Chapter 39 - Madeline
I wasn’t even sure Aiden would answer my text, but as I stare at the word on the screen I almost wish he hadn’t. It’s the first time we’ve spoken to each other since the morning before I left. I glance at the screen again.
No.
One word. I feel a mixture of relief and doubt. I want to believe him, but it’s hard to know over text. I wish I’d waited until I could look him in the eye to ask him, but when would that be? My company is demobilizing from site. We're leaving until the police investigation finishes and the insurance company sorts out the details of the claim. From the way Barry was talking, it sounds like the project might be abandoned.
Aiden and the residents of Lang Creek have won, at least for now.
There’s a knock on the door and I jump. I go to the door and see my sister Bianca through the peep hole. I open the door and she lifts her mouth up to try and smile. It looks more like a grimace, but I’m sure my face looks the same right now.
“You holding up okay?” she asks. “I didn’t get to talk to you very much at the funeral.”
“I’m fine. Shouldn’t you be with your family?” I say, thinking of her husband and child. Bianca laughs.
“You are my family, Maddy.”
“Right,” I say with a grin. “Come in.” I pour her a glass of wine and she wraps me in a hug.
“You haven’t been yourself since you took that job in the mountains,” she says. I look at her and let out a dark laugh.
“Dad just died, Bianca. What do you expect?”
She gives me a look and shakes her head as she accepts the glass of wine. “You know what I mean. What happened over there? At work, in the mountains.”
I sigh. I have to look away from her, but I can feel her questioning stare on my face. I drag my eyes back to her and sigh again. “My head got all fucked up. I’ve always thought that I was one of the good guys, but there was massive community backlash with this hotel. I started seeing one of the guys who lives in town and I just got confused. I feel like I don’t know myself anymore.”
Bianca’s face is full of concern and she wraps me in another hug. “Come on,” she says. “No one knows themselves. You’re my smart, beautiful, talented little sister who was always going to have a brilliant career. And you’ve had a brilliant career!”
“What if I don’t want that anymore? What if all I want to do is run off to the mountains and live off the land with this guy for the rest of my days? Mom already thinks I’m crazy for not taking Dad’s place at the company. She’ll think I’ve lost my mind.”
Bianca laughs. “Who cares what mom thinks?” She pauses, taking a sip of wine and looking at me over the glass. “Is this guy worth it?”
I purse my lips. “I don’t know. I don’t even know if he wants to be with me. I left it badly. I thought he lied to me about the hotel, but I think I was just taking out my own frustration on him. He did nothing wrong. And then the next thing I said to him, after almost a week of no contact, was accusing him of burning the hotel down.”
Bianca inhales and nods her head slowly. “Not the best way to leave things.”
I laugh and shake my head. “No. Not the best.”
“Have you spoken to him since then?”
I shake my head again. “Just sent that text a few minutes ago. He answered right away.” I show her my phone and she reads the two messages. She looks back at me and shakes her head.
“Sometimes we have to just go back with our tail between our legs and apologize. Remember what Dad used to say? Only fight the battles that are worth winning.”
“I’ve made such a mess of it all.”
Bianca laughs. “You know, when I first started dating Derrick, we almost broke up about fifteen times. The only thing that kept us together was being able to apologise and move on.” She smiles at me. “If he’s worth it, he’ll understand.” She takes a sip of wine and glances at me. “Worst case, you can play the ‘dead Dad’ card and get some sympathy.”
I can’t help but laugh. I know it's inappropriate. My mother would probably be outraged at a joke like that, but when everything is falling apart sometimes all there is to do is laugh. Bianca starts to giggle, and soon the two of us are bent over, sloshing our wine in our glasses and holding our sides. We laugh and laugh until my cheeks hurt and tears are streaming down my face. When I can breathe again, my sister gives me another hug and points to her purse.
“I brought some food. You hungry?”
“Starving,” I answer. I put my phone to the side and help Bianca in the kitchen. I take the now cold leftovers from the microwave and Bianca laughs. We talk and laugh, and for the first time in weeks I feel like things might work out. The hotel won’t be built. I can choose what I want to do with my life. I don’t know whether it’s staying here and working for Dad’s company, or working for my own company, or giving it all up and seeing if Aiden will take me back.
For the first time in weeks, a sliver of hope shines inside me.
We eat and drink wine until Bianca has to leave to be with her family. She hugs me one more time at the door and smiles, putting her hands on my shoulders.
“You were always the smart one, but I feel like I can finally give you some advice. Go see Aiden. Talk to him, apologize, and see if he’s worth fighting for.”
I nod as my eyes start to water. Bianca smiles at me. “You don’t have to be what everyone expects you to be. Make your own life, Mads. Just be true to yourself.”
“You sound like Dad,” I say as I laugh-cry in front of her. I make an awful snorting sound as I try to laugh through my tears. She smiles again.
“I know.” She wraps me in a hug and I hold on to her for a few more seconds before letting her go. When I close the door behind her, I let out a big sigh and look around my apartment.
I can hear the traffic of the street, and my neighbor is banging against the wall. There’s a siren wailing in the street below me. I walk over to the window and look outside at the lights and buildings and concrete and asphalt around me. I can’t see any green. I can’t see a single star. My heart squeezes, and Bianca’s words replay in my mind.
I don’t have to be what everyone expects me to be. I don’t have to be the trailblazing career woman. I don’t have to be the environmental engineer who saves the world. If I want to, I can be the woman who’s in love with a man from Lang Creek. I can be the woman who grows her own food and worships the mountains and lives happily ever after.
That can be me, if Aiden wants me. If he takes me back. If I wasn’t just a fling, and if he feels the same way about me as I do about him. That’s a lot of ‘ifs’, and my stomach feels heavy. I'm nervous.
The thought of confronting him again scares me. The thought of apologizing and telling him that I was wrong is scary. I stay rooted in place, staring out the window as car after car after car rushes by below me. I watch the traffic lights go from green to yellow to red and back to green, and it all seems so meaningless.
He might not want me back, but I have to try. He’s the only thing on this planet that seems real to me anymore. He’s the only person that’s ever let me explore who I am without judgement. He accepted me without any expectation that I would have a brilliant career or be anything other than myself.
I have to find out if any of that was real. I push myself away from the window and turn back towards my luxurious apartment. I have to go back to Lang Creek.