Chapter Nine
“I’m not a miracle worker and I can’t force him to talk to you,” Lori said into the phone as she lay across her guest bed. “I don’t know why he doesn’t want to call you, Marc, but I’m all out of magic wands to wave.”
Marc sighed on the other end. “It’s because I wasn’t there when he woke up. My brother can hold a grudge like no one’s business.”
She thought of the uncertainly she’d seen in Jackson’s eyes when she’d told him she was going to get an update from Marc tonight. Longing had flashed in his eyes before he’d informed her he wanted to look over the plan for tomorrow instead.
“I don’t think that’s it,” she said.
“I know my brother. He’s always been stubborn.”
“That’s certainly true.”
His chuckle was rusty. “Tell me how he’s been doing.”
“Amazing,” she said truthfully. “He’s made it through a few days at the office, and no one has noticed he’s not himself. There were a few slips, but he always recovers quickly. Our secret is safe.”
“I expected no less.”
Well, I sure did.
She hadn’t expected him to take to his old job so easily. Even without his memories he had a knack for business, making decisions on the fly that aligned with what the old Jackson would do. Sometimes they were a little more liberal, a tad riskier, but he managed to get through each day so she wasn’t complaining.
“When are you coming home?” she asked. One week had been hard enough. Surely his talks must be wrapping up.
He sighed. “Things haven’t been going as smoothly as I’d hoped. I need another week here at least.”
“What? How long can negotiations last?”
“We’re talking about an international merger to help us undercut HynCor. There’s enough billions involved to make your eyes cross. It’s not like I can rush this.”
“I know,” she said. “But Jackson needs you, too.”
“He hasn’t needed me since he was twelve years old.”
She sucked in a breath. The words were said in an even, off-handed tone that made her heart throb. “He’s hurt and alone,” she said quietly. “I think you’d be surprised.”
“He knows how to reach me. I even got an impersonal email this week asking for updates.”
“Put yourself in his shoes. Email is easier than facing someone you’ve grown up with and showing them a stranger.”
“I don’t care about that.”
She shrugged. “Maybe he does.”
There was another long sigh. “I can’t do anything from here. If he won’t talk to me, I can’t make him.”
“I’ll talk to him,” she promised.
“Please. How is the rest of it going? Does he know you quit?”
She sat on the edge of her bed in the large, white guestroom. “No.”
“Ah. I assume that means he doesn’t know about his accident.”
“Do you want me to tell him?” she asked, her voice thin. “I didn’t think he’d want me helping him if he knew.”
There was a long pause. “Before, I would have said…” He stopped. “But before doesn’t matter, does it? With me on the other side of the world, he needs you. Keep your secret.”
Something twisted inside her. She’d half been hoping he’d tell her to confess the truth. That Jackson would forgive her.
But it seemed even his brother didn’t believe that.
“Thanks,” she said dully.
“However this plays out, I’ll make sure you get an excellent parachute at the end of it.”
“Throw money at the problem to make it go away. You Sinclairs are a prize.”
“That was snippy. Coming out of your shell, Ms. Professional-Assistant?”
“Running over your boss will do that to a girl.”
He laughed. “Is it awful to say I’m glad it was you who mowed down my only family? This would have been a worse nightmare without you by his side.”
“We’re not through yet. I’ve rearranged his schedule as best I could and sent our regrets to the hospital benefit dinner this weekend. That’s one problem you can throw money at. Give a donation and they’ll forget Jackson wasn’t there.”
“No.”
“What?”
“He has to be there. We need him out front and public, smiling at the cameras. Members of the board will be going. He needs to be charming and confident to stomp any rumors that we’re taking on water.”
“But all those eyes. If he slips it will be very public.”
“It’s a risk we’ll have to take. He has to go.”’
Which means he has to take a date.
The gorgeous redhead from Jackson’s phone rose in her mind.
“I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“Noted. Now do it.”
“Just like that?”
“Yep. You are still a Sinclair Enterprises employee and I outrank you. Get him to that event and make sure he doesn’t make any mistakes. Call me after.”
He hung up without waiting for her answer.
“Goodbye to you, too,” she said into the silence.
Tossing the cell on her bed, she fell backward onto the soft mattress. He’d been doing well at work. Maybe they’d get through this without anyone being the wiser.
Or maybe he’ll forget someone or something he should absolutely know in front of the city’s elite.
And damn the company.
“Hell,” she whispered, stealing Jackson’s favorite curse.
With a groan, she pushed herself up and went looking for her boss.
She found him in the kitchen, spatula in his one good hand, standing before the stove.
“What are you doing?”
“Apparently, I’m down a chef while my brain is jumbled and there’s only so much takeout I can stand.”
She came over to his side. “Burgers?”
“How do you like yours done?” he asked, flipping a patty.
“Well,” she said. “I don’t think I’ve seen you cook in all the years I’ve known you.”
“Guess we’ll find out if I’m any good at it, then.”
Crossing her arms, she leaned against the counter. “We have a problem.”
“We have many problems. Want cheese on this?”
“This one is dangerous.”
He sighed, turning his attention to her. “What shoe dropped this time?”
“There’s a benefit gala this weekend that I tried to get you out of. Marc wants you there.”
“Then Marc should come home and go himself.”
“If you would talk to him maybe you could convince him that this is a bad idea.”
He was silent while the flipped the burgers. “Maybe later.”
She said nothing as she watched him cook. Every time Marc called, he came up with an excuse not to speak to his brother.
Is he angry it’s me helping him here and not Marc? Or is this far more personal than that?
“He thinks the board needs to see you.”
“Under normal circumstances he’d be right.”
“I can try to talk him around again.”
He shook his head, putting cheese on the burgers. “Tell me what I need to do to get through this.”
“Well, for starters, you need a date.”
“Easy,” he replied, sliding the burgers onto the waiting buns and passing one to her. “You.”
She rolled her eyes. “I don’t think so. Give me your phone and I’ll call the redhead.”
“I don’t want to go with the redhead.”
“You don’t get a vote here.”
“I’m your boss.”
She took her plate to the table. “And I’m your guide. This is my area and my advice is this. You have to have someone stunning on your arm to convince people you are the same man you’ve always been. We can have her sign an NDA if you think there’s any risk of you slipping up in a more intimate setting.”
“You mean, will someone I’ve probably slept with notice that I’m a completely different person?”
Her met his gaze without flinching. “Yes.”
Shaking his head, he joined her at the table. “From what you and the people at work say, that doesn’t sound likely. But it’s a moot point. I’m not going with her.”
She shrugged. “We can find you someone brand new. That might be safer, actually. No history. I’ll find a few appropriate candidates tomorrow. Leave it to me.”
“Let the woman I’d like to pursue pick out a date for me. What can go wrong there?”
“We’ve had this conversation.”
“Just wait. I’m going to win this time.”
She leaned back in her chair. “Try.”
“I need a woman who understands the benefit world since I have no idea of what that even means.”
“Yes. A socialite can show you the ropes.”
“Or, a woman who has helped with these events before and understands how they work, even if she hasn’t been to them personally.”
“I get invited every now and then, too, thanks.”
“When your boss needs you to be there, right? Like now?”
She bit her lips. He had a point. The only time anyone ever sprang to pay for her plate was when Jackson needed a direct line to her brain and couldn’t afford to have her anywhere else. Then she ate and stuck to the sidelines while he charmed the crowd.
But last time, he noticed me.
She remembered the gala they’d gone to the year before. She’d been twiddling her thumbs in the corner like normal when someone had tapped her shoulder. Turning, she’d seen Jackson behind her with a glass of champagne. He’d handed it over and told her she’d done a brilliant job that evening.
And then he smiled. That smile that makes my heart skip a beat.
Shaking her head, she banished the memory.
“I can still go, just not as your date,” she said. “I’ll go as your assistant. No one will think twice about it.”
“But I’d have to balance entertaining a date when we both want me focused on not calling anyone the wrong name or doing something the old me would never have considered.”
“Those programmers you hired turned out to be a godsend.”
“We got lucky there. How far do you want to test our limits?”
The tasty burger turned to ash on her tongue. He was right. There were only so many slips they could explain away.
“You’ve spent days at the office. You can do this.”
“Days with you jumping in every time I run my fingers through my hair. People are going to think I have a problem with my scalp soon.”
“You’ve barely needed me,” she said.
“Well, I need you now. It’s not just business associates at a benefit, is it? There will be people there who know me socially and I will look right through them without your voice in my ear, guiding me in the right direction.”
“The redhead—”
“Isn’t you.”
The fight drained out of her.
Don’t let him get to you. You know this is a terrible idea.
If she showed up on his arm, there would be talk. Right now, they wanted to avoid speculation, not cause it.
But how much worse would it be if he ignored people he should be attracting? Or slipped in front of board members with the power to vote him out?
“This isn’t my world,” she said. “The glitz and glamour of being a billionaire is all you. I’m the one standing on the sidelines, and I like it that way.”
He set down his burger. “Do you?”
She looked away, pretending to misunderstand. “You know how many hors d’oeuvres don’t make it into the center of the room because I eat them all? I’ll be fine. Promise.”
He touched her arm when she reached for her burger again. “What if I don’t like having you in the shadows?”
She wanted to look away but there was no escaping the intensity of his gaze. “I’m just an EA,” she told him softly. “People will talk if you take me.”
“I’m a billionaire. Why would I give a damn?”
“Because you’re a billionaire protecting his company. Put it first.”
“Instead of you.” He shook his head. “If I’m going to run this company, then I need to care about all my employees. That means you.”
“Jackson—”
“That’s my price,” he said, his thumb tracing the inner skin of her wrist. “You want me there, then you walk in by my side. No more hiding.”
“This is a bad idea.”
He shrugged. “Not from where I’m sitting.”
“I don’t even have a dress.”
“Take my credit card.”
She shook her head. “What do I know about fashion? This will be bad, mark my words.”
“Mm.” His eyes swept over her, a heat simmering within them. “You could always let me dress you. I’d love to help you out with any activity that involves fewer layers of clothing.”
She wagged a finger at him. “Boundaries, Mr. Sinclair.”
His grin was lopsided. “Beginnings, Ms. Carlow. There’s a difference.”
Ignoring him, she went back to her meal. “Marc won’t like this idea.”
“I’m devastated.”
“The board will wonder what’s going on.”
“Let them.”
“So will you when you get your memory back.”
Those eyes were back on her. “When I remember, I’ll also have the memory of this conversation and will know without a shadow of doubt that I talked you into this, not the other way around. Just lean in, Lori. We need to do this.”
What’s one more bad idea in a list that is rapidly growing longer than Santa’s?
“I’m on record as saying you’ll regret this.”
“Noted. Now eat your dinner. It’s bad enough I have you on call twenty-four-seven these days. Can’t let you waste away.”
She laughed. “I think it’d be quite a while before I was in danger of that.” She’d never been a small person in any way and while she’d grown to love her curves, she had no illusions that there were far more beautiful women than her in his life.
Jackson was quiet long enough that she glanced in his direction. He was studying her, taking his time.
“I happen to adore the way you look,” he said at last. “Which means I need to feed you so that not a single thing about you changes.”
Surprise surged through her as he went back to his own meal.
Surprise and a warmth in her chest she had no business enjoying.
…
Jackson rubbed his eyes, glancing at the clock on his computer. He should be sleeping, not studying the middle of the night. Lori may have grudgingly accepted that she needed to be his date to the benefit but she sure as hell wasn’t going to make it easy.
“If we’re going into the lion’s den, then we need a way back out,” she’d said, pulling up page after page online with the bios of dozens of the wealthiest men and women in the city. Before they went to this event, he needed to be able to recognize them all.
My brain is going to melt.
There were so many more interesting things he’d rather be doing than memorizing the city’s elite.
Like convincing Lori to kiss me again.
His lips curved at the memory. The past few days it had been nearly impossible to keep his hands off her. He knew it was wrong. She’d made it clear there was a line between them that they didn’t cross.
But all I want to do is jump over it.
He’d bet she did, too, if he were a gambling man. Which he might be. What did he know?
That’s what makes this so hard.
He wasn’t one to chase a woman who didn’t want to be caught.
But Lori didn’t seem to know which direction she wanted to sprint in. One minute she was the professional, staid assistant keeping him at arm’s length, and the next she was fire in his arms, kissing him with a desperation that took his breath away.
How do I forget about that?
She thought he didn’t realize the times she glanced over at him with an expression on her face he’d almost call…
Longing.
While he may never have noticed before, this week that desire was all he could see.
She wants this, too, but something has her running scared.
He didn’t think it was the amnesia. If anything, that seemed to give him an opening he’d never had before. No, there was something else standing between them.
And he couldn’t remember what it was.
He snapped his laptop shut with just a little too much force.
With a sigh, he leaned his head back against the edge of his chair. The world was flashing by before his eyes and he felt like he was holding on with his fingernails, waiting to be flung away from safety. Any minute everything could come crashing down around him.
Now Marc wanted him to go into the heart of the city’s elite.
He should just go himself.
In fact, he should be doing all of this himself.
Instead, he relies on his wounded brother. A brother that’s nothing more than a stranger right now.
How did he face that? How could he look at a computer screen, see the only family he had, and feel…
Nothing.
That fear gnawed at him. So long as he didn’t “meet” Marc, he could cling to the idea that he had family out there. But if he was faced with his brother and looked into his eyes to see nothing but a random man, that last little safety rope to his past would be severed. If that happened, he’d be more alone than he was right now. While he’d like to think of himself as a brave man, he wasn’t sure he could handle more isolation.
Not when I live and breathe it every minute.
How could anyone understand what it felt like to recognize nothing? No one?
“Enough of this.” He needed sleep if he was going to keep this up again tomorrow.
Leaving his office on the first floor, he was heading for the stairs when he saw a soft glow from the kitchen. On silent feet, he padded to the doorway and peered in.
Lori stood at the fridge. The light from the machine haloed her as she pulled the ice water from the shelf. Closing the fridge, she set the pitcher on the corner and rose to her tiptoes to reach a glass from his cupboards.
He inhaled as her shirt rode up, treating him to a hint of skin, before she found her glass and sank back down.
Walk away. She doesn’t know you’re here. Leave her alone.
But his feet wouldn’t move.
She filled her glass and put the water back in the fridge. When she turned, he caught a flash of a word on her shirt in the light from the outer hall. His lower abdomen clenched as he realized what she was wearing.
“That’s my shirt.”
A little cry escaped her as she nearly dropped her water.
“What are you doing up?” she demanded when she righted herself. “It’s two in the morning.”
“I was studying.”
“We need to be at work in five hours. Get some sleep like a normal person.”
“Like you are?”
“I just needed a glass of water.”
“So I see.”
Now that she’d moved closer to the light from the hall, he could see a whole lot more.
Her pajama shorts were cute, striped, and best of all, they showed off a hell of a lot of leg.
But his favorite thing about her wardrobe was the fact that nearly a week later she was still wearing the shirt he’d loaned her on her first night here.
She shifted under his scrutiny and he realized something else.
She wasn’t wearing a bra.
He went hard as iron and it was his turn to readjust himself uncomfortably.
“It’s late,” she said, her voice soft. “We should go to bed.”
“No arguments here.”
“Alone.”
“Now there I have an issue.”
Her grin was brief. “I’m too tired to go through this dance.” Dropping her gaze from his, she tried to walk past him. And didn’t see him step forward into her path.
“Jackson,” she sighed in exasperation.
He ignored her, cupping her face to run his thumb along her cheek.
Her smile vanished, her hazel eyes watchful as she held still under his touch.
You’re barely holding her. She could step away if she wanted to and she’s still here.
His heart sped up at the knowledge. Lori was the master of holding him at arm’s length. But right now, she seemed as unwilling to move away as he was.
I might never have an opportunity like this again.
Visions of their first kiss danced in his head. She was so close. Everyone kept telling him he liked to take risks.
And Lori was more than worth this one.
He lowered his head.
“Jackson,” she whispered before his lips could touch hers.
He stopped, raising his head to meet her gaze.
“I know you think you want me.”
“Think?”
“But there’s just too much you don’t know about me. Us.”
He studied her silently.
“This isn’t fair,” she said.
“To you?” Because if that was her argument, how did he fight it? Saddling her with a damaged man with no past and a rocky future. None of this was fair to her.
But she slowly shook her head. “To you.”
What am I missing? How can she be so sure I don’t want her?
Had the former him said or done something to her?
Did I reject her?
He couldn’t have been so stupid.
Could he?
“I don’t care about that,” he told her.
Her smile was brief. “But I do. It’s my job to put your needs first.”
Something snapped inside him. Gripping her waist, he twirled her up against the wall and stepped forward, a thigh sliding between her legs.
She gasped his name, her hands gripping his shoulders for support.
“I don’t need an assistant right now,” he told her. “And I’d love to put your needs first all night long.”
“You can’t say things like that to me.”
“Because you’re my employee?”
She shook her head. “Because it’s a dangerous game we’re playing.”
“Then tell me one thing. Just a simple yes or no answer. Can you do that?”
“Depends on the question.”
His hands ran lower, moving from her waist to her hips. Inhaling her lavender scent, all he wanted to do was pull her farther into his arms. He wanted to explore every inch of her body the way he’d dreamed of.
But his desires weren’t what mattered here. Every step they took together needed to be her choice.
“If we weren’t who we are,” he started. “If I wasn’t your boss, or a CEO, or an amnesiac, or any of the other things that make you push me away, would you want this? If I were just a guy you met at a coffee shop, would you kiss me right now?”
The breath escaped her in a huff. “Jackson…”
“Just tell me. Yes or no. Give me this at least.”
She chewed on her lower lip. “None of this matters. You’re not just a normal guy.”
“It matters to me.”
“I really shouldn’t—”
“Please.”
Her words stopped. “You don’t say that word often,” she whispered.
“Guess this must be important then.”
Taking a deep breath, her gaze dropped from his to focus on his chin. “Yes,” she said so softly he nearly missed it. “If you weren’t you and I wasn’t me, if we were just two people… Yes, I’d kiss you. Every chance I got.”
It was his turn to stand frozen before her. Her confession thrilled him, sending hope churning through his body, but there was something more. Somewhere in the deep blank recesses of his mind pulsed an indescribable joy that he didn’t understand.
What were we before? She says we weren’t anything but that doesn’t feel…
True.
But whatever had happened before was gone. He had no choice but to be this new version of himself and that was apparently a man Lori wanted.
“But we’re not normal people,” she told him, her gaze rising again. “At least, you’re not. We aren’t in a timeout from reality, even though it sometimes feels like it. We have to make the best decisions, and if you can’t do that because of your injuries, then I need to step up. That’s my job and I’m good at it.”
“Doesn’t it get tiring,” he asked, “always doing the right thing?”
“Yes. So stop making it harder.”
He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “See, here’s the thing. Sometimes I get these little glimmers of what my life used to be like. They’re so tiny I can’t hold on to them. But when I think about you…I don’t know what we were, but I know you were important. Which means I’ll do anything for you. But Lori, don’t ask me to do this. Don’t tell me to walk away when kissing you was the only thing that’s made sense since I opened my eyes.”
She inhaled sharply.
“Do you really want me to step back?”
…
I should say yes. Tell him to let me go and head back to bed.
Alone. When the man who’d featured in all her daydreams was standing in front of her asking to be everything she wanted.
There’s only so much a woman can take, after all.
Morals were nice to have, but damn, how often did opportunities like this come around?
Jackson watched her in the dim lighting. He pressed against her, closer than ever before, and she couldn’t help enjoying the weight of his body against hers.
Is there any harm in just a minute or two? I won’t let it go too far.
All she wanted was another taste. Another kiss. Just one.
Selfish.
Yes, but hadn’t she earned it? She was living a lie to protect a man who would likely press charges against her the second he could. No matter how this played out, this idyllic opportunity was time limited. Soon he’d be back to his old self.
And he wouldn’t push me against kitchen walls or trail his fingers across my bare thigh.
The way he was right now.
Screw nobility.
“Kiss me.”
The words left her in a rush. But his smile was slow and sure.
Then, he did what she asked.
She sighed against his lips, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. His hands ran up the sides of her body, making her painfully aware of her decision to leave her bra draped over the chair in her bedroom.
He ran his lips over hers, sending a shiver down her spine. Closing her eyes, she relaxed, enjoying the feel of him against her. Maybe taking a timeout from reality wasn’t the worst idea ever.
I could have more moments like this.
Any time she wanted.
Emboldened, she ran her fingers through his dark hair, meeting his desire with some of her own. He slipped one hand under her T-shirt, and electricity shot through her at the touch of his hand against her bare back. It would be so easy to want more. She could push him back to the table or the island. Pull off the shirt she’d borrowed from him. One she’d never been able to give back. She liked sleeping with his sandalwood scent wrapped around her.
But this can only be a kiss.
Anything more was dangerous. It flirted with a moral line she didn’t want to cross.
His hands moved back to her hips as he trailed his lips over hers one last time before drawing back.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“My line,” he replied, his tone equally soft.
She bit her lip before saying, “I’m going to go to bed now. Alone. We have a long day tomorrow.”
A wry look crossed his face. “One step forward, two steps back, eh?”
“It has to be this way.”
“Tell me why.”
You’ll hate me if I do. “Just trust me.”
A low chuckle escaped him. “You’re the only one I trust.” Stepping back, he gave her a last tender smile before walking away.
Lori stood for a long time in the near darkness, staring at the glass of water on the counter that had started this mess.
If only she had the luxury of making different choices.