow. It wouldn’t just be coming out to his family and friends like most people. He would be coming out to co-workers, fans, and every reporter who ever interviewed him. And when he thought about it that way, he lost some of the confidence he’d found earlier in the bathroom.

“I don’t know.” The words were soft, barely more than a whisper. It was cowardly, living his life in the closet, especially when so many people had come out and set positive examples for others. But he wasn’t ready yet. “Just… can you give me some time to think?”

“Of course. I’m not your boyfriend. I’m not your lover if you don’t want me to be. This was just a little bit of fun between two friends who needed some relief.” Christian walked over and pressed a kiss to the side of his head. “Go to sleep. Things will seem clearer in the morning.”

Jonah nodded and slid off his chair a moment later, then made his way toward the bedroom. Hopefully Christian was right, because right now, things were pretty damn muddled.