Chapter Eighteen
Jackson flexed his wrist as he stared at the computer screen in his home office. It didn’t hurt anywhere near as much as it had after the accident.
If only he could say the same about his head.
The headaches were getting worse, but on the other hand, he’d had more and more flashes of memory lately.
Some were jumbled messes of thoughts and vague feelings, but others were clear. The day he’d stood in the hospital and learned his mother was dead. The first business deal he’d fumbled. His high-school sweetheart.
They were all back, but nothing that really mattered.
He’d had no flashes about his brother except the very first one. Nothing about his current business colleagues. But more concerning…
Nothing about Lori.
She was the one person he wanted to remember, and his mind was denying him at all turns.
There’s more to this story.
He was certain of it. Everyone kept telling him Lori was just a colleague, but deep inside pulsed a vague, fleeting memory that refuted all their claims.
He didn’t believe she was the shadow she’d said she was. He knew how crazy he was for her now. Was it possible his other half had ignored that temptation?
How can I want her this much? How can I lo—
He cut the thought off. He had no business thinking about the future when he, himself, might not exist in it.
He rubbed his forehead.
It was a depressing thought to wonder if his state of existence was about to be wiped out. Sure, he’d go back to the person he was always meant to be, but what if the man he was right now was someone else? What if he was better this way?
Lori obviously seemed to think so.
She’d been willing to quit on the man he’d been before. That person would have lost her forever. The man he was now had managed not only to woo her into staying, he’d gotten her into bed, as well.
She’s everything I’ve ever wanted.
Even if his wanting could only be counted in weeks.
Would he wake up one morning and not care about her? The idea was inconceivable. But the most frustrating thing about all of this was that what happened next wasn’t his choice. He was temporary. A stand-in for the real Jackson everyone seemed to be waiting for.
Except Lori. She likes you as you are now.
She was the only one to see him as he was, memory loss and all.
His real self was a freaking moron.
He sighed, leaning back in his desk chair. It was Sunday night. All too soon he’d be in the most important meeting of his life. Of his company’s life.
Come back, memory. I need you now.
Whatever else lay in his past, he needed the business acumen his former self had once held. He couldn’t replace a Harvard business education in the space of a few weeks. He couldn’t pretend to know the ins and outs of every section of his company without the man he’d once been coming forward.
It’s been long enough. You need to come back now.
But Dr. Warren had told him amnesia cases were hard to predict. Some patients regained their memories in days or months, others years, if at all.
I need them. I need to know who I was.
He had to be the man everyone expected.
A knock on the door dragged him out of his dark thoughts.
“Yes?” he called, knowing only Lori could be at his door.
She poked her head into the study, her blonde locks falling over her shoulder as she leaned to the side.
“Busy?” she asked.
“Never for you,” he replied, closing his laptop with a snap.
“There’s someone here for you.”
He paused, halfway out of his chair. “Will?”
“No.”
Crossing the distance between them, he opened the door wider to allow her to straighten.
“I would have warned you if I could,” she whispered. “I’m sorry.”
“Who’s here?” he asked, ice flowing through his veins.
“Your brother.”
Blackness edged his vision. The pounding in his head became a crescendo, spiraling around him, threatening to suck him under.
No doubt seeing his reaction, Lori’s eyes widened. Quickly, she entered the room and shut the door firmly behind her.
“Hey,” she said, wrapped her arms around his neck. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”
“I can’t see him.”
“Why?”
No words rose to his tongue. He stood there in her embrace and couldn’t say anything.
Coward. How can you want her to want you when you’re this weak?
But she didn’t ridicule him or berate him. Instead something infinitely gentle rose in her gaze.
“I know,” she whispered to him. “I know it’s hard to see him. I wouldn’t ask you to if there was any way around it. So, talk to me. How can I help you?”
He shuddered. From day one, all she’d wanted to do was help. Sure, she’d been part of what had landed him in this mess, but he’d never blamed her for it. An accident was an accident. And if she’d tried to quit before it’d happened, then clearly it had been him in the wrong for all her denial. Yet despite that fact, she’d stayed. She’d helped him as no one else would ever have been able to do. She’d protected him in a way no one had every cared to try.
I owe her everything.
Yet he had so little to repay her with.
You can give her the truth.
It was small enough as it was.
He swallowed, trying to form the words he needed. “I can’t see him.”
“Tell me why.”
He shook his head. “He’s my brother.”
“Yes.”
A rusty laugh left him. “That’s why. He’s my brother.”
Understanding lit in her eyes. “He matters,” she said. “You’re afraid to see someone important. Someone who held a place of love and respect in your past.”
He knew immediately what path her thoughts would take after that revelation.
“I opened my eyes and you were there,” he said. “There was no choice. No hiding. This is not a reflection on you.”
“I know,” she said.
Except she wouldn’t meet his gaze.
“You matter more,” he said, his voice rough. “More than an absent brother. More than the board members. You are the most important person to me, sweetheart.”
Her eyes met his briefly, a small smile on her lips. “I believe you,” she said but he knew that the soft words were a lie.
She doesn’t trust that I’d ever care about her in a way that means something.
In a way that was permanent.
His hands fisted at his sides. He couldn’t make her promises he didn’t know the other him would keep.
But if he could. If it was only him for the rest of his life…
All I’d want is you.
“He wants to see you,” she said, talking to his chin. “Marc’s in the living room.”
“One more game of pretend.”
“No.” Her dark gaze met his. “No, this is your brother. Be honest.”
His throat tightened.
How?
He wanted to ask but the question caught in his throat. How did he be the man his brother was waiting to see when that person was a stranger?
No matter what I do, I’ll be a disappointment.
As if she could hear him, Lori cupped his face in her hands.
“He’s your family,” she told him. “The most important person in the world to you.”
No, he’s not.
“He has no expectations. There are no agendas here. All he wants is to see you and know you’re safe.” She drew her fingers along his jaw in the way that he loved. “The same way you protected him all your life. He just wants to return the favor now. That’s what family is, Jackson. They don’t judge. They just love.”
His body jerked. Maybe that was her memory of family, but he had nothing to draw from.
“Please,” she whispered. “Please come see him. If you don’t…” She looked away. “This will break something between you. Believe me. I wouldn’t ever steer you wrong.”
He caught her hand and brought it to his mouth. “No,” he said. “You wouldn’t.”
She was his moral compass. His guide through the world. There was nothing he could refuse her.
Not even this.
Drawing a deep breath, he nodded his acceptance.
Her smile was almost worth it. “It will be fine,” she promised him, rising to kiss him.
He accepted the caress, welcoming every kiss she chose to give him. “Let’s get this over with,” he said.
“Do you want me to go with you?” she asked.
He nodded before he could think twice. A stronger man might have faced this trial alone, but he wanted her there. He didn’t want any more secrets between them.
Together they walked down the short hall to the living room.
A man stood staring out the big bay windows.
With his back to them, he studied his brother.
They shared their height, obviously. And the other man had dark hair like his own.
Marc carried himself a certain way, his back ramrod straight, his shoulders broad and even.
Just like me.
“Marc,” Lori said at his side. “Jackson’s here.”
His brother didn’t turn for a moment. The pause was long enough for him to wonder if his concern was shared by his nearest relation.
Finally, his younger brother pivoted on his heel to face them.
It was like staring into a mirror.
Marc was a copy of him only altered in ways he couldn’t quite describe. The other man was younger, but it wasn’t just that. They had the same chin, the same eyes, and nose. But Marc’s hair was a little longer and wavier. His eyes were more haunted and his mouth tighter.
I know him.
Not the way he needed to. But just like Lori, there was an underlying sense of rightness.
“Lori,” Marc said. “Would you excuse us?”
“No,” she replied, rolling her shoulders back.
His brother’s gaze left him to focus on the woman by his side. He could see the disbelief stamped on Marc’s face.
“Go. Now,” he tried again.
A shake went through her, but she lifted her chin. “I’ll stay as long as Jackson wants me, too.”
His heart broke.
Mine.
It was a Neanderthal instinct. Something left from ages past. But in that moment, he was sure of that one thought more than he was sure of anything else.
Lori was his. And if he was smart, he’d never let her go.
For the rest of his life.
Leaning into her, he ran a hand down her arm. When she turned to him, he caught her lips in the sweetest kiss they’d ever shared.
Feel it. Even if I can’t say the words. Feel what I can’t tell you.
Words that would be cruel to speak when he didn’t know what his future self would do.
She inhaled as he drew back, an emotion churning in her gaze he couldn’t name.
“Thank you,” he whispered to her.
“You want me to go?”
He nodded. “I think I need to do this on my own.”
She hesitated, her gaze flicking to Marc. No doubt deciding the damage was already done, she kissed him again, running her hand down his face. “If you need me…”
“I’ll call,” he promised.
With a nod, she stepped back and left the room.
Leaving him alone with his only family.
“I take it you two overcame your differences,” Marc said.
“You don’t get to comment on her.”
Marc held out his hands. “For the record, I’ve always liked Lori.”
“Says you.”
He nodded. “Right. I could be a stranger for all you know. There’s no reason to trust me.”
No, there’s not.
Except something buried deep was telling him to.
Marc put his hands in his pockets. “I came straight from the airport.”
He said nothing.
The other man shifted. “I wouldn’t have left you at the hospital if it hadn’t been necessary. I was trying to protect Dad’s legacy. Your legacy.”
Silence stretched.
“Should I have stayed?” The words were rough, as if his brother dreaded saying them. “Will you hold it against me forever that I didn’t?”
He cleared his throat. “Of course not. You won us Uni Industries.”
“Yet you won’t take my calls.”
“No.”
“Why?”
He looked away. There was so much pain in that one word. Pain that stabbed directly into his heart.
All this time he’d been afraid of meeting his brother and seeing the blank stare in his gaze. Of having a sibling who didn’t recognize him.
Wasn’t that Marc’s curse as well?
All his brother could do was help a man who didn’t know him. Their past had been wiped away without either of their consent. How much worse would it be to be the one left behind? The one with all the knowledge but no one to share it with?
He’d been fighting everyday but his brother had been doing no less.
“I couldn’t face you,” he said, the honesty scraping at his throat.
Marc nodded, swallowing hard. “Because I left you.”
“No.” He drew in a deep breath. “Because I was, am, someone else. I didn’t think it was fair to make you deal with a stranger wearing your brother’s skin.”
Marc took a single step closer. “I was at the hospital. I know what you’re going through.”
“You never saw the aftermath,” he said. “I’m not the man you knew. I’m not your brother.”
Marc stiffened.
“I didn’t mean it like that.” Gritting his teeth, he ran a hand through his hair. “I’m a different person, Marc.”
“You’re healing.”
“And leaving all the work to you.”
Marc shrugged. “You pulled off a miracle here when I needed to be in Australia. We needed both of us playing our roles.”
“And Lori.”
“And Lori,” Marc agreed. “How much do you know?”
“About my accident, you mean? She told me the truth.”
His brother nodded. “She said as much. Damn woman has a moral streak that comes before everything else.”
His eyes narrowed. “You wanted her to lie?”
“I told her to. Neither of us thought you’d forgive her,” his brother replied without a drop of shame.
The breath left him in a rush. “What sort of monster was I before?”
Marc shook his head. “You were tough, but fair,” he said. “An icon of what CEOs should be. Everyone envied you.” His smile grew lopsided. “Me included.”
“But I was alone.”
“I never heard you complain about that.”
“Maybe I didn’t know any better.”
“Brother…”
“Let’s focus on why you’re here,” he said, changing the subject. “I take it all is going well with Uni Industries.”
“They need to do their due diligence but, yes, I think we can get this deal.”
“So long as I don’t screw it up.”
“Pretty much.”
He ran a hand down his face. “I’ll prep everything I can. Just give us the details.”
“I already sent Lori everything I have.”
“Good.”
Silence hung between them.
“I’m sorry,” Marc said, the words sounded like they were being pulled from him. “I’m sorry I didn’t wait till you woke up.”
He shook his head. “You made the right call.”
“For the company, maybe. But for us…” Marc ran his fingers through his hair he same way he did. “I should have stayed.”
“You did what had to be done.”
“So did you.”
“So did Lori,” he said. “None of this is your fault. It’s all on me. I brought us here.”
Marc’s gaze flickered to the door Lori had exited by. “Well, actually…”
“Don’t say it,” he warned. “This wasn’t her fault. She hit me because she was upset. And she was upset because she’d quit. Working for me had become more than she could bear, even doing a job she obviously loved.”
“What were you doing down in the parking garage?” Marc demanded. “Why were you there for her to hit?”
“I don’t know.” And wouldn’t, until he got his memory back. “Let’s just get through this week, okay? We’ll sort out the rest later.”
Marc nodded. “Save the company first. I’m onboard.” He smoothed an invisible line of his suit jacket. “I think it’s best for both of us if I head out. I’ll see you in the office Tuesday.”
“Thank you.”
Marc shrugged. “You have to carry us across the finish line. Don’t screw it up.”
“Cross my heart.”
His brother looked like he wanted to close the distance between them but then he spun on his heel and marched out the door.
A breath he hadn’t realized he was holding rushed out of him.
“Are you okay?”
He turned to see Lori hugging the doorframe, uncertain.
He opened his arms and it was all the encouragement she needed. In an instant, she was wrapped tight around him.
Closing his eyes, he inhaled the floral scent of her hair. “I’m okay,” he said.
“Marc loves you. I know he does.”
“I believe you.”
“Everything will be okay.”
“Yes,” he agreed, stroking her hair. “Everything will be fine.”
So long as he had her.
And didn’t screw up the meeting his brother had spent weeks preparing for.