HELL.
That was where we were.
Gunshots sounded. Flares flew into the sky. Screams, both male and female, burned into my ears. They were sounds I would never get out of my head. Noises that crept along my bones: fingers of fear. They gripped me until all I could focus on were the cries of agony, the moans of pain, and the bubbling groans of death.
“Fucking shit storm,” Dale said beside me, his voice shaking with each ragged breath. He had been shot in the left calf and his right arm was broken—the bone to his elbow protruding out of the flesh. He had fallen down a cliff when a hand grenade was thrown at his feet. He was lucky and acted fast. The explosion missed him but the fall did some serious damage.
“They knew we were coming.” Coby pulled the pin out of his own grenade. He winked at me before throwing it over his head, the explosion sounding seconds later.
Yells sounded from our attackers but the grenade didn’t slow them down. There were too many of them.
Stone was ten feet away, on the other side of a large rock, holding his own. I couldn’t imagine what he was going through with his squad being attacked just a couple months ago. He should have been on leave, but somehow got out of it. I never asked but I was grateful to have him at our sides. We were broken and bloody but at least we were breathing.
Asher leaned against a tree a foot away from me, trying to get the radio transmitter working. He cursed up a storm, banging the shit out of the device until it crackled.
My eyes snapped to his. “Keep trying. We have to get out of here.” I wasn’t one to give up but we were outnumbered and I refused to risk the lives of my brothers.
He nodded. “Vice-One to base. Emergency evacuation. Mission has been tampered with. Repeat. Vice-One…” he kept repeating over and over again, trying to get anyone to listen. He tried different radio frequencies, even something a trucker could hear. “Fuck. This doesn’t make sense.”
We had been gone for what felt like a lifetime, living and eating through hell. We couldn’t find anything to do with Vega’s niece. It was like she never even existed. No trace. No hair from her fucking head. But we did find three storage units holding girls. They were crammed into the small spaces like sardines, victimized like they were worthless pieces of shit. We got them out to safety and once they were gone, shit went down.
“Boss.” Coby pointed up. “The shots have stopped.”
Dale groaned beside me, grumbling about how he hated getting shot.
“It’s not something you’re supposed to enjoy, ass,” I told him. “Keep that leg wrapped. How long?” I asked Coby.
He checked his watch. “Three minutes.”
“I think someone is messing with us.” I cocked my rifle. “Watch my back.” I rose to my knees, slowly crawling up the cliff Dale had fallen down.
None of it made sense. We were careful, not letting anyone know our whereabouts. Even Vega had no idea. He told us to go in, find his niece, and get out. But we never gave him our coordinates until that morning. Something poked at my gut. It gripped my heart and squeezed until I had to force out my next breath. All of it was a setup. It began to make sense. We were outed, and I had no idea how or why. Did Vega’s niece even exist? That thought crossed my mind unexpectedly. He would pay. If we were thrown into this shit for no reason at all, when saving those girls was not our responsibility, I would make him fucking suffer.
When I reached the top of the hill, I stayed low to the ground and listened.
Silence.
Quiet. Deadly.
It was louder than the noise in my head. It took control, begging me to fall victim to the pureness of it.
And then I heard them. Voices. Not loud but muffled by the wind whipping around me through the trees. Back and forth like it had a mind of its own.
I couldn’t hear what they were saying but I could see them. A group of men stood outside a large warehouse, much like the one we found months ago. This was the building we were trying to gain access to. And we would have succeeded if someone hadn’t warned these men we were there. I didn’t know who they were but I did recognize the one. I had seen his ugly-ass mug in pictures. Files Vega gave us so we would be ready. I went through everything I knew about him in my mind. I had memorized his information the first time I opened his file.
Charles Brian.
Thirty-two.
Single.
And a motherfucking monster.
But he wasn’t the ringleader of this organization. No. He was the bitch—but we could never pinpoint who he spoke with. Who his boss was. These men were good. Never showing what they did with the girls, when they touched them, or when they first took them from wherever they were. No. They were better than that. They had others do it for them. Those men got caught or killed if we got to them first. But it wasn’t satisfying. It wasn’t enough. We needed the source. The leader. The master behind it all. Call us sick, twisted, or just plain desperate but we even used girls as bait. Dante’s Kings tried telling Jay. I knew that. I wasn’t fucking stupid. I was there when they confronted her about the man she was fucking. Acting all concerned when really they wanted to control her and bring down her MC.
Yes, we used the girls as bait. But not all. One or two and they survived every time. They were trained, going in undercover. In. Out. Be done with it.
Out of a hundred or so missing girls, we had found at least forty. The numbers sucked. They were downright disgusting. We couldn’t save them all. We couldn’t stop every human trafficking and sex slave ring but we would bring this one down. They hit too close to home. They took my woman’s sister and I’d be damned if I was going to let it go.
“Boss,” Asher’s voice boomed through my earpiece. “See anything?”
“Five men,” I said, my voice low. “They’re standing by the warehouse we were trying to get in. Charles Brian is with them.”
“That fucker won’t stay dead,” Asher grumbled.
We had shot him once—the bullet coming from Asher’s rifle. But Charles had disappeared soon after and we hoped— no, prayed— the bastard was gone for good. Not that it would have done any good when he could be replaced but it would have been a start.
“I got the radio working,” Asher stated. “Get down here.”
I cursed under my breath but knowing I couldn’t take on the five men by myself, I crawled back down to safety.
***
(Jay)
It felt like a lifetime since I had seen Angel. No matter how long I went without seeing him, I could still picture him in my mind. Every inch. Every curve. Every ripple of hard muscle. He had been active his whole life, working out daily and I craved the feeling of his strength wrapped around me. His taste tingled on my tongue, a permanent reminder of where he had been. It would always be etched into my mind, burned into my skin until I had more of him. I knew it. He knew it. And he loved every second of it.
Angel Rodriguez became an obsession. The ultimate desire. We Skyped. We texted. We chatted on the phone—but it wasn’t enough. He would come home soon and it still wouldn’t be enough. I had to fight the urge to bury myself in the recesses of his soul. He would protect me. He would love me. He would use me. And I gave him everything I had and more. But it still wasn’t enough.
No matter how hard I tried, this emptiness still simmered inside of me. It needed to be filled and Angel was the person who could. After being alone for so long, having people ripped from my life, I couldn’t give him everything he needed. I wanted to. God did I ever. But I didn’t know how. I didn’t know if he even wanted it. He loved me. I knew that. I accepted it with open arms in hopes he would be patient. I loved him with every fiber of my being. Every inch of my skin. Every breath that left my lungs. He was the food for my soul, the sustenance I needed to move on. Every time I thought about how much I loved him, a twinge of fear coated my skin. My skin danced with goose bumps, the blood flowing through my veins like molten lava.
I didn’t know where he was. I prayed that he and his brothers were safe. But how could they be with the job they did? Were they ever safe? Did they ever feel like their lives weren’t on the line? They dealt with protecting their country but for some reason they were given the task to find these girls. With all the movies and books I had dived into, I knew it wasn’t the norm. Some of my father’s brothers in Dante’s Kings were ex-military. They even said it wasn’t often that SEALs dealt with human trafficking issues. They went to these countries to get people out. People of higher power. Doctors. Politicians. Anyone the US needed to come home. I saw Tears of the Sun. Even though it was a movie, I knew how hard it was to go in and bring these people home to safety.
My phone rang, vibrating on my end table. I let out a heavy sigh, not in the mood to talk to anyone but I knew if it was Max, she would keep calling or show up until I got my shit together. I loved her, but sometimes I would prefer to be left alone. She meant well. She honestly did. But my shit wanted to be a mess sometimes.
“Hello,” I muttered, rolling over onto my back.
“Good morning, Miss Sunshine,” Max teased, a slight tremor filling her voice.
“What’s wrong?” I sat up, my heart racing.
“The guys are home,” she sighed. “They were attacked, Jay. They’re banged up pretty bad.”
Oh God. Angel. “Are they okay?”
“Dale…” her voice shook. “He got shot twice, had surgery and he’s recovering well. Coby and Asher have some bumps and bruises, cuts, the usual. Vince broke his arm.”
“A-and Angel? Please tell me he’s okay,” I pleaded.
“He is. We need to go see them.”
“I’m on my way.”
***
We made our way to the hospital in silence. Max sat in the passenger seat, staring out the window chewing her bottom lip.
I drove. And drove. And drove. The closer we got to the hospital the more it felt like we got further away. My fingers ached from the tight grip they had on the steering wheel. I was anxious. Nervous. Anticipation flowed through me, unsure of what to expect when I saw Angel. I didn’t know why but I was scared. To see him? To show him how terrified I was that his job would take away his life? It was selfish of me to wish he could retire. To wish he could stay home with me all of the time. For him to get a day job and work behind a desk. I was not the type of partner who could live months and months on end without seeing their other half. They were somewhere unknown fighting forces conjured up in our nightmares. How these other people did it, I couldn’t imagine. I couldn’t go to sleep each night wondering if Angel was safe. If he was hidden somewhere, scared out of his mind that he wouldn’t make it home. It was unreasonable of me to worry so much. Wasn’t it? Vice-One knew what they were doing. They had been to hell and back.
“I told Dale I love him,” Max blurted, interrupting my thoughts.
“You did?” I wasn’t surprised. Her eyes shone every time she saw him. Her cheeks reddened and I knew she fell for the man hard. “But?”
“He doesn’t feel the same way.” Her chin trembled. “He doesn’t want a relationship. He doesn’t want to put a label on—” she waved a hand in front of her “—us. But no, my heart is stupid and fell in love with the bastard. He blew me off. Made a joke of it.” Her eyes snapped to mine. “He fucking laughed in my face.”
“Maybe he was nervous,” I suggested, focusing back on the road in front of me.
“No. He’s a fucking pussy, and I hope he’s in pain,” she mumbled, crossing her arms under her chest.
“You don’t mean that.” But I could understand how she felt. She was hurt. Confused.
“I don’t.” Her eyes welled. “I’m happy he’s okay. God, I would die if something happened to him. He makes me feel…alive.”
I smiled, nudging her shoulder. “I know what you mean.”
“You do, don’t you?” Max wiped at the lonely tear that rolled down her cheek.
“Oh yes.” I sighed. But it still didn’t make me feel any better or understand why I was so scared. Why I couldn’t give him my all even though I tried.
Why have we both fallen in love with men who lay their lives on the line every damn day?
“Because our hearts want what they want,” Max mumbled.
My head whipped around, not realizing I had spoken out loud. “Yeah, I guess.”
“What are we going to do?” she whispered, more to herself.
I shrugged, unsure, and that pissed me off even more.
***
When I stood outside Angel’s hospital room, I froze. Unable to move from my spot at the door, I counted to ten. Twenty. One hundred before I could muster up the courage to step over the threshold. He was sleeping. My heart hurt when my eyes landed on the bandage on his head. His ribs were wrapped, his shoulder in a sling. Bruises and cuts marred his tanned skin. My fingers itched, tingled with the need to run them over his body. To make him feel better. To take away whatever pain he was in.
My mouth became thick with cotton. My heart raced. My muscles slid over my bones.
His big body stirred, his eyes opening slowly. They landed on mine, holding me in my place. No hint of emotion in his dark stare.
At that point I wished I could read his thoughts. Find out if he was as scared as I was. What were we doing? We were in love, yes, but was it enough? Could I live through the fact that he had to leave every couple of weeks for months on end? Could he live with the club I ran, the sometimes illegal ways I had to bring us together? What we had was dangerous. Our worlds were different but our feelings the same.
“Come here.” His firm demand sent a shiver down my spine but I was stuck. My feet glued to the floor. They wouldn’t move. They wouldn’t budge even though I tried. God did I try. I needed to go to him but a part of me didn’t want to. I didn’t want to prove to myself how I felt. My heart lay in my hands for him, waiting for him to truly accept it. He said he loved me, but did he love all of me? Does a person really know everything about another human being? Was it even possible?
“Jay.” Angel sat up, grimacing. “Come here. Please.”
I shook my head, ignoring his plea. His begging set me off. Tears escaped, rolling down my cheeks and dripped off my chin. “I’m sorry.”
“No,” he said, his voice raising. “Don’t you fucking dare. You will not leave me.”
“I can’t do this. I can’t keep worrying about you,” I told him, more for myself than for him. I needed to get the words out. To say them out loud to prove that I wasn’t losing my ever-loving mind.
“Damn it, Jay. Get your ass over here!” he shouted this time.
“I’m sorry.” I backed up. “I’m so sorry.”
“No, baby. God, don’t do this. Don’t end this when it’s just begun.” His eyes shone, his chest heaving. “Please,” he rasped.
“I’m sorry.”