Chapter Eleven
When Damien woke the morning after his date with Lindsey, he rolled to his side and stared out the window. How had things gone so terribly wrong? He’d seriously pissed her off. Damien knew he shouldn’t have taken the painting. If she’d only unsealed the letter instead of stubbornly tucking it away, her tune may have changed. He considered leaving the night before, just to get some space and air. It only would’ve made matters worse.
The fact that he even thought about running away shook him. It made him remember who he could become—a coward who fled from his responsibilities, like his mother. He wouldn’t ignore the problem, either, as his father would have. The need to be stronger than those he came from pushed him out of bed. He tugged on jeans and a black T-shirt, and went to find Lindsey. They’d deal with their issues, head-on.
Hairs prickled up on his arms when he didn’t find them in the house. Wouldn’t that be something, if they were the ones to leave? His stomach clenched, then released, when he saw Lindsey sitting at the water’s edge with Maris on her lap and Daisy chasing the tide in and out. The dog barked every so often when the water lapped at her feet. He strode down to them, picking up a few flat rocks as he went. She didn’t turn to look at him when he approached, just gazed out blankly over the horizon.
He sat down in a sandy pocket next to her, and held out some of the rocks, like a peace offering.
“Best out of three?” He looked her in the eyes, hoping to disarm her.
“Might be kind of tough to skip rocks.” Lindsey motioned to Maris who was wide-eyed and awake. Her eyes had changed from newborn-blue to Lindsey’s sea-glass green.
“I wanted to talk to you about last night,” he said. When Lindsey didn’t respond, he continued. “I’m sorry, Lindsey. I am. I never meant to upset you or take away control. I was just…trying to make you happy, I guess, but I didn’t think things all the way through.”
“You want me to stand on my own two feet, I know that. Tell me honestly, is that why you’ve stayed here so long? Because you’re afraid of what will happen to me if you leave? That I won’t be able to care for myself and Maris?”
He put down the rocks and splayed his hands out on the sand. Damien’s stomach was hard and tight, like someone had emptied a bucket of concrete into it.
“Lindsey, that’s not it at all. There was something else I wanted to talk to you about last night, but it wasn’t the right time.” She shifted Maris in her arms, then looked up, waiting for him to continue. “The night your parents came home from Aruba, I met a guy who works for Veteran’s Services, while I was picking up takeout at Anthony’s. He told me there were positions available in town to help military families, and we’ve talked a few times since then. When he originally brought up work, the timing wasn’t right. I think it is now.”
Lindsey seemed to hesitate and he wondered if she wanted him to put down roots at all. “Is it something you’d be interested in? Something you’d enjoy doing?” The wind carried her hair away from her face. Even with the guarded expression, she was the prettiest woman he’d ever seen.
“I’ve seen enough war, enough death. It’s an important thing to help soldiers transition home. It might be fulfilling, and something with meaning.” He paused, and then said, “I want to stay close to you and Maris, Lindsey.”
“Damien, we couldn’t even make it through one dinner date. Do you think it’s smart to make such a big decision based on our relationship?” She closed her eyes and let out a breath. His heartbeat quickened—was she pushing him away already?
“Let’s just call dinner a fluke thing.” He hoped to God it was.
“I know you’ve never wanted a life here, Damien. It’s not right to hold you here if it’s not what you truly want. The decision has to be yours.” He followed her eyes to the white-and-red sailboat that slowly floated along with the white-capped waves.
“This was a dark place for me growing up, but there was one bright light, Lindsey—you.” He brushed her hair aside so he could see her face, touched her soft cheek, and guided her eyes to his. “You showed me kindness when no one else would. You sat with me on the bus in grade school, even though my clothes were uncool hand-me-downs from the thrift shop. I stole your lunch and instead of hating me, you brought an extra sandwich every day. You never forgot, not once. Do you have any idea what that meant to me?”
Glistening tears formed in her eyes. She shook her head and gripped his hand. “Why did you push me away then when we were younger?”
“I didn’t think I could survive another person I cared for leaving. I want to see what we have here, Lindsey. And I want to give this job a try, not just for that, but because it’s something good to balance out all the bad.” Was that forgiveness that flittered in her eyes? He scooted a bit closer to her.
“I don’t know what’s going on between us, but know when I’m with you everything just seems right—better. I want to see what that means, too. Let’s both try to be more open. No more secrets, okay?” She leaned her head against his shoulder and he sighed with relief.
“Scout’s honor,” he whispered into her hair.
“I looked at the contract from the gallery last night,” she said after a while. A sandpiper ran by stopping every so often to peck at the sand.
“Lindsey, you don’t have to—” She held up her free hand to quiet him.
“It’s more than fair. It’s unbelievable—I’m not sure someone would really pay that for one canvas, but I’m going to give it a shot. The gallery will take 40 percent of the profits once the pieces start to sell. I did some research and that seems to be a little less than industry standard.”
“I believe in you Lindsey, in all of you.” He wrapped an arm tightly around her shoulders, afraid that if he loosened his grip she’d slip away from him like sand through open fingers.
*
Damien released the breath he was holding and opened the door to Veterans’ Services. A woman with choppy red hair and funky green glasses shot him a smile.
“Mr. Trent?” she asked, and stood up to shake his hand.
“Yes, ma’am. That’s me.” He returned her smile even though he suddenly wanted to run in the opposite direction.
“Jason will be with you in a few minutes. Please make yourself comfortable.” She settled back down at her desk and started clicking away at the computer keys.
He thanked her and chose one of the blue padded chairs. The bubbling fish tank and kids’ corner with books and blocks brought a doctor’s office to mind. He straightened the deep green tie Lindsey had helped him pick out. The simple shopping trip had turned into a nice afternoon, and gave him renewed hope after their tense dinner date. He had purchased the tie and a simple white collared shirt for his interview. On their way home, they’d stopped at an art shop and Lindsey added some paints and brushes to her basket. While she had been browsing, an elderly man had approached him. That’s a beautiful family you have, son. Cherish it. To an outsider, it might be easy to mistake them as a family. Caring for Maris seemed to come naturally for him, but doubt still nagged at him like a paper cut. Would it always be this easy, or in time would he change, just like his father had? Or worse, have the urge to run away, like his mother. Part of him still wondered if he was capable of taking on the role of a father at all. And what if things with Lindsey didn’t turn out the way he wanted? Would he still be able to see Maris? Damien’s stomach clenched. He was scared to death, but he had a real shot with Lindsey this time around. He wouldn’t blow it. He wouldn’t let shadows of his past chase away the present.
That’s why he was sitting in this office building, wearing a tie he desperately wanted to loosen, as sweat beaded on his forehead. He’d handled secret missions in hostile environments. He had kept his head cool and weapon steady when the enemy engaged him, but something about an interview made him want to get up, walk out of the building, and never look back. What made him think he could take a hack at a desk job, when all he’d ever known was the field?
After a short wait, Jay with his happy-go-lucky smile, appeared in the doorway.
“Come on in, Damien.” Jay stood in the reception area, tossing a rubber-band ball in one hand. Damien stood and followed Jay out of the waiting room and down a hallway. “I didn’t think you’d call, but I’m glad you came in.”
“My circumstances changed,” Damien said. His throat was as dry as the Sahara Desert.
Jay nodded and turned to his left. “Let’s go in here.”
The room held one oval conference table with six boardroom chairs. He let Jay choose one, then followed his lead and sat across from him. He had to get his cool, or he’d blow the whole damn thing.
“Sorry I wasn’t more prompt for our meeting. My sister called to tell me her two-year-old drank some toilet water. She was in a panic. Wanted to know if she should call poison control.” His laugh filled the room, and the tight ball in Damien’s shoulders eased.
“I got puked on the other day, and thought I was on the set of The Exorcist.” Damien grinned. He was surprised that talking about kids was now in his comfort zone.
“Yeah, they really can project at that age. My younger sister’s son had colic—it was a nightmare. I don’t have any of my own, but man have I taken my fair share of bodily fluids. Was this your friend’s baby? The one you mentioned at the bar?”
“Yes, my girlfriend’s daughter.” His shoulders relaxed at the thought of them. He was sure Lindsey was thinking of him, and would be waiting to hear news of the interview. It was a good feeling, to have someone care for you and cheer you on.
“Ah.” Jay gave him a knowing smile. “The reason the circumstances have changed?”
“Yes.” He tucked his hands in his lap to keep from fidgeting with his pen. Damn it he was literally sweating bullets. He could shake and water a garden for a month.
“It says a lot about your character, when you take on that responsibility. When you love a child that isn’t your own.” Jay leaned back casually in the chair, and propped his elbows on the armrests.
Jay had it right. He did love Maris. Damien had come to think of her as his own, and he couldn’t picture a future where he wasn’t able to watch her grow and laugh and play. Now when he thought of the weeks and years ahead, he always pictured Lindsey and Maris by his side. It made him hopeful, as well as unsettled. How could you feel two such different emotions at once?
They talked for over an hour about his time in the Marines, and his long-term plans. With every joke Jay cracked, the tension unraveled. Soon his hands were out of his pockets, resting against the table, and he no longer had the urge to swipe off his forehead every ten seconds. It didn’t feel like an interview at all—just two friends shooting the breeze.
“Damien, I think you’d be a great fit for our case specialist position. You and I would meet with military families to assess their needs, and set them up with available services like housing and job training. It’s a salaried position with health benefits, 401(k), and paid vacation.” Jay rattled off a salary that seemed fair to Damien.
They sealed the deal with some paperwork and a handshake, and Damien left the office. When the interview had ended, he expected some of the coils of stress lodged between his shoulder blades to ease. This was a big step for him. He never thought he’d try to make a life on the Cape. Now he was locking away a piece of himself that wanted to escape.
He sent Lindsey a quick text with the good news before getting on his bike to head home. That’s how he thought of the cottage now, as his home, and Lindsey and Maris were really the only family he had. He was grateful for them, but at times, the responsibility of it and the risk of losing them seemed overwhelming. Would he ever stop fearing he’d be left by the people he cared for?
He walked up the steps to the cottage, carrying his tie in one hand and portfolio in the other. Damien couldn’t wait to change out of the stiff shirt. He’d have to get used to this type of wardrobe, as it soon would be his everyday attire. When he swung the door open, Lindsey rushed to him and jumped in his arms. He grinned and pulled her in for a deep kiss, one that made his pulse quicken. When he looked up, he saw the kitchen was filled with red-and-blue balloons.
“Congratulations, Damien! I’m so happy for you.” Lindsey’s smile was ear-to-ear. “I hope you still like meatloaf and mashed potatoes.”
“One of my favorites.” He pulled her in for another hug. “You’re too good to me, Lindsey.”
She stepped back and locked eyes with him. “No, we’re good for each other.”
Lindsey dived back into the kiss, making his blood heat and ears ring. He hadn’t pushed for more, wanting to give her all the time she needed to heal, but now her lips trailed over his neck. Her hot breath against his skin sent shivers down his spine.
She nibbled his earlobe and whispered, “You know, the baby is down for a nap and dinner has another half hour in the oven. I can think of several things we could do in that time.”
“I’m up for all of them.” He swept her feet off the floor and carried her to the bedroom, closing the door behind them. He laid her down on the bed, and marveled at all that golden hair spread over the white sheets. Once they took this step, there was no going back. The sight of her made his heart thrum. Damien positioned himself beside her, and traced his hand down her face and over her shoulders. Her quick pulse fluttered against his hand when it passed over her neck. It was a wonder that he could make this beautiful woman’s heart race, just like his did.
He pulled her tightly against his body, so only clothes separated them. Her hands roamed under his shirt and over his chest, igniting fires everywhere she touched. She stood up, and undressed slowly in front of him, revealing the glorious curves motherhood had added to her lovely frame. Heat seared through him, and he longed to touch her. She fell into bed with him, pressing that amazing body against his now bare chest. She drove him crazy by placing irresistible kisses over his torso, and tugged at his pants. He struggled to pull them off, wanting her with a need that had taken on a life of its own. Had there ever been a woman so soft and caring, so willing and lovely? When he couldn’t stand it any longer he flipped, so he was braced over her.
“Are you sure, Lindsey?” he whispered hoarsely.
“Yes, now Damien,” she said arching her hips toward him.
He pressed his lips against her jawline and eased back. “We should use protection.”
“You’re right. I don’t think I’m mentally prepared to lose more sleep with late night feedings.”
He chuckled. “Hang on.” He opened the nightstand drawer and pulled out a condom. “I bought these a few days ago, you know, just in case.”
He entered her slowly, gently, and she gasped with pleasure. When she moved with him, the sweetness of her shot straight through his soul. She owned the key to his heart and unlocked it piece by piece with every sigh and movement. By the time they reached the finish line, he was completely undone by her. It shook him to the core to realize just how much she’d become to him. Damien’s life would never be the same now that he’d had her. He would never stop wanting for her, and he’d never stop loving her. She held his heart. She always had, and she always would.
*
Lindsey basked in the warmth of Damien’s skin against hers. He’d finally taken her to bed and it had been more powerful than any dream or fantasy. He cuddled her close, and every so often pressed a kiss to the top of her head. If only they could stay just like this, tangled up with bodies still warm from loving, for hours, centuries.
She hoped it was the same for him, and doubt trickled in like icy tear drops. Matthew had made it loud and clear that her lack of creativity in bed was one of the reasons he strayed. She silently cursed herself for comparing the two. Damien was nothing like Matthew. Didn’t he show her how committed he was to her, every day? If she was always doubting, always second-guessing, the chance to love someone so completely wonderful might slip past her, like bending to pick up a pretty shell only to have it stolen away by a rolling wave.
“Was it okay for you?” she finally asked. If only her voice didn’t hold so many insecurities, so much self-doubt.
“Okay? Lindsey, I don’t think there’s a word to describe what that was for me.”
She smiled into his chest when he hugged her tighter. Love swamped her heart and it scared her to death. There’d never be another Damien as long as she lived. She had to seize the gift she’d been given, pick up the shell and hold on tight, for a second chance at first love rarely came twice in a lifetime. His hands circled patterns on her back, and goose bumps popped over her arms at his touch.
“Did I hurt you?” His voice was muffled in her hair. The question made her realize Damien had his own uncertainties, too.
“There was no pain. You made sure of it.” She snuggled closer and groaned when the oven timer started chirping. She started to stand and Damien pulled her over him. Her hair curtained his face, like a shower of silk. He kissed her deeply and want flamed through her.
“I like burnt meatloaf,” he said rolling on top of her. They both laughed.
“And I’d like to end this perfect night without a visit from the fire department.” She kissed his forehead, got out of bed, and pulled on some sleep pants. As she padded down the hall to the kitchen, there was an extra spring in her step, and a smile in her heart.