Staring at my reflection in the triple mirrors, I blinked back the tears clouding my vision. A year and a half after becoming a widow, I stood bedecked in a designer wedding gown. The gorgeous dress that made me feel like royalty was the creation of Jake’s younger sister, Allison. In the last three years, she had become a sought-out children’s clothes designer under her label Allie-Beans. But from time to time, she also designed dresses for special occasions for family and friends. Not only was Allison part of Jake and Abby’s family, but she was also part of the Runaway Train/Jacob’s Ladder family since she had married Runaway Train’s bassist, Rhys McGowan. She had recently designed Rae’s wedding gown, and when I saw how beautiful it was, I couldn’t wait to work with her.

When I caught Allison’s anxious expression in the mirror, I gave her a beaming smile. “It’s…breathtaking. It’s everything I could have ever hoped for in a dress.”

Relief flashed on Allison’s face before she exhaled a ragged breath. “Thank God. I’m not sure the last time I felt so much overwhelming pressure to design a wedding gown.” Tilting her head in thought, she replied, “It was probably mine since I feared I was too close to the project to get it right.”

“Why did you feel pressure? Don’t tell me I’m a diva, and I don’t even realize it,” I joked.

She waved a dismissive hand at me. “No. It’s nothing like that. I think it has to do with how deserving you are of the most beautiful dress I could imagine. You know, after everything you have been through and as long as Eli has waited to get married.”

An ache burned through my chest at the references to Jack and Eli. I knew regardless of how much time passed, I would always love Jack. Thankfully, I’d found a man who had a big enough heart to accept the both of us.

Allison’s hands gripped my waist. “How does it feel?”

“Good. It’s not too tight or anything.”

Absently tapping a finger on her chin, Allison said, “I’m not liking the fit in the waist. I think it’s a little too loose, even if you go up a few pounds with wedding stress eating.”

I smiled. “I don’t think stress eating will be an issue. It’s not my first time at the rodeo.”

“Not to mention you know Eli backwards and forwards, so there’s no need to worry about any weirdness sprouting out of him.”

“Oh, he has his weird moments, trust me.” Turning from side to side, I examined the dress in the mirror. “I do think it could be taken in a little. Unfortunately, I think I’ve lost a little since you took measurements. The last two weeks of rich European food didn’t always agree with me, and I threw up a lot.” I shuddered at the memory of the last leg of the European tour for Jacob’s Ladder. Although the scenery had been beautiful and I’d loved traveling through Germany, Switzerland, and Austria, I could have done without the stomach ailments. It’s not easy playing the fiddle when you’re dealing with nausea.

“I had that happen to me when Rhys and I were on our honeymoon in Scotland.” She laughed. “Of course, I think the fact he was eating haggis in front of me had something to do with it.”

“Yeah, Eli and Gabe tried to get me to eat that at the beginning of the tour. I said hell no.”

Holding up a finger, Allison said, “Give me one sec.” She then headed over to her desk. She grabbed up a case of pins and then came back over to me. “I promise by the next fitting, it’ll be perfect.”

“It’s damn near perfect right now.”

“Why thank you.”

As Allison began inserting pins into my dress, I couldn’t help thinking about just how much we had in common, and that wasn’t just with music. “You know, some people might think it was weird that the woman designing my wedding dress made out with my future husband,” I mused.

Allison’s hands froze on my waist. “I didn’t know you knew about that.”

“It’s okay. Eli told me it was years ago, before you and Rhys were dating, least of all married.”

She glanced up at me. “I hope he told you in spite of us making out, there never really was anything serious between us.”

I smiled at her. “Yes, he did. Don’t worry, I know you were in love with Rhys, and Eli was helping you try to make him jealous.”

“Yes, that’s pretty much what happened. At the same time, I wasn’t blind to how good-looking he was, or how much fun he was to be around.”

“Oh yeah, that’s Eli all right.”

A dreamy look came over her face. “The truth is it wasn’t meant to be. Rhys was meant for me, and Eli was meant for you.”

“Yes, you’re right.”

“I will say he was an amazing kisser.”

When she waggled her brows, I shrieked and covered my eyes. “Okay, yeah, I’m totally regretting bringing this up now.”

A gentle knock came at the door. “Come in,” Allison called.

Abby came rushing in with Jules. They were also getting their first fittings for their bridesmaid and flower girl dresses. “Sorry we’re late,” she panted.

“You’re fine. I’m just finishing up with Emersyn,” Allison replied.

Exhaling a breath, Abby shook her head. “You would think after having twins that adding one more child to your household wouldn’t make that much difference. Trust me, it does.”

“And how is Annabelle?” I asked.

Abby’s face lit up. “She’s absolutely wonderful. Even when she only sleeps three hours at a time.”

Considering the issue she’d had getting pregnant, Eli and I had been surprised when Abby announced her pregnancy last year. But no one was more surprised than the two expectant parents. Jake had shaken his head at us. “Word to the wise. Just because a doctor tells you that you can’t have any more kids, that doesn’t mean it can’t happen.”

“Maybe that means we can have even more, babe,” Abby had replied with a grin.

“Maybe that means I should have a vasectomy,” he countered back, which earned him a playful smack from Abby.

Thankfully, Annabelle had arrived safe and sound two months ago. Every time we were around them, Eli made a beeline over to hold her, which caused my heart to melt. I knew he was going to make the most amazing father. He’d certainly been dreaming of it for a long time. I hoped it was sooner, not later, that I was able to give him that gift.

Suddenly, the room became impossibly warm, causing my stomach to lurch. I slapped a hand over my mouth. “Oh, my God, I think I’m going to be sick.”

Moving at lightning speed, Allison snatched up the small waste basket she was standing beside. Since she wasn’t close enough, she chucked it over to Abby who was standing next to me. After shoving it in front of my face, I leaned over and threw up. Repeatedly.

When I finished, Abby took the trash can from me and immediately hurried out of the room to get rid of it. After swiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I groaned. “Ugh. I can’t believe I almost puked on my beautiful wedding dress.”

Allison grinned. “Don’t worry. I could get it out.”

“Seriously?”

“I have some pretty amazing secrets of the trade.”

“That’s good to know.” Rubbing my stomach, I blew out a frustrated breath. “I thought I had gotten over this once we got back home.”

As Abby came out of the bathroom, her brow furrowed. “You think it’s still the food?”

“I don’t know. I’ve felt a little nauseous for the last couple of days.”

Abby and Allison exchanged a look. After clearing her throat, Abby said, “I’m not sure how to ask this delicately—”

“Do you think you could be pregnant?” Allison blurted.

I gasped. “What? No, no. That can’t be it.” I waved my hand dismissively at her. “I mean, I get why you would think that with Rae being pregnant, and Abby just having a baby. But nope. There’s no way I could be pregnant.”

Abby crossed her arms over her chest. “Are you having sex with Eli?”

A flush of embarrassment warmed my cheeks. “Uh, yeah, well, yes, of course I am,” I fumbled.

“Then you absolutely could be pregnant.”

Oh, God. She was right. Women who had sex got pregnant, and since Eli and I had become a couple, we had a lot of sex. But we always used protection. I’d gone off birth control after Jack died, so when things got physical between Eli and me, we went with condoms. I wasn’t even supposed to meet with my gynecologist until next month to get on birth control before the wedding.

And then it hit me. A hurried and frantic coupling when we had gone without the protection of a condom. When my hand flew to my mouth, Abby’s wild gaze spun around for something else for me to throw up in. I held up my free hand. “No. It’s okay. I’m horrified, not about to puke.”

“It doesn’t hurt to be prepared. I usually did five-minute throwing-up jags when I was pregnant with Annabelle,” Abby informed me.

“I can get you a plastic bag,” Allison offered.

“Really. I’m fine.” Pinching my eyes shut, I exhaled a ragged breath. “Let me rephrase that. Physically, I’m fine. Emotionally, I’m a wreck.”

“Well, you’re not going to be better emotionally until you know if you are or you aren’t pregnant,” Abby said.

“Any chance you have a pregnancy test in your purse?” I asked.

“Sorry. I’m all out,” she teasingly replied.

“Hold on.” Allison took her phone out of her back pocket. “Monica, can you do me a huge favor? Run down to the CVS on the corner and get me two to three different types of pregnancy tests.” When Monica said something, Allison busted out laughing. “God no, they’re not for me. Sam is barely walking.”

Allison and Rhys had unexpectedly become parents a year ago when the daughter of one of Runaway Train’s roadies gave up a baby boy for adoption. She specifically asked Allison and Rhys to adopt him. From the way Eli told it, they hadn’t been married long and weren’t entirely ready to start a family, but the moment they met Sam, they knew they couldn’t say no.

After hanging up the phone, Allison smiled at me. “Okay. My assistant just left to get some tests. While we wait on that, let me finish pinning you and then you can get out of the dress.”

When I glanced at my reflection in the mirror, I burst into tears. “If I’m pregnant, I won’t be able to wear this dress by the time the wedding rolls around.”

Once again, Abby and Allison exchanged looks. “Have you noticed you’ve been overly emotional lately?”

“Yeah, but I just thought it was because my period was late.” The minute the words left my lips, I gasped. “Seriously? How clueless can I be? My period is late, and I didn’t once stop to question if I might be pregnant.”

“Cycles can be weird,” Allison countered.

Abby nodded. “Not to mention, your body has been under a lot of stress with the European leg of the tour.”

I guess they had a point. The band had been stretched pretty thin when we’d added eight European cities to our North American tour. But after another peek at my reflection, I sighed. “Just get me out of the dress, okay?”

“Emersyn, even if you’re pregnant, I can let the dress out. We can make it work,” Allison reassured me.

“Really?” I asked, my chin trembling slightly.

“Yes. I swear.”

I smiled. “Thank you for being so good to me.”

“You’re more than welcome.”

After jerking a hand through my hair, I sighed. “Until I see a positive line on a test, I’m chalking all this unnecessary worry up to the baby free-for-all that’s transpired lately with Annabelle’s birth and Rae being pregnant.” Pointing at Allison, I added, “I guess that means there’s something in the water. You better not drink any of it.”

Jules, who had been playing with some toys in the corner, peered curiously at her mother. “Is that how Annabelle got in your tummy? Because you drank water?”

Abby’s eyes bulged. “No, sweetheart, it’s not.” Digging in her purse, she pulled out a tablet. “Why don’t you go watch a movie?”

After Jules skipped off with Frozen blaring, I gave Abby an apologetic look. “I’m so sorry. I’ve got to work on my mouth now that I’m around small children.”

“It’s okay. Believe me, she’s heard so much worse being around the men of Runaway Train and Jacob’s Ladder.” She winked at me. “And her mother has somewhat of a potty-mouth, too.”

“Good to know.”

Allison jerked her chin to the fitting room. “Okay, I need work on Abby and Jules. I’ll

get you unbuttoned, and then you can get dressed.”

“And drink a lot of water to help you pee for your test,” Abby suggested.

I snorted. “I think I’ll be fine.”

After Allison unbuttoned me, I slipped back into the fitting room and slid the curtain back in place. I quickly went to work getting out of the dress just in case I got sick again. Once it was free from my body, I hung it back up. As I reached to put on my shirt, I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. I stared into my eyes for a moment before my gaze dropped below my waist. Holding my shirt in one hand, I reached over to run my hand slowly over my abdomen.

Was there a baby in there? A baby that had been conceived in a moment of passion on the night its parents had become engaged? Even though the timing wasn’t perfect, I knew I wanted this baby. I’d wanted to be a mother for so very long. More than my desire for motherhood, I wanted Eli to be a father.

“You okay in there, Emersyn?” Allison asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I quickly pulled my shirt over my head and hopped into my jeans. After jerking the curtain back, both Abby and Allison were waiting on me. “What?”

“We were just checking on you,” Abby said.

“Seriously, guys. We don’t even know if I’m pregnant yet. Can we save the over-protective vibe until we know for sure?”

“We’re not being over-protective,” Allison argued. When I gave her a pointed look, she replied, “You were just sick right in front of us. There’s nothing wrong with being proactive and checking on you.”

“Right.”

A knock came at the door. “Come in,” Allison instructed.

Monica poked her dark head of hair inside the room. “I’m back. Here’s what you requested.” Like it was some sort of covert operation, she thrust the bag inside the room.

Allison took it from her. “Thanks, girl. I appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome.”

Once Allison closed the door behind Monica, she closed the gap to Abby and me in two long strides. “Okay, here they are.”

Tentatively, I reached out for the bag. After drawing in a deep breath, I threw back my shoulders and started across the floor. Once I closed myself in the bathroom, I realized it was my first time with a pregnancy test. I had no clue exactly what to do.

I opened the door back up. “Um, Abby, could you give me a little help?”

“Like hold the stick?” she teasingly asked.

“Not exactly.”

“It’s your first time, huh?”

“With pregnancy tests, yes. The other ship sailed when I was twenty.”

She laughed. “Here’s what we’ll do. I’ll read off the directions for you to take one test at a time.”

“That sounds good.”

I’m not sure any other women partook in a group effort when taking a pregnancy test, but I was extremely grateful to have Abby’s help. I was pretty sure with my level of emotional chaos, I would have managed to mess up the tests. Once all the instructions had been read and I’d done my duty, we lay the tests on the bathroom counter. Allison set her Apple watch for two minutes.

As the three of us stood there staring at the tests, I sighed. “Am I horrible not to be totally jumping for joy at potentially being pregnant? It feels like whiplash. Back in the dressing room, I was so excited and wanted nothing more than for the tests to be positive. Then in the next minute, I freaked out at the idea.” Before Abby or Allison could say anything, I continued rattling on. “No one could possibly want a baby more than me. Well, I should rephrase that with no woman because Eli wants a baby enough for the both of us.”

Abby placed a comforting hand on my arm. “Of course, you’re not horrible. It’s just not what you were expecting. You had blinders on for wedding planning. If you are pregnant, it’s still okay to have your doubts. Carrying and giving birth to a child is a very scary prospect. You’ve also been through so much in the last eighteen months. Your mind hasn’t entirely caught up with your body when it comes to healing.”

“I guess you’re right.”

Abby nudged me with her shoulder. “Of course, I’m right. I’m always right. Just ask Jake.”

Just as I laughed, the timer on Allison’s watch went off. My heart beat like it had hummingbird’s wings. Drawing in a deep breath, I stepped forward.