Tara
I tried to say no to him. Let him know this was all unnecessary, but he wouldn’t listen. Braxton Harris takes orders from no one.
Standing in the bedroom window, I stare out into the yard. The huge tree at the end is lit up with lights strung from the branches.
“It’s going to be awesome having you around.” Izzy’s voice snaps me from my internal thoughts.
“Izzy.” I sigh loudly. “Please, don’t.”
“What?” she asks, coming to stand beside me.
“Don’t try to dress this up as some fun girly weekend. Let’s face it, I’m on lockdown, aren’t I?” I turn on the spot, my back resting against the windowsill, my eyes landing on her beautiful face dressed with a sad smile.
“I hate that this is happening to you,” she sighs, stepping toward me and brushing her hand against my arm.
“But we are letting him win. We are showing him I’m scared.”
“It’s about keeping you safe.”
“I’m safe at my apartment. I don’t need to be here.”
“Tara!” she yells at me unexpectedly. Izzy never yells, and it certainly got my attention. “You gotta start listening to me. You are not safe, and Brax knows this. Everything we are doing, we are doing it for you. I get that you don’t want to be here, but it’s the way it has to be.”
The sinking feeling inside replaces the annoyance I had. “Look, I’m sorry,” I mumble, realizing I’m acting like a child. “I’m lucky to have you guys looking out for me. I’m just frustrated, you know?”
“Of course.” She nods. “I get it completely.”
Stepping toward me, she reaches for my hands, taking them in hers. “Babe, you are so brave. What you went through to help me, what you did… well that took some guts. I love your ride or die attitude, really I do, but we've got to be sensible here. Brax would not suggest you’re in danger unless he truly believed it.” Dropping her head, forcing me to meet her eyes, she pleads with me. “Promise me you won’t do anything crazy. Please?”
Exhaling heavily, I allow my shoulders to sag as I look up at her through my lashes. “You’re not going to drop this, are you?”
“Nope,” she replies, stepping back and folding her arms across her chest, a determined look stretched across her face. Feeling resigned to the fact that I’m not getting out of this one, I flash her a quick smile.
“Okay, okay, I’ll stay here.” Pointing my finger at her I raise one brow. “But only for the time being. This is not some long-term agreement.”
Squealing, she thrusts herself at me, holding me tight and swaying me from side to side.
“What are you two squealing about?” Brax's voice booms across the room. My eyes find him standing in the doorway, his arm resting against the frame. His face bears a wicked grin. Smug son-of-a-bitch.
“I’d tell you, but right now I’m struggling to breathe. Your wife has a killer choke hold.” I widen my eyes and his laughter fills the room. Izzy drops her hold and scurries over to Brax, pressing her palm against his chest.
“Finally,” she says to him, glancing at me over her shoulder. “She’s agreed to stay.”
“Forced,” I blurt out. “Forced to stay. Anyway, forget that,” I rush out with a wave of my hand. “How was he, Brax? How was Nate when you saw him?”
“Not good, Tara. He has some serious shit going on with the club. He was in a bad way.”
“No,” I cry out, my voice raspy as I try to contain my emotions. Brax’s footsteps catch my attention. I look up to see him standing there.
“He’s worried for you, Tara. His father has made his claim and Nate understands the seriousness of the situation. Keeping you at arm’s length is the only way he can protect you. He’s cut up about the whole fucked-up situation.”
I swallow the lump of emotion that has formed in my throat, making it difficult to speak. “But, what about him? How will I know he’s safe? How can we help him, Brax? I have to help him somehow.” I suddenly jerk myself away from the window and try to dart for the door. My fight or flight reflex kicks in. “I need to do something. I can’t just stand here and do nothing while those monsters could be hurting him, or worse!”
“Stop,” Brax orders. “I got it covered, Tara. I have someone on the inside looking out for him and reporting back to me. I won’t let anything happen to Nate. You have my word.” Tugging on my arm, he tries to pull me close, but I do everything I can to resist.
“No,” I say, finally snapping my wrist from his hold. A tear tries to break through, but I won’t allow it. I have to be strong now. Not for me, but for Nate. Brax’s expression softens and he shoots me a sad smile.
“This is a whole level of fucked up, but I’m doing everything I can to help you and Nate. You have to believe me, Tara. I’m on your side.”
My breathing becomes painful. Like the emotion I feel is well and truly lodged in my throat.
“I want to see him.”
“Not going to happen,” he dismisses me quickly, his words echo through my mind. “He’s being watched and I don’t doubt for a second that the fuckers are watching you too. Maybe when the dust settles.”
“This is ridiculous,” I spit out, as I look between the pair. “We’re adults. How can anyone force us to be apart?”
“Why do you think he wanted to keep the truth about you two quiet? You’re a civilian. They live a whole different kind of life, and let’s face it,” he scoffs, “you’re not exactly old lady material.”
“Can’t help who you fall for, Brax,” I respond, my voice strained, and I have no idea how this is all going to work out. All I know is that without Nate, I feel empty. Like there is a part of me missing, a complete void in my life. I have this constant panic: like a child who momentarily lost a parent. But it never stops. The panic I feel, the weight against my chest restricting my breathing, never leaves me.
How can I possibly live my life without him?
“I should take my stuff to the spare room.” My eyes flit between the pair and I give them the best smile I can muster.
“Sure,” Brax replies with a firm nod. “I want you to feel at home here, so anything you need, you know you only have to ask.”
“You’re too sweet,” I say, slowly walking toward them, and brushing my hand against Brax’s arm then Izzy’s. “I think I just need some time. Time to think this shit over.”
“Take all the time you need,” Izzy offers, her smile warm and genuine. I slide past them and out into the grand hallway. Grabbing my duffel bag from just outside the door, I make my way down the hall, my feet sinking into the lush carpet. I love this place, even if it is like a damn mansion. Swinging my bag over my shoulder, I glance down the large central staircase, the one that meets the huge glass doors at the front of the house. Something strange catches my attention. Dipping my head, I take a closer look. Men. At least five of them stand outside the door. Rolling my eyes, I can’t fight back the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Brax has his men outside the house, and the sudden seriousness of this whole damn situation hits me. Picking up speed, I head toward my favorite of the guest rooms. The view from this room is breathtaking. All you can see for miles are fields and woodland. There’s definitely a feeling of serenity associated with that view. I make my way inside, locating and flicking the light switch before dropping my bag onto the huge bed. I chuckle a little, realizing that nothing here is understated. Huge four-poster bed. Chunky wooden furniture. It must’ve cost a fortune.
“Hey, you sleeping all the way down here?” Izzy asks, as she stands in the doorway, staring at me.
“What?” I say, throwing my hands in the air. “I’m a sucker for that view.” Jutting my thumb over to the window.
“It’s amazing, right?”
“Best view in the house,” I reply, dropping my ass down onto the edge of the bed.
“I brought us a little something. If you want me to stay that is?” She holds up the bottle of bourbon and wiggles her eyebrows. “Might help you sleep.”
Grabbing the bottle, I take it from her, unscrew the cap and press the glass against my lips. Tilting my head back, I allow the liquid to flow, gulping down the amber liquor. Clasping my eyes shut, I try to block out the burn as it slides down my throat, the warmth spreading through my body.
“Jesus,” Izzy gasps. “Go steady.”
Dropping the bottle from my mouth, I swallow with a hiss.
“Shit,” I grumble with a shake of my head. Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I offer the bottle back to Izzy. Holding her palm up to me, she declines, but drops beside me on the bed.
“This isn’t like you,” she whispers.
I lazily shrug my shoulders. “I need something to take the edge off.” I lift the bottle, looking directly at it. “Looks like this will do the job.”
I drop my feet to the floor and stumble up from the bed. Glancing down at the bottle, I see that I’ve easily drunk a third of the contents. No wonder my head feels fuzzy.
“I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but everything will work out.”
“I just feel like I should be doing something. Anything. Instead I’m under house arrest and fearing for my own life. And yes, I know that it’s for my own protection, but I feel like I’m suffocating. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not the kind of girl to just sit and wait shit out. Never have been. Never will be.”
“Nothing you can do or say will fix this. You have to let the guys do their thing.”
“I know,” I choke out my lie. I don’t know that at all. In fact, I’m the only person that can sort out this shit. I just have to figure out how. Turning to face her, I can’t help but notice the pained look on her face.
“Please don’t feel bad for me.” Walking over to her, I place the bottle on the floor and drop to my knees, taking her hands in mine. “I just need time. But tonight, I think I need to be alone…”
“But, I want to help you. Be the friend you’ve been to me this whole time. You risked your life for me, Tara, and I would do the same for you in a heartbeat.”
“Me needing time alone isn’t a reflection on our friendship. It’s me. I need time to get to grips with all the shit whirring around in my mind.”
“Sure. I just don’t ever want you to feel alone. You always got me, you know that right?”
Leaning up on my knees, I hug her tightly. “Love you, Iz,” I whisper as she holds me tightly against her.
“We’re getting through this. Together. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
Relaxing my hold on her, I lean back on my heels. “And Nate? What about him?” I fight back the need to sob.
“I can’t make any promises about the two of you. But what I do know is this. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Might not be today, might not be tomorrow. Hell, it might take ten years. But if your hearts truly are connected, nothing will stop you two being together.”
Squeezing my hand a little harder, she looks me dead in the eye. “Love and hope were all I had to cling onto during my time away from Brax. The one good thing that got me through all the hurt and torture were my memories of him.”
“I never expected to feel like this about anyone, Izzy. I’ve always been so strong, so independent. I just can’t think or focus on anything but him. He’s all I see at night when I close my eyes. He’s all I can smell when I inhale. And I have no idea how to get through the day knowing I won’t be able to see him or touch his face.”
“We’re going to help you all we can. I see the pain in your eyes every time you look at me. Not to mention the weight you’ve lost and those damn black circles under your eyes.”
Exhaling a shaky breath, I chuckle. “I look a mess, right?”
“Mess? No. Heartbroken? Yes.”
“Hopefully this bad boy will help me sleep,” I say, lifting the bottle of bourbon and giving it a little shake, dropping down on the bed beside Izzy.
“I’m going to leave you to sleep. I’m not far. Should you need anything just shout. But don’t drink too much, I’m not good with puke,” she warns, stepping up from the bed and crossing her arms.
I laugh a little. “No puke. Got it.”
Watching her leave, I dart off the bed and head over to the window. I can’t help but stare out at that beautiful view. But something I’d never noticed before catches my attention. Below the window is a roof. I dart out my tongue, wetting my suddenly dry lips as I contemplate my next move. I swiftly look over my shoulder to the door, checking no one has followed me before closing it as quietly as I can.
Even though I know I shouldn’t, my mind is already made up.
I have to see him.
I have to see Nate.
Now that I know the truth, I have to find a way for us to be together. We have to work this shit out. Doing it together gives us strength in numbers.
I look around the room like a woman on a secret mission. Locating a chair in the corner, I grab it, wedging it under the door handle.
If I’m going to do this, no one can know. I have to get there without alerting the damn security. Darting over to the window, I open it, craning my neck out, searching for options. The alcohol buzzes through my body and I don’t feel the chill of the night, even though I know I should. Pulling my head back inside, I stumble back, dropping my ass hard onto the bed. Inhaling a deep, shaky breath, I just know this is something I have to do. My fingers curl, gripping the sheet beneath them. For just a millisecond, I stop breathing and fear makes my heart thud. I know how dangerous this is. I’ve heard Brax tell me that I should be scared, and I am. Only the one thing I fear above all else is never feeling the way I did when I was with him. Nate. I drop my head, allowing my eyes to close, the sting of tears almost too much to bear. I always wondered what true love felt like. Sometimes, I would look around and wonder whether it really did exist, or whether it is just in our human nature to not want to be alone. That finding someone to spend the rest of your life with was less about love and more about tolerance.
All of that changed when I met Nate. The bad boy with tattoos. The untouchable Savage. Son to the president of an MC gang that are feared by all and liked by none.
I want to do this. I have to do this, despite how it scares me. I know it’s wrong, so damn wrong. But doing the wrong thing for the right reason seems like all I have left.
If I’m going to do this, I need more Dutch courage. Grabbing the bottle, I unscrew the top, placing the bottle against my lips, gulping down more of the golden-colored liquor. Clenching my eyes, I try to ignore the burn as I swallow mouthful after mouthful.
“Shit,” I grumble as the burn begins to sting and I can’t control the shudder that works through me. Replacing the cap, I drop the bottle to the floor before launching myself up from the bed. My legs feel shaky, but it must be the nerves. Grabbing my jacket, I lace my arms through the sleeves, pulling it on and reaching down trying to line the zip up. But I can’t seem to get it to slide in. I stamp my foot with frustration and blink rapidly as I try again. Finally, I get the zip to connect and pull it up to my chin. Lifting my hood, I secure it over my head while my less than cooperative eyes search the room trying to locate my car keys.
Dammit.
My eyes are blurry and I’m not sure I can drive like this.
So, instead, I grab my purse, checking I have money and sliding in my cell phone before stepping closer to the window. Opening the window as wide as it will go, I step onto the windowsill, glancing down to see how far below the roof is. Trembling, I have to remind myself that I can do this. Of course I can do this. I’m Tara Mellano.
Pushing back my shoulders, I grip onto the frame of the window, turning my body and allowing my legs to drop down. My grip weakens and I instinctively close my eyes as I can no longer hold on. I drop onto my ass, hitting the flat roof. “Ouch.” I whisper my grumble, using my hand to rub the part of my ass that took the brunt of the fall. Standing, I look up at the window I just climbed from, realizing that it wasn’t that big of a drop. Chuckling to myself, I step closer to the edge, looking at the ground below, only to stumble back when the view below seems to spin. Resting my hand on my forehead, I give myself a mental slap as I try to pull it together. Breathing, I check the other side, wondering if there is anything below I can drop onto, making it less of a fall. As I glance over the side, I see a huge black truck below. I’m not sure why it’s there, but it is and I’m taking full advantage of it. Sitting on the edge of the roof, I slowly lower myself down until my feet reach the roof of the truck. Despite the wobble, I manage to steady myself. With a quick look around, the coast seems clear before I step onto the hood of the truck and finally my feet meet with the ground. Slowly, I creep around the vehicle in search of the best way to get out of here unnoticed. Making my way to the side of the house, distant voices become clearer and louder as I do. Resting my back flat against the brick wall, I peer around the building. The men I saw earlier are still standing around smoking and chatting.
Shit.
Resting my head back, I use my fingers to nervously tap the skin above my lip. Think, Tara. Think. There’s no way I’m getting out of the main gate, so I have to make it out some other way. As I look straight in front of me I know the answer is staring me in the face. The field beside me with small shrubs and trees leads to the main road where Isabelle’s mom’s house used to be. If I can get over the fence and walk far enough, it will eventually bring me out at the road.
And that’s exactly what I do. I climb over the fence, dropping down at the other side and tiptoe through the dense grass. I’m not sure how long it takes or how far I walk, but eventually I make it out to the road. Pulling out my phone, I call for a cab as I continue down the road, staying close to the edge. Telling them where I am and asking them to hurry, I drop the phone back into my purse and charge forward. The last thing I want is for them to realize I’m gone and send out a search party.
Not long after I called the cab, I notice lights approaching. Covering my eyes with my arm, I try to focus, despite the brightness of the oncoming lights. A lump forms in my throat as I hope this is the cab and no one else. The vehicle slows and as it stops beside me, the yellow cab comes into focus.
Thank God.
I let out a huge breath, grabbing the handle and yanking open the door. I drop into the back seat and look between the chairs to the driver.
“Little late to be out here on your own, ain’t it?”
“Thanks for coming so quickly,” I say, taking hold of the seatbelt and pulling it across my chest. I fumble with the buckle, trying to get it to clip in. My coordination seems to have gone to shit, and I can’t match the buckle to the clip.
“Shit,” I grumble, letting out a growl of frustration.
I hear the cab driver chuckle, and I look up, glaring at him.
“Do you need a hand?” he asks sarcastically.
“No,” I snap. “I’m fine, absolutely fine.”
“Sure,” he drawls.
“Listen, mister. Just drive the damn cab already,” I say, shaking my head, then finally managing to get it fastened.
“Where to?”
“Drop me at the end of Creek Road.”
“The motorcycle club?” The guy’s face contorts and his eyes bulge a little. “You don’t look like the kind to go to a place like that.”
“I wouldn’t be going there unless I had to.”
“Me either,” the guy says with a lift of his brow. Putting the car in drive, we set off from the side of the road, making our way to the clubhouse. I can’t quite believe I’m doing this, but there’s no turning back now. Nate is my ride or die, and tonight, I’m going to let him know that we can get through this together.