‘Where’s the bar?’ I ask Tash when we get off the bus at the bottom of Tottenham Court Road.

‘Not sure,’ she says. ‘Somewhere round here.’ She’s got her phone in her hand and she’s turning in a circle, trying to work out where she is on the map. ‘Let’s try over there.’ She hooks her other arm through mine again and I let her tug me along.

‘How’s this going to work?’ I ask her. ‘How are you going to talk to me?’

‘I’ll just talk to you,’ she says, shrugging. ‘Or I’ll use my phone. It’s probably going to be loud in there anyway. Don’t worry about it.’

‘Isn’t he going to think it’s weird? Liam?’

‘He probably won’t notice,’ she says. ‘I think some of his friends are going to be there too, he’ll be talking to them. It’ll be fine.’

‘Here we go,’ she says. The bar has seating outside, a few people sitting, smoking, but I follow Tash to the door and inside.

‘You okay?’ she says into her phone.

‘I’ll feel better when I’ve had a drink,’ I tell her.

‘Tell me if you want to leave, yeah? Hang on a sec…’

We step to the side while she texts Liam to tell him we’ve arrived – I mean, she’s arrived. The bar is huge, with high ceilings dotted with chandeliers, a large glass bar running all the way down one side.

‘He’s on his way,’ Tash tells me. ‘Let’s go and find a seat.’

Tash tugs me into a booth, behind a kidney-shaped glass-topped table and under yet another chandelier – this time a ‘modern’ one made of wine glasses.

‘What does he look like?’ I ask her as she pulls her coat off and drapes it over my lap. ‘Liam?’

‘Hang on,’ she says. ‘Just checking if that looks weird.’

She stands up and takes a couple of steps before coming back and perching on the edge of the seat next to me.

‘Nope, just looks like a coat on a seat. Excellent. What do you want to drink?’

‘Anything I can drink with a straw,’ I say. ‘And Liam?’

‘He’s gorgeous,’ she says, shrugging. ‘I’ll whistle if he comes in while I’m at the bar, don’t worry.’

‘Gorgeous,’ I mutter to myself. ‘Helpful.’

I suddenly feel self-conscious and tug at my top until I realise I’m actually making it visible and I have to sit on my hands instead. Oh yeah. The invisible thing. I don’t need to feel self-conscious in front of Liam and his presumably equally gorgeous mates. It’s odd how long it’s taking me to realise that. Or maybe it’s not.

I suppose I’ve felt self-conscious like this since I was about ten, so I shouldn’t be surprised that it’s taking more than a couple of weeks for it to wear off. I wonder if when I become visible again – assuming I do – I’ll go back to feeling exactly the same as before. Or if it’ll have some sort of long-lasting effect.

I hear Tash whistle and it makes me laugh – she used to do that when we were teens. I look up and she gestures at the door. When I look over I see three people walking through the bar towards Tash. There’s a white guy with cropped hair and nice eyes. He’s wearing a black polo neck and black trousers and I don’t think he can be Liam. Behind him is an Asian guy with huge eyes, long eyelashes, a pouty mouth and incredible cheekbones. I murmur ‘Holy shit’ under my breath. That’s definitely Liam. God.

Although I’m not sure it can be because he’s holding hands with a white girl with ombre hair, a pierced nose and a bored expression. I watch as Tash hugs and air-kisses them all, then she comes and sits down next to me, putting two drinks on the table. They’re both tall with mint sprigs sticking out of the glass, lime wedges curled over the side and straws.

‘Mojitos,’ she murmurs. ‘It’s Happy Hour. Perfect.’

Still looking over at the three people at the bar – the girl is standing in front of the hot boy now, his hands on her waist – I reach out and pick my drink up.

‘Iz!’ Tash hisses, grabbing the glass out of my hand and putting it back on the table.

‘Shit,’ I say. ‘Sorry, I forgot. I’m just… Which one’s Liam?’

‘The one all in black,’ Tash says out of the corner of her mouth.

I frown. He’s definitely good-looking, but nowhere near as hot as Tash usually goes for. And frankly, next to the Asian guy he looks fairly ordinary.

I lean forward and suck my drink through the straw.

‘What?’ Tash says.

‘I didn’t say anything.’

‘That’s my point.’

I sit back up again and lean against her so she knows where I am.

‘He’s just… he’s not quite what I was expecting.’

‘How?’

‘I don’t know,’ I say. ‘Tell me who the other two are. Quick, before they get back.’

‘Ravi,’ she says, her mouth barely moving. She’s getting good at this. ‘And Gemma. They’re a couple. Ravi’s Liam’s best mate.’

I don’t get a chance to say anything back because the three of them come and join us, carrying two drinks each.

‘This was a good shout,’ Liam says to Tash, dropping onto the seat next to her, and holding up his two cocktails before putting them down on the table.

‘Hey,’ he says then, smiling at her. He leans forward and kisses her gently, before leaning back, still staring at her. He looks completely smitten. He’s not at all what I was expecting.

Ravi and Liam start talking about work and Gemma leans past them to ask Tash about her work. Gemma’s a freelance beauty writer and apparently she and Tash have already talked about some opportunities with a company Tash is doing PR for. I watch them and occasionally lean down and take another slurp of my drink when no one’s looking.

By the time I’ve finished my drink, the bar is significantly more crowded, the music is louder, and Gemma’s pulled a stool around so she can sit on the opposite side of the table, making it easier to talk to Tash.

Obviously no one’s talking to me and I can’t talk to anyone either, but I’m not at all bored. I can watch people without them knowing I’m watching and I like it. It’s nice to just hang out and relax without worrying that people are looking at me or what people are thinking of me. Liam goes to the bar for more drinks, bringing two for everyone again, and then Gemma stands up.

‘I’m just going to the loo,’ she says, leaning down and picking her bag up from under the table. ‘You coming, Tash?’

‘Yeah, actually,’ Tash says. She bumps me with her hip and I slide to the end of the seat and stand up. As she passes me, she squeezes my arm.

‘I really don’t get the whole going to the loo together thing,’ Ravi says.

Gemma rolls her eyes. ‘Even though I’ve told you more than once?’

Ravi grins up at her. He really is staggeringly handsome. ‘Tell me again?’ he says.

‘Nope,’ Gemma says. ‘Use your imagination.’

‘Oh fuck, don’t say that,’ Tash says. ‘He’ll think we’re going to hook up.’

‘Oh for fuck’s sake,’ Gemma says.

‘No,’ Ravi says. ‘Don’t say anything else. Just go. Go and let me be happy with that mental image.’

‘Perv,’ Gemma says, but she’s looking at him fondly.

The two of them leave and I wonder if I should go with them – if that would be easier or if it would be easier for me to go on my own.

‘Why do they go together?’ Liam asks Ravi.

‘Safer, innit?’ Ravi says.

‘God,’ Liam says. ‘That’s fucked up.’

‘Not just that,’ Ravi says. ‘Also for, like, sharing tampons and shit.’

Liam drinks some of his lager then says, ‘I really like her.’

‘I know, man,’ Ravi says. ‘And Gems likes her. And you know what Gems is like. She fucking hates everyone.’

Liam laughs. ‘She doesn’t. She’s great.’

‘Tash seems great,’ Ravi says.

‘She is,’ Liam says, leaning forward and picking up his drink again. ‘She’s amazing. And fucking hell, she’s unbelievable in bed.’

Ravi laughs. ‘Don’t. I’m struggling not to think about them hooking up in the loos right now.’

‘Fuck,’ Liam says, his mouth dropping open. ‘Yeah.’

Ravi punches him in the arm. ‘That’s my girlfriend, man.’

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone – the screen lit up with a message. He apologises to Liam and starts texting. Liam turns to face me and I hold my breath. He’s looking straight at me, a tiny line between his eyebrows, and then he reaches over and grabs Tash’s jacket. His fingers brush my thigh and I shuffle away, involuntarily, but he doesn’t seem to notice. He smooths Tash’s jacket with his hand and then puts it down on the seat next to him.

All sorts of things are going through my head – was he checking for her phone or her purse? But he’s kind of brushing the jacket with his thumb and I decide he just actually wanted to touch something of hers. I can’t decide if that’s sweet or creepy. But he likes her. And he said nice things about her when she wasn’t there. That’s good.

Tash and Gemma come back and Tash picks her jacket up and drops it over my lap again. Liam kisses her on the neck as she sits down and she sort of curls into it, which surprises me – Tash has never really been into PDA. I remember when we were teenagers, the two of us went out with these two boys. Her boy put his arm round her almost as soon as we set off and she hit the roof, calling him disrespectful and shoving him away. I thought she was such a badass.

I was always embarrassed to tell boys not to touch me if I didn’t want to be touched. I think back to kissing Marco when I bought that muffin. Have I not actually changed at all? I’d like to think I wouldn’t let someone touch me if I didn’t want to be touched, but I’m not sure I would. I’m such a wuss, it’s ridiculous.

I feel Tash bump me again and I realise she’s getting up again.

‘We’re going to dance,’ she murmurs.

I sit back down and then I realise I want to go and dance too. The bar is crowded enough that even if I bump into people they’re not going to notice. And, again, they’re much more likely to think it’s down to the crowd, not that an invisible person is dancing nearby. I follow Tash and Gemma to the back of the bar where the dance floor is. It’s already packed. Nineties R&B has been playing since we arrived and Tash and Gemma immediately start doing the bent knee, head back, arms swinging thing, right next to each other.

I stand nearby for a second, feeling self-conscious even though no one can see me, but then I think fuck it and I start to dance. And it feels amazing. I’m not looking around to see if anyone’s judging me or thinking about coming to dance with me or looking like they might want to make a move, I can just dance and not give a shit.

I can’t remember the last time I danced just for the joy of it and that briefly makes me feel sad, but I decide I can think about that tomorrow. I really want to enjoy what is happening right now.

I twirl round, I hold my hands over my head, I throw my head back. I start to sing along and then stop, panicking that someone will hear me, but when I look around, everyone else is focused on their own dancing, their own dance partner. No one’s taking any notice of me. So I carry on singing.

‘Jumpin’, Jumpin’’ by Destiny’s Child is playing and for a second I feel a pang of disappointment because Tash and I have a kind of routine to this song. It only really involves jumping during the chorus, but we always end up in fits of laughter. I swing around, smiling at the thought of it and see her teaching it to Gemma, who is already doubled over laughing. I want to grab Tash and tell her I’m here, that she can do it with me even though she can’t see me, but that would be mad so I don’t. By the time the next chorus comes round, Tash and Gemma are both Jumpin’, Jumpin’ and by the end of the song, Liam and Ravi have joined us.

I don’t know the next song, but it’s slightly slower. Ravi grabs Gemma’s hips and they spend the entire track grinding against each other. They look really good together and so sexy I can hardly stand to look at them. Liam is dancing closer to Tash, but not actually against her. I see him slide his hand down her arm and twist his fingers with hers and she slides her hand round his back, pulling him closer. He’s smiling at her and singing along with the music and even though he’s not the best dancer – he seems a little stiff and self-conscious – he looks good because he looks so besotted with Tash.

It makes me miss Alex. I wish he was here. I wonder if he can dance. To real music, not just a Super Mario theme he’s singing himself. I smile at the memory. But then picture him here, looking like he’s dancing with nothing. That really wouldn’t work. But still. I wish he could be. I step off the dance floor and move around the edge, towards the loos, pulling the door open the smallest amount I can fit through and then dodging into the first available cubicle. I pull my phone out of my vest and tap on Alex’s name. I realise that I can talk out loud here. If no one can see me, no one can tell I’m invisible. Ironic. It feels oddly freeing.

‘Hey, hi,’ Alex says in my ear.

‘Hi,’ I say back. ‘I’m at a bar. With Tash. And this guy she’s seeing. And their friends.’

‘Oh wow,’ Alex says. ‘How is it?’

‘It’s good, actually. Weird. For obvious reasons. But good. What are you doing?’

‘Just watching a movie on my laptop.’

‘Nice,’ I say. I take a deep breath. ‘I miss you.’

‘I miss you too,’ he says. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow?’

‘Hope so, yeah. I’ll let you get back to your film.’

He laughs. ‘It’s not that good. But thanks.’

I flush the loo and then open the door carefully. There’s a group of women in front of the mirror, talking and laughing and reapplying their make-up. One of the taps is running, so I hold my hands under it quickly and then turn to the dryer before anyone has a chance to see anything.

As I open the door to the bar, the door to the men’s opens and a bloke walks out, wiping his wet hands on the back of his jeans. Funny how the ladies’ is always full of women reapplying make-up, doing their hair, fixing their clothes, whereas the men just pee and go.

I can’t see Tash or the others on the dance floor. I make my way over to our seats, dodging out of people’s paths. I bump into one guy, jogging his arm and the two drinks he’s holding. He says, ‘What the fuck?’ but doesn’t even turn to look. When I get back to where we were sitting, the table’s surrounded by people laughing and doing shots. I manage to manoeuvre myself next to Tash and curl my fingers around her wrist.

‘Fuck!’ she says, glancing down. ‘Izzy!’

‘Who’s Izzy?’ Liam says, looking past Tash and right at me.

‘My friend,’ Tash says. ‘I thought I saw her. But it wasn’t her.’ She sort of staggers forward and plants her mouth right on his. I see his eyes widen, but then he sits down, pulling her down onto his lap. I let go of her wrist.

There are more cocktails on the table, so I drink most of another one and then, when Tash and Liam still haven’t come up for air, another. I take out my phone and put it on the seat next to me, glancing around to make sure no one’s watching. I text Alex

along with the address of the bar.

I see Alex as soon as he walks in. He’s wearing black jeans and a white shirt and I want to unbutton it and slide my hands inside.

‘Hey!’ Tash says, looking happy and blurry. ‘Alex is here!’

Smiling back at Tash, Alex sits down next to me and I tangle my fingers with his, resting my forehead on his shoulder.

‘You came,’ I say against his neck.

‘How could I resist?’ he says, his voice low.

‘We should go and dance!’ Tash says, pulling Liam to his feet again. He looks shell-shocked, but he goes willingly.

‘You okay?’ Alex asks, his mouth close to my ear.

I wonder about dragging him off to the loos with me, but instead I say, ‘Do you want to dance?’

The rest of the night is music and lights and drinks full of ice and leaves. I drink and dance and drink and dance until I’m dizzy and I feel like I’m dreaming. Alex holds my hand and I press up against him and I wish I wasn’t invisible because I want him to be able to touch me and kiss me and he can’t.

I’m at the edge of the dance floor, swaying to a slow song, watching Gemma and Ravi holding each other, his mouth on her neck, her hand in his hair, when I hear Tash say, ‘Izzy?’

I turn round. She’s right next to me. She’s got her phone in her hand.

‘I’m here,’ I say, touching her arm.

‘We’re leaving,’ she says. ‘Me and Liam. Can Liam come back to ours? Otherwise I don’t know how—’

‘S’fine,’ I say. ‘I just need to pee again. I can sleep on the sofa. You can fuck him in my bed.’

Tash laughs and holds a finger up towards my lips, actually poking me on the chin. ‘Shhh!’

‘I’ll go back to Alex’s,’ I say.

‘Is that okay?’ Tash asks Alex. ‘Can Iz go home with you?’

He frowns for a second, then says, ‘Yeah. That’s fine. Have a good night.’