Tara
Can you ever put a time on how long it takes to heal a broken heart? One day, one month, one year, or possibly one whole lifetime?
Is it possible—when the one reason your heart beats faster is no longer a part of you—that your heart can remain broken, never to be fixed or beat the same way again?
Nate told me I had to stay away. And in that moment it was like time stood still. My world froze, along with my heart. It came so out of the blue, so unexpected. He said it would never work between us, but he ain’t fooling me. We have been inseparable for months, hell, since that day I first saw him at the MC. For nearly a year now, we have been sneaking around, unable to keep our hands off each other. One look into his bright blue eyes told me everything I’ll ever need to know about Nate.
He’s my soulmate.
And accepting that he will no longer be in my life is something I’m struggling to get to grips with.
I need to get out of this damn apartment. Being here alone is driving me crazy. I throw back the bedsheets, the ones that smell just like Nate. That woody cologne he wears has seeped into every fiber in my apartment and hanging on to it feels like the only thing I have left of him.
The sound of my cell phone ringing snaps me from my daydream. I fall back against the bed before rolling on my side and grabbing the phone from my nightstand. I can’t help the smile that creeps across my face when I see her name.
“Izzy,” I say in an upbeat tone. The last thing I want is anyone feeling sorry for me, or to give the impression that I’m not okay. Of course I’m okay. I think.
“Hey, whatcha doing?” she all but sings down the phone.
“Right now, nothing. I was just about to get my lazy ass in the shower before heading to work.”
“You’re going into work?”
“Err, yes… why wouldn’t I?”
Izzy sighs loudly down the phone. “Babe, you don’t have to pretend that everything is okay, like life goes on. I know you’re hurting and I also know how much he meant to you.”
Taking in a deep breath, I adjust my posture, a lame attempt at controlling the emotions I feel buzzing through my body. “I’m over it,” I say with finality. “It just wasn’t meant to be.”
“You don’t really believe that. You two have been seeing each other for months. You’re perfect for each other,” she all but gasps.
“I was stupid to believe it would work. That we would actually be together, Izzy. I feel like such a fool.” I slump forward, grabbing a handful of the bedsheet and pressing it against my cheek. The smell of Nate hits my senses and I can’t fight back the tears that now fall from my eyes. My heart has been crushed, only I’m not the kind of girl that shows when she’s hurting. I learned I have to be strong. Living in a family so involved in crime trains you to be street smart and tough. Only this kind of pain is one I’ve never experienced before.
“You’re not a fool. You fell in love with the wrong guy.”
“I should have listened to Brax,” I croak.
“You followed your heart, and that takes strength. I still think things will work out between you two. Give it time.”
“But he blanks me, Iz. Acts like I don’t exist.”
“Maybe that’s his way of dealing with it? You know this is not what he wants, right? Jeffries found out and called an end to it.”
“That’s no excuse, Izzy. If he really wants to be with me, he should be fighting for me. Why isn’t he fighting for me, huh?”
“I wish I had an answer for you,” she sighs down the phone.
“Did Brax say anything?” I blurt out. “Has Nate said anything about me to him?”
“You know how close those two have become. I’m sure they talk about shit, but he hasn’t said anything to me, honey. I’m sorry.”
“What a jerk,” I groan down the phone. “I really thought we had something special. We both went into it with our eyes wide open. We knew what was between us would be frowned upon. That my family would forbid it. But you know, as soon as Carter was out of the picture, I thought it would be easier. I thought we’d go public and everyone would be cool with us. But he still wanted it to be a secret.”
“He knew his father would disapprove?” she asks.
“Yeah, that asshole disapproves, but so what? He’s a grown man…”
“Who lives an MC lifestyle. One where women aren’t respected. They take what they want when they want.”
“But, he’s not like them. He’s different.”
“I agree,” she replies in an upbeat tone. “He isn’t like the rest of them, but how do you expect him to break free? If he walks away, his father will hunt him down and kill him. Why do you think he hasn’t done it already?”
“You’re right,” I sigh loudly, falling back on the bed with a thud. “I’m just not sure I can live without him.”
“There will be others. You’ll find someone else.”
“What if I don’t want anyone else?” My words are barely audible as they come out as a whisper. “I gotta go,” I say, suddenly jumping up and giving myself a mental slap across the face. “I got to get to work. Don’t want the boss on my case.”
“I am the boss,” she chuckles.
“See you later.” I stifle a laugh and shake my head as I end the call.