June 4th, 2016
“You okay?” Levi asked and I shrugged.
Considering that any minute the obstetrician Mariah had contacted for me would be here, I sure as shit was trying to be okay.
I wouldn’t say it was working, But I was trying like hell.
“Yeah…just a little nervous,” I whispered, and he wrapped an arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to his side.
We were sitting on the couch in the small living room of our hotel room, which lately, had turned into our home away from home.
Truthfully, I was growing tired of it. I missed sleeping in my own bed.
I missed my house in Beverly Hills.
Initially, I’d been avoiding going home because my house had been Camilla’s house too, and it was too difficult to be there.
But now, it was more related to the paparazzi waiting outside of my property, ready to snap any photos they could get their lens on.
Inside the hotel, we had some privacy. We had more control.
Not only because of our security staff, but the hotel had their own as well.
The front entrance of the establishment was always monitored by guards. And anytime we left the premises, we were able to go through the back, staff-only entrance. By the time paparazzi realized we were on the move, we were already fifteen minutes away.
Sure, they still always managed to catch up with us at some point, but at least it all felt a lot more manageable.
Still, though, it was a fucking hotel room and a poor excuse for a home.
But right now, our current living arrangements were the very last thing on my mind.
Reruns of Curb Your Enthusiasm played on the television, but I had no idea what Larry David or Ted Danson was saying.
I couldn’t focus on anything but my racing thoughts.
Yesterday, I’d found out I was pregnant.
Twenty-four hours ago, I’d gone from a woman who was trying to hold it all together while grieving the death of her sister, to a woman who was pregnant and trying to hold it all together while grieving the death of her sister.
I had so many thoughts, so many fucking emotions filling me up that I didn’t know what or how to feel.
I was definitely anxious.
I mean, was I ready to be a mom? Was I ready to be responsible for another human being? Was the timing of this pregnancy going to be too hard for me to deal with emotionally? My heart was still so vulnerable, so fragile since I’d lost my sister.
But, deep down, I was also excited.
Levi and I were going to have a baby. A little person that we created, albeit completely accidentally, but still created all the same.
And it was actually those emotions that were the hardest.
They made me feel guilty.
They filled me up with so much joy, and then that joy turned into feeling bad about being this happy. I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to be this happy when I didn’t have Camilla.
My sister wasn’t here.
I couldn’t share the news with her.
I couldn’t watch and hear her reaction when I told her I was pregnant.
I couldn’t tell her all of my hopes and fears.
She was gone, and it felt like there would always be a part of me that would remain a little bit lost without her.
Sadness and guilt and grief hit me all at once, and I blinked against the emotion that threatened to spill out from my eyes.
God, I miss Camilla.
Sometimes, at random times during the day, I’d see or hear or think about something that would remind me of her, and it would make my heart ache so badly.
Levi pulled me tighter to his side and kissed the side of my forehead. “It’s going to be okay, baby,” he whispered. “And just remember, whatever you’re feeling right now, it’s okay. You’re allowed to feel what you feel. If you’re happy, be happy. If you’re sad, be sad. If you’re both, be both. Just know I’m here.”
Sometimes, I wondered if he could read my mind. We were so attuned to one another it was uncanny, and still, it took me by surprise.
I turned to look at him, and when I locked my gaze with his eyes, they were endless blue oceans of nothing but love and comfort and solace. Levi’s eyes were like my own little slice of serenity inside a world of chaos.
He’d become my savior.
The man I could always rely on.
Thank God, thank everything, for him.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“For what?” he asked and quirked a curious brow.
“For saying exactly what I needed you to say right now.”
He responded with a gentle kiss to my mouth, and I sighed against his soft lips.
But I only had mere moments to savor the comfort he provided because a minute or two later, a few soft knocks echoed off the front door.
I looked at Levi, and he looked at me.
“I guess it’s time, huh?”
“Yeah, baby,” he said and stood to his feet. “It’s time,” he called over his shoulder as he went to the door.
He greeted the doctor in the entry, and I eventually found the strength to get off the couch and meet the woman who would be confirming my pregnancy.
“Hi,” I said and held out my hand once the doctor stepped into the small living room area with a large black wheeling suitcase rolling behind her. “I’m Ivy Stone.”
She smiled and shook my hand. “It’s so nice to meet you, Ivy. I’m Dr. Macintosh.”
The doctor was all business in a black pantsuit and white silk blouse. Her jet-black hair was pulled up into a chignon, and her makeup was pretty much impeccable. She was very pretty, and her brown eyes told me she was also very honest and sweet.
You could tell so much from someone’s eyes. When I’d first met Levi, I’d known those midnight-blue eyes had held secrets and pain. But I’d also known there was more to him. So much more and I had been desperate to find it.
“Thank you for coming on such short notice, and to our hotel room, at that,” Levi said, and Dr. Macintosh smiled.
“Of course,” she responded with a nod. “I understand the need for privacy. Especially for the two of you right now.” She looked at me, and her brown eyes turned soft. “And, Ivy, I’d like to offer my heartfelt condolences. I’m so sorry about the loss of your sister.”
“Thank you. That means a lot.”
Somehow, someway, hearing those kinds of words got easier.
Rather than pain and irritation, I just felt accepting and maybe even a little thankful for them.
“Well, are you ready to get started?” she asked, and I nodded.
“Would it be best to do this in the bedroom or…?”
“The bedroom will work just fine,” she answered, and I led the way while Levi and the doctor followed.
Once we stepped inside, she got right down to business, and he sat down in one of the chairs near the large window.
Dr. Macintosh started unpacking her black suitcase with all kinds of medical equipment, and I swallowed hard against the anxiety threatening to claw its way out of my chest and up my throat.
“So, you took a pregnancy test yesterday, and it was positive?” she asked, and for lack of anything better to do, I sat down on the edge of the bed while she finished getting set up.
“Yes.”
“And when was your last period?”
“Um…” I worried my lip with my teeth. “I think it’s been two months, but honestly, I’m not very sure.”
“And were you on any type of birth control?”
“Well, I was on the pill, but I had to go off of it several months ago because of the side effects. We used condoms…sometimes…but I hadn’t figured out a replacement hormonal method yet.”
Dr. Macintosh nodded like she understood—like she understood precisely how I’d gotten pregnant. Sex wasn’t like the lottery. Unless Levi was shooting blanks, unprotected sex meant a hell of a lot bigger than a one in fourteen million chance of getting pregnant. “And this is your first pregnancy, correct?”
“Correct.”
“Okay, Ivy,” she instructed and set a paper gown on the bed, near my hip. “I want you to go into the bathroom and take off your clothes, bra and underwear included, and put this gown on. And while you’re doing that, I’ll put a plastic drape on the bed.”
I did as I was told, and five minutes later, I was lying on our hotel room bed while Dr. Macintosh started her exam.
“Any nausea or vomiting?” she asked and I nodded.
“Definitely nausea and a little bit of vomiting too.”
“Breast tenderness?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, good,” she said, and I didn’t necessarily agree those were good things, but I just went with it. “Now, I’m going to do a quick vaginal exam on you before we do an ultrasound.”
“Okay,” I said quietly and looked to the side to find Levi staring over at me. I grimaced a little as she started to examine me, more from the coldness of the lubricant she had used than anything else, but also just the fact that some woman I’d met all of twenty minutes ago currently had her hand all up inside my vagina.
I mean, I was probably being a little dramatic, but this wasn’t exactly a heavenly, feel-good, kind of moment.
Levi stood up from his chair and moved over to the bed to sit beside me. He reached out and clasped my hand in his, gently running his thumbs over my skin in soothing circles.
“Your cervix is definitely closed,” Dr. Macintosh said.
“Is that good?” I asked and she smiled.
“When it comes to a pregnancy, yes, it’s a good thing,” she answered and finished up the vaginal exam.
She stood up from the bed and slipped off her latex gloves before stepping into the bathroom to wash her hands for a brief moment.
“Now, I’m going to do a vaginal ultrasound. It is similar to the vaginal exam I just did, only this time, I’m going to insert this probe inside of you so that I can see inside your uterus.” She held up the probe, and my eyes went a little wide.
“Is it going to hurt?”
She shook her head. “It’s not painful. If anything, you’ll just feel some pressure.”
I took a deep breath and prepared myself for another invasion of my most personal space.
Once she set up the portable ultrasound machine on the nightstand, she slipped on another pair of latex gloves and proceeded to gently slide the large probe inside of me.
Pressure? Oh my. It was there. Oh boy, was it there.
She moved the probe around, and I cringed a little at the increased force.
“Oh wow,” she said as she looked at the screen.
Oh wow? What does that mean?
“Does everything look okay?” I asked, and Levi sat up straight, worry revealing itself in his blue eyes.
“Yes, but I have some news for you,” Dr. Macintosh said and looked at me and then at Levi.
My heart dropped out of my body.
Oh God, was the test wrong?
Had I taken a faulty test, and I wasn’t even pregnant?
“I’m not pregnant?” The words just flew from my lips, and Dr. Macintosh smiled.
“You are definitely pregnant,” she said, and I breathed a sigh of relief. “And from the looks of it, you’re going to have twins.”
Oh, thank God.
Wait…what?
“Hold on…what did you say?” I damn near shouted. “What do you mean twins?”
“Well…” she said and paused for a brief moment to turn a knob on the ultrasound machine. “Do you hear that?” she asked, and a soft and speedy bum-bum-bum filled my ears.
“Yes.”
“That’s your baby’s heartbeat. And this,” she said and moved the probe a little. “Well, this is your other baby’s heartbeat.”
“Two heartbeats?” Levi questioned with wide-as-saucer eyes.
“Yep.” She smiled. “Two heartbeats. Two babies.”
Two babies? As in, two babies growing inside of me? At the same freaking time?
“Congratulations, Levi and Ivy. It looks like you’re nine, maybe even ten weeks pregnant with twins.”
I looked at Levi, and his shocked blue gaze locked with mine.
“Twins?” I mouthed, and he blinked several times, but then after a few seconds, a small, happy little smile crested his lips.
“We sure as fuck don’t do anything half-assed, do we?” he asked, voice equal parts shocked and amused.
My eyes wide, I couldn’t stop a giggle from escaping my lips.
“Apparently not.”