Downstairs,” Ryder said, parroting her words. He swallowed thickly. “You mean you want to see my playroom.”
If Jane wasn’t so serious, she would’ve laughed at Ryder’s shocked expression. And honestly, she’d surprised herself. But after witnessing Tristan with Isabella in the hospital waiting room, she wondered if his ability to soothe her was more attributable to him being her Dominant than her fiancé. And it had led Jane into thinking about some of the things Dreama had told her about Domination and submission and why she practiced it.
Dreama had explained that giving up control helped release everything she’d kept bottled up inside of her. She’d also told Jane there was no one right way to practice BDSM as long as the participants followed the safe, sane, and consensual creed (Dreama had also mentioned something about RACK, but Jane couldn’t remember what that meant), and that everyone had their own reasons for being in the lifestyle.
Ryder had claimed he wasn’t a Dominant and that for him it was solely about sex and fun. Well, tonight she wanted to challenge that statement.
“Not just to see it,” Jane said, curling her hand around his neck. “I want to use it. I can’t stop thinking about Dreama lying there broken and alone. I don’t want to think about it anymore. Can you help me forget? Just for a little while?”
He tucked her hair behind her ear and cupped her face in his hands. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. I’ve never been surer of anything in my whole life.”
He snagged the baby monitor off the table and slipped his arm around her waist. She should’ve felt something—nervous, excited, horny, but instead, she remained numb and detached from her own body. She wanted to stop thinking and feel. Pleasure. Pain. She wanted it all. And she wanted Ryder to give it to her.
His house had surprised her. It wasn’t the kind of place she would’ve thought he would own. This was a family’s home. She’d cut through the neighborhood a few times to avoid construction on the main road, and there were always kids riding their bikes or playing ball out on the lawn. There was even a park in the middle of the neighborhood.
But it was the inside of his house that had really thrown her for a loop. She’d assumed he’d have the typical bachelor pad. Black leather couch, glass coffee table, large-screen TV. Instead, it was so…homey. Not a television in sight. Lots of bright pictures on the wall, a burgundy couch, plants in well-placed spots.
“Your home is beautiful. Did you decorate it yourself?”
His brows rose. “Is that your not-so-subtle way of asking if I had a woman’s help? Maybe an ex-girlfriend?”
“No.” Who am I kidding? “Okay, yes.”
He smiled as if her answer pleased him. “All me. I grew up in a cold, sterile home. So I made it the opposite. I’m glad you like it.” He brushed his hand over her hip. “And, Jane? I’ve never had a real girlfriend. Not until you.” She closed her eyes, allowing his admission to wash over her. In her head, she knew before tonight those words would have thrilled her. But the connection between her head and heart was severed.
He led her past the kitchen to a set of stairs that led to the basement.
“I didn’t believe you,” Jane said as she took in the space Ryder called his playroom.
While upstairs was perfect for a family, downstairs was definitely adults-only. Silly her. For some reason, she’d envisioned white walls, unfinished floors, maybe a couple of floggers and ropes lying around.
She was so naïve. Even though he’d admitted to having parties at his home, how could she have known he’d stocked his basement with enough equipment to keep dozens of people entertained?
He’d painted the walls a dark blue, which should have made the room look smaller, but with the off-white faux stone floor, it seemed larger than the entire first floor upstairs. Hanging on the walls were floggers, whips, paddles, and other “toys” she didn’t recognize. But it was the rest of the room that had her jaw dropping. There were benches, tall X-shaped pieces, a weird-looking chair with a hole on the seat, and a steel frame with a swing attached to it. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what they were all used for.
It was like a kinky amusement park.
And she was about to go for a ride.
She couldn’t wait.
She walked over to where he hung his floggers and ran her hands down the length of the buttery leather handles and then played with the ends, surprised by their softness.
How could something so soft cause pain?
Did she want to find out?
Ryder’s eyes burned with heat as he watched her touch the toys on the wall. Was she imagining him using them on her? Which one was his favorite?
“Most people bring their own personal equipment with them to the play parties, but I like to keep a few on hand in case anybody gets an itch to try something new,” he offered, his voice deeper than usual.
She turned to him. Her heart was beating so quickly she felt it as a tremor throughout her entire body. “Now that we’re down here, what do you want to do to me?”
He grabbed her hips and slammed her up against the wall. A flogger fell to the floor with a thud. His hard body caged her in as if she were an animal in need of taming, when in actuality, he was the wild prey.
Only he could never be caged.
His teeth grazed the side of her neck. “What do I want to do? I want to take care of you. Tonight is about what you need. And what I can give you. I’m going to push you farther than you ever thought you could possibly go. Tonight, in this room…I own you.”
“Own me? You can’t own me,” she said, purposefully challenging him when in truth, there was nothing she wanted more.
This was what she needed.
To be fucked.
Dominated.
Consumed.
Until all the day’s memories washed away like the shore at high tide.
He bit into the skin of her neck and growled. “You’re wrong. I can own you. And you know how I know that, sweet Jane? It’s because you already own me. You have since the moment I first saw you.”
Pressure built in her core and her clitoris throbbed in time with her racing heart.
And she was wet.
So wet, she could actually feel it coating her inner thighs.
The need to come overwhelmed her. Seeking relief, she couldn’t stop herself from grinding her pelvis against him.
He laughed as he took a step back, depriving her of the friction she so desperately craved. He gripped her wrists and raised her arms over her head. “Now tell me. Who owns you?”
She swallowed, catching her breath. “You do, Ryder.”
“Damn right I do. I’m your body’s master. The man who holds your power in his hands. Who tells you when and if you are allowed to come. Who chooses whether to give you pleasure or pain.” He rested his forehead against hers. “The only thing you have to do is surrender…and feel.”
Her head was swimming.
All her emotions were there, right under the surface of her skin, just waiting to be exposed. The fear of submission. The excitement of the unknown. The exhilaration of knowing how much she meant to him. But Ryder’s words and the promises they held weren’t enough to release her emotions from their prison.
She needed more.
He was right.
She had to surrender to him.
She let her body go slack, no longer struggling against him. “Please.”
“Mine.” A rumble vibrated from his chest. “All fucking mine.”
His lips covered hers, stealing her breath and her sanity. Arms overhead, body trapped, she relinquished her power and truly put herself in his care. There was nothing soft about this kiss. His mouth demanded rather than cajoled. Compelled rather than offered. He alone had control, leaving her with nothing to do but feel.
She felt as though she was both spinning and floating at the same time. If his body hadn’t been pressed against hers, she was certain she would have crumbled to the floor.
He tore his mouth from hers and whirled her around so that she faced the wall. “Your safe word is red. Don’t hold back if you need to use it.” He reached around her torso and with a hard tug, tore open her blouse. Buttons scattered. “Clothes off.”
He didn’t give her the chance to undress herself before the blouse was sliding down her shoulders, baring her naked back to him. The rough stubble on his face abraded the length of her spine as he sank to his knees and quickly removed her pants so that she stood in front of him wearing nothing but her panties.
She looked over her shoulder at him. “I would have worn sexier underwear if I’d known you were going to rip my clothes off of me.”
He cupped her ass in his hands and kneaded it like it was clay. “You underestimate the power of plain white cotton. It’s sexy as fuck. At least on your ass. But they’re in my way.” In one deft motion, he whipped her panties down her legs.
Cool air drifted over her exposed skin.
A quick nip to her butt cheek and he was up on his feet, his arm banded around her chest. He marched her over to the unusual chair and pushed her onto it. Made of dark wood, the chair was padded with black leather both on the thin panel that supported her back and on the seat. It wasn’t uncomfortable per se, but it wasn’t exactly a chair she’d offer to a guest. Especially since there was a hole in the seat. Still, she had no idea what he could possibly do to her while she was sitting with her legs together.
Eyes dark as twilight, he circled around the chair as if he was wondering what to do with her. He didn’t fool her for a second.
He’d known exactly what he planned to do before he’d forced her into the chair.
She startled at the sudden jostle of the chair. From behind her, Ryder seized one arm of it and lifted it to shoulder level. Leather wrapped around her biceps, securing her to a horizontal piece of padded wood. After Ryder repeated the action with the other arm, he kneeled on the floor in front of her, where he bound her ankles to the front of the chair’s legs.
Looming over her, he licked his lips. Her gaze dropped to the large bulge in the placket of his pants. She’d never get over having the ability to arouse him. It did something to her. Gave her a rush of adrenaline that shot through her heart to settle between her thighs. Although she was naked, she grew hot all over.
A snarl played at the corner of his mouth. He bent at the waist to grip the top of her thighs, putting his face at eye level. Holding her captive by the intensity of his gaze, he snapped her legs apart, spreading them as wide as possible, and then tipped the entire chair back so that she was looking up at the ceiling.
In that position, she could keep nothing hidden. Ryder would become intimately acquainted with her innermost secrets.
She was on full display.
Her heart thumped wildly as a tendril of fear snaked through her abdomen.
Fear.
She was starting to feel again.
Heat suffused her as he kneeled between her thighs and stared. The longer he stayed like that, not speaking, not touching, the more uncomfortable it made her. It was humiliating to be that exposed and helpless. Even more so because her arousal was trickling out of her.
His warm breath whispered along the insides of her thighs, light as a feather. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”
She snorted. “I’m not sure beautiful is the right word to describe what you’re looking at right now.”
“You’ve never gotten to see your pussy up close and personal. You’ll have to trust me on this. You. Are. Beautiful.” He kissed one inner thigh and then the other. “Inside and out.”
Smiling devilishly, he stood and walked to the corner of the room, where he retrieved a small leather bag off a table. After returning to her side, he bent and took out a bottle of lube and a pink item she didn’t recognize. Narrow at the top, it progressively widened along its length. He squirted an obscene amount of lube on it until it glimmered from its slickness.
Suddenly, she realized the purpose of the item and the reason for the hole in the chair. “There’s no way that’s gonna fit.”
“Oh, it will fit,” he said, dripping cold lubrication between her ass cheeks. “But if you truly don’t want this, you can use your safe word.”
The word red was on the tip on her tongue, but then she thought about their shower and how hard she’d come when he’d slipped his pinky into her behind.
“I’m not using my safe word. I want this. But I don’t want the plug. I want your cock.”
Ryder’s pupils dilated and his eyes grew hooded. “I want my cock in there too, baby. But I have to stretch you first with the plug so that I don’t hurt you.”
He teased her with the tip of it, rubbing the lube into the sensitive skin there and making her muscles involuntarily clench. “Just relax and breathe.” On that, he started slowly pushing the rigid piece of plastic inside of her.
Her body flushed as she yearned to touch herself in order to relieve the growing ache in her core. But she couldn’t. All she could do was sit there and take whatever he chose to give her. She wanted to say it hurt, but if she did, she’d be lying. There was pressure and a burn and wait. She moaned and her eyes rolled back in her head as Ryder slid the plug back and forth, awakening nerves that had never been touched. She found herself trying to push her body toward it, but the restraints held her immobile.
The sensations rolling through her reminded her of when she’d lost her virginity. There had been a fullness then, too, and even a bit of pain as she’d become accustomed to being stretched. But discomfort and pain had turned to pleasure once he’d moved his cock in and out.
She hissed as the burning increased.
Maybe it wasn’t exactly the same as when she’d lost her virginity.
But even as it burned, her clitoris began to throb relentlessly as if it had its own little heart beating inside of it. All her nerves flickered to life like a match to a candle. The stretch, the burn, it all intertwined until she could barely catch her breath from the overwhelming need to come.
He tapped the end of the plug a couple of times. “How’s that feel?”
Thoughts floated in her mind, but she couldn’t translate them into words. Instead, all that came out was another moan.
“Fuck.” He took a step back and admired his work. “It looks sexy as hell. But I think you’re missing something.” He went back into the bag and pulled out another pink object, one she recognized.
This time, he didn’t bother with the lube.
She didn’t need it.
She was already sopping wet and ready to be fucked.
He dragged the dildo over her lips. “I bought this a couple days ago hoping you’d give me the chance to use it on you.”
Her core quivered at the thought of him picking out sex toys specifically for her. And then he started inching the dildo into her and she wasn’t thinking of anything except how was he going to get it all the way inside her with the plug making her channel tighter than normal.
“Breathe, sweet Jane. I promise I wouldn’t give you this if I didn’t think you could take it.”
She sucked in a breath through her nose and tried to relax, but the growing tension in her belly from the double penetration didn’t make it easy. It was similar to the feeling she’d get right before she climaxed yet sharper. More intense. At the same time, it wasn’t going to be enough to push her over. Instead, as he slid the entire dildo inside her, she hovered on the precipice of something larger than an orgasm. Her limbs stiffened and shook uncontrollably.
But apparently Ryder wasn’t done with her. He strode over to the wall and walked the length of it, trying to decide what instrument to use to torture her next. After making his choice, he returned to her with a black crop in his hands.
He didn’t give her the chance to panic before he smacked the top of her mound with it. She clenched around the objects inside of her, sending a wave of heat through her core, and her body jolted as if electrified. The crop rained down. Each cheek. Her thighs. Her labia. Her clit. Her nipples. Over and over until she was a throbbing, writhing mess of pure sensation.
Each slap of the crop was like a balm to her ragged soul. Not because it hurt. It was nothing she couldn’t handle. But because she could feel more than the physical. As Ryder turned her skin pink, every blocked emotion bubbled to the surface and boiled over.
Tears rolled down her cheeks and a sob escaped her chest. As the need to come increased, she couldn’t hold anything back. Pain. Pleasure. Fear. Rage. Sorrow. Grief. All of it poured out.
Ryder dropped the crop to the floor with a thud and wedged himself between her thighs, covering her bare skin with his still-clothed body. He wiped away the tears from her face and kissed her gently on the mouth, his demeanor changing from dominating to comforting. It was as if she’d been a piece of glass that he’d shattered into pieces, and now with every slide of his lips, the touch of his thumb over the pulse point on her neck, and the caress of his tongue along hers, he was putting her back together again.
His kiss meant everything. He was breathing new life into her and all of her cells buzzed in celebration. She was ready for him. Ready to be claimed in the most primal of ways.
And when he took a step back and removed his clothes, she knew he was ready too.
His gaze stayed on hers as he rolled on a condom and added a generous amount of lube to the length of him. He carefully pulled out the dildo first, making her core clench and release several times. Then the plug was gone and with a quick adjustment, he tilted the chair to put her at the right angle for his cock.
He didn’t pause. Didn’t give her more than a moment to process the emptiness before he was pushing himself into her. He was much larger than the plug, stretching her almost beyond her capacity, and she didn’t think she’d ever been more aroused. Her clit felt as if it had grown to ten times its size and her inner walls seemed to rub against each other as his cock took up space inside her body. There was a burn. Pressure.
“Fuck, you’re tight,” he said through clenched teeth. Sweat dripped down his neck, and the muscles of it bulged as if strained with tension.
She wanted to lick that sweat clean off. “You don’t have to go slow. I’m—”
She didn’t get the rest of the words out before he closed his eyes and drove himself fully into her. Leaning forward until they were chest to chest, he grabbed on to the arm boards and began fucking her ass, each thrust bringing his pelvis into direct contact with her engorged bundle of nerves.
An inferno of tension blazed in her lower belly. His mouth took hers in a brutal kiss that branded her as his and made it clear that he was claiming her. Possessing her. Owning her. They were two slick bodies on the cusp of something larger than themselves.
She had Ryder’s cock in her ass and yet she’d never felt so safe. So cherished. So…
Loved.
Her tears came harder now and she let out a sob.
Between kisses, he made his demands. “Let it out, sweet Jane, and surrender. Give me your tears. Your worries. Your climax. I want it all. Right. Fucking. Now.”
She broke.
There was no other word for it.
Head to toe, she shook as hot pleasure flooded her core and blasted outward to every muscle, every vein, every organ. Especially her heart. She had to bite down on her lip to keep from saying the words that repeated over and over in her head: I love you. I love you. I love you.
“I can feel your ass clenching around my dick,” Ryder mumbled against her mouth. “It’s too good. I can’t hold back.” On the next thrust, he threw his head back and surrendered to his climax.
Overcome with exhaustion, she closed her eyes.
She couldn’t love him.
Not yet.
It was too soon.
Wasn’t it?