Tessa
“Oh my God. You called Grandma Gigi? You brought her in?”
“Of course I did.” Laura didn’t look a bit guilty. “I told you I’d help you get what you want, and Operation Snag Fifty Shags is going to take the big guns. I had to bring in Gigi.”
Operation Snag Fifty Shags?
Two things: First, I loved my grandma Gigi. She was the absolute best. Second, she scared the heck out of me. I didn’t mean that I was scared to be around her. No, I loved being around her. What I meant was Gigi was so out there—so extroverted—so wild and crazy, half the time I was afraid of what she was going to come up with. Hanging out with Grandma Gigi was an adventure of awesome proportions. When I made it through the heart palpitations. And when I wasn’t bailing her out of jail, which to be fair had only happened once.
Sure I’d always wanted to be like her (not the getting arrested part, except maybe that too—just once though), but I didn’t get the extrovert gene. No ma’am, I was an introvert inside and out. But mostly inside, where no one was looking at me.
Did I dare involve Gigi in my plan? Laura was correct; my grandma kicked ass and didn’t take names. I had to admit Gigi’s stories about her love life were pretty incredible. And if only a quarter of the stories were true…
Okay. So maybe Gigi was the person I needed to help me with Gray Thorne.
I rolled my shoulders back, nodded to myself, and looked Gigi in the eye. She was waiting.
“Well, Contessa? What did you decide?” She gave me a knowing smile. “When you were little it used to take an hour just to dip your toes into the swimming pool. Some days you never even got wet. I think it’s time for you to dive in, Tessa. The thing about life is you miss a lot of the fun and excitement by sitting on the edge and watching.”
“I agree, Gigi. I do. That doesn’t mean it’s easy for me.” I leaned down and kissed her cheek. “I’m ready to dive in, and I’d love your help.”
“Hot damn, this is going to be fun.” Gigi rubbed her hands together. “Although, I’ll tell you right now that my go-to recommended method to get a man is to just be yourself. Have you tried that?”
“Yes,” I said, picturing Gray’s face at the end of our last two meetings. His angry face. “Not a good method for me.”
“I’ll have to confide in you some personal information and secret techniques, but I think under the circumstances, I need to tell you.”
“Gigi, I already know about Mr. McHale, your special friend after Grandpa Renaldo passed away. And Mr. Baker. And Mr. Johnson. And—”
Gigi placed her hand over mine. “I’ve had a lot of special friends, you cheeky girl, once I decided burying three husbands was my limit.”
That couldn’t have been easy. “I’ve always admired how open you are to love, Gigi. It’s been a beautiful example to grow up with. That and watching mom and dad, too. That was a love for the ages.” I closed my eyes, letting myself feel the pain pressing down on my heart.
“Life has its own schedule, Tessa.” Gigi’s soft hand cupped my cheek, turning my face to hers. “That’s why I’m so excited Laura called in your S.O.S., sweetheart. Now let’s get to work.”
“What man-wrangling techniques do you have?” Laura asked.
“Oh, when I went undercover for the department—”
“Wait, what? I thought you worked as a secretary in the police department.” I hadn’t ever seen her in a police uniform, but I guess that’s what the whole undercover part meant.
“You couldn’t pay me to be stuck behind a desk.” Gigi looked alarmed at the idea. “Plus I’m a much better marksman than I am a typist. Although I also worked with the K-9 unit for five years.”
“Actually, this isn’t surprising,” I said, tilting my head and taking in all that was Gigi. “Not for you.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“That’s how I meant it. I always knew you were a kick-ass woman, but you actually kicked ass. Very cool.”
“I’ve infiltrated inner city gangs and the Russian mafia. I’ve been a pole dancer to expose a sex smuggling ring and a librarian during a sting to stop drugs getting into high schools. I have a lot of tricks up my sleeve.”
“Wow, can I learn too?” Laura asked, blinking across at my grandma, her new hero. “I’ve seen photos of your husbands. If I could land just one like them, I’d be a happy woman.”
“Absolutely. I don’t mean to brag. My point is, I’ve got plenty of experience reeling men in.” Gigi pulled a well-worn leather-bound notebook from her purse and began leafing through the pages. “What should we start with? A sexy vamp? No, too obvious. Olga the mysterious Russian? No, too cliché. Oh, how about an exotic belly dancer?”
Laura looked enthused about that one.
I tried to imagine how that would work. “I don’t see how I’d work belly dancing in naturally to a conversation during a house renovation.”
“True.” She nodded and went back to her book. “Hmm. Okay, then we’ll start with the standard, foolproof method.” Gigi ripped a page from her notebook out and handed it across to me. “Here you go. This method works every time. I even used this on your grandpa.”
“Foolproof sounds like exactly what I need. I made a mess of our last meeting.” I looked at Gigi’s list… “Wait. I think you gave me the wrong list.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Seriously, I think you did.” I read a few aloud from the list. “One: When you find a beast in the wild, do not make eye contact. Two: Ignore him until you’ve piqued his interest. Three: Gain his attention. A loud noise, or even a firm voice will work. Four: Be the Alpha.”
Laura snickered beside me.
I glanced back up at my grandma. “Gigi, this sounds like a list for training a dog.”
“It works.” She shrugged. “They called me the Man Whisperer on the force. If a source needed to be worked, I was the go-to undercover cop for the job.”
“Gosh, I don’t know…” I looked over the list again. This just didn’t seem right. Or sane.
“Like I said before, my recommendation is to simply be yourself,” Gigi said, and then added a shrug. “But I can guarantee this technique gets results for the tough cases. Trust me, this is a lot more subtle than the pole dancing or the sexy vamp.”
“Guarantee? Wait. Before you issue me guarantees, I should probably confess how badly my first meeting with Gray went.”
Laura put her hand up like a stop sign. “Let me guess… Awkward Tessa showed up.”
“She did. And she wouldn’t shut up. I can’t even count the number of times she pissed him off.” Okay, I could. Seven. Seven times. It had gone downhill fast after discovering my grandma’s Viagra supply. “So I think I need a backup plan to the Man Whisperer plan.”
“Getting a man angry isn’t necessarily a bad thing, Tessa.” Gigi’s lips slid into a wicked grin. “It’s a great way to get his attention. You know that expression love and hate are two sides of the same coin.”
“I don’t know.” I shook my head, thinking they didn’t understand the level of anger I’d managed to achieve in my conversation with Gray. The part about the six vs. five brothers had him in a hot simmer. “You didn’t see his face.”
“Sadly no,” Laura said. “Gigi, this man is to die for.”
“I recall Tessa’s fiancé Paul was no slouch in the looks department either.”
“Former fiancé,” I said, needing that distinction.
“Not even close,” Laura said. “Take Paul’s looks. Now take them to the tenth power. Now dip him in the best dark chocolate you’ve ever tasted and roll him in toasted almonds and coconut.”
“Picture, or I won’t believe you.” Gigi stirred a packet of sugar into her coffee cup. “I’m assuming he’s intelligent, and nice, as in kind to children and animals, and treats women with respect. Otherwise, I’d be surprised this is your soul mate, Tessa.”
“Whoa, wait, Gigi. I never said he was my soul mate.” I’d have remembered if I had. “No, my attraction to Gray started as just that—attraction. Then he was going to be my comparison kiss to offset Paul. My flu shot against a case of the Paul flu. Then he moved up to relationship material when I felt a connection between us. When my inner voice wouldn’t shut up—oh, heck. My inner voice.”
“Exactly, darling. That’s how it works with Madigan women. What did it say?” Gigi sat back, waiting.
“The first time I met him it said, ‘Pay attention.’ The second time we met it said, ‘This one.’ And yesterday, when he grabbed me in his arms to save me from falling, the voice whispered, ‘Finally home.’”
“Oh. My. God. That is so romantic.” Laura had tears in her eyes.
“That is romantic. When I met your grandfather my voice said, ‘Bag him and tag him.’ I believe when your mother met your father her voice hollered, ‘Quick! Catch him before he runs!’.”
“Why didn’t you tell me, Tessa?” Laura asked.
“Because…” I shook my head.
“Because she didn’t believe it herself,” Grandma Gigi said. “Sweetheart, I’ve been telling you the stories for years.”
“Well, yes. But I thought they were just made-up stories. Especially when the voice didn’t speak up when I met Paul.”
“Sounds like your inner voice knows what it’s talking about.” Laura did one of those that’s-what-I’m-talking-about head nods. “Which means you definitely need a backup plan to your plan.”
“Relax, dear. I’ve got more tricks up my sleeve.” Gigi took a thoughtful sip of her coffee. “Here’s an idea… From what you’ve told me, Gray Thorne has women saying ‘yes’ to him all the time, probably all his life. So, what if Tessa Madigan is the woman who tells Gray Thorne ‘no’? A lot. That’ll get his attention.”
“I like it. The only thing is Tessa’s not great at saying ‘no’.” Laura looked at me and shrugged. “You never have been.”
“You make a good point,” Gigi said. “I believe you got in trouble at school for doing another child’s homework. Also, the time you gave some girl the shirt off your back. Literally. Came home in your sports bra.”
“Sadly, all true.” I shook my head at the memory of the day Ellen Larson asked me for my shirt at soccer practice. I gave away my favorite T-shirt because I couldn’t say no.
Laura’s eyes studied the ceiling. “I’ve got it! Channel my bitchy sister.”
“What? Kristen’s a sweetheart.”
“Other sister.”
“Oh right. Marie can be a bitch. And a snob. She does have a way of saying no a lot. I can channel Marie.”
Just say no. Between that and Gigi’s man whispering technique I had a plan of attack.
No, Gray. No. I don’t think so. Better not. No way, José. Nee. Non. Nein. Ní hea. No siree. Not on your life. Negative, ghost rider. Nah. Nope.
I was as ready as I could be for “Operation Snag Fifty Shags.”