Chapter Fifteen
The AEBR rolled into Fort Worth and took over the town. Sierra had almost booked a vacation out of town but she wasn’t up to trying to explain that to her father so instead she was here at the ballroom in the hotel watching the riders dressed in their Sunday best mingling with the high-paying fans, sponsors and other folks associated with the tour.
This was the last ride of the year. There was a buzz of excitement that hadn’t been there since the first ride of the tour. Everyone was excited. Kane and Gage were close in the points and their rides on Friday and Saturday night would determine the winner. The Thursday night party served two functions. One was to kick off the finals and the other was to give everyone a chance to hang out together before they went home. Back to their ordinary lives away from the tour.
Savanna had hooked up with an old beau and was out on the dance floor with him. Though every time that Sierra looked at her sister, she noticed she was watching the Brazilian she’d been sleeping with during the tour.
She hoped she never looked at Gage the way her sister was watching her former lover. There was a tinge of bitterness in her gaze.
“Sierra.”
She turned around, saw him standing there in a pair of dark wash Montez Denim jeans, his hand-tooled Kelly Boots and a denim shirt that was decorated on the shoulders and had those fancy pearl snap-buttons down the front. He held his black Stetson loosely in one hand and stood there watching her.
“Gage. I heard you did well in Little Rock and in Nashville.”
“I did all right,” he said. “Kane and I are so close we can both feel it.”
“I noticed that. How’s your dad doing?” she asked.
Small talk. She could do this. Just keep talking until someone came along who she could use to get away from him. But he looked so good. He’d healed up from his injuries. She’d heard that via the grapevine. And there was something more settled about him than there had been before.
“He has his good days and his bad ones. They are here,” he said. “Both of them wanted to see me ride.”
“You or Marty?” she asked. Then regretted her cattiness. “I’m sorry. I thought I could be cool and act like you are just another rider to me, but you’re not.”
She pivoted on her heel and walked away from him. What had she been thinking?
She felt his hand on her arm, drawing her to a stop.
“Don’t walk away like that. I’m so tired of watching you leave me.”
“I didn’t leave you. Not really.”
“You did,” he said. “I know I was an ass and deserved it but please don’t walk away again.”
“I don’t know how to stay. I don’t know what you want from me,” she said.
“I don’t know either,” he admitted.
She nodded.
He just stood there and finally she knew she’d have to make the first move, but she had no idea what that would achieve. Another hot hotel hookup. More sharing her soul and having him bare his own before he backed away.
“I have to go,” she said. “Good luck when you ride tomorrow.”
She turned and this time when she wanted to feel his hand on her arm there was nothing. She left the hotel and when she got outside she tipped her head up to the sky and took a deep breath. The stars were the only witness to her tears as she climbed into her car and drove back to Dallas.
*
Gage was in the dressing room in Fort Worth on Saturday, checking his rope and working over it. Nicholas Blue had come to see him ride since they were in Dallas and he’d brought his wife, Reba, and their toddler daughter Martina: his goddaughter who they’d named after Marty.
Nick—a former bull rider himself—was going to spot him in the chute. But he had time. He had his father’s knife, the one he gave him when he’d been home visiting with Sierra, so he could trim off any frayed bits of rope.
He kept his eyes down on his hands and the rope so he wouldn’t be tempted to go back out and look up in the stands. She wasn’t there. He knew she wasn’t. She’d made it clear that she wouldn’t watch him ride and he got it. Hell, no he didn’t.
This was it. He had to stick tonight. His last ride of the year. He wanted to do it for Marty and for his dad, he thought.
“Gage?”
“Huh?”
“I asked if you were ready for your ride,” Kane said. They were both loners and God knew the two of them were rivals…hell, they all were. There wasn’t any one of them on the tour who didn’t want to win. But he and Kane had bonded over the last few events. There was something about the life that sort of got to Gage as they neared the end of the tour.
“Yeah, sorry. Distracted.”
“That’s not like you,” Kane said.
“It’s not. That knock I took in Shreveport must have rattled my senses. My daddy always did say I couldn’t afford too many hits to the head.”
Kane laughed and shook his head. “Truer words have never been spoken.”
Gage adjusted the rope and then slowly tuned everything out. Sierra and her worries about him riding while he was still a little bit injured. His mom who’d warned him that this mission he was on wasn’t going to bring him the closure he craved. And his dad who looked at him like he hung the moon all the while thinking he was his dead brother.
He shoved all three of them firmly out of his mind and thought about Marty. This ride was for his brother and it was for Gage. He felt connected to Marty now.
Kane left and Gage looked back at the rope, which didn’t need any more attention. He had come here to prove something but he had to admit he’d found he liked the tour. Bull riding had never been something he did for himself and he hadn’t even realized it until Sierra had pointed it out.
Of course, he knew he shouldn’t have lost his temper the way he had. He always did say things he didn’t mean. Things meant to hurt. And from the look in her eyes when she’d walked away he’d done a good job at it.
Regret was a familiar mantle and he wore it as he always did. He couldn’t help but notice that he was too much like his father. He’d always wanted the old man to see him and to prove he was better than Marty, but the truth was he’d spent too much time watching the old man and had picked up his habits.
“Hey, Gage. Finally got the girls settled. Martina is looking forward to seeing you ride. It took a lot of convincing for her to stay with Reba instead of coming down her to help her favorite Unca.”
“I hope I can give her a ride worth watching,” Gage said.
Nick quirked one eyebrow at him. “You okay?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Heard you took a rough tumble a few weeks ago,” Nick said.
“I’m fine.”
Nick put his hands up. “You don’t have to convince me.”
“I know,” Gage said, glancing around the dressing room, which was pretty sparsely populated at the moment. “Sierra didn’t want me to ride.”
“She’s the girl?”
“She’s more than a girl, Nick. She’s funny and feisty and everything I never knew I wanted and she asked me to sit out for a week…but I couldn’t.”
“Why not? Is the tour that important to you?” Nick asked. “I know you want to honor Marty’s memory but—”
“It’s not that. When Dad watches me ride, he thinks I’m Marty.”
There, he’d said it. Told someone other than the women about this thing he’d been doing.
“Damn.”
Nick didn’t say anything else but then he was a man of few words. He had a complicated situation with a father he’d never met and the inheritance that he’d left him after he’d died.
Nick clapped a hand on Gage’s shoulder, sitting down next to him. “Your old man is tough. The toughest I ever met. He rode Marty hard and never showed any pride or offered any congratulations. Just always told him he could do better… Is he like that with you?”
What? He had no idea that his father didn’t treat Marty like the golden child—the way he’d always talked about him to Gage.
“No. He tells me how good I am. That I was born to ride. Ah, fuck. He’s making something up to Marty and sap that I am I’m trying to earn the praise he never gave me.”
Nick didn’t say anything for a long while. He shifted back to cross his arms over his chest. “I think about shit like this all the time when Reba brings up having another child. I mean I’m doing okay with Martina. A little girl who I can spoil, dote on, protect. But a son… Fathers and sons are always going at each other. Always trying to prove who’s the better man and I’m not sure anyone can win at that.”
“They can’t. Or at least I can’t. Sierra said I should only ride if I’m doing it for me. She said…well, just some stuff about not being able to fix the past and leaving it where it belongs.”
“That’s a good opinion. Only you can decide what to do,” Nick said. “I’m going to tell you something and if you repeat it I’ll deny it and call you a liar.”
Gage glanced over at the older man.
“I stand in front of Boots Kelly’s portrait in the big mansion in Whiskey River and try to figure out why he would have waited until he was dead to acknowledge me and Xander. I try to get past the anger—which I still feel toward him—and see his reasoning. I can’t. Reba said to let it go, but damn, I’d like to punch the bastard in the nose.”
Gage laughed. He had felt the same way about his dad for a long time but seeing him sick and broken—a shadow of the man he’d been—had made his dad seem more human. Shown him he had feet of clay.
“I don’t know shit about a lot of things,” Gage said standing up as he heard his name called. “But I do know that fathers make mistakes just like sons do and maybe both of ours if they had it to do over again would make a different choice.”
“Wise words,” Nick said.
*
She’d promised herself she wasn’t going to watch him ride. He was an ass and an idiot and he’d made it more than plain exactly how he felt about her, which of course did nothing to explain why she was standing in the Montez Denim VIP tent, eyes glued to the arena feed on the large screen. She wasn’t the only one. All of the fans who’d purchased jeans and entered to win this VIP experience were doing the same thing.
The crowds were larger this week and everyone was in party mode. She wished she could be just the fan she’d always been but for her the stakes were higher.
The only difference between this moment and the first time she’d met Gage in person was that he wasn’t just a hunky guy who turned her on. She saw past the tough guy bull rider to the real guy underneath. The one who was human and hurting and doing everything he could to get right with himself.
She understood that.
Really, she did.
But she also had come to understand that Gage had lost a part of himself when Marty had died and he’d become untethered. He no longer believed in himself and in Sierra’s opinion that had led him down this destructive path.
She wasn’t saying that he shouldn’t be riding. Hell, he was very good at it. But she thought he should be riding for himself. And it had only been after their visit to his parents’ ranch that she realized he was riding for Marty, trying to outshine him, and she started to suspect that his own welfare didn’t matter to him.
And that had hurt more than she wanted to admit.
Falling in love with Gage and realizing that he didn’t love himself was hard. She saw all the things that made him wonderful and a pain in the ass. No sense sugarcoating it. He liked to win. He was stubborn just like she was. But she loved him all the same.
And riding while he wasn’t fully recovered just because his dad wanted to see ‘Marty’ ride in person again was foolhardy. It was beyond that. He wasn’t going to get the satisfaction he wanted from his father. And by ignoring her, hurting her, he’d made her realize she wasn’t going to get the satisfaction or the love she had wanted from Gage.
“I thought you weren’t going to watch,” Savanna said coming up beside her and draping her arm around Sierra’s shoulders.
“I wasn’t, but I can’t help myself. That idiot. He’ll probably be fine just to prove me wrong,” she said and then laughed but felt it slipping toward that crazy laugh that happened when she was about to cry.
Savanna steered her away from the large screen and the fans. “Bruce, make sure everything goes smoothly.”
Bruce nodded and Savanna took her hand and led her out back. The fresh breeze was warm compared to the air conditioning in the tent. It was a good day for bull riding and she’d been down this morning to look at the bulls, observing them the way that Gage had shown her.
Later there would be a big party that Montez Denim was partially sponsoring and all of their riders would be there. No matter how they placed. They had a special award made for Gage if he won. He was the closest of their riders to getting that top spot.
She tried to focus on the party. On what she needed to do tonight; but another part of her was just so consumed with Gage’s ride, Gage’s health, Gage’s effect on her heart.
“I’m losing it.”
“I can tell,” Savanna said, handing her a bottle of water.
She took a swallow and closed her eyes.
“I thought when this thing with the two of you started that this was a good thing. You always have been wound way too tight and you needed to blow off steam. But this isn’t what I had in mind.”
“What wasn’t?”
“You falling for him. Bull riders…they are tough and stubborn and sure, I’ll grant that they are sexy as hell, but they live by their own code and most of them—especially Gage—have demons that they are riding to escape.”
“I know that,” she said. “But I thought…never mind. That’s a lie. I know there wasn’t much thinking going on. There was just a bunch of feelings. Lust, affection, laughter, frustration… He’s doing this tour for his dad.”
“That’s pretty noble,” Savanna said.
But Sierra shook her head. “No, you don’t understand. His dad is battling Alzheimer’s and when he looks at Gage he sees Marty sometimes. He’s riding so his dad can see Marty and see Marty win.”
“Well I can see why you fell for him. What is the problem?”
She shook her head, turning away. She didn’t want to tell her sister about Gage’s battle with his dad. How this was the only way he could see pride in his father’s eyes. That was too personal and she might be mad at him—oh, hell, but she still loved him.
She would probably love that big stubborn dumb-ass even if he never apologized for the mean things he’d said or even tried to win her back. Her heart and her soul had already committed to him and she was stuck.
She wrapped her arm around her waist and Savanna came over and hugged her tight. Her sister didn’t say a word and Sierra appreciated that more than she expected. “Do you want to watch him ride?”
“Yes.”
*
Gage left the arena after his final ride. Holy fuck. He’d done it. No one had thought he could. But he’d had the ride of his life and he’d cut out his own tongue before admitting this but he was pretty damned sure he’d felt his brother’s presence while he’d been on the back of the bull.
He’d had the best ride of his life. The bull was one of the tougher ones and when his points had been posted he’d known he’d beat Kane’s score. Kane and he had been battling for number one all season. And the other rider had become more than a competitor; he’d become a friend.
He’d been stopped by fans who’d made it past security and it felt surreal. Other riders congratulated him but it all felt like he was dreaming it—until he saw Kane at the end of the hall. The other rider gave him a bro hug and told him he’d get him next year.
He’d won.
Never had he expected it. Hell, he’d wanted it but he’d known how difficult it would be to get it.
Gage stepped out of the locker area and saw his parents waiting for him. He’d been surprised because his dad had been recovering from his fall off the Mule and Gage didn’t think they’d come to Fort Worth.
“Congratulations, baby,” his mom said, coming over to hug him, so close. Her arms started to shake and when he looked down into her face he saw the tears in her eyes.
“Ma?”
“Just me being silly. I’m so proud of you, Gage. And so happy you’re safe,” she said.
He kissed her forehead and turned to his father. Lawton stood off to the side looking at the floor rather than at Gage.
“I didn’t know you’d be here,” he said.
“We couldn’t miss seeing our boy ride,” his mom said. “Sierra arranged everything for us. Got us VIP passes.”
Of course, she would. That’s the kind of woman Sierra was. Even if he’d acted like an ass and hurt her feelings, she’d still take care of his folks.
He looked at his father and he saw that look of pride and love that he’d first glimpsed back in January when he’d come home. His dad saw Marty again and Gage realized that Sierra had been right.
Hell, she had been about a lot of things. There wasn’t anything he could do to get what he needed from his father.
“That was some ride you had, boy,” his dad said, coming over to clap him on the back and draw him into a bear hug. He held him tight. “I never thought I’d say this, Gage, but I’m proud of you, son.”
Gage.
He knew that he’d ridden and won the tour. He knew that the he wasn’t Marty.
Gage’s throat closed and he tipped his head back to look at his father. “Sir?”
“You heard, boy. You did real good. I’m just glad I could see it,” his father said.
“Me too,” Gage said.
“Go get cleaned up so we can party!” his mom said.
Gage showered and changed. Making sure to wear the Montez Denim jeans that had been sent over.
He walked out of the hallway toward the fan area where he was scheduled for the last meet and greet of the season and he could hear the excited voices of the fans waiting for him. Hell, he was the winner. This was anything but routine and frankly he had no idea how to handle it.
Then suddenly that didn’t matter. Sierra waited right outside the doorway for them.
“We will meet you at the Montez Denim tent,” his mom said, looping her arm through his dad’s as they walked away.
He’d faced down 1,700 pounds of raging bull but that didn’t intimate him the way that seeing Sierra right now did.
“I’m sorry,” he said, making sure she heard it this time instead of mouthing it to her across the distance.
“Congratulations. Damn, that was some ride,” she said. She stood there nervously and despite how shy she was at times nervous wasn’t how he pictured his Sierra.
“It was, but it’s nothing compared to the ride you’ve given me.”
“I have? I thought I was a nuisance and should mind my own business,” she said.
“I’m an ass. I told you that in the elevator in Dallas,” he said, edging closer to her.
He might have won the gold buckle, the million dollars and the adoration of the fans but she was the only prize he wanted to claim.
“I love you and I hope you can forgive me for being mean.”
She threw herself into his arms. “I love you, Gage. I can forgive you.”
He hugged her close and knew he’d never let her go. “My dad knew it was me riding.”
“He told me. Said he hadn’t realized what a good man he had in his younger son until I pointed it out.”
Gage had to laugh at that.
“Sierra, I know it’s too soon, but I’m thinking about marrying you.”
“Good, I’m thinking about marrying you too,” she said. “But first we let’s celebrate this win at the party.”
He agreed. This was the first time in his life that he felt something close to settled. He had his parents with him for part of the evening before Bruce from Montez Denim took them back to the hotel. He and Sierra danced and drank the night away and when he took her back to his room and made love to her, he held her close. Not afraid to let her know how much he wanted and needed her because he’d finally found something he hadn’t known he’d been searching for. He’d finally found a woman to come home to.
The End