Chapter 41
Avidya
Standing up on weak legs after flushing the toilet, I couldn’t help but groan out. Now that my stomach wasn’t in knots, I felt like I was starving.
Exiting the stall, I ran smack into the one and only Kenna. She quickly steadied me with a small, mumbled apology.
“It’s okay,” I muttered out, blushing.
How long had she been in here? Did I even really want to know?
“You okay?” she asked me, stepping back so I could pass her to the sink.
“Peachy,” I said, giving her a false smile as I turned to the sink to wash my hands.
“Avidya,” she said, lowering her voice.
I knew that tone. With it coming from her, my shoulders sagged and I hung my head. Tears of shame, embarrassment, and loss clouded my vision.
“Oh, honey,” she soothed, pulling me into a hug.
At her touch, at her soothing hold, I couldn’t help but burst into tears. I wasn’t even sure why, if you would have asked. I just felt so overwhelmed all of a sudden.
I hated feeling like this. I hated crying. I never cried over simple things before now. Was being with Zachariah the reason? Was he possibly bringing out my crazy feelings with everything that we were doing? Was it just too much for me to handle?
After a few moments, I was able to get my emotions under control. Sniffing, I pulled out of Kenna’s hold, giving her a watery smile.
“Here,” she said, handing me a washrag that she grabbed from under the sink.
“Thanks,” I said, taking it from her and wetting it down.
After washing my face off, she handed me a mint, which I quickly slipped into my mouth. Looking in the mirror, my eyes were red from crying and my face pale.
“What’s wrong with me?” I asked to my reflection.
“Let me ask you this,” Kenna said, leaning against the countertop and looking at me knowingly. “When did you have your depo shot last?”
I scrunched my eyes in thought. What did that have anything to do with my question?
“I can’t remember,” I answer after a moment. I really couldn’t.
“Figured as much,” she said. “How long have you felt sick?”
“Off and on for a few weeks,” I shrugged. “But I haven’t gotten sick like that since I had the flu a couple of years ago.”
“Travis said you threw up when he was looking after you,” Kenna said, giving me that look that said I wouldn’t get away with lying.
Stupid idiot! I thought. Couldn’t Travis keep his mouth closed?
“Yeah,” I said, dropping my eyes. “I thought it was normal.”
“I have not met a sub that has thrown up when in subspace,” Kenna said. “But I wouldn’t rule it out. Except for the fact that I’m pretty sure you are pregnant.”
“I can’t be,” I nearly shouted, quickly looking at her in panic.
“Avidya, honey,” she said, turning and laying her hands on my shoulders. “I hate to say it, but you are.”
“No,” I said, horror consuming me as I shook my head back and forth. “Please, he’ll…”
“He’ll what?” Kenna asked. “What do you think Zach would do if he knew?”
I looked up at her helplessly. She knew without a doubt the answer to that question as much as I did. She had to know.
“I’d have you come in for a blood test tomorrow to confirm, but I won’t be in. Travis tends to need my attention after a session when I draw it out like I have this week. Anyhow, I’ll bring you a test and we’ll go from there, okay?” she rambled on. “If I’m right, I’ll make sure that Zach won’t do anything you don’t want to do.”
“Okay,” I sniffed, hoping beyond hope that she would be able to hold that promise.
“Let’s get back out there before our boys come searching for us,” she said, giving me a smile of encouragement.
“Sure,” I said, taking a deep breath. Hopefully, I would be able to hold it together as my mind swam with defeat.
I followed Kenna out of the bathroom, my head down to hide my eyes. I knew that if Zachariah saw me right now, he’d demand to know what was wrong. I wasn’t up to telling him. I couldn’t.
Taking my seat, I picked up a French fry, stuffing into my mouth. I really was starving now that I felt slightly better.
“Everything okay?” Zachariah asked, looking at me. His voice was filled with concern.
“Perfectly fine,” Kenna stated. “Just girl talk.”
“Avidya?” he asked, using his finger to lift my chin. I saw his eyes tighten in concern as he looked me over.
“I’m fine,” I lied but willing him to see that I wasn’t lying to him.
“Girl issues,” Kenna said. “Unless you want to know about her cramps at the dinner table.”
“That doesn’t bother me,” Zachariah stated, glancing at Kenna. “If you are in pain, we can go.”
“I’m fine right now,” I said, giving him a small smile.
“Alright,” he said, dropping his hand, but still looking at me as though he knew something was up.
Darn him for being able to read me so well.
“We’ll talk when we get home, then,” he stated in a demand.
I nodded. Hopefully, he’d forget by then.
Before I knew it, I had finished off the fries. I was afraid to try to sandwich again since the first few bites hadn’t agreed with me. Getting away with throwing up once today was probably the only time I’d get to do so. At least since Zachariah’s eyes watched me like a hawk every time I moved.
“When is the next Open Night here?” Kenna asked out.
“Not till the end of next year,” Zachariah asked.
“Maybe Avidya will join next time,” Travis said. “It’s not too bad. I think you’d really enjoy it.”
“We’ll see,” I said. I had no plans to be joining that. Not with how emotional I was currently.
“So, Zach, I do have a question for you,” Kenna asked, giving her full attention to my husband. Although I could see Travis grit his teeth, so I assumed that she was doing something to him underneath the table.
Yeah, I didn’t want to know.
“Go on,” Zachariah said before taking a sip of his drink.
“It’s out of curiosity on my part only,” Kenna said. “So please don’t blow up.”
“Uh,” Travis muttered before letting his shoulders relax.
“I’m listening,” Zach said, ignoring my brother. I was looking anywhere but at Travis. I was afraid to see what he looked like being turned on. Yeah, I was good at just staring at my plate.
“What would you do if a girl was to get pregnant and the Dom didn’t want anything to do with it? Given, it would be the Dom’s entire responsibility to make sure he has a condom on but if it broke, or the sub just wants to use him as a way to get money to support the child,” Kenna said.
“As I require all Doms and subs in this establishment to use protection, I would not be the person that would take care of that issue. That would be between the Dom and his sub. Or vice versa,” Zachariah answered. “What brings this up?”
“I was just wondering. I was thinking about making this thing between Travis and I something more,” Kenna said.
“I’m gonna marry her,” Travis said with a pleased smile.
I looked up at him, switching my eyes back and forth between the two.
“Are you telling me you are pregnant?” Zach asked, but not entirely surprised.
“Oh, heavens no!” Kenna laughed. “Maybe in a few years. Don’t get me wrong, I want a child, but not yet. I’d hate to hide my sex life from a child. I don’t want to be like my parents and do it wherever. A child doesn’t need to see that.”
“Well, then why did you bring it up?” Zach asked, confused.
“Okay, it was my idea,” Travis said before grunting out as he shifted in his seat. He cut his eyes hotly to his Mistress, who only gave him a look to make him stay still. He then returned his eyes back to Zachariah. “What would you really do if Vidie was to get pregnant?”
“Other than it not happening at all,” Zach said, leaning back in his chair and placing his hand on my knee. “She’s on birth control and will be until we are old and gray.”
“But say if it did happen?” Travis asked out. “Woman.”
“What’s the matter?” Kenna asked, cocking her head to the side as she looked at Travis.
Travis simply groaned out, letting his head drop to his chest in reply.
I giggled at them. It was amusing to see my brother, who had never seemed to be bothered by much, be acting like a boy who was itching from the inside out to do something. I did have to wonder how these two were like on a normal daily basis.
“They are always like this, but ten times worse,” Zachariah said to me.
“I tried to keep it low-key,” Kenna shrugged, but not sorry for doing so. “But I can’t keep my hands off of him.”
“My question?” Travis said, lifting his head back up as Kenna took her hand away with a knowing smirk and wink my way.
I wondered if she had put my brother up to asking this. At least it was better coming from him than me on any day.
“If she happened to,” Zachariah said slowly. His hand on my knee flexed tighter in a way that sent a pull to my core. “I’d have her get an abortion.” The words were flat as they came out of his mouth.
“But wouldn’t that be her choice?” Kenna asked, shooting me a look as my face paled.
It was as I feared.
“Not when it comes to that,” Zachariah stated out in a demand.
“What about adoption?” Kenna compromised.
“No,” Zachariah said. His voice said to drop the subject, but Kenna apparently didn’t care.
“What if she wants the child, and would do anything to make sure she kept it? What if abortion is against her views?” Kenna spouted off.
“Kenna,” Zachariah growled out.
“Would it be worth it for her to hate you?” she asked. “Because certainly if she was to get pregnant, and you forced to her abort the baby, she’d hate you. I’d hate you.”
Having enough, I knew what my options were. I knew what had to be done if she was right.
“Red,” I called out as tears gathered in my eyes. I couldn’t sit here and listen to them argue back and forth.
I refused to sit here and let them talk about me as if I wasn’t even here. As if I wasn’t human and had my choices.
So, I called the word that would put a stop to all of it.