Chapter 25 - Madeline
I hobble into the site office on my crutches and get exactly the greeting I’ve been expecting. A healthy mix of concern and laughter erupts as I walk in. I nod and smile and roll my eyes. Barry comes up to my desk and nods at my ankle.
“Everything okay?”
“Just a bit of a sprain. Should be okay in a couple days,” I respond. He nods again and I take a deep breath. Usually I feel completely at ease around Barry, but these days it feels tense. I think he can sense my reluctance on the project.
“Have you finished those applications we spoke about last week? For the sports complex on the north side of the hotel?”
I gulp and shake my head. “Not yet, sorry Barry. I’ll have them done by the end of the day.”
Barry’s face sours and I know he isn’t happy with me. He nods curtly and gets up again, heading towards his desk. The site offices are small and simple, just a few demountables in the woods. I have one steel-toed boot on my good leg, and I slide my bright high-vis vest on over my jacket.
I glance around the office at the engineers, surveyors, project managers, and I wonder if any of them feel the way I do. Do any of them think what we’re doing is wrong? Do any of them see the beauty of the mountains and forests and animals around us?
I turn to see one of the engineers laughing with a construction supervisor and the sound grates on my ears. It doesn’t seem like anyone cares. They love driving the big machines and cutting down trees. They like digging holes and pouring concrete.
They like destroying these pristine, virgin forests that the people of Lang Creek have called home for generations.
I shake my head. I can’t think like that. My coworkers aren’t bad people. I’m not a bad person. Before I came to Lang Creek I worked on countless projects that would have had the same impact on the environment, or worse. I never gave it a second thought.
Cecilia drops a mug of coffee on my desk and smiles at me. “You alright? You look a little worse for wear today. I didn’t see you at the community garden yesterday.”
That’s because I was busy having sex with Aiden all weekend.
“Just the ankle,” I respond. “Took it easy this weekend.”
Cecilia nods. She searches my face again and frowns. “Are you okay?”
I nod, maybe a bit too vigorously. “I’m fine. Thanks for the coffee. I should probably get cracking on this application for the sports complex, Barry didn’t seem too happy that it was late.”
Cecilia nods and stares at my face for a few moments longer. She finally leaves my desk and I turn back to my computer, letting out a long sigh.
Ever since this project started, it’s been harder and harder to fake my way along. I just don’t have the drive or the belief that we’re doing the right thing, and it makes it almost impossible to do my job.
I shift in my seat and my ankle throbs. I wince. It’s like a constant physical reminder of the weight on my shoulders. Maybe spraining my ankle was a sign that I shouldn’t be here.
The application for the sports complex is started, and I get to work completing it. I work diligently, trying to minimize the impact the complex will have on the surrounding areas. I make sure to include extra environmental controls and extra barricades for the public in the diagrams for the application. I classify the development more strictly than we’d first discussed. I glance up at Barry, knowing the additions will cost the company thousands once they’re approved by the Department.
At least if I’m here, working for this company, I can do my best to minimize our impact.
The day goes by and I finish the application, with all the extra controls. I send it over to Barry and use my crutches to walk over to his desk.
“That application is done now, so I’ll send it through whenever you’ve approved it.”
“Just send it, Maddy. I’ve worked with you long enough to trust your work.”
My chest squeezes as I think of all the additions I’ve made. It’s a drop in the bucket for the company, but it still feels wrong to deceive Barry. I hobble back to my desk and send the application through to submit it. I let out a big sigh and lean back in my chair.
My head is a mess. I don’t know what the right thing to do is. I’m still working for this construction company, so I’m still complicit in the destruction of the forest. Now I’m not doing my job well, because I’m costing my own company thousands in extra environmental controls.
Maybe I should just quit. If I quit, then someone else will take over and at least I won’t have it on my conscience. Just as the thought crosses my mind, a text comes through on my phone. It’s Aiden, and I unlock my phone to see a photo of the mountains from the viewpoint where he took me the first day.
I stare at the photo and my heart squeezes in my chest. If I quit, then I have to go back to New York. There’s nothing for me here, but I’m not yet ready to leave Aiden. I feel drawn to him in a way that I’ve never felt drawn to a man before.
If I quit, I’m being true to myself but I’m giving up my chance to be with this complex, understanding, gentle, strong, beautiful man. I’ll be leaving right as we’re starting to get to know each other.
I send a quick text back, asking to meet him tonight. I can’t imagine sleeping on my own again, not after spending the weekend in his arms. When I got back to the hotel this morning, Karen McCoy gave me a loaded look. I know if I’m away for more than a few nights she’ll start asking questions, but right now I can’t be bothered to care.
I want to see Aiden. With my career being such a head wreck, the construction of the hotel being so conflicting, and with my dad being sick, Aiden is the only thing that feels right anymore. When I’m with him, it feels like things might work out.
My shoulders relax and a smile drifts across my face when he answers my text.
Obviously I want to meet up tonight. Pick you up at the hotel at 7.
My heart jumps in my chest and I smile a bit wider. Even with everything else falling to pieces around me, Aiden is my anchor in the storm. I know that he’s a good person, and maybe if I spend time with him I’ll figure out how to make sense of everything.