‘How much coffee have you had?’ Tash asks me. ‘Did you even sleep?’

‘Not much, to be honest.’ I swirl the coffee in the bottom of my mug and finish it. ‘I think I napped for a bit. But I was too excited.’

‘I can't believe you went to the zoo in the middle of the night,’ Tash says.

‘Me neither. But it was amazing. Just being out there and not being scared was amazing.’

‘I can imagine,’ Tash says. ‘I used to walk home on my own sometimes when I was at uni. There was this old guy who was always sitting on a fold-up chair in front of his house. I always looked out for him and we'd say hello. And then one night he said “I want to lick you all over” and I stopped walking after that.’

‘Fuck's sake.’ I stand up to make another coffee, then realise Tash is right and maybe I should have some water instead. ‘That pisses me off. That's what I was thinking about last night.’ I tell Tash about the guy with the twenty and how I was scared for the woman.

‘The thing is,’ Tash says, leaning back in her chair. ‘Nine times out of ten… maybe more? Ninety-nine times out of a hundred? It's going to be fine. But you don't want to take that chance, do you? That's the problem. And all those times I walked home on my own and it was fine. But if anything had happened, people would have said it was my fault for being out on my own. It's fucked up.’

‘I thought the same thing last night. And it just felt so good to be out there, you know? I'm so used to not being able to do it, I never even thought about it as a thing I should want.’ I stretch my arms over my head and drink some water. ‘Anyway. At least that's an upside to being invisible.’

Tash laughs. ‘I think there are a few.’

I shake my head. ‘I know. Is it awful that it doesn't even bother me any more? I mean, I'm worried about what's going to happen if I'm still like this by the time my dad's party comes round. But other than that…’

‘There must be other things,’ Tash says. ‘Things you miss.’

‘Well, work would be a problem, long-term, but I was mostly worried about the presentation and Alex is—’

‘No, I don't mean that. I mean, like… I miss your face. Don't you miss your face? In the mirror? I think I'd miss mine.’

I frown. ‘I don't think so? It feels like a relief not to worry about it, to be honest.’

‘And clothes?’

‘God, no. It's a massive relief not to worry about clothes. I can't believe I can just put any old shit on and no one knows or cares. I don't need to wear heels or Spanx or anything that doesn't feel good.’

‘Forever, though? I can imagine that might be a relief for a bit – like if I'm ill and I stay in the same sad hoodie and leggings for days – but I'm always glad to get properly dressed and made-up again. Makes me feel more of a person.’

I shrug. ‘I don't think so? Maybe it just hasn't been long enough yet.’

‘Have you thought what you're going to wear for the presentation?’

I look down at myself and pull my t-shirt out so Tash can see it.

‘No,’ Tash says, pushing her chair back and standing up. ‘What if you become visible again right before? You want to be in your scraggy clothes in front of everyone?’

I sigh. ‘Probably not, no. Where are you going?’

‘I'm going to see if you've got anything in your wardrobe.’

‘I haven't,’ I say, following her. ‘There's nothing in there I want to wear.’

‘Might give me something to work with,’ she says, glancing at me over her shoulder as she yanks open my wardrobe doors.

‘I forgot you were allergic to colour,’ she says, flicking through my work clothes. ‘Is this it? Really?’ She closes the wardrobe doors.

‘Pretty much,’ I say.

‘We need to go shopping.’

‘But I won't be able to see how things look.’

‘And that is why you'll have to trust me,’ Tash says.

‘God.’

‘Come on. Get your coat.’

We've only been back at my flat for about twenty minutes when Alex comes round. I'd texted him when we were out, while I was bored out of my mind watching Tash choose clothes for me.

‘What did you buy?’ Alex says, pointing at the pile of bags on the sofa.

‘I don't even know,’ I tell him, wrapping my arms around his waist and letting him hold me.

‘She lost interest,’ Tash tells him. ‘No stamina.’

‘What's the point if no one can see her?’ Alex says.

‘Don't you start,’ Tash tells him. ‘Wine?’ She holds a bottle up.

‘Course,’ Alex says.

Tash pours glasses for all of us and we take them over to the sofa.

‘So what's the emergency?’ Alex asks, after a few minutes.

‘There's no emergency!’ I say, rubbing my foot along the side of his leg.

He flinches at the touch of my foot and then grins at me.

‘You sent me alarm emojis.’

I laugh. ‘I told you what that was. I know what I'm going to do for the presentation. I wanted to send you a giraffe emoji, but there isn't one.’

‘Right,’ Alex says. ‘Yeah, you're going to need to give me a bit more.’

‘Not while I'm here, please,’ Tash says, and then sips her wine.

I throw a cushion at her, but she knocks it to the floor before it gets close.

‘What I was thinking,’ I say. ‘Was that I could do it for you – although obviously you’re not going to be able to see it properly – just so you get an idea. And then maybe you could run through it, Alex?’

‘No problem,’ Alex says. ‘Can I just have a cig first? Haven’t had one all day. I ran out earlier and only just got a new pack over the road.’

I run my hand down his arm. ‘Would you mind going outside? Instead of smoking out of the window, I mean? It’s just… I could smell it last time and I don’t—’

He bumps me with his shoulder. ‘Course. You should’ve said.’

He leans down and kisses me on the top of my head before he lets himself out.

I look over at Tash, who’s looking back at me with a very smug expression.

‘What?’

‘You’ve changed.’

‘No shit. I’m invisible.’ I drink some wine. ‘I’m going to need your Photoshop skills.’

‘Don’t change the subject,’ she says. ‘You would never have asked Max to smoke outside.’

‘Max didn’t smoke.’

She rolls her eyes. ‘If he had. You would’ve let him smoke out of the window even if it had made you sick. You would’ve put up with it. No matter what.’

‘I let Alex smoke out of the window the first time he was here! But I could smell it on the cushions and stuff and if he’s going to be here a lot, then I don’t want—’

‘I know,’ Tash says. ‘I get that. What I’m saying is that that is a new thing. For you. Saying “this doesn’t work for me, can you do it another way” is a new thing. For you.’

I drink some of my wine. ‘Maybe.’

‘It is.’

‘I think it’s ’cos Alex is nicer than Max was and I knew he wouldn’t mind.’

‘Maybe,’ Tash says, getting up to bring the wine over to the lounge. ‘But mostly I think it’s you.’