CHAPTER 25
Charlie
This day had barely started and it already felt like I’d been hit by a whirlwind, my emotions a mixed bag of fear and happiness. I was in love with the most amazing man, and I knew that Gavin didn’t take that sort of thing lightly. If he said he loved me, then he meant it. And if he said we would be together once this was all over, then I knew that’s exactly what would happen.
All we had to do was survive long enough to make it happen.
Though I knew we were a long way from being safe, I held onto what little hope I had, knowing that the FBI were doing all they could, and Gavin would never let me come to harm.
Still not sure of where the agents were taking us, I snuggled up against Gavin’s side as he held me tightly to him, knowing that if I had him in my corner, I could deal with whatever there was to come. In less than two weeks, he had managed to erase a lifetime of hurt and guilt, replacing it with nothing but love, understanding, and acceptance.
It’s not that I didn’t still feel guilty about losing my brother that day so many years ago. But I now knew that it wasn’t my fault.
Bad things sometimes happened—and no one was to blame.
I had promised Gavin that I would have a heart-to-heart with my father, and tell him how I felt. I couldn’t have a healthy relationship with him if he continued to blame me for my brother’s death. And though I didn’t hold out much hope for our relationship changing, at the very least I would know that I had tried. And if he couldn’t see me for the person I was, the person I’d become, and if he couldn’t see the truth about what happened that day, then maybe I was better off without him in my life.
It was hard coming to that realization, but it had become clear that even though he was my father, my own flesh and blood, I may be better off without him in my life. And I hated that. He was the only family I had left, but the reality was I couldn’t continue to have him in my life if he was going to do nothing but berate and belittle me into feeling guilty for a death I had no control over.
I was never going to be my brother.
No one could replace him.
And I didn’t want to try to take his place.
But that didn’t mean that my life held no value. And if my father couldn’t see that, then it was his loss. It had taken Gavin storming into my life to make me see that I was worth something, and I’d be damned if I was going to let anyone drag me down again — let alone my father, who should love me unconditionally.
The impact of a car crashing into us whipped my body against my seatbelt, my head snapping to the side as it collided with something hard, the pain of the impact splintering through my temple as darkness engulfed me. I tried to hold on to the sliver of consciousness that kept wanting to escape me — and then I heard Gavin’s voice… Felt his arms holding me against him as I forced my eyes to open.
“Gavin…” My own voice sounded distant to my own ears as I struggled to clear my head and wrangle my thoughts through the ringing in my head and the barking dogs.
“It’s okay, love… I’ve got you. You’re safe.” It was clear by the way he was holding me, that he was trying to shield my body with his. Always keeping me safe, even if it meant putting his life on the line.
And then I heard it… The rapid and deafening sound of gunshots that easily outran the pounding of my heart.
My mind raced through a million thoughts in that split second—Gavin, the agents, the dogs… If any of them got hurt, it would be because of me. It was my fault that we were in this mess, and I’d never forgive myself if anything happened to any of them.
My father’s voice mocked me… telling me that I’d be the end of everyone around me… that they’d pay the price simply for being in my presence.
Except that I was no longer the little girl he could belittle, and despite the chaos surrounding me, I pushed his voice out of my head, once and for all.
We were flying down the road as the agents quickly relayed information to their headquarters, requesting immediate backup as they tried to maneuver us to safety. I held onto Gavin, nestling deep into the safety of his arms as he told me over and over that everything would be okay, even as the other vehicle rammed us again, from the rear this time, the hard jolt only slowing us down momentarily.
I focused on Gavin’s words, as he told me everything would be okay. And despite everything… despite the attack… despite the gun fire… I believed him as he held me tightly to his muscular body, shielding me from harm.
We raced around the winding mountain roads, each second feeling like an eternity as time ticked by and we got rammed again and again.
Finally, I heard sirens breaking through the roar of our vehicle’s revving engine. I didn’t know how long it had been when we finally pulled to a stop, but I swore it’d be another week before I got my heart to slow back down to a normal rhythm.
Beck and Weston exited the vehicle, guns drawn and shouting out orders, as Gavin cupped my face in both his hands, his bright blue eyes locking on mine, even as chaos broke out all around us. “Tell me you’re okay, Charlie.”
I nodded that I was fine. “Is it over? Is everyone okay?”
“Everyone’s fine, love. And it’ll be over soon. Real soon.”
Luckily, Gavin was right. It was at least another fifteen minutes before we were told that we were in the clear, and it was all over, with Weston giving us the update. “We got him. We got Khasanov.”
“Does that mean I’m in the clear? That no one else is going to try and come after me?” I didn’t want to get my hopes up just to have them dashed, yet it was hard not to be hopeful.
Weston gave me a smile—the first one I’d seen from him—a wave of relief washing over me. “It’s all over. Once we knew who we were dealing with, we got a warrant to search Khasanov’s properties and accounts. We were able to track down enough evidence to lock him away for a very long time, even without your testimony. He could still come after you, but it’d be damn hard for him to manage it, and it wouldn’t accomplish a single thing since we have him on all sorts of other crimes that go well beyond him trying to make a weaponized virus.”
I let out a huge breath that I hadn’t even realized I was holding in. “I can’t believe it’s finally over.”
“Now you can get back to your life.” Beck gave me a smile, and though I smiled back, his words left me just a little shaken. “We’ll be back in just a few. Need to wrap things up here.”
I nodded, managing a smile that I knew wasn’t fooling anyone. It’s not that I wasn’t happy to finally be safe, but… getting back to my life? My life before this all happened was pretty miserable outside of work. And I didn’t want a life without Gavin in it.
Though I wanted the freedom to come and go as I pleased without worrying about someone putting a bullet in my skull, I didn’t want to go back to the life I’d been living. I wanted my current reality, where I got to wake up in Gavin’s arms every morning—just without killers and weaponized viruses.
Gavin pulled me into his embrace, his head bent to mine. “Hey, love… what has you looking so bothered?”
“Going back to my old life… It’s not that I didn’t have a decent life and a job I loved. But… I was pretty lonely, Gavin.” The rest of my words stuck in my throat, not wanting to speak them and give them power, as if they might become a reality.
“You’ll never be lonely again, Charlie. We may be going back to our lives, but our lives are now together, forever linked. Because I’m not letting you go. I don’t care if we live in your place or mine—or if we get a new place altogether, and start from scratch with a place that holds no history for either of us. But, no matter what we decide—we’re going to be together.” He spoke the words with such an intensity, I couldn’t help but believe him. “I meant it when I said that I love you. Nothing will ever change that.”
“I love you too. More than anything.”
Just a week later, and Gavin had scheduled the movers to haul all my things over to his home, after we’d decided that his place was a hell of a lot bigger than mine, and far more secure. It’s not that there was any threat now that Khasanov was in custody, facing charges for a countless number of crimes. But better safe than sorry, and the one thing I’d learned was that Gavin did not take chances when it came to me.
I still couldn’t believe how much my life had changed in just a month’s time. But it had. In every way possible—and most certainly for the better.
Gavin was perfect. I knew he had a past and his demons would never fully release him, but I’d never met a better man, and no one had ever cared for me more. Which was pretty damn sad when my parents were included in that list.
I was doing my best to try and get past all that, and with Gavin’s help, I was doing so much better. But… it was hard when I knew my father was still out there blaming me for my brother’s death. I had finally accepted the fact that it hadn’t been my fault. I had been a kid—and a young one at that. And I’d done all I could to try to save Jessie.
Not that my father saw it that way.
“Hey… you okay?” Gavin cupped the back of my neck and pulled me to him, wrapping his strong arms around me. “I know moving can be overwhelming, but the movers will take care of everything. You don’t need to worry about a thing. And if you’d rather not live here, we can go anywhere you’d like. Maybe a cabin in the woods?”
I shook my head no. “It’s not that. And though a cozy cabin in the mountains would be nice, your place is incredible. And I’m honestly not all that attached to most of my stuff. It’s all good as long as I have you and the pups.”
“Then what’s stolen your smile away?” His eyes darkened with concern as he held me to him.
“I keep thinking of my dad. I know I should just let it go, since nothing’s going to change his mind about what happened. But… he’s the only family I have left, and it really bothers me that he blames me for something that wasn’t my fault.” Now that I’d come to terms with what happened that day, I realized that the way my parents had treated me wasn’t just wrong, it was horrible. Because instead of losing just their son that day, they’d lost their daughter too—except that the blame for that rested solely on their shoulders.
No one else’s.
“Maybe you should talk to him, Charlie. I know it won’t be easy, but it might be the only way to move past this and lay it to rest once and for all. At the very least you’ll know where you stand so you can move on with your life. Because I’m going to tell you right now that if your father can’t see the truth of what happened and how he’s treated you, I’m not going to let him continue to treat you like crap.” When he kissed me, he calmed my soul and chased away my worries. “If you’ll let me, I’ll be all the family you’ll ever need, love.”
His words had my heart racing. “You’re all I’ll need and so much more, Gavin. But maybe you’re right. Maybe I do need to speak to him.”
“Then no matter what happens with your father, know that I’ll be by your side.” He linked his hand with mine, and his mere touch was enough to calm me.
In the end, I didn’t have it in me to speak to my father face-to-face. Maybe I was being a coward, but I knew it’d be easier to get it all out if I didn’t have to do it in person, and as it were, I would still have to muster all the courage I could just to get the words out.
Gavin sat by my side and held my hand as I made the call. “Daddy?”
“Charlie,” he grumbled, sounding annoyed, as if I had interrupted his busy day, when I knew damn well he was likely doing nothing more than watching TV and drinking beer. “What is it?”
Gavin stiffened at my side, and I was thinking that if we’d made the trip in person, it’d have taken Gavin all he had not to have some serious words with my father.
I took a deep breath, steeling myself to get the words out that I’d rehearsed in my head a million times over. “It wasn’t my fault, Daddy. I need you to know that. I did all I could to save Jessie—and nearly lost my life in the process. And I know you’ve blamed me. But I’m calling to let you know that you either need to come to terms with what actually happened that day, or… Or I can’t be in your life anymore. I refuse to be your punching bag.”
“What the hell are you talking about, girl? How dare you talk to me that way! You were the only one there—and your brother was your responsibility. You never should have let him go on the ice.”
“As if I could have stopped him? I was nine, Dad. Nine! And you know damn well that he never listened to me. He was too much of a handful for even Mom to deal with, so how the hell was I supposed to keep him under control?” It was nothing but the truth. I loved Jessie, but it didn’t mean he didn’t get himself in more than his fair share of trouble.
“Don’t you dare speak to me that way. You were the one who was supposed to be watching him.”
“That’s where you’re mistaken. He wasn’t my responsibility—he was yours. Maybe if you’d taken more of an interest in him instead of watching TV and drinking beer, then you’d have been there to keep an eye on him, and he’d still be alive.” My tears streamed down my cheeks, but I didn’t care. I’d held all of this in for years, and needed to get it out. “You made your choice. And you didn’t just lose him that day—you lost me too. I’m done feeling guilty about something that was nothing more than a tragedy—and I’m done with letting you use me as a punching bag for your own guilt. I’m done, Daddy. I love you, but… I’m done.”