Tara
Catching teardrops in my hand, I stare at my reflection in the mirror. I feel empty. Completely and utterly lost in my own skin. The pain I feel deep inside is like a pain I’ve never experienced before.
I’m used and unwanted.
The one person I want more than anything doesn’t want me, and I’m supposed to be okay with it. I don’t think that will ever be possible. Pretending I’m okay is the way I’ve been dealing with this, only I know I can’t this time. He's broken me beyond measure.
The sound of my cell phone ringing catches my attention. I race back into my bedroom, diving on the bed and answering the call.
“So… how did the date go?” Izzy’s voice sings sweetly down the receiver.
“Oh, Izzy.” I muffle a cry, but I know she must have heard it. I fight back the emotion, not wanting to be that heartbroken friend that cries all the time.
“What? What is it? He didn’t hurt you, did he?” she blurts out, her tone full of concern.
“No, no, not at all,” I’m quick to respond. “I made a mistake. A stupid mistake,” I say, allowing my ass to fall back on the bed, pulling my legs up and crossing them beneath me.
“Talk to me, Tara. What is it?”
“Are you sitting down?”
“Of course,” she says with a whisper.
“Okay, so I had a little too much to drink. I saw Brax and, ugh, what an asshole.”
She clears her throat and I continue. “I know you love him, Izzy, but honestly, he just wouldn’t leave me alone. I got angry with him and stormed out for some fresh air. As soon as I stepped outside I suddenly felt really drunk. I could barely stand, and then you’ll never guess.”
“What?” she breathes down the phone.
“Nate turned up, all heroic and looking hot.”
“Oh, Jesus, no,” she screeches.
“Uh-huh,” I reply, placing my finger in my mouth and biting on the skin at the side of my nail. “It’s so fucked up, Izzy. I feel so used.”
“You slept with him?” Her words are followed by a huge gasp.
“Yes, I just couldn’t help myself. I want him. I want him in my life. I love him, despite everything he’s put me through.”
“Oh, babe,” she sighs heavily. “You need to speak with Brax. That’s, uh, that’s actually why I called.”
“Why?” I ask with a sniffle.
“Because he spoke with Nate last night. There are things you need to know. But not like this. Meet us at Espresso café, okay?”
“But I’ll see you at work.”
“No,” she blurts out. “Not there.”
“Why?” I ask, confusion swimming through my head.
“No questions,” she chuckles. “Just meet us there in an hour.”
“Yes, boss,” I say with a mock salute.
“Good, see you then.” She ends the call and I can’t help but feel curious about what she has to tell me.
* * *
Arriving at Espresso café, I walk through the door, spotting Brax and Izzy sitting in the corner. She has her legs crossed, their knees are touching, and her hand covers his. They look so loved up, so perfect together. My stomach sinks, but the only reason I’m here is on the promise of getting some sort of information from Brax.
Izzy turns and faces me. Smiling widely, she beckons me to join them. I hadn’t realized that I was momentarily frozen to the spot. Shaking my head, I walk toward them, Izzy stepping from her seat and embracing me. Wrapping my arms around her, I mold into her embrace, wanting to let out all of my pain and emotion. But I don’t. Instead, I bite down on my lip, forcing back the tears that threaten to break the surface.
“It’s going to be okay,” she whispers into my ear, her palm caressing my back.
Separating from her hold, I nod my head, sliding into the small wooden chair.
“Can I get you something to drink?” The pretty young waitress appears beside me, a sickly sweet smile on her face.
“Coffee. Strong,” I snap. The woman scribbles something on her notepad, dipping her head and scuttling away from us. “So, Brax… spit it out.”
“Nice to see you too, Tara.”
“Enough with the bullshit, Brax. You have something to say, let’s just cut to the chase and talk it out.” My arms fly in the air as my voice becomes louder and my body becomes animated.
“Calm down,” he whisper-shouts. “I’m here because I care. Because I care about you both.”
“Nate?” I ask with a scoff. “That asshole only cares about himself—”
“You’re wrong,” he cuts me off. “He’s fucking crazy about you.”
“Sure,” I drawl. “Or maybe he’s just fucking crazy.”
“Stop,” Brax roars. I jerk at the sharpness of his voice. The rest of the café turn to look at us, voices now hushed and all eyes on us. But they quickly turn away. Brax is known by pretty much everyone around these parts. He’s the ultimate businessman.
Leaning over the table, he clenches his hands together, fidgeting nervously. “I gave him my word. I swore to him I wouldn’t say anything to you, but I’m stuck in the fucking middle here. And not telling you is a mistake. You have to know what sort of danger you’re in.”
“Danger?” I gasp, my hand flying to my now galloping heart. “What kind of danger?” My heart leaps into my throat and stays there, blocking the ability for me to inhale my next breath.
“Jeffries… he wants you for himself.”
I laugh, shaking my head. “That is never gonna happen,” I say with finality.
“Carter promised you to him. He made a deal with the MC devil, and the devil wants his prize. That’s why Nate has been forced to stay away. He so much as looks at you and he’s dead. Tara, Nate doesn’t want this. He’s trying to protect you. Keep you at arm’s length.”
Gulping down the sick that has risen in my throat, I can’t help but fill with dread. Who is going to protect me now that Carter isn’t here?
“Fuck Carter,” I spit out. “You can’t call on a deal with a dead man.”
“If he touches you, Tara, he knows that would be war between us. He’s fully aware you’re under my protection.”
“So we go to war. We have no choice, Brax.”
“It’s not that simple,” he sighs, slumping in his chair. “I’m not supposed to know. That’s why you have to promise this stays between the three of us.”
My heart is racing, hammering at my chest like it’s looking for a way out. How can any of this be true? How could Carter promise me to the head of the MC? I allow my mind to wander, thoughts of Nate blur everything else. There’s an explanation. A really good explanation as to why he is pushing me away.
“I knew this wasn’t what he wanted,” I mumble, leaning forward on my elbows, my fingers skirting my sensitive lips. The memory of the night before flashes through my mind. My eyes focus on the spotty tablecloth beneath my elbows and the hurt I once felt is now replaced with hope. Hope that the one thing I want more than anything isn’t completely lost.
“Tara,” his voice calls, snapping me from my thoughts. “Did you hear a word of what I said?”
“Baby.” Izzy strokes his arm gently. “She might be in shock. Give her time to process this.”
“Me… what? I’m fine.” I look between the pair of them, my eyebrows drawn and my stare narrowed. Brax pushes his hands through his hair, his shoulders slumping.
“I just don’t know what to do,” he says with a defeated sigh. “Taking action against him, eradicating the problem just doesn’t seem right. I mean, technically, he hasn’t done anything yet. But he’s a danger and I don’t want you to have to watch your back constantly, worried about him taking what he wants. These Savages play dirty. Real fucking dirty.”
“What? You think he’s just going to kidnap me and keep me locked up at the clubhouse?” I say with a scoff. “You’re out of your mind.”
“Tara.” He blows out a controlled breath, reaching for my arm. “You need to take this seriously. You don’t know the MC like I do.”
“Brax,” I raise my voice a little, “I was born into this life of crime. My uncle and my cousin have always had dealings with the MC.”
“But your mom protected you, Tara. That’s why she kept you away from Carter as much as she could.”
“She thought she was protecting me. But I overheard their conversations. The stories of the men Carter had killed. The deals that made him millions and the one that lost him more men than he could count on both hands. I may have just been a child, but I was all too aware of what went on. All of it.”
“You just need to be careful,” Izzy says with a smile. “You’re my best friend. There’s no way I’m losing you to some crazy, leather-wearing mad man.” She chuckles, and I know it’s her way of trying to ease the situation.
“As hard as this is going to be to hear, I have to keep up good communication with Nate. He’s the only one that knows. He won’t let anything happen to you,” Brax informs me.
My heart sinks at the words that fall from his mouth. He won’t let anything happen to me. But all I want is him.
“Why can’t he stand by my side and protect me, huh?” My eyes bore into Brax, waiting for him to answer. Because, when all is said and done, I want to be worth the fight.
“He was born a Savage. He cannot leave or go against his brothers. Not even for you. They’ll kill him first. He’s been given a direct order. Failure to follow will result in consequences. That means either you or him. Believe it or not, Tara, he is protecting you.”
Panic races through my veins like I’ve been shot with adrenaline. I jerk my eyes to Izzy, her hand covering her mouth.
“What?” Brax asks, looking between us.
“Last night, Brax. He took me home…” I cringe, not really wanting to relay the full story. But there was no denying the look in Brax’s eye. He is angry and concerned.
“Have you heard from him since he left your place?” he asks and I respond with a shake of my head. Rushing to dig out his cell phone, he holds it to his ear. Scraping the chair back, he steps and heads outside, all the while shaking his head from side to side. My eyes are glued to him as he makes his way through the door and outside, my throat bobbing when I swallow the dread that has built there. Suddenly, I feel cold and I can’t help but shiver.
“What have I done?” I whisper, crossing my arms over my chest. “What if he’s been hurt… or worse?” I choke out, my throat feeling scratchy and unexpectedly dry. “Damn.” I press my hand to my throat. “Where’s my coffee?” I crane my neck, looking for the girl who had served us. I see her approaching and suddenly need the comfort that the coffee offers.
“I’m sure he’ll be okay,” Izzy replies. “I’m not sure how anyone would know.”
I nod, looking sideways as the young girl places the coffee in front of me. “Can I get you anything else?”
I shake my head, declining her offer.
“We’re good, thanks,” Izzy replies in an upbeat tone. Wrapping my hands around the large coffee cup, I bring it to my mouth, my hands shaking as I slurp the warm coffee.
“Shit, this is good coffee.”
“It’s the best, right?” Izzy says with a smile, only for it to fade almost immediately. The door flies open and Brax storms back toward us.
“What? What is it, Brax?” Izzy asks, stepping up and standing in front of him.
“It’s Nate…” he starts, but I don’t give him a chance to continue. I’m immediately up from my seat.
“Is he okay? What’s happened?” I question him, tugging on his arm.
“He got in trouble last night at the clubhouse. I gotta go see how he is.”
“I’m coming with you.”
“No way. No fucking way.”
“I need to know he’s okay, Brax. Please…”
“I said no, Tara. You go into the office with Izzy. I’ll call you as soon as I know anything. But stay at the office. I need to know you are okay. Got it?” Leaning forward, he kisses Izzy on the forehead before snaking his hands onto the back of her head and moving his mouth close to her ear. He whispers something I can’t quite make out. She nods, wrapping her arms around his neck before kissing him deeply.
“Love you,” she murmurs against his lips.
Rubbing the tip of his nose against hers, he smiles widely and mouths his “I love you,” before turning and racing out of the café again.
“We should go to the office,” Izzy says, grabbing her purse from the table.
“Not until I’ve had my coffee,” I say with a tut. “This is the best damn coffee I’ve ever tasted,” I say, reaching for my huge cup.
“We’ll get it to go.” She smirks.
“What did Brax say to you before he left?” I ask with a tilt of my head, my eyes hard on her.
“What?” Her eyes bug out. “That he loved me?”
Rolling my eyes, I exhale heavily. “No, you know that’s not what I’m talking about. He whispered something to you, something he didn’t want me to hear. What was it?”
“Something he didn’t want you to hear.” She shakes her head giving me a sarcastic look. Walking toward the counter, she orders two coffees to go.
“Izzy, come on. I’m so sick of being left out of the loop. I get that you two are married and totally inseparable, but if it concerns me I have the right to know, surely?”
Shooting me a sad smile, she says, “You’re right.” She sighs a little. “But, he’s just looking out for you, honey. He wants me to make sure you stay at the office with me today. No visits or seeing clients.”
I throw my arms in the air. “But that’s my job.”
“Not today,” she says giving me a look of warning. “We have to keep you safe. Promise me you won’t do anything stupid.”
“You know I can’t promise that,” I say with a serious face. Izzy chuckles, tapping the top of my arm playfully.
“I’m being serious, Tara,” she says, smiling at the waitress who places two to-go coffees on the side. Grabbing them she says her thanks and turns to make her way out.
“What, you’re not going to pay her?” I say jabbing my thumb over my shoulder as I follow after Izzy.
“I don’t have to.” She smirks. “Brax just bought the place. We officially own the best coffee house in the area.”
“Unbelievable,” I mumble to myself. Following Izzy outside, she walks over to the huge black Mercedes parked just out front.
Stopping just beside it, the driver jumps out, opening the rear door for her. I frown a little, my nostrils widening as I look at her getting in the car.
“Ma’am.” He offers his arm out to me, guiding me around the other side of the car. I follow, albeit, a little bemused. I fall into the luxurious leather seats and immediately turn to Izzy. Holding out her hand, she offers me the coffee and I take it from her, never once breaking my stare.
“What?” she asks, widening her eyes.
“We’re getting driven around in a goddamn Mercedes,” I all but screech. “What has happened to you?” I say jokingly.
“It’s not like we can’t afford it,” she replies quietly as she reaches for her belt, pulling it over her shoulder and securing it into the clip. I run my hands through the front of my hair, removing the few strands that have fallen onto my face.
“He’s a businessman. We have to look the part.” She continues to speak quietly. “You know I’m not into materialistic things, but it’s all part of the show.”
“I feel like I don’t even know who you are anymore,” I say with a stifled laugh.
Heading the short distance to the office, I can’t help but notice a hell of a lot of men standing outside the building.
“What’s with the welcome party?” I ask as I gawk out of the window.
“Extra security, that’s all.”
“That’s all,” I repeat, looking at her with wide eyes. “Izzy,” I sigh but pause for a second. “I love that he cares so much, but I really don’t think I need protecting. Don’t you think if Jeffries was going to come for me, he would have done it a long time ago? It’s been a year since Carter… well, you know, since he passed. If what Jeffries said was true, wouldn’t he have staked his claim sooner?”
“I guess you’re right. So why now?”
“Maybe it’s all bullshit. Maybe it’s a story he made up to keep us apart.”
“But why?” She turns her body until she’s facing me. “Why would he not want you two to be together?”
“Good question,” I say with a raise of my brows. My door opens, causing me to jerk a little at the unexpectedness. “Ma’am.” The driver holds out his hand to me.
“No need, honestly, I can manage,” I reply, offering him a smile. He nods, stepping back to allow me to make my way out of the car. Izzy steps out of the car and we both stand on the sidewalk, looking at the mass of men all talking in hushed voices.
“What’s going on here?” I ask, and they all spin, turning to face us.
“Tara.” One guy holds out his hand to me. He has a bald head, and I notice a radio in his ear. I glare at his hand, grimacing a little. Dropping the hand he offered me, he says, “Please, let’s speak inside.”
Tutting, I step toward the door. Another one of the guys opens it and I make my way inside.
“Don’t you think this is all a little unnecessary?” I sip on the coffee, my eyes finding Izzy who has followed me in.
“Please, Tara. I know this has all been a little scary, but believe me, these men are here to protect us. Don’t take it out on them.”
Looking at the guy who appears to be studying me, I say, “You all need to stand down. There is no need really.”
“NO,” Izzy shouts. “This is not your call to make, Tara.”
“But… it’s too much. I get that he cares, that he’s trying to protect me, but it’s all making me feel a little claustrophobic,” I say, my free hand clutching my throat. Izzy continues to talk, but I’m zoned out, a mild panic setting in as I feel my anxiety grow. I feel a hand on me, guiding me upstairs and into the office. Words tumble from her mouth, but I can’t comprehend.
“Tara.” Her face comes into my line of sight. “Honey, it’s okay,” she says, her voice calm and soothing. “I know this is a lot to take in, but you can never have too much protection. After what happened with me, I know he’s taking no chances.”
I snap, suddenly digesting what she said. Jesus, this girl has been through so much shit, and here I am, freaking out when nothing has happened.
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” I say wrapping my arms around her and pulling her into my embrace. I know just how hard Izzy works to deal with her nightmares. Most days she’s okay, but some days are harder than others. The memories haunt her and sleep evades her. “I’ve been silly, forgive me.”
“The way you’re feeling is totally understandable. I get it,” she says parting from me and offering me her beautiful smile. For someone who has endured so much, her beauty shines through, even at the darkest times. I feel something buzzing in my purse. Placing my coffee down on the table, I reach inside, retrieving my phone and swiping across, answering the call.
“Hello?” I answer as I wait for the unknown number to speak.
“Tara.” The man’s voice is gruff down the receiver.
“Yes, who’s this?”
“You may remember me, you may not. This is Jeffries.”
Placing my hand over the speaker, I drop it from my ear, stifling a gasp. “It’s Jeffries,” I whisper to Izzy.
“Put it on speakerphone.” She points to the phone I have clasped in my hands. I do as she says, placing the phone on the table and initiating the speaker mode.
“You still there?” he asks.
“How did you get my number?” I question him and look at Izzy. She nods approvingly.
“That’s not important.” His smug tone reeks through my phone.
“It’s pretty important to me,” I reply snarkily.
“I’ll cut to the chase, Tara.”
“Please do,” I quip and I can’t help myself.
“Such a livewire,” he chuckles. “You know, I like that about you. I think together we can make sparks.” Covering my mouth, I mock gag at his insinuation.
“Tonight, I’m having a party. It’s an initiation, and it’s the best kind. You should come join us.”
I look at Izzy, who is shaking her head mouthing “no.”
“I’m really sorry, I can’t. But thank you for your kind invitation.”
“That’s a shame.” He sighs. “I will get you here with me,” he continues. “You know it’s a shame you fell into the wrong Savages' lap. I would’ve liked to have had the first taste of that sweet pussy of yours.”
“Excuse me?” I exclaim.
“Yeah, I know about you and my son. He’s nothing more than an apprentice. You should come take a ride with the master.”
“Never. Going. To. Happen,” I say before reaching down and ending the call.
“Oh, God.” Izzy looks at me with fear in her eyes.
“Who does he think he is?” I ask, scrunching up my nose.
“A man that women don’t often say no to. Someone who is used to getting his own way.”
Staring at the phone, the silence in the room is stifling. Despite the fact that I’m shaking like a leaf, I look at Izzy, her expression full of dread.
“Well that was fucking creepy,” I say, breaking the silence.
“Tara, please…” Her eyes falter shut, and she pulls out the chair, sliding into it.
“My God, are you okay?” I say, walking over and squatting down in front of her. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
Sucking in a huge breath, she lifts her shoulders letting out a controlled breath. “This… this situation,” she mumbles, “it’s bringing back too many memories.” Bolting her eyes shut, her head falls into her hands and stills. “I’m sorry,” she sniffles. “I should be supporting you, helping you, but it’s hard, you know?”
“Babe, I know. Every day you amaze me with your strength and how you manage to push past the memories and the demons that haunt you. You have nothing to apologize for.”
Lifting her head, her teary eyes meet mine. “I don’t want to lose you, Tara.”
“You won't,” I tell her with every ounce of conviction I have inside of me.
“You have to come stay with us.” Her voice wavers as she rushes out her words. “I know we can keep you safe. The idea of you being at your apartment, alone, scares the life out of me. Especially after he just called.”
I chuckle. “You can’t keep watch over me all of the time. And let’s face it,” I say with a sigh, reaching behind me and pulling up a chair until I’m sitting in front of her. “He can’t make me be with him. If I suddenly disappear, then people are going to know something happened.”
“But Brax said—” I hold up my hand, cutting her off, before she has a chance to go over what Brax said.
“Yes, I know what he said, Izzy, but this is different.”
“Tara.” She reaches, stroking my forearm. “I know you’re thinking positive, and you’re strong, and I’m not trying to knock that or scare you, but the truth of it is, they are outlaws. The one percenters that take matters into their own hands. No rules, no boundaries. They will take what or who they want. You have to take this as a serious threat. We have to be prepared and protect you at all costs.”
“For how long, Izzy? A week? A month? A year?”
“For as long as it takes.”
“I can’t live my life that way,” I reply with a sigh. And that’s the truth. No matter how scary Jeffries is, I won’t live in fear. Somehow, I have to finish this. Tell him I’m not interested and make it clear that I won’t ever be one of his biker whores. Not now, not ever.