Chapter 18
” You’re leaving already?” Wes said as Zane handed him the keys to his new boat. “I thought you were planning to stay for a few days.”
That had been the plan, but as soon as Zane arrived he’d been itching to get back to Kenley. It wasn’t just protectiveness anymore. It was something else. Something he needed to deal with. Soon.
“I’m sorry. I need to get back. Work stuff.”
Wes didn’t fall for it. Maybe because Zane couldn’t make eye contact.
“You’re ditching me for a girl.”
“Not just a girl. The girl.”
“Oh.” Wes’s eyes went wide. “Really?”
“I think so. I just need to find a way to take that next step.”
“I’ve never taken that step, so I won’t be much help.” Instead of giving him crap, his friend drove him to the car rental office and wished him good luck.
“I just don’t want to end up like my parents, you know?”
“Trust me, I know. Neither one of us had very good role models in the happy marriage department. I still have to hope that means we’ll know how to do it better. If anything, we’ll be more selective in who we chose to spend our lives with.”
* * *
Zane invited her over to his house the next evening. He was going to make her dinner and tell her how he felt. Maybe.
As he cooked she wandered around his kitchen, taking in the photos on his fridge. She’d offered to help, but he wanted to take care of her needs. All of them.
Besides it was his turn. She’d made him a wonderful meal at her apartment the week before. One that ended with them in her bed.
He hoped this dinner turned out the same way. It was a warm June evening, and he was looking forward to sex on the deck.
“Are you going to your reunion?” she asked, pulling his attention away from cutting up basil and thoughts of her naked body. She was standing at his message board where the invitation was pinned.
“I haven’t decided.”
“It says you need to RSVP by tomorrow.”
“Other things came up.”
“It’s not too late.”
He shrugged and she came closer.
“You’re not going?” She sounded disappointed.
“I hate all those people, Kenley. I promised myself I’d never have to see them after I graduated.”
She nodded. “I don’t believe you hate all those people. You had to have had friends in high school. There had to be good memories too.”
“Let’s say I decided to go. Would I have a hot woman as my date?” He tilted his head.
She shrugged. “It’s kind of short notice, but you could probably put out an ad.”
“Very funny.” He dropped the knife so he could chase her around the island. He caught her easily and pinned her to the counter for a deep kiss. He’d already found the girl of his dreams by placing an ad. “Will you go with me?” he asked.
“Yeah.” Her face lit up before she pushed him away playfully. “Are you going to feed me or what?”
* * *
“You’ve got it bad,” Brady teased him as he dropped some forms on his desk.
“I do not,” Zane made a lame attempt to defend himself, but deep down he knew it was true.
“You told me you were going to be in Boston dropping off your friend’s boat until Thursday. I believe it’s only Tuesday.”
“So? I got done early.” Zane shrugged it off, but the sound of the other man’s laughter told him he hadn’t been convincing.
“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be with your girl,” Brady allowed with a sympathetic smile and a pat on the shoulder. “I miss Mick when I’m out on the road.”
“Are you thinking of doing something about that?” Zane asked. If the King of the Bachelors could settle down with one woman, anyone could do it.
“Maybe. What about you?”
“I invited Kenley to my ten-year high school reunion in a few weeks. I hated the people I went to school with, and I don’t want to go.”
“Go.” Brady pointed at him as if he were the boss. “Trust me. Facing things puts you in control.” Zane was surprised by the in-depth advice. “Plus, when women dress up, they always wear sexy underwear. You won’t want to miss it.”
“You know this as fact?”
“It’s a gift.” He laughed. “Going to this lame-ass reunion might bore your balls off, but you can deal with anything for one night. Especially when there’s sexy underwear waiting at the end.”
“That’s the thing. It’s not one night of my life. It’s dredging up my old life. The one I hated.”
Brady patted him on the back. “This time you’ll have a smart, sexy woman next to you who only wants you. Go stick it to them. Give yourself some closure on that part of your life, so you can move on to the better part.”
The better part.
Zane could see himself being happy with Kenley for a very long time. But there were no guarantees. His parents were the perfect example of how bad a marriage could be.
Forever was a very long time to be miserable.
* * *
“I just don’t understand what the big deal is,” Kenley told Alyssa that weekend. After talking it over with her therapist, she’d managed to go to the city alone. She was feeling pretty proud of herself. Zane, however, had texted her three times to make sure she was doing okay. “It’s just a reunion. We can make fun of people, and then go home and forget about them. I’m not sure why he’s so worried about it.” Kenley snorted and then finished off her second margarita.
“You said he didn’t have it easy in high school. Take it from someone who knows what that was like. I have never gone to my reunions.”
“But don’t you want to show everyone how awesome you turned out?”
“Easy for you to say, Miss Cheerleader. The people who made me feel small back then still wield a lot of power, silly as that might be. Whenever I visit my mom and run in to someone from back home, it’s like I’m transported back to that time, and I feel just as vulnerable. It’s one of the reasons I don’t put myself in that position often.”
“I guess I didn’t think of it like that.”
“Why is it really important to you?” Liss was not one to play games or beat around the bush. She was always up front, even if it hurt.
“It’s going to sound stupid.”
“Undoubtedly.”
“I told you I was adopted.”
“By two loving parents, while I only ever had one, yeah.” Brutal. Kenley knew there was some dark thing in Alyssa’s past that she kept secret, but Liss had always talked happily about the relationship with her mother. Considering all she’d ever said about her father was “Spawn until dawn, then gone” Kenley wondered if that was the reason Liss had adopted such a businesslike approach to relationships, but she’d never probed.
“I was too young to remember anything about my parents, but still, knowing someone gave me up because they didn’t want me… I always wonder if I’m good enough.”
“That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.” The margaritas were making Liss even more up front than usual, but Ken already knew it was ridiculous. It didn’t change things though.
“Everyone has a story, Ken. Everyone has a list of things that have happened to them that mold who they are. In the end it doesn’t matter. You still have to deal. He’s invited you to go someplace he doesn’t feel comfortable. Be there for him when he faces his demons.”
“Demons?” She gave a look of mock fright. “Surely they can’t be that bad.”
“Let’s hope not. I hear they prey on the orphans first.” Right for the kill.
* * *
He followed Kenley into her apartment feeling like a weight had been lifted. She was home safe.
He’d tried not to make a big deal about her trip to New York. She needed to go as part of the healing process, but God had he been worried.
Having her away for the weekend made him realize what his life would have been like if that strung-out junkie had pulled the trigger. And while his biggest fear was that she could have been taken away from him that day, it didn’t mean he couldn’t still lose her in a different way. He needed to tell her how he felt.
He’d not had the best role models when it came to relationships, and he’d never had a desire to have one before now. He had a lot to lose, and no skills to keep that from happening.
The desire to avoid her—and the pain that seemed inevitable—reared its head. But he’d promised her he wouldn’t run away from her again. From them.
So instead he pulled her close and kissed her.
“I’m glad you’re back,” he whispered, meaning it down to the depths of his soul.
He was determined to enjoy the moment.
In bed together, he took the most direct route to pleasing her so they could go to sleep. It was late, and they had to get up early for work. He held her as she slept, the moonlight coming in through the window, casting her face in a warm glow.
Had he really thought she looked like Courtney? The memories of his old crush were ten years old, but he didn’t think Courtney was ever this beautiful. In fact, other than the long blonde hair, they didn’t look that much alike. Thinking back to the day she’d walked into his office, he’d though she was the girl who had haunted him in high school, but it was more about the way she carried herself with confidence, or a convincing version at least. The way she’d seemed out of his league, and the feeling that had inspired in him.
Fear that he would once again fall short in the eyes of a beautiful woman. He pulled Kenley closer, reveling in the fact she was there, naked, in his arms.
In some ways she still scared the bejesus out of him. But he wouldn’t let that destroy this moment.
She had invited him into her bed and her heart.
* * *
It seemed like only an hour later when Kenley was waking him. He’d eventually fallen asleep after giving himself an intense lecture on living for the now.
After a quick shower, coffee and a kiss, she walked him to the door.
“I’ll see you in a little while. Are you sure you don’t want a ride?” he asked as he picked up the mail they had stepped over in their rush to get to a bed the night before.
Resting on top of a sales flyer was a thick envelope. He couldn’t help but notice the return address.
District Court of the State of Connecticut.
She took it and swallowed.
“It must be the information about the trial,” she said, running a finger under the flap of the envelope.
“Let me know when, and I’ll go with you.”
She shrugged. “You’re busy. I don’t expect you to take off to go.”
He stepped closer and looked down into her eyes.
“Kenley, we’re together now. I will be there next to you when you face that man.” It was an easy thing to promise. He’d been making things more difficult than they needed to be. He needed to stop thinking so much and just go with his heart.
“Thank you,” she whispered as he held her tightly and kissed her hair.
They were together. And there was nothing to fear. He would see her through this trial and then, when there was nothing else standing in their way, he would tell her he was ready to take the next step. Together.
* * *
Brady showed up at Michaela’s duplex a little after three. When he told Zane he’d received a subpoena to appear in court, Zane had given him the rest of the day off.
He’d begged Mick to spend the afternoon with him. It didn’t take much persuasion. She opened the door when he knocked and ran upstairs, with him chasing behind.
“Damn, woman, slow down. I only have one foot.”
“Please! I’m not falling for that trick.” He laughed as he caught her at the top of the stairs. He picked her up and carried her the few feet to her room, throwing her on the bed and falling on top of her.
She giggled until he kissed the laughter into a low moan. As she reached for his pants someone banged on the wall with a hammer.
He jumped back at the sound, his heart rate soaring from the fright.
“What the hell?” he said over the sound of an air-nailer.
“Renovations.” She pulled him back down, catching his ear with her teeth. “They’ll be done by next week.”
“You’re getting new neighbors?”
“I guess so. I’ll have to run an ad.”
He pulled back to look at her.
“You’re a landlord?”
“I’m going to try it. My father is an investment broker.” She shrugged it off and then her eyes went wide. “I just had a great idea.”
“What is it?”
“The place would be perfect for Hunter.”
“You want Hunter and me to move in next to you?”
She shook her head slowly, a crooked smile on her lips. “I want Hunter to move in next to us.”
Oh.
He felt himself pulling away both physically and emotionally. He knew how he felt for Mick. She was great, and he’d never been so happy with a woman before. He’d been ready to tell her he wanted to commit, that he loved her, but shacking up? That was more than he was ready for. It meant more than just sharing the things he wanted to share and having a standing date every weekend.
Living together meant day in and day out. It meant her seeing him when he was in pain, or when he was dealing with bad memories. He wouldn’t be able to hide the truly frightening things.
No way were they ready for that. And if she left, where would that leave him or his brother. It wasn’t safe for Hunter to get too attached. He’d lost enough in his life already.
Brady shook his head.
“Thanks for the offer, but we’re not ready for that.” He’d meant him and Mick weren’t ready, but she misunderstood.
“It would be perfect. Hunter would have his independence, but we’d be right here if he needed us. He’s ready, Brady.”
“I’ll make that decision if and when the time is right. It’s not right.” He stood and ran his hand over his hair. He felt trapped. “I need to go.”
“Go? What’s wrong? It’s okay. We don’t have to do it. It was just an idea.”
An idea that would continue to grow until it became a reality. While she might brush off the idea of moving Hunter in next door, she was thinking of Brady moving in with her. She was at that level and he wasn’t. No matter how much he might want it, he couldn’t just slip into a normal life.
He panicked.
Without being consciously aware, he was suddenly in his truck, driving away.
* * *
Zane gave the waitress a nod—the nod that meant he wanted a beer—and sat between Brady and Josh at the bar. Brady wasn’t looking so good as Josh went on with his story about how his daughter had made him a sandwich for lunch.
“It looked like a regular PB and J but when I bit in, there were M&Ms and a slice of bacon.” He tilted his head to the side and smiled. “It was actually really good.”
“I have a big problem,” Brady said out of nowhere.
“What’s up?” Zane automatically assumed it would have something to do with the trial.
“No offense, boss, but you’re not going to be able to help. You’re worse off than me.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “I thought maybe I was in love with Mick, but the second she mentioned moving in together, I turned into a pussy and ran off. I’ve faced down enemy fire, and the first time a woman shows serious interest in me, I practically pissed myself.”
Zane held up his hand. “I could use some help in this area too. I’m going to be making a move soon. Any pointers would be appreciated.”
Josh and Paul looked at one another for a second before bursting out in laughter. “Rookies,” Paul said.
“Pull up your panties, boys. Love isn’t for sissies,” Josh warned before going into a step-by-step tutorial on how to survive having feelings for someone.
By the time he got to childbirth, Brady was looking a little green, and Zane couldn’t blame him.
“The basic point he’s making,” Paul interrupted, “is that you can’t be afraid to just go for it and know the other person has your best interests at heart. If she’s the one for you, she’ll take special care of your heart. Always.”
Zane had no doubt that Kenley would take special care of his heart. He worried he wouldn’t be able to take care of hers. Especially while she faced her biggest fears—a courtroom and the man who had threatened her life. She would be depending on him, and he didn’t want to let her down.
* * *
It was July.
Kenley should have been enjoying the summer with Zane on his boat. She should have been picking out a dress for the reunion they were going to in a couple of weeks. But instead she was in the courthouse, getting ready to come face-to-face with the man who frequented her nightmares.
Dr. Fulmer had prepared her for this day, and Zane was with her. She was as ready as she would ever be to get this over with so she could truly put it behind her.
She was fine.
They walked into the courtroom hand in hand. Brady was already sitting toward the front so she and Zane went to sit next to him. Brady’s knees were bouncing, the only outward sign of his anxiety.
She glanced down at her dress pants and brushed off a piece of lint with a steady hand. She was completely fine, as she’d told Zane and everyone else since it had happened. But now, with Dr. Fulmer’s help, she felt it might actually be true.
Nothing had happened to her. The man had grabbed her arm and yelled at her. It was no big deal. Except she knew this was just the lie she’d told herself when she was trying to hide. She couldn’t hide anymore.
The door along the wall opened and a man was escorted into the room. At first she didn’t recognize him. He looked like a normal guy in a dress shirt and khakis. His hair wasn’t in wild disarray as it had been that afternoon. Her blood turned to ice water when she heard him speak to the man next to him. It was suddenly difficult to get air into her lungs.
When the bailiff said, “All rise for the honorable Judge Margaret Billows,” her legs wouldn’t move. All this time she’d thought she was fine.
She wasn’t fine at all.
* * *
When the scrawny man walked into the courtroom, it took every bit of control Zane had to stay seated next to Kenley and not fly over there to start whaling on him. Then he took a good look, and realized he still looked a little roughed up from the encounter with Brady. The man was on crutches, a cast running from his toes to his hip.
“I thought I remembered the sound of a femur snapping,” Brady said with a low chuckle. Zane had already given Brady a raise, which he’d tried to refuse since Zane had agreed to employ Hunter. Hiring Hunter hadn’t just been a favor to Brady. He did a good job and was a valued employee. Not to mention Kenley seemed to feel better when someone was in the office with her.
When the bailiff ordered everyone to rise, Zane moved to stand, but was weighed down by Kenley grasping his hand. She wasn’t standing, instead she was staring at the man on the opposite side of the room, panting and looking pale.
“Ken?” Brady said while motioning for her to stand. She didn’t move. It was as if she was frozen there.
With a nod to Brady they pulled her to her feet so she wouldn’t be in contempt of court. A serious-looking woman in a black robe came in and told everyone to be seated.
Kenley slumped back in her seat and blinked up at him.
“I can’t do this,” she whispered. “I have to go. I have to get out of here.” Her eyes were frantic, which made telling her she couldn’t leave almost unbearable.
“You have to stay. If you don’t he could be released without so much as a fine.” The district attorney had told them the man hadn’t taken a plea, because he didn’t have much to lose. He’d robbed a few other people and would be going to jail no matter what. He’d pleaded not guilty in the hopes of some miracle. Kenley not testifying would put him on the path to that miracle.
“But he—The gun—I couldn’t—”
“Shh.” He pried her fingers from his leg before she drew blood. The district attorney glanced over his shoulder and gave her an encouraging look, but she couldn’t have seen it with her gaze still fixated on the man who had hurt her. “Look at me.” He had to place his fingers on her chin and guide her face up to make her take her eyes off her attacker. He’d wanted her to be here for Brady’s testimony so she knew what to expect.
Her therapist suggested she be in the room before her testimony so she had time to adjust before having to go up on the stand.
“We only need to stay until you go up there and tell them what happened. Then we can leave. You’ll never have to see him again. I’ll be right here the whole time. He can’t hurt you. You can do this. I know you can.”
“… and our testimony will prove beyond a reasonable doubt that this man threatened the life of Ms. Carmichael. Had it not been for the heroic bravery of Lieutenant Brady Martin he might have killed her for a few hundred dollars. I assure you her life has more value than that. The defense will paint this man as a victim of his addiction, and that may well be. But Ms. Carmichael is the victim in this case and I ask you not to forget that.”
The district attorney wrapped up his opening remarks to the jury. While his words were true, and had a certain dramatic flair that might help get a conviction, Zane felt a need to protect Kenley from hearing them. And maybe himself.
He wasn’t foolish enough not to know what could have happened. It was obvious when you combined a desperate heroin addict and a loaded gun, the outcome could have been deadly if Brady hadn’t come in. But still, sitting there in the same room, hearing it spoken as fact while Kenley trembled beside him, he felt completely helpless.
“The defense calls Lieutenant Brady Martin to the stand to testify.”
“Christ,” Brady muttered as he squeezed out of the row. He patted Kenley on the shoulder before he walked to the front of the room. With his hand on a Bible he repeated the oath that assured everyone he would tell the truth.
The truth Zane wasn’t sure he wanted to hear.
Brady spoke about how he had originally planned to leave, but he’d decided to drop off the paperwork before leaving for the day.
“I heard shouting as I walked from the shop up to the door to the office. It was a man’s voice. I didn’t recognize it, so I stopped outside the door and only opened it enough to see into the lobby.”
“And what did you see?”
Brady swallowed and ran his hand over his hair.
“I saw that man with his arm across Kenley’s throat and a gun pressed against her temple.” Brady swallowed again and kept his eyes on the attorney.
“He was yelling at her to give him the money, and Kenley was telling him she didn’t have any money. He pulled her off her feet and told her he knew a man had come in with cash that morning. He called her a liar and said he was going to blow her brains out if she didn’t give him the money.”
Zane hadn’t known it was this bad. He’d heard the police report, but it sounded more clinical when not told with Brady’s personal experience. Zane looked at Kenley, who was sitting beside him with an eerie calm. A hint of anger stirred. Why hadn’t she just given him the money?
It wouldn’t have been any guarantee of safety. The man still could have shot her if she had given it to him, but still for her to put herself at risk rather than give up his money…
“And then what happened?” the attorney prompted when Brady didn’t continue on his own.
“I—I’m not exactly sure.”
“According to the eyewitness, you grabbed Mr. Grubb by the arm and dislocated his shoulder before pushing him to the ground and kicking him in the ribs. When he attempted to kick you away, you seized his leg and broke it with your elbow before choking him until he was unconscious.”
“I don’t recall,” Brady said.
“Are you saying you didn’t touch this man?” the judge asked.
“No, ma’am. I’m saying I don’t remember the details. When I realized what he was doing to Kenley, I kind of… snapped.”
“But you were able to call an ambulance.”
“That was after I calmed down.”
“And you assisted Ms. Carmichael until help arrived.”
Brady shrugged it off. “She was shook up, but didn’t seem injured. Except for the marks on her arm and temple.”
“Ladies and gentleman, a skilled marine doing what he was trained to do.”
Brady looked more and more uncomfortable as his testimony wore on. He seemed to be struggling to keep his language in check when the defense attorney painted him as a menace to society.
Eventually he was done and he took his seat next to Kenley again. Brady put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her over so he could kiss her head and whisper something in her ear.
She nodded and relaxed slightly. Until her name was called.
Kenley made no move to get up. His earlier anger had faded. He realized she hadn’t done anything different than what he would have done in her place. He couldn’t fault her for her determination and loyalty. They were two of the many traits he loved about her.
“You can do this,” Zane whispered. “You are the strongest person I know. Go up there and keep your eyes on me. Don’t look at anyone else but me, okay?” She nodded and stood.
While she was being sworn in, Zane leaned over to Brady.
“What did you say to her?”
“I told her Mr. Grubb was too busted up to hurt her, and if he tried, I’d be more than happy to break a few more of his bones.”
Zane watched as she sat in the same seat Brady had just vacated. She looked so small. Her gaze was on him the whole time she told her story. He’d heard it already, but it affected him the same way. He felt utterly helpless.
He worked to make sure he didn’t show his anger, since she was watching him. He needed to be strong on the outside, even if he was falling to pieces on the inside.