Chapter 34
Avidya
Becoming aware of my surroundings, I noticed my arms were no longer tied above my head, nor was I alone. I could feel someone laying underneath me as my head rested on a moving body part. I assumed it was a chest, but wasn’t entirely positive as I refused to open my eyes.
I’m not sure what happened, as the last thing I could remember was coming apart at the seams as Zachariah pulled me deeper into his lifestyle. Now, I felt content just laying here as I breathed lightly in and out. I never wanted to move; never wanted to wake up and face whatever would come at us next.
I could die here and be happy knowing that everything had felt complete in my life for once. It wasn’t something that happened all that often.
It was hard to tell what was real and what wasn’t. But I did know for a fact that the body I was using as my personal pillow was very much real as the chest moved up and down as he took in slow, deep breaths.
I was sure it was Zachariah as I regained my senses. His scent, along with the few chest hairs, tickled my nose.
I couldn’t help but groan out as feeling began to slowly come back to my limbs. It was a mix between floating and being asleep. A strange combination.
What the Hell happened?
“It’s okay,” Zachariah mumbled as he ran a hand down my naked back. “Take your time to come back to earth. I got you, Kitten.”
I hummed, liking that idea. All my worry melted away at the sound of his voice.
I fought to open my eyes, noticing that the room was slightly brighter than I recalled. The sun was starting to rise, shining in through the curtains.
I don’t know how long I lay there, letting everything come back to me slowly. I let my mind wander over what had happened during the night, and how I couldn’t remember how I ended up atop my husband.
“Hey there,” Zachariah greeted me as I moved my eyes to meet his. At that small movement, my body became aware of just how sore I was from head to toe. How long had I been tied up at his mercy? Why was I so sore from that, anyhow? “Welcome back.”
I blinked at him. My brain was slow to register his words.
“How do you feel this morning?” he asked. His hand still ran up and down my back, keeping me calm by touch alone.
“Sore,” I whispered out. “Thirsty, too.”
“Can you sit up?” he asked. “I have water for you.”
With a groan, I pushed myself up. Every single muscle cried out in pain as I moved. But at the same time, the pain felt good.
How was that possible?
“Drink,” he ordered, handing me a bottle of water. I was still dazed as he moved around. My head felt light, like I was up in the air while part of my body was down here on this bed.
I gladly took it from his hand, although he didn’t remove his own hand wrapped around it. It was good as my own hand hardly wanted to work.
A small drop of water escaped my parted lips as I drank the cold water, soothing my parched throat. It felt as though I hadn’t had a drop to drink for days.
“Better?” he asked as I lightly pushed his hand away.
I nodded my head slowly. I felt so many things all at once, yet nothing at all.
“Come here, Avidya,” Zachariah said, his voice soothing and soft as though if he said the wrong thing I could freak out.
Would I freak out? What was going on?
He pulled me to him, his back leaning against the headboard. I couldn’t help but lean into him, soaking up his warmth and scent. In his arms, I was content and wanted to be nowhere else.
“How sore are you?” Zachariah asked out.
“Sore,” I muttered out. My thoughts were fuzzy. I felt fuzzy.
“I rubbed you down with lavender lotion, but I’m sure you will be sore for a day or two,” he explained. “Do you remember what happened?”
I shrugged, not entirely wanting to think, even though I knew I should.
“Let me guess, your thoughts are fuzzy?” he asked.
“Hmmm,” I hummed, nodding my head in answer.
“That’s to be expected when you are in subspace,” he mumbled to me. “Try to listen, alright.”
“Kay,” I sighed out, letting my eyes slide closed. It took too much work to keep them opened.
“What you are currently feeling is what is called subspace. It’s different for everyone, and no one that I know has gone into subspace so quickly,” he began. “Everyone can feel the effects differently. It’s like being between asleep and awake. You can feel everything to nothing at all.
“Normally, subspace is brought on with too much stamina in pain and pleasure. Sometimes, subs would be out of control and not able to tell when is too much. They are still awake, but unable to tell their Dom if it’s too much. Some subs are very vocal about wanting more, even if their body can’t handle it. In most cases, they will beg for more pain until they bleed, and even then they want more.
“It’s the Dom’s responsibility to know when a sub has had enough of anything when subspace comes along. I don’t ever try to force such emotions, because it can be scary if you have no idea what to expect. I didn’t plan for you, of all people, to tumble into it. It’s not a common occurrence, so I am surprised on how you reacted to so much stamina.
“You ended up passing out from the emotions of everything, which wasn’t what I was expecting. Actually, I wasn’t expecting any form of subspace, or subdrop, from you. I didn’t think you’d go so far, but again, you surprised me.”
He paused, letting the words soak in as I tried to understand them.
“You will most likely feel out of sorts for hours, possibly up to days. Like I said, every sub responds differently. I have no idea how you will, or how long and each time will be different, too.
“So, for today, we will just be lazy. I will make you eat and drink, but it’ll be whatever you want to do, within reason.”
“Okay,” I yawned out. “Why?”
“Why did you go into subspace?” he asked, making sure he was clear on my question. I nodded, too tired to do more. “I think the combination of being tied like you were, and the way I used your body caused it. You are more sensitive to stimuli it seems. I’ll just have to tread a bit lighter next time. I’ll have you tied to the bed is all,” he answered. The last bit was said more to himself than to me.
“For your safety, I’m not going to hardly leave your sight,” he went on. His voice alone nearly lured be back to sleep. “Go back to sleep, Kitten,” he laughed lightly, knowing I was fighting doing just that.
I wondered how he could know me so well before darkness fell over me again.
Chapter 35
Avidya
Dear Avidya,
I hope you are well. I’m…okay.
Travis won’t give up. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not. But he is one determined man. He seems extremely adamant about us meeting.
I don’t know if that would be a wise choice on either of our parts. Not with where I am mentally. But in truth, I’d never be ready to see you face to face. I can’t fathom how you must feel about me. I gave you up before you could ever decide on your own. If I were you, I would hate me. Why would a mother willingly give up their child to save themselves?
Travis says you are well, which is good.
I don’t really know what to say here, as you can probably tell. My doc thinks meeting with you would be good, too.
I won’t meet the man you married. I can’t see him, as I have to keep my promise to the two men that helped get me somewhere safe. I can’t put the risk of saying something that would give away any involvement of someone he may or may not know.
It’s enough of a risk just to see you, but Travis says you will be in danger either way. It’s a shame that Aaron will not stop till he gets what he wants.
First, he wanted me, now he wants you. He wanted me dead because I had a child, one of which I gave away. Now, I’m sure he wants you because you are his heir, one of which will bring in money. I have no idea how he’d use you for money, but he would in any way he possibly could. He doesn’t want you dead anymore. He wants you alive and breathing.
So, for now, I’ll see you, but don’t expect anything out of me. I have no idea how drugged up I will be when you visit. So, I must apologize in advance for how I act, or what I say. If I still am alive by then.
~Racheal
I read the letter once. Twice. A third time. My biological mother’s thought process was a bit chaotic, but apparently normal for her, according to Travis anyhow.
“She doesn’t really want to see me,” I mused, looking up at Travis as he lounged on the couch, a soda in one hand.
“She does,” he said. “She’s scared. Seeing someone you know but haven’t seen since they were small can be frightening. I felt the same way when I tracked down that bastard.”
“Yeah, well, Aaron doesn’t want you dead,” I huffed out.
“But he wants you alive, no?” Travis replied in question. “Just because he’s after you doesn’t mean he wants you dead.”
“What would he want with me? Actually, don’t answer that,” I said, holding my hand up.
My body was still slightly sore from the last couple of days. Yesterday was an extremely lazy day, and I didn’t mind one bit. I did feel lighter, freer in a way. It was amazing how such things could make someone feel like they floated on a cloud without any worries. At the same time, it was a bit scary, not sure with what was real and what wasn’t.
“Will you meet her?” Travis asked after a moment.
“I guess so,” I sighed out. “At least to see her once in my life.”
“It’ll be worth it, though,” Travis said. “If we land on a good day for her.”
“How often do you bug her?” I asked, not sure if I wanted to know that answer either.
“Once a week or so,” he shrugged out. “But she doesn’t want to see Zach, which I promised to make sure of.”
“I don’t want to go without him,” I stated, looking at Travis as he sat on the couch.
“He can tag along,” Travis said, waving away the concern. “Just can’t go into the group room.”
“Okay,” I said, refolding the letter and placing it on the coffee table before leaning back against the chair.
“When will Zach be back anyhow?” he sighed out, almost in a gloom.
“An hour or two. Something having to do with overseeing a shipment,” I shrugged out this time.
Zachariah didn’t want to leave, but since Melio took Toby to counseling today to hopefully help get over his fear of men, he had no choice. He didn’t want to leave me alone, which was probably a good thing. I still felt out of sorts from our session just two days ago.
I wasn’t sure how long it would last, but I afraid of what would happen when it did. Maybe I feared what was to come because Zachariah wasn’t here holding me.
I missed his arms, his voice, and his touch. I just missed all of him.
“Ah, yeah, he did say something like that,” Travis said.
“Alright, what’s up with you?” I asked.
“Kenna keeps teasing me,” he grunted out. “We have a session planned tonight, and won’t let me do anything about…well, you get the idea.”
I couldn’t help but bark out a laugh. A laugh that was deep in my chest at his predicament.
“It’s not funny,” he grumbled out.
“But it so is!” I laughed out. “Nothing ever seems to bother you, but this one thing.”
“I bet you’d be the same way if Zach could actually keep his hands off of you long enough,” he bit back.
“I’m too appealing for him to do that to me,” I laughed at him.
“Whatever,” he grunted out.
“Well, I’m going to go take a shower while you mope,” I stated, standing up slowly. This morning right after breakfast, I had stood up too fast and had become light headed. I blamed it on the after effects of subspace.
“Alright,” Travis said, watching me closely as I stood.
With my brother knowing about BDSM, subspace, and everything in between, Zachariah had called him before leaving to deal with work shipments. There was no one else that was able to know the signs if I happened to subdrop. I didn’t entirely want to know if Travis had been in such a state.
I gave him a small smile before making my way up the stairs, one step at a time. I was more tired physically than anything else. My legs felt like I had run a marathon, and my shoulders were a little achy. That part, I did know was normal with being tied to a bed and spread open.
I started the water, letting the bathroom heat up before walking to the closet to get some clothes out of the closet. I yawned, fighting the fatigue. I hoped that taking a shower would help wake me up.
I quickly washed my hair and let the warm water run over my sore muscles. The warmth was almost too much to handle, yet not enough.
I wondered what was going on with me. It couldn’t just be simple after effects, but I didn’t want to draw attention to it if it was nothing more.
As my stomach began to turn, I shut the water off and wrapped a towel around my body before doing the same thing with my hair.
For over a week I had felt a little off here and there, but nothing that I couldn’t handle. Just a normal winter bug. Given, it was late winter now as time flew by. I couldn’t believe that Christmas was a little over five weeks away already.
Feeling bile rise in my throat, I made it just in time to the toilet, spilling the contents of my stomach. My back arched with each gag, purging everything out that I had possibly in me.
Panting, I plopped onto my butt, catching my breath. I reached over, flushing the toilet. I sat there for a moment, catching my breath and making sure my stomach was done twisting on itself.
I felt better now at least.
On shaky legs, I stood and washed my hands and face before turning to get dressed and brushing out my hair.
Looking in the mirror, although my face was paler than normal, I had a light to my green eyes. I felt alive here, more than I ever thought possible. My wet hair was nearly brown as it lay against my back, dripping down my shirt.
A knock on the door startled me, and I quickly turned around, wide-eyed.
“Just checking on you,” Travis said, his look filled with worry as he looked me over. “You okay?”
“Fine,” I mumbled out.
“Zach should be back in about twenty minutes or so,” he said, holding up his phone, indicating that he talked to him. “How about we go watch some TV?”
“Okay,” I yawned. I covered my mouth as I yawned, my eyes watering at the force.
“Or maybe take a nap,” he hinted.
“Zach won’t like you in here watching me sleep,” I laughed. “I can fall asleep on the couch just fine, I’m sure.”
I was pretty dang sure that I would fall asleep. It wouldn’t take much at the moment.
“You’re right,” he laughed out. “I’ll try to not be such a grump at least, alright.”
“Sounds good,” I said, giving him a small smile as I followed him out of the bedroom and back downstairs.