Chapter 11
Kenley loved the feel of Zane’s rough hand in hers as they walked into the hospital. She needed a shower, but the excitement kept her from being self-conscious. For a little while at least.
As they took their seats in the waiting room, she realized she would be meeting Zane’s parents and she hadn’t even fixed her hair. They’d simply dressed and run out the door. She thought about changing on the way, but at the speed Zane had moved through the water, the ride was too bumpy. She’d thought it best to just stay seated and hold on.
“I’m going to the bathroom,” she said as she took a silent inventory of the items in her purse. Unfortunately the lipstick, mascara and powder were unable to perform the magic required to make her look glamourous. She ran her fingers through her hair and sighed at the borderline-presentable result.
She studied her reflection, looking for any change. She was no longer a virgin. She’d had sex. Multiple times. Yet she still looked the same, though a bit rumpled. She hadn’t known how she would feel afterward. She’d been so focused on getting to this point she didn’t know what she wanted now. She wouldn’t be opposed to a relationship with Zane.
They liked each other and worked well together. In more ways than one.
Still, she didn’t want to read more into it than a good time. She knew sex didn’t mean wedding bells. All these years her friends had teased her with the details of the physical sexual act, she found that had been the easier part.
Now she would be expected to know all the rules for their after-sex journey and she found she had no idea what to do. While she may have had sex, she was still a relationship virgin.
“God help me.” She sighed, taking one last look in the mirror.
She’d have to win over Zane’s parents with charm since looks were not in the works. Zane gave her a grin when she sat next to him. He didn’t seem to mind that she looked disheveled. Maybe because he was the one who had made her look that way.
“You look beautiful,” he said, making her face go hot. He’d gone to get food while she was attempting a miracle, so they shared a limp breakfast sandwich and a smashed Danish.
Two hours later he stopped in the middle of his lap in the waiting room. “Thanks for staying, but you can go home if you want. You can take my truck. I’ll catch a ride.”
“No way. I want to see the baby.” She waved in a motion to tell him he should continue his circuit. “I’ll be ready to call the florist the second they tell us she’s here.” Sidney had become a good friend during her training so of course she wanted to be there when the baby arrived.
She also wanted to be there for Zane, and she may have also been hoping they could go back to her place and have more sex after the baby was born. Maybe he was right about creating a monster. She couldn’t stop thinking about him on top of her.
“I was thinking, it might be best if we don’t tell my sister or the other guys,” he whispered.
“Because Brady will be jealous you never paid him the same attention?” she joked.
“I just think it would be better to keep work separate from personal.”
“Of course.” That made sense. As long as she got plenty of personal time, she could be a regular employee during work hours. That thought brought her up short. She’d lost her last job for sleeping with the boss’s husband. She hadn’t done it then. But now she was. What kind of repercussions would there be if things didn’t work out? She didn’t think he’d fire her, but wouldn’t it be awkward?
Another hour went by and other than a few updates from Zane’s brother-in-law, Tim, everything was quiet. It just gave Kenley more time to think and panic.
Finally Tim came out with a smile on his face.
“She’s here!” he said.
“Congratulations, man.” Zane shook Tim’s hand and patted him on the back.
“She’s perfect. They’re weighing her and cleaning her up then we’ll get you in to see her.”
“I’ll be waiting,” Zane said.
Tim’s face went white and he backed away quickly, heading for the restricted area behind the nurse’s station.
Kenley turned to see what the problem was at the same time she heard Zane mutter, “Oh shit. They’re here.”
A couple in their fifties walked steadily toward them. It looked like they were arguing as the bleached-blond woman’s face pinched up in a scowl.
“Well, did we miss it? Your father thought it would be nice to upgrade the rental, which took twenty minutes. If I missed the birth of my first grandchild by twenty minutes, you are dead to me, Randy.”
“Oh, it was more like forty-five minutes ago,” Zane said, saving his father. “Kenley, these are my parents, Randy and Diane. This is Kenley Carmichael. She works for me.” Kenley couldn’t help but notice he’d moved away from her.
“It’s nice to meet you both,” Kenley said, extending her hand as she nervously tucked her bed-mussed hair behind her ear. She had no experience with the Walk of Shame, especially not in front of parents. Her face felt like it was on fire.
“Oh my God. You’re diddling your secretary!” his mother said, sounding both appalled and annoyed. Kenley let her hand drop down by her side as her mouth fell open in shock.
“No, I’m not.” Zane denied it emphatically.
“Do you see this, Randy? This is your fault. Fooling around with one’s subordinates apparently runs in the family. At least your son isn’t married.”
“Just kill me already. It would be better than hearing this again. It was eleven years ago, for Christ’s sake. A moment of weakness. What do you want me to do, cut my balls off and hand ’em over?”
“Please. What would I want with those shriveled up things?” She rolled her eyes. “Look, little Miss Secretary, Jackson men are incapable of settling down. You should run now. Save yourself.”
Kenley could barely swallow, her throat was so dry. There was no way she could talk. Before Tim had come out with the good news, Kenley had been worrying about all the possible pitfalls of having an affair with her boss.
She hadn’t even contemplated what would happen if everyone found out. She hadn’t made it ten seconds. What if Brady and Paul found out?
“Mom, knock it off. We’re not sleeping together. She’s my employee, that’s the extent of our relationship. I would never sleep with an employee.” Zane sounded very convincing. If it weren’t for the fact that employees generally didn’t accompany their bosses to the hospital in wrinkled clothing, it might have worked.
While she’d been in total agreement that they keep their relationship a secret just minutes before, she found his dismissal hurt. She wasn’t cut out for this kind of thing. She didn’t know how to be suave and sophisticated.
She wanted to go back to how things had been in her hotel room. When it was just the two of them and nothing else mattered. She didn’t want to think about how they would make it work in the office, and definitely not how it would feel to be accused of inappropriate behavior and actually be guilty this time. What had she done?
“You’re making an ass out of yourself, Diane. Let the boy do what he wants. He’s young. Don’t get yourself strapped down, son. Nail everything that moves while you still can.”
“Do you want him to get some sort of disease?” his mother went on. “And he’s twenty-eight. That’s not that young. He should be thinking about having a family. If he’s capable of such a thing after being tainted with your genes.”
Kenley backed away from the argument. It was easy to do since Zane was still insisting he hadn’t diddled his secretary, and his father was patting his back proudly for doing just that. In another time she might have laughed at someone actually using the word diddling, but it wasn’t funny yet.
Instead of going out the main entrance, she walked through the emergency room and found a cab waiting at the curb where it had just dropped someone off.
She could get her bag another time. She just needed to escape.
Zane had asked her if she had regrets, and at the time she hadn’t. But as the cab pulled up at her apartment, she couldn’t help but feel stupid and naïve.
The best night of her life had been nothing more than a one-night stand with her boss, and she’d just now figured it out.
* * *
As she showered she tried to calm down. She began sorting things into pros and cons. It was always a logical way to come to a decision when she was too emotional. So far everything on the list of whether or not it was okay to sleep with one’s boss was in the cons column.
“Damn it!”
She pulled out her phone after getting dressed and pulling her wet hair up in a ponytail.
“Hey, how’s it going?” Alyssa asked.
“I need cheesecake. Can you meet me at Junior’s?”
“Of course. See you in a bit.”
“Thanks.”
* * *
He couldn’t figure out where she could have gone. One second Kenley was standing next to him during the worst conversation ever, and then she was just gone.
He’d searched everywhere but couldn’t find her. He’d called and texted. Nothing. Not that he could blame her for blowing him off. He’d fucked up.
He should never have encouraged her to stay with him at the hospital. Not when he knew the hounds of hell were descending. Of course she’d run away without a word. His parents were hideous.
And he hadn’t been much better.
Had he really said he’d never sleep with an employee? In front of the employee he had slept with? It was his parent’s fault. They made him crazy. He couldn’t think straight. He couldn’t imagine what Kenley must be thinking.
He hadn’t wanted anyone in his family to know about Kenley. Not because he was embarrassed. Hell, she was wonderful. Any normal family would have welcomed her with open arms, not scorned her as some kind of illicit temptress.
As it was, he should have come clean when his mother called them out, but fear had held him back. Not fear of his mother or what they might think, but fear that if he announced their relationship formally it would mean more to him than he wanted it to.
He should have found out what she wanted. He should have told her how he felt. Instead she was gone and he was back to being the boss.
When he got called back to his sister’s room, he waited his turn to see the little person who was his niece. She was tiny and loud, and he was won over instantly. He wished Kenley had gotten the chance to see her. Thinking of her standing by his side made his heart hurt.
“Did you know your brother is sleeping with his secretary?” his mother asked Sidney, who raised her eyebrows.
“You didn’t,” she said. He couldn’t answer her.
While his mother and father talked in high voices to the baby, Sidney motioned him closer.
“Is it true? You slept with Kenley?”
“Yes.” He let it out with a sigh. Why not admit it now? He’d been planning to tell Sidney at some point. Just not right away. Not when he could still smell Kenley’s sweet perfume on his shirt. “And then I said I didn’t, right in front of her. I didn’t defend her to Mom and Dad. She made a run for it and I’m worried I might not see her again. What if she doesn’t come back to work? What am I going to do?”
“If I hadn’t had another human being pulled out of my uterus I would get out of this bed and beat you silly.” He didn’t know what was worse, the threat of a beating or any talk of his sister’s uterus. He knew he deserved whatever punishment she dished out.
“I panicked,” he admitted.
“You probably should have introduced her as a friend or a girlfriend, and not even told them she worked for you.”
“Yeah. That would have been better. I didn’t think of that.” He frowned and tried to change the subject. “She’s beautiful, Sid.” He nodded toward the baby.
“I think so too.” He relaxed, having managed to steer her to another topic. “You need to go fix this thing with Kenley.” Or maybe not.
“What should I do?”
“Do you like her?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want to be with her?”
“Yes.”
“Find her and tell her how you really feel about her.”
He let out another sigh.
“That might be a problem. I don’t know how I really feel. I mean last night everything seemed clear, but now it’s kind of complicated.”
“Don’t be one of those guys who wanted the girl until he got her, and now just wants to get away.” He wanted to defend himself and tell her he wasn’t doing that, but maybe it was true. Not because he wanted to move on, but because he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to keep her and he’d find himself back in the position of wanting someone he couldn’t have. He didn’t want to go back to being that person again.
“She’s my employee, Sid. What if it doesn’t work out? It would be uncomfortable for both of us.”
“You’re assuming it’s not going to work out. And even if it ends, it doesn’t automatically mean you can’t continue to work together. We had a stressful relationship and it didn’t get in the way of our working relationship.”
If she’d planned to make him feel better, she’d struck out. Working with Sidney—while easier in some ways—also meant he had to agree to things he might not have agreed to if they hadn’t been related. It also meant seeing so much of her that the sound of her voice sometimes made him nauseous.
“You need to at least try. Go talk to her.”
She was right. Regardless of what happened, he needed to make things right. After all, he’d taken her virginity. No. He hadn’t taken it. He hadn’t even known it was up for grabs. This was on her. She’d hoisted her virginity on him, ambushed him with it even.
He rubbed his forehead. Was he really blaming her for this? He needed to do better. He’d wanted this woman since the moment she’d walked into his office. He’d gotten her and now he was… what?
Terrified.
Once he’d come up with a plausible excuse as to why his parents couldn’t stay at his house during their visit, he left the hospital to find Kenley.
He called again, and left a message.
“Look, I’m really sorry about what happened at the hospital. Can we talk? Please call me back. I’m sorry.”
He pulled up in front of her apartment and knocked on the front door before going to the back. Her car wasn’t there, but maybe she’d parked somewhere else.
After ten minutes, he decided she wasn’t hiding inside her apartment. She really wasn’t home.
He’d blown it, and now he couldn’t even find her to make things right.
As if he had a clue how to do that even if he did find her.
* * *
“Are you sure you’re not making a big deal out of this scene at the hospital as a reason to push him away because you’re scared?” Liss asked before licking her fork clean. Once they’d both completed their fork-gasm, she’d told her ex-coworker the story. Leaving out the part about her being a virgin.
There was no reason to make her friend choke on perfectly good cheesecake.
“No. Of course not.” Kenley made a snorting sound in an effort to make Liss feel ridiculous for considering such a thing. Though… “Yes. Maybe.” She changed her answer. “I started thinking about all the things that could go wrong if it didn’t work out between us.”
“You’re worried about losing your job?”
“Right.”
“He can’t fire you if you refuse to have sex with him again. It would be illegal.”
“I’m not concerned so much about not wanting to have sex with him again. I don’t think that will be a problem. It’s more about the dynamic in the office. Maybe he won’t fire me, but if it’s uncomfortable, we’ll both be miserable. Surely he wouldn’t encourage me to stay under those conditions.”
“I think you’re talking to the wrong friend.” Liss was not a relationship person. In fact, Kenley didn’t remember a time when she’d dated the same guy more than once. Still, she didn’t feel comfortable talking about it with Vanessa and Rachel who were cover models for Marriage Weekly. She didn’t need the added stress of how to move things to the next level when she was panicking on the level she was already on.
“Do you know of anyone who’s done this and had it work out in the end?” Kenley waited.
“No. No one.”
“Damn.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“I’m not sure.” Kenley shook her head. “I sure liked the sex.”
“Was it your first time?”
“How did you know?”
“You rarely dated, and you were the only female in the office who didn’t complain about the strange noises and facial expressions of the guys you’d had sex with.”
“I still have no point of reference on that front. I liked Zane’s noises and facial expressions. Well, maybe not the horrified shock part.”
“Congrats on reaching the new plateau.”
“Emotions sure do mess up a good thing.”
“Amen.” She nodded as Kenley’s phone buzzed again. She had been avoiding Zane’s calls. She didn’t know what to say yet. “Do you like this job?”
“Yes.”
“Do you like this guy?”
“Yeah.”
“Then you’re going to have to talk to him eventually. Answer it while I go get us each another piece of cheesecake.”
“You’re the best.”
Kenley picked up her phone, looked at Zane’s name, and sighed. She was acting like the naïve virgin she had been the day before.
If they went public things could be uncomfortable if they didn’t work out. But should they assume things would go bad? Could she risk it? She needed a job. It had been difficult to get a job after the first scandal. How would she manage an interview when there were two?
Armed with steely determination she answered on the next ring.
“Hello.”
“Kenley, I’m so sorry.”
“How’s Sidney and the baby?” she redirected.
“They’re fine. Good. Can I come over so we can talk?”
“I’m in New York. I needed cheesecake.”
“Oh. I see.” Did he think cheesecake equated to DEFCON 2 in the relationship world? “Will you be home later?”
“I’ll be at work tomorrow morning.”
“I won’t be in tomorrow. I have a trip.” Which he’d scheduled himself.
“I’ll make sure to forward any messages.”
“I think we should discuss this.”
“I think we should just keep things professional going forward.” She swallowed and gripped the phone tighter.
“Oh. Okay. If that’s what you want.” He didn’t sound so sure, and she almost faltered. But she didn’t want to risk her job on her irrational emotional state. Professionalism was the only option she could see. Sleeping with her boss had been a mistake. The best they could do now was put it behind them.
“I’ll see you when you get back. Let me know if there’s anything you need me to take care of while you’re away.” She fell back into her role of assistant who managed things efficiently and pleasantly.
“Sure. Thanks.”
“Goodbye.” She hung up and winced from the pain in her chest.
“You cut things off?” Liss set a plate in front of her.
“Yes. It’s for the best.”
“Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“I’m not sure of anything right now.”
* * *
The next morning she opened the building and started coffee. A few of the guys stopped by to pick up paperwork before starting the day, each giving her a smile and a greeting as they drained the coffeepot. No one started a new one.
It was going to be one of those days.
Three days later she still hadn’t seen or heard from Zane. She wanted to be mad at him for hiding, but she’d insisted they keep things professional and he was away on business.
On Friday morning she was ready to break down and call him, but then Officer Scott Porter walked in.
“Good morning, Officer,” she said with a smile. She was so happy to have someone to talk to she didn’t even mind that she didn’t have any feelings for him. He was a nice enough guy.
“Good morning.” He winked as he held out a small bag with a picture of a muffin on it. “Before you get all excited about me buying you a pastry, you should know I didn’t actually pay for it. Nobody lets you pay for stuff when you’re in uniform. I feel like a mobster or something.”
She peeked inside to see a cinnamon roll.
“Thank you for sharing your protection pastry with me,” she joked.
“I also wanted to see if you were free tonight. My shift is over at four. I could pick you up here at five.”
She looked down at her jeans and button-down.
“You look great. We’re not going to do anything fancy. Just dinner and get to know each other a little. What do you say?” He was actually asking her this time.
For a small second her mouth opened to say she was seeing someone. But then she remembered she wasn’t seeing Zane. She wasn’t seeing him, hearing him, or reading him by text or email. Other than receiving the invoices through the system, she might have thought he’d been kidnapped or something. Besides this man was not her boss.
She could go out with him, have a nice time, and not worry that it might affect her job. It didn’t matter that she didn’t feel a spark. He was safe.
“Sure. I’ll be ready at five.”
“Excellent. I’m looking forward to it.” He backed toward the door. “Until then, have a great day.”
“See you then,” she called, knowing he wasn’t the man she really wanted to see.
The day went by quickly. She only had a few minutes to spend worrying about her date with Scott. His method of ambush dating was a godsend.
At four thirty she stepped into the bathroom to check her hair and makeup. Good to go.
She was tossing her lipstick back in her bag as she walked down the hall and ran right smack into Zane.
Her bag landed on the floor with the contents scattered around his scruffy boots. As they both bent to gather her things their heads knocked together in a painful thump.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice low and rough. It made her stomach flip in excitement. Unfortunately her stomach wasn’t aware of what this man had done to her heart.
“I’m fine.”
He put his hand on hers and looked her in the eye.
“No. I mean, I’m sorry, Kenley.”
“Don’t worry about it. While I don’t regret what happened, I think it best that we keep things professional. I like my job and I like working for you. I don’t want to risk messing it up.”
He let out a breath and nodded.
“You’re right. I’m still sorry about what happened with my parents.”
“Don’t worry about it,” she repeated. After throwing the last of the items into her purse she passed him to go back to her desk. It was almost five.
Of all the times for Zane to show up wanting to apologize, why did it have to be ten minutes before her date was coming to pick her up?
But no. It wasn’t ten minutes before her date was coming. Of course, Scott was early. He stepped inside the lobby, wearing jeans and a dress shirt. Out of uniform she could really look at him. He was cute. Tall and broad-shouldered. Much like Zane, who had followed her to the lobby and gave Scott a nod.
“Hey,” Zane said with his brows pulled together. “Did we have plans tonight?”
Scott shook his head.
“Not with you. I’m here to pick up Kenley.” He held out his arm like the perfect gentleman. “Are you ready to go?” he asked.
She wanted to say no and run back to Zane, but instead she shut off her computer and nodded.
“All set.”
* * *
They were nearly out the door before Zane realized what was going on. She was going on a date. With Scott.
While Zane knew the officer wasn’t a player, he’d heard more than enough tales of carnage and mischief when they went for drinks on the rare occasion they were both not working.
One thing was for sure, Scott Porter knew how to seduce women. And he had just walked out the door with Zane’s girl.
Zane didn’t know what to do as he stood at the glass door watching them. Scott opened the passenger door to his cruiser and closed it behind her. He gave Zane a smile and a wave as he passed in front of the car to get in the driver’s side. This was really happening.
Should he run out there to stop them? Maybe some cool move like sliding across the hood and pulling her out of the car in one big swoop? Would she even want him after what he’d done?
Probably not. Truth be told, he didn’t want to be with himself much at the moment. Fear had kept him from getting too close to Kenley. Fear that he would turn back into that pathetic puppy he’d been in high school. Fear that he wouldn’t be enough to keep someone as amazing as her. Fear of the pain that would destroy him when she left him for one of the cool kids.
Apparently Scott Porter was one of the cool kids.
“Christ,” he muttered as he stomped back down the hall to his office, and slammed the door.
* * *
As Scott had promised, they spent the evening eating and getting to know each other.
He had a lot of funny stories about his job, and he seemed captivated when she talked about herself. He even asked follow-up questions, proving he’d been paying attention.
“So let me get this straight, someone left you in a library when you were little, and the town named you after the book you were holding?”
“Yes. I was known as the library girl. I don’t remember it. My only memories are with my adopted parents. I think my life turned out better than it might have if my real parents had kept me.” She believed that to be true, though she did occasionally wonder why they hadn’t kept her.
“Maybe I could run your DNA through the system and see if anything pops up.”
She tilted her head to the side, thinking it over for no more than a few seconds before shaking her head.
“No, thank you. I have no interest in finding them. No reason to go looking for trouble.”
“Smart girl.”
By the time Scott dropped her off at her house, she knew a lot about him. Including the most important thing.
While he seemed interested in her, and he was both charming and adorable, he just wasn’t Zane Jackson.
“Thank you for a great time,” she said when they arrived at her door. There was no way she’d invite him inside. While she wasn’t a virgin anymore, she wasn’t ready to sleep with men on the first date. Especially not when she was still hung up on the first guy.
There might have been a warning, but she was distracted with thoughts of Zane when Scott bent close and kissed her on the mouth.
Her body instantly turned into a plank and she couldn’t breathe until he stepped back. He was frowning down at her.
“Okay. Don’t panic. Take a deep breath and relax. When you’re ready I’m going to try it again.”
She couldn’t help but laugh at his reaction. Playing it up a little, she rolled her shoulders and cracked her neck as she shook her arms out like she did before a run.
“Okay. Go.”
Even as he was taking a step in her direction she felt her body go rigid.
“Power through,” he said as he leaned down and kissed her again.
Expecting it this time, she was able to kiss him back, but it was nothing more than lips moving against lips. It wasn’t a kiss so much as a handshake with tongues.
“Hmm. That wasn’t any better,” he said honestly.
“Yeah. I noticed.”
“Did I do something?” he asked.
“Oh no!” she nearly shouted. “It’s not you. It’s… I guess I’m still getting over someone. I’d hoped I already was, since we hadn’t been together very long at all, but it seems I’m not.”
He nodded as if this made more sense than the possibility that the problem could be his kissing skills.
“Well.” He looked up at the dark sky for a second and then back to her. “I had a good time. You didn’t get on my nerves, so maybe we could try it again. And at some point you might be over the other guy. What do you say?”
“I would like that,” she said, though her heart was already generating a surplus of excuses. “Thanks again.”
With a wave, she watched as he walked to the car and drove off.
She stepped into her lonely home wondering if she’d ever get better at this.