Chapter Fourteen
Lindsey had so much on her mind that it was like middle school band lessons were in session inside her head. The sounds of the brass, woodwind, and percussions were thrumming so loudly she could barely think. Of course, it wasn’t instruments that clogged her brain and left her mind limp like one of Daisy’s stuffed chew toys. Her relationship with Damien held so many unknowns, and now she was second-guessing her decision to ask Alex for intel on Damien’s long-lost sister.
Lindsey had fallen for Damien hard and fast. Her heart, mind, and soul were on the line. She knew there was a real chance of losing him once he discovered what she’d done, but she wanted him to be happy, and to her that meant finding his sister at all costs. She supposed locating his sister wouldn’t guarantee that Damien would be happy at all. She’d always equated happiness with having a solid, loving family. What if for Damien, family were the people you chose and not those with the same DNA? Maybe their definitions of family were different, and if so, did she really only screw things up?
She sighed and looked at the mountain of dishes in the kitchen sink, piling up like Mount Vesuvius. Lindsey composed herself, picked up a dish, and started scrubbing. When she received commission from her first painting, a dishwasher would be the first thing she checked off her to-do list.
When she had shared his mother’s letter the week before, a steel wall surfaced around Damien. That moment had brought hard questions to the surface. If Damien couldn’t rationally discuss feelings of his past with her, how could they handle bigger problems that arose in their relationship later on? Every time the going got tough, would he slam that steel wall shut and leave her on the outside looking in?
She’d had enough secrets and lies when she’d been with Matthew, and by God she was done being someone’s doormat. Done.
Matthew’s call had shaken her to the core. She wished she told him he couldn’t visit, but his manipulative words had frightened her. Matthew had insisted on coming, and he was the father after all. Everything was such a mess, and her relationship with Damien was volatile. Maybe, Lindsey was just meant to be single. She didn’t feel strong enough to fight off Matthew, and then walk on eggshells with Damien. She wanted them to be an honest and open couple, and they were, so long as they treaded lightly around Damien’s past or anything to do with it. Was she being too hard on him? She knew Damien had faced significant trauma. Maybe she was the problem. Was she so set on finding this perfect, happy relationship that she was trying to fit a triangle block into a circle hole?
Perhaps her upbringing with two great parents, albeit a little overbearing and sometimes judgmental, really did color her world in a different light. If Damien was just trying to preserve himself from the pain of his past, who was she to tear away the barrier between the last connection he had? Life was so darn complicated sometimes.
She let out a long sigh. Lindsey and Damien would have to have a heart-to-heart, but right now, Matthew was her biggest worry. Lindsey snickered at the thought of Matthew’s perfectly manicured hands getting soiled while changing a diaper. She secretly hoped Maris would throw up all over one of his neatly pressed shirts. Still, she had to let him come. What choice did she have? Maris was his, too, by blood. It tore deeply into the core of her heart, because Matthew was no father to her at all. He didn’t care for her, and he didn’t love her. Someday, she’d have to explain to Maris why her biological father wasn’t there for her. She absently massaged her temples to ease the ache there.
Lindsey jerked, and the plate she was holding clattered to the ground. It shattered in a thousand pieces as her cell phone shrilled wildly on the counter beside her. Lindsey released the breath she’d been holding when she saw Alex’s name flash across the screen. Taking the baby monitor with her, she pulled the slider open and stepped on the deck. The warm air didn’t hold any comfort today, and she angled her body away from the gusts of wind as they snapped wisps of hair against her face.
Alex’s no-nonsense voice greeted her, then softened. The knot building inside her stomach could easily trump the world’s largest ball of yarn.
“Linds, I found her,” Alex said. “Her name is Kate.”
“Well, what do you think?” Lindsey asked, desperate for input or any inkling that she’d done the right thing. “Her character—is she someone Damien would want to meet?”
“Listen, I’m doing some work outside Boston today, for a corporation in Carver. Just wrapping up now, actually. I can be there in, say, an hour or so? We can go over the details in person, and then you can decide.”
Lindsey’s plate was pretty full with Damien’s new boss coming for dinner, a baby to tend to, and a house to clean, but learning about Damien’s sister was high up on her priority list.
“Can you stay for dinner?” Lindsey wrapped her free hand around her stomach, which was churning with angst.
“And not eat one of the frozen disks in my apartment freezer? Yes, please.” Alex laughed and a ghost of a smile formed on Lindsey’s face.
“Perfect. Just a heads-up, Damien will be bringing a friend home from the office.”
“Nothing would stand between me and a home-cooked meal.”
“Or any meal.” Lindsey laughed now, too, as she remembered her friend’s intense love of the cafeteria food in college.
“Hey, a girl has to eat,” Alex said before clicking off the line. Lindsey had always been semi-jealous of Alex’s lithe frame. The ability to down fast-food like it was a part-time job and never gain an ounce was Alex’s super power. Lindsey quickly learned that Alex woke before the sun, slipped on her running shoes, snuck out of the dormitory, and pounded the pavement while the rest of the world slept.
The static on the monitor picked up, and she looked at the screen. Maris was stirring. She had about ten minutes to finish up the dishes and spin through the house for a quick sweep of the floors. She blew out a breath and got to work. As she dried dishes and tucked them into the cabinet, her mind whirled with possibilities of Damien’s sister—who she was, what she did, how she looked. Anything to keep her mind off the giant ball of yarn as it spun wickedly in her belly. God, she hoped she’d done the right thing for Damien.
In the end, Maris gave her an extra half hour to do housework, and Lindsey was quite pleased with her accomplishments. The house was spotless, and a shepherd’s pie was assembled and ready to be popped in the oven. A car door slammed outside, and she stood up with Maris, who was cuddled in her arms. Lindsey glanced out the window just in time to see Alex’s long legs slide out from the black SUV. As she walked to the house, the sea breeze tossed her fiery hair, swiping the choppy strands against her chin. She wore dark jeans, a black T-shirt, and simple sneakers. Nothing about her friend had changed.
When Alex got close enough, she swung an arm around Lindsey, and peered down at Maris who looked back with wide eyes.
“Can you believe we were ever that tiny?” Alex whispered. A hint of unfamiliar awe swam through the currents of her voice.
“When she was first born, she seemed so small and so fragile. I carried her like she was made of eggshells.” Lindsey grinned at Alex.
“I won’t be holding her.” Her friend smiled, eyes still locked on the baby. “There’s way too much responsibility wrapped in that bundle of blanket.”
“I won’t force you.” Lindsey glanced down to the leather portfolio in Alex’s hands.
“I can see you’re chomping at the bit. Let’s go inside and we can look these over. Great place, by the way.” With one fluid movement, she opened the door to the cottage and breezed in. She stopped in the center of the kitchen, sniffed the air like a basset hound, and let out a long sigh. “Please tell me that smell is dinner.”
“It is. Shepherd’s pie. I was trying to think of something manly to make with Jay coming over. That’s the best I could come up with.”
“That’s pretty darn impressive. If I had a child, plus had to take care of a house, there wouldn’t be enough freezer storage in the world for all the Stouffer’s frozen dinners I’d need to buy.” Alex plopped down at the kitchen table, and Lindsey pulled over Maris’s activity chair so she could bat at the flowers and owls that hung above the arched pink canopy. Once she settled Maris in and buckled her securely, she switched her focus to Alex, and the single manila file that she produced from the case.
Lindsey pressed her hand to her chest, and the wild flap of her heart thrummed against her hand. “Oh, my gosh. I didn’t think I’d be this nervous,” she admitted.
Alex eyed her squarely from across the table. “Linds, you can change your mind. No one would know any different. This guy you’re seeing—Damien—how will he take it?”
Lindsey shook her head. “I’m not sure. Deep down, I think he’s always envied those who have a family and craved one of his own. Now he has that chance.”
“You can’t always count on blood. Sometimes the happy family we all seek is the furthest thing from our God-given relatives.” Alex cracked the file ever so slightly. “If you’re sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. Damien needs to know. He’ll never be able to move forward with his life if he can’t face his past.” Alex opened the file on the wooden table and Lindsey forced herself to breath normally.
“She’s squeaky clean, Lindsey. No records, no traffic violations, no suspensions from school.” Alex slid a stack of photos over to Lindsey. On the glossy paper, she saw Damien’s sister, blissfully unaware that her picture was being snapped by a stranger. She cringed at the invasion of privacy. There were images of Kate walking across campus in relaxed jeans, a college T-shirt, and a stuffed backpack. Ones of her studying on the green with her brows furrowed in concentration. There was no denying this was Damien’s sister. Her glossy hair, black as ink, fell just above her shoulders, and the eyes, that coastal-blue, was reflected on the photos. Unlike her brother, her build looked very petite.
“She’s beautiful.” Lindsey’s voice, barely a whisper, cracked as she shifted through the photos again.
“And smart. Her GPA is a 3.9 and she’s going for a dual degree in psychology and early childhood education. She works part-time at a twenty-four-hour diner. Seems to burn the candle at both ends. There’s something driving her focus, and I think it’s the mother.”
Lindsey’s brows snapped together. “Damien’s mother is in Boston?”
Alex frowned, and Lindsey’s heart sank like quicksand.
“Was, Lindsey,” Alex said. “She died at New Horizons, a treatment center for addiction. She overdosed. From what I can tell, Kate was footing the bills to keep her there. It looks like Kate may have been born during detox. Baby and mom had a two-month stint at the hospital in a special rehabilitation center. I didn’t include information on his mother’s passing in the file. He shouldn’t learn that news from a piece of paper.”
Tears welled in the corners of Lindsey’s eyes, blurring the papers and the room in front of her. Had she just popped the lid off Pandora’s box? Damien had just lost his father, and now she had discovered his mother had passed, too. She pressed her hand to her temple. Lindsey didn’t want to think of what this poor girl had gone through. It said something about her spirit that she forged on, going to college and holding a job, even though life kept knocking her back. Damien and his sister were tough as steel, and maybe the upbringing they shared would help weld them together.
“Are you going to tell him?” Alex asked, when Lindsey checked on the casserole inside the oven.
“They need each other. I’ll tell him when the time’s right,” Lindsey said. Would there ever be a right time to tell Damien she’d snuck around behind his back? Like an old reel of film, the scene of how she’d break the news to Damien kept streaming through her mind. Each one ended with his back turned to her. Ended with everything they’d built crumbling like a house of ash.
“You can keep the file,” Alex said. “But I’d tuck it away, because there’re two seriously hot men walking down the drive.”
Lindsey peeked out the front window and her eyes went straight to Damien. The cuffs of his crisp white dress shirt were rolled up at the elbows, leaving his strong, tan forearms bare. The same arms that held her at night. The ones that made her feel safe and wanted. His lips curved into a smile at something Jay had said. It softened all the hard angles and planes of his face.
Damien looked up and caught her eye. He grinned and waved. The two men stomped up on the porch, bringing a trail of sand with them, while jesting causally like old friends.
“Lindsey,” Jay said and pulled her into an easy half hug. “It’s nice to finally meet the person I hear about for the better part of the day.” His warm eyes crinkled at the corners, genuine and sincere. Damien had told her about his face, but the scars pained her all the same. Lindsey introduced Alex to the men. It was interesting that Alex’s hand rested in Jay’s for more than a casual moment. Throughout the meal she noticed Alex’s eyes wandering over Jay’s face. She knew her friend well enough to know it wasn’t the burns she kept glancing at. Jay looked up every so often, and shot her a lazy smile.
When it was time for Maris’s feeding, Lindsey retreated into the nursery. She was surprised when Damien snuck in and shut the door behind them.
“Can you believe the looks flying between them? I’ll bet you anything that I won’t be the one taking Jay home tonight.”
Lindsey’s lips curved smugly. “I don’t make a bet I know I’m going to lose. Alex’s intentions are written all over her face. She’s not exactly the bashful type.”
“Jay’s eating it up. He doesn’t get much female attention. This is really good for his ego.” He clasped Lindsey’s chin and brushed his lips against hers. “I hope you didn’t miss the looks I was sending you.”
“How could I? They were enough to add an extra layer of singe to the shepherd’s pie.” She had tried not to worry about overcooking dinner. It was one of those things that would have set Matthew off like a cannon.
“It was delicious, and I don’t think either of our guests will be complaining about their dining experience tonight.” He kissed her forehead. It was a sentimental gesture she’d never get sick of. What was it about a kiss on the forehead that made a lovely warmth spread through her chest? He stroked a few strands of stray hair away from her face, and that warmth swirled down to the tips of her feet. Damien gave her those little toe-curling moments every woman dreamed of. Except he wasn’t a dream at all. He was real and solid. She pushed away any thought of the file and of his sister. Once their friends left, tonight was going to be just about them. At least in bed, she could show him how she felt, without having to put her overwhelming emotions into words.
As predicted, the evening ended with Alex offering to drive Jay home. As Damien and Lindsey waved goodbye, they shared a victory high-five behind their backs. With Maris swaddled and tucked into her crib, Lindsey slid into the bedroom and settled under the covers next to Damien.
“How are you feeling about tomorrow?” Damien asked. The last thing Lindsey wanted to think about right now was her ex coming to see their child for the first time.
“I’m trying not to feel anything about it.” She snuggled closer and let her cheek rest on his bare chest. The steady thrum of his heart echoed against her cheek.
Damien leaned back to glance down at her, and frowned. “Do you still have feelings for him, Lindsey?”
“That’s not what I meant. I’m trying to put aside my anger toward him. I don’t want Maris to sense any hostility from me. He’s her father after all, even though he hasn’t been here. I haven’t seen him in over a year.”
Damien nodded and pulled her back against him. “I’m not budging. You know that, right?” His hands ran through the length of her hair, then back again. “If you want privacy, I’ll give it, but while he’s here, so am I.”
She knew it shouldn’t give her pleasure, but the fierce protectiveness in his voice sent a thrill straight through her. He was so resilient and so completely male. Anticipation flooded her when he cupped the back of her neck. He brushed kisses over each eyelid, and one on the tip of her nose, before parting her lips with his. She sank into his skin, drank in his scent, and overflowed with desire for him. They made love with an intensity that matched the heightened emotions of the day ahead. She knew it wouldn’t be simple to come face-to-face with Matthew, and Damien was showing her in every delicious way she could imagine that she belonged to him.