The next morning I open the door even though I know I shouldn’t. Even though I am still invisible and it’s going to scare the shit out of whoever’s standing there. But it doesn’t. Because it’s Alex.

‘Hey,’ he says.

He looks tired; there are purple shadows under his eyes. He’s wearing his black jumper and I want to fall against him, rub my face on his neck. But I can’t.

‘I’ve got your phone,’ he says.

I don’t say anything. We’re still standing in the doorway.

‘And I think I might’ve found a flat. It’s only for three months, but it’s something.’

‘What?’

‘I mean, it’s a room. A bedsit. Not a flat. And I might have to sell a kidney at some point. But you can manage with one, right?’

‘Why did you do that?’ I ask.

He smiles from under his stupid floppy fringe. ‘I mean, while the archive room floor sex was fantastic, I figured the novelty would soon wear off.’

‘But… how did you pay for it?’

‘I’ve been saving my wages all this time. But it turns out I don’t earn enough to rent a cupboard. Literally. So I asked my dad to lend me some money. He’s been offering, but I thought I was too proud. Turns out I’m not.’

‘Okay,’ I say. ‘That’s good.’

‘Are you okay?’ he says. ‘Can I come in?’

I step out of the way to let him in and then remember he can’t see that, so I say, ‘Yeah. Sorry.’

I close the door behind him, but he doesn’t come in any further.

‘What’s wrong?’ he says. ‘Has something happened?’

I take a breath. ‘I heard you yesterday,’ I say. ‘I heard you talking to Mel.’

‘Yeah?’ he says.

And that’s when I start to cry.

‘Fuck,’ he says. ‘What?’

He reaches out and takes my face in his hands, his thumbs brushing over my tears, spreading them across my skin.

‘I can’t believe you would do that,’ I say, my voice quiet.

‘Do what?’ he says. ‘She asked me what you had. She was freaking out. You know what she’s like. She said she’d tried to get hold of you. I wanted her to know you had it under control.’

I shake my head. ‘You can’t have my job.’

‘Fuck,’ he says. ‘I don’t want your job. Why would you think—?’ He stares at me. ‘You thought I’d stolen your idea? You thought I was trying to… you didn’t think that I…’

He looks so shocked, so upset, that the tension I’ve been holding since I heard him talking to Mel just drains out of me.

‘I really like you,’ he says. ‘I want to help you. At work. And anywhere else.’

‘I’m sorry,’ I say. ‘I freaked out.’

‘I’m not Max,’ he says.

‘I know,’ I say. ‘I just—’

‘No,’ Alex says, sliding his hands down my neck to my shoulders. ‘I… I would never do something like that anyway. That’s just not… that’s not the kind of person I am. But I would never do anything like that to you. You’re…’ He shakes his head, frowning. ‘In the archive room, when I said I was lonely before I met you… That’s not… that really doesn’t begin to explain how happy I am that I get to be with you.’

I want to say something. I want to tell him I feel the same way. But my throat’s tight and I can’t even speak.

‘I think about you all the time. You’re… I mean, you’re invisible! It’s ridiculous. But it doesn’t matter. It hasn’t mattered to me. Because everything I like about you, everything I know about you… I don’t need to see you for any of that. You know?’

I shake my head. ‘I’m sorry. I overreacted. I just… you’re amazing. You’re kind of too good to be true.’

Alex laughs. ‘I get that a lot.’

I step forward and lean against him, the top of my head pressing against his chest. ‘I freaked out.’

He strokes one hand back through my hair. ‘That’s okay.’

‘I missed you,’ I murmur against his jumper.

‘I missed you too,’ he says. He holds me for a second – I think I can feel his heartbeat, but it might be mine.

‘Tash isn’t here, right?’ he says.

I laugh. ‘No. She’s at work.’

‘Okay,’ he says, smiling.

I tug him over to the sofa and push him down. He smiles up at me and I sit down, stretching my right leg over his left leg so I’m half in his lap. I brace my hands against his chest as I lean in to kiss him.

‘Oh shit, yeah,’ he murmurs against my mouth and moves his hands down to my lower back.

‘I’m not giving you a lapdance,’ I say, smiling.

He laughs, tipping his head back. ‘You are in my head.’

I drag my left leg closer so that I am pretty much sitting in his lap. I can feel his erection pressing up against me and I curl my hips up slightly. He groans and moves one hand up into my hair, deepening the kiss. I let myself relax against him, my tongue sliding alongside his, and I finally close my eyes.

His hand is flat against my lower back, under my t-shirt, his skin warm against mine. His other hand runs through my hair as he breathes against my mouth.

‘Shit,’ I say, curving my hips up again.

‘You feel…’ he says.

I don’t get to know how I feel because he’s kissing me again and I keep my eyes open to watch him. His brow is furrowed and he looks like he’s concentrating as he sucks gently on my bottom lip and I sigh into his mouth.

I lean back to look at him. His cheeks are flushed and his fringe is hanging down into his eyes. I want to push it off his forehead and maybe lick his eyebrows. Is that really a thing I just thought? Am I having some kind of breakdown?

‘Shower,’ I say, my voice cracking.

‘What?’

‘If we get in the shower—’

We can’t get there quick enough. I strip off the rest of my clothes, leaving them on the floor behind me. Alex crashes into my bedroom door as he tries to take off his jeans before his shoes. I want to watch him, I want to look at him naked before we do this, but it doesn’t seem fair. I want to look at him as he looks at me. I turn on the shower and climb in the bath, letting the hot water run over me. I feel it on every inch of my skin and I’m so turned on I can hardly stand it.

‘Oh my god, Iz,’ Alex says as he steps in after me.

I can’t even speak. He looks perfect.

‘Look at you.’

‘You can see me?’

He smiles. ‘You look like a goddess.’

‘I know it’s weird when the water runs off—’

He steps closer. ‘It’s not weird. Well, obviously it is a bit weird. But you’re beautiful. It’s so good to be able to look at you.’

I look down at myself. At the water running off my body. And I feel beautiful. I run my hands down my sides as Alex steps closer and I slide one hand round the back of his neck, pulling him into me, the water pouring over both of us until I don’t know where he ends and I begin.