Ryder had prepared himself for Jane to admit she had only slept with him in order to steal Novateur’s designs.
He’d been prepared for her to deny all the accusations against her.
Prepared to hear that she hadn’t given him another thought since that night.
In the eventuality of seeing Jane again, he’d prepared himself to hear many things.
Hearing that he was a father was not one of them.
In all these months, the possibility hadn’t even occurred to him once.
Displaying a calm he didn’t feel inside, he asked, “You had a baby?”
Less angry than she’d been a minute ago, she moved away from the door and stepped closer to him. “Yes. Maddox. He’s three months old now. His birthday was on August fourteenth.”
Three months.
Three months ago his son had been born and he hadn’t even known.
Ryder might not have wanted a child, but rather than panicking at Jane’s proclamation, he swelled with pride.
He had a son.
Unless…
Ryder hated that it had to be asked, but he’d be a fool if he didn’t. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re sure he’s mine?”
He had to give her credit. Jane didn’t so much as flinch.
Instead, she held his gaze, head-on. “I was a virgin before that night,” she said quietly. “And I haven’t been with anyone since.”
A virgin?
He recalled all the ways he’d debauched her in Mackinac—and tonight—and his stomach bottomed out as if he’d just dropped from a ten-story building. Although he’d known she didn’t have much experience, he had dismissed the possibility that she was a virgin. For some reason, the fact that she had been one hit him almost as hard as learning about Maddox.
When she’d fallen asleep that night, he’d gone into the bathroom and brought back a towel to dry the sweat off her skin and a warm, wet washcloth to clean the stickiness between her thighs. Because he had taken her hard and long, it hadn’t surprised him to see a little blood. “A…virgin? Why didn’t you say anything?”
Knowing that he’d been her first gave him some sort of sick satisfaction. But fuck…at the same time, he was filled with guilt. If he’d been aware she was a virgin, he would’ve used extra care.
“I didn’t want you to treat me differently,” she insisted. “I didn’t want you to change your mind.”
The only way he would’ve walked away from her that night would have been if she had asked him to.
He strode to her, gathering her into his arms, then stroked the soft skin of her neck. “You deserved better than what I gave you.”
Loving caresses instead of spankings. Candles instead of the harsh hotel lighting. Champagne instead of vodka. Whispered murmurings instead of crude dirty talk. Rose petals instead of restraints. He would’ve ensured her comfort rather than ramming himself into her like an animal.
Her hand went to his chest. “You gave me my first real orgasm. You made me feel desirable for the first time in my life. And most importantly, you gave me my son. I don’t regret one thing from that night.”
He wished he could say the same. While he’d never regret their night or that Maddox had been conceived, he regretted not having been more responsible. It was his fault she’d gotten pregnant. Blame it on his eagerness, but he shouldn’t have used that condom knowing it was possibly dried out.
“Except…,” she added, her hand now rubbing circles over his heart, “I wish I’d had the guts to stay the night.”
Jane amazed him. Rather than railing against him for his actions, she was apologizing for hers.
“If you really didn’t steal the designs, why did you leave?” he asked.
“I couldn’t sleep. There were too many thoughts racing through my mind. I wasn’t sure what the etiquette was or whether you expected me to stay the night. I went into the bathroom to get dressed when I heard you answer your cell phone. It was a woman you called Isabella. I figured…” She looked down and shrugged. “I left while you were still on the call.”
He’d been sleeping soundly when his cell had awakened him. It wasn’t until after he hung up that he realized Jane wasn’t sleeping beside him. “Isabella is my friend Tristan’s fiancée.” Had Jane honestly believed he’d been cheating on someone with her? No wonder she’d asked him earlier if he had a girlfriend or a wife. “You thought she was my—”
“I didn’t know,” she said. “But I didn’t want to stick around and find out. So I left.”
As disappointed as he’d been to discover she’d left, he couldn’t blame her for her actions. He hadn’t asked her to stay the night before he’d fallen asleep or made any promises for the future. Coupled with him answering a call from a woman in the middle of the night, her decision to leave made sense.
He played with the ends of her curls, loving how they sprang back when he tugged on them. “Is that why you didn’t tell me you were pregnant?”
She shook her head vehemently. “No. I wouldn’t do that. As soon as the doctor confirmed my pregnancy, I tried to find you. I called the conference association but they didn’t have any record of you.”
What a mess.
If only he’d known before he’d gotten on the last boat leaving Mackinac Island that night that there would be no way to find Jane, he would’ve asked for her phone number before he took her to his bed.
“Tristan was the one who originally registered for the conference,” he explained. “I went in his place.”
“So do you believe me?” she asked.
“Believe you didn’t steal my designs or believe that I’m Maddox’s father?”
She shrugged. “Either. Both.”
He didn’t know who had accessed his computer to steal his designs.
But he knew in his heart it wasn’t Jane.
As for Maddox’s parentage, nothing about this woman suggested she was lying to him.
“I believe you,” he said, pressing his lips to hers.
So much had happened tonight, first finding out Jane was Ciara’s daughter and then that she had his child.
He’d had a baby with his stepniece.
Not exactly forbidden, but it would definitely raise some eyebrows.
Maddox was the descendent of two of the wealthiest men in the state. Most would think it a blessing, but Ryder knew otherwise.
At least for now Jane seemed to have a limited relationship with her grandfather, Ian Sinclair, but she was already close to Keane.
Was that why he’d given her the promotion? Had he somehow figured out Maddox was his grandson?
He stepped back and gripped her shoulders. “Is it possible Keane knows I’m Maddox’s father?”
“I never mentioned your name.” Excitement lit up her expression as she processed the implication. “Oh my God. Keane is Maddox’s grandfather. He’s going to be thrilled.”
“You can’t tell him,” he said a bit too harshly.
Her brows wrinkled in confusion. “What? Why not?”
Why not, indeed?
Maddox was Ryder’s son. The child deserved his birthright.
And yet…
There were ramifications to being a McKay. Ryder had grown up knowing bloodstained money bought the clothes on his back and the food in his mouth. There was nothing Keane wouldn’t do to get what he wanted.
Bribe political officials, blackmail opposition, intimidate business owners in the form of broken bones…
Even murder.
If Keane found out that Maddox was his heir, he’d do everything in his power to exert his influence over Maddox’s life. And Jane would allow it. Because it was apparent that she had no idea what kind of evil Keane was capable of.
Keane could turn Maddox into what Ryder himself had feared becoming.
A monster just like Keane.
“I meant to say not yet.” He cupped her face in his hands. “Just give me some time before you tell anyone.”
Soft Jane melted away and ballbuster Jane returned with a vengeance. With both hands, she pushed him backward and folded her arms, her eyes narrowed into slits again. “Right, you need time,” she said, her tone positively glacial. “If you don’t want anything to do with us, I can make it on my own.”
Not want anything to do with them? He was already having flashes of moving her and Maddox into his house.
“I don’t doubt that you can make it on your own,” he said. “But you don’t have to. Please, just give me a few days before you tell Keane that I’m Maddox’s father.”
Jane pressed her lips together and nodded. She retrieved her clutch and opened it before pulling out a card and handing it to him. “This has my cell number on it. If you’d like to meet Maddox, let me know.” She strode to the door and with her back turned to him added, “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for Maddox. Right now, he’s only three months. Too young to know what it’s like to have a father. I don’t want him to know you—to trust that you’ll be there for him—only to have you change your mind and leave. If you think there’s any chance of that happening, I’ll have an attorney draw up the relinquishment of parental rights paperwork for you.”
“I get it,” he said, swallowing the lump in his throat.
“That’s the thing,” she said quietly, not turning around to look at him. “You don’t. Until you’re a parent, you can’t understand.”
She’s wrong.
He did understand. More than he could say. Ryder’s stomach churned as it occurred to him it was possible the best thing he could do for Maddox and Jane was to stay out of their lives.
A good parent would sacrifice anything to keep their child safe.
Even give them up.
Which was why when Jane walked through that door and out of his life again…
He let her go.