In some ways, I was glad I didn’t work for Gavin anymore.

Now I was free to love him publicly. We didn’t have to worry about being seen together. I especially loved the freedom in the hours between 10:00pm and dawn. They were never enough but I took all I could get.

Gavin taught me more ways to love his body and I was an eager pupil. For example, New Orleans was just the beginning in my oral education. Within a night in NYC, I properly learned to deep throat him. It was so fucking hot to pleasure him this way and when Gavin came hard in my throat—I just loved swallowing every last decadent drop.

Sex could only take up so much of the day though.

Although I didn’t financially need to work, I knew I should for appearances sake. I didn’t want him thinking I was going to sponge off him. The thing was Gavin seemed to prefer me to be free from corporate shackles.

“Stay, love. Let me spoil you. You can shop to your heart’s content. Surely you want more pencil skirts and dresses to add to your collection?”

Ouch. Was that what he wanted to see me in when I wasn’t naked? Maybe I needed to wear something other than the leggings and t-shirts I’d slipped in my wardrobe during the past week?

Gavin misinterpreted the expression on my face. “Why don’t you consider this a sabbatical? A short one if you want.”

“Because I’m not old enough to need a sabbatical?”

“Says who?” Gavin picked me up while I was naked and he was fully clothed. “I want you to stay here, just like this for today.”

“Kinky.” I nuzzled his mouth with mine. “Forget the shopping. I should stay naked then all day and wait for you.”

Gavin’s purr curled my toes. “I like that image very much, love. Do that for me. Let me think of this sexy body being just like this all day long. Here at my place. Every day.”

“Every day?”

“Yes. Every single day. Every single night.”

“Wait. Are you asking me to move in with you?”

“Asking? Hell, I’m telling you to do it.” He lifted me up higher and then sucked my nipple with hard, drugging pulls of his perfect lips. “Tell me you agree.”

“Oh God…but what about…ah…my apartment? I still need to keep it.”

“Then keep it. But you stay here with me. Make me happy. Say you’ll do it, love.”

I agreed but only after he pressed me up against the wall and pumped into me long and hard until I came twice.

That was over a month ago.

And while I didn’t spend every day naked, I did spend enough of them that it seemed more natural than not to walk around his palatial penthouse completely nude.

Only after his cleaning crew left, of course.

Sunk in a haze of lust and sweet domestic bliss, I found myself living a new life. One very different than what I grew up with and or even dreamed I could ever have.

Thankfully, my father didn’t contact me. Probably because I called Melissa every day like ordered. She didn’t really want to speak to me other than for me to assure her I was staying out of Gavin’s life.

I wasn’t foolish enough to think she believed me. Otherwise, why keep calling me? But living the lie was easy when I was so damned happy.

And I was happy.

Blissfully, stupidly, out of my mind happy.

Gavin made me feel complete. Having the gift of being his girlfriend allowed my missing pieces to start falling into place.

But it wasn’t all smooth sailing. There were definitely some choppy waves to get through.

***

Two weeks after Caroline resumed her rightful place by Gavin’s side, I wandered about his home, bored and feeling a little bit, well, jealous. I missed being the one he counted on. I missed being a huge part of his life and considering he didn’t leave the office until nine or ten, I started feeling neglected.

With neglect came frustration and with frustration came fear.

Maybe he’d grown tired of me? After all, I was here all the time like a slug. I didn’t have anything interesting or new to talk to him about other than what I read on the internet or watched on TV.

The shopping thing was something I did to get out of the house, but it was far more of a chore than a pleasure. I’d started experimenting with recipes, which seemed to please Gavin more than I ever counted on, but the meals came late at night.

He’d been extremely busy with the new venture he’d taken on, usually working long after I fell asleep. I tried my best not to call him when he was at the office, but loneliness got the best of me.

I’d had to leave him a message. Five hours passed and he still didn’t get back to me.

So I dressed myself and went back to my apartment to stew, hide, and to be honest, punish Gavin for making me feel this way. Maybe if he saw I wasn’t there, then he’d realize I wasn’t going to just take being blown off?

Being at my place didn’t make me feel better.

I missed him even though he still wouldn’t have been home by now. I felt childish. Stupid. Insecure.

Immature.

Playing games was for children. Not for grown women attempting to have a healthy relationship.

True.

But I’d made my stand. I had to see it through. At least for one night.

Committed to my decision, I’d been holed in my room for less than an hour before the door flew open and Gavin marched in.

Startled, I dropped my book. “How did you get in here?”

He didn’t answer. He just picked me up and marched right back out. He didn’t let me go until we were in his car, Frank at the wheel. Even then he kept me on his lap, head tucked beneath his chin, and arms wrapped tight around me.

Only when we got back to his place did he say anything.

“You don’t leave like that, Paige. Not now. Not ever.”

It hit me then. He thought I’d abandoned him, not for one night, but forever. My heart squeezed so hard in my chest I didn’t feel like I could breathe through it.

There was no justification I could give. I already knew it was stupid as soon as I’d done it. Now I knew it was cruel and thoughtless too.

Reaching for his clenched jaw, I whispered, “I’m sorry. I didn’t think how my actions would come off.”

The tenseness melted slowly from his shoulders. “Why did you go?”

I looked down, embarrassed and feeling about two inches tall. “I was feeling neglected, I guess. Bored too.”

Gavin picked me up until we were eye-to-eye. “Neglected? Paige, love, I’m working as much as I always did.”

“I know.”

“Then why?”

It was hard not to look away, especially when his eyes were filled with so much confusion and yes, hurt.

“Before we were working together. I was too busy to be lonely. Now I’m just waiting for you and…”

Gavin kissed me. It was a kiss of passion, apology, and need. When he finally pulled back, I was breathless and wanted nothing more than to go to bed with him.

But sex couldn’t solve everything.

“I should’ve realized, love. I was just thinking about myself and what I wanted. I’m sorry for that.”

“No! You don’t have to apologize. If anything I was in the wrong.”

“No, you weren’t. It was all me, Paige. I liked knowing you were waiting for me so much that I didn’t give thought to how boring it would be for you.”

“No, I was the one who didn’t share my feelings. I was just being a brat.”

“Yes, you were. But I was also being a typical stupid guy.”

“Hey! You really do think I was being a brat?”

“I didn’t hear you denying I was being stupid.”

We both suddenly smiled. We sounded silly, trying so hard to apologize for a simple misunderstanding while still not wanting to come off as bad.

Gavin pulled me tighter to him. “Paige, I don’t want you to feel trapped here. You’re too intelligent to be satisfied with being my sex kitten for long.”

“I like being your sex kitten.” I rubbed against him to show how much I liked it.

Gavin smacked me on my ass. “Bad girl! That’s for distracting me when I’m trying to be a sensitive, caring guy.”

Purring deep in my throat, I said, “I’m not sure if I got the memo. You should do it again—just in case.”

Gavin obliged me, but instead of one smack I got ten. “Did you get the memo now?”

Reaching back to rub, I nodded with a whimper and a moan.

“Oh, my poor love.” His rakish smile was anything but sorry. “Now as I was saying, I like you being here. A lot. I like knowing you’re waiting for me. However, I may be an ass but I’m not a pig.”

“My flaming backside says otherwise,” I grumbled with a pout.

“Behave,” he warned with a mock frown. “I was only thinking of myself by asking you to stay here. Paige, I want you happy and I want you to do what makes you happy. If going back to work makes you happy—then I want to help you in any way possible.”

I could see how much of a struggle it was for him to say that. Just as much as it was a struggle for me to dismiss the idea of working and remaining his sex kitten.

Compromise.

“I’m going to put my hat in the ring for freelance work. That way I still have flexibility when it comes to you while also keeping me from getting bored.”

Gavin’s smile lit up the room. “You would do that for me?”

I nuzzled his lips. “Yes, I would. I can code anywhere. Not just in a cubicle. Besides, I like being here too. I just like it better with you.”

***

Our relationship wasn’t just about me trying to find my way.

Living with Gavin let me see he had a tendency to take himself very seriously. He really didn’t know how to relax. He also didn’t seem to believe in the importance of sleep. If he wasn’t working, then he was researching. If he wasn’t doing that, then he was tinkering with new apps.

His need for work was about as insatiable as his need for sex.

I feared he’d run himself into an early grave if he didn’t slow down.

***

“Gavin?”

“Hmm?”

“Babe, it’s three in the morning.”

“Is it?” He continued typing away.

“Don’t you have a breakfast meeting tomorrow at eight?”

He murmured in assent.

“Come to bed.”

“Not yet. I need to get this finished.”

When I went over to him and rubbed his shoulders, Gavin stopped typing. He turned around in his seat and took my hands in both of his. “What’s wrong, love? Do you need something?”

Although he was being perfectly sweet, I could tell he was feeling the pressure of being interrupted.

“I need you, but more than that I’m worried.”

“Why?”

“You’ve stayed up every night this week. This can’t be good for you.”

He kissed my hands. “Paige, it’s who I am. I’m not going to change that.”

I didn’t know why this bothered me so, especially because I knew he was a workaholic from the beginning.

“I’m not asking you to change.”

“It sounds like you are.”

“Okay, that’s fair. I guess I do want you to change a little. I care about you, Gavin, and I want you to live to see fifty. I’m afraid you won’t if you keep up this pace.”

“Come here, you.” Gavin pulled me until I stood between his legs. “I work this hard because this industry doesn’t stop. Tech is littered with all the companies that were valued at a billion one year and went bust the next. I can’t let that happen to Axis 3. There’s too many people counting on me to make sure I keep the doors open.”

“Are you in danger of it—”

“No, no. I’m not. And that’s the way I’m going to keep it, love. If I have to lose a bit of sleep over it then that’s the price I’m willing to pay.”

I couldn’t argue with him, not after hearing how determined Gavin was to take care of everyone. Once again, I couldn’t help but contrast him to my father.

Patrick never lost a wink of sleep at the fates of all the employees who were shed when it helped him make another dollar. Buying and breaking up companies was his bread and butter.

Scratch that.

It was the bread and butter of the company he inherited. My father didn’t actually work beyond reading a financial statement. Woe unto the recipient of his ire when a quarter missed its projection.

Tracing a fingertip over Gavin’s brows, I wondered, “What did I do to be so lucky in finding you?”

“I ask myself the same thing every day.” Gavin laid his head against my chest. “I’ve got to stay up to finish this, but how about we rearrange our sleep schedule starting tomorrow?”

“I’m listening,” I murmured while stroking his soft hair.

“We take a nap as soon as I get home and then you won’t have to worry about me so much when I get up later.”

I bit my lip, feeling like the greediest woman alive. “That sounds good except for one thing.”

“Which is?”

“Does it have to be right as soon as you get home?”

His low laughter set my world aflame. Gavin’s hand slipped between my thighs, giving them each a nice long stroke before moving up. “Well, not as soon as I get home. Maybe after I get you to scream my name a time or two.”

“Mmm, that sounds delightful.”

***

Did I sound like a lovesick fool? Yeah, it was because I was.

Gavin truly was the perfect boyfriend. He juggled his responsibilities at work as well as home. He didn’t ease his schedule but he kept his word and made sure he got more sleep, even if it was more like a series of naps.

Using my contacts, I found several freelance programming positions. The work kept me busy enough that Gavin gave me a room to serve as my office rather than have me go back to my apartment.

Were we moving too fast? Maybe. But it felt right…even though I knew the truth beneath my surface was so wrong.

I justified it to myself daily because I seemed to make him as happy as he made me. Gavin showed a side that belonged only to me.

Yes, he could be cold and was as comfortable in his head as anywhere else, but the stillness of Gavin wasn’t a lake of terrifying depths.

It was peaceful, calming, in the best way possible. I could fall into him and all the million and one doubts and fears would become silent.

It was a dangerous thing, pretending like this. I had no choice but to keep dividing myself neatly in two. Loving, adoring girlfriend on one side and paranoid, anxious mess on the other.

Gavin had no idea and I worked hard to keep it that way.

I went to my apartment on the days the cleaning lady was scheduled just so that it would look like I was living there. I wouldn’t take the chance my father wasn’t using her as an instrument of information.

I also made my calls from there, using the house phone, just for the same reason.

Having to do this proved what I knew all along—my life was a fucked-up mess. No one should be living like this.

When I thought of how long I kept myself from other people I really wanted to cry. All this time I thought I had nothing of value to offer anyone other than being their reflection.

While my ingrained thoughts and habits clung to me, I was willing to acknowledge that I wasn’t completely right in my beliefs.

That maybe, just maybe, there was something good in me too.

For years I’d been terrified that I was more like my father than not. I didn’t trust myself to be in a relationship out of fear I’d be a psycho girlfriend. But not only was I not a psycho (barring the running back to my apartment to make it looked like I still lived there) I was actually a bit on the sweet side.

I lived to make Gavin happy. I honestly wanted to be as perfect for him as he was for me.

I relished my role as the nurturer. I loved cooking for Gavin and doing little things to show him how much I appreciated him. I got up in the morning to pick out his tie and fasten it.

Apparently, he adored the special attention almost as much as I adored giving it to him. Gavin would pick me up and set me atop a stool so I could place the tie around his neck without him having to bend down.

It was something small, inconsequential even, but it was just one of many acts that brought us closer together.

Every day I prayed to keep Gavin a little bit longer and every day my prayers were answered.

And then God answered the biggest prayer, one I didn’t even realize I’d been asking for since the first moment I saw Gavin’s picture.