Desire
When attraction turns to desire, and the object of our affection offers themselves, we will surrender. We will have them. Lust is a sin we are willing to go to hell to commit.
BREEZE
SHAME WANTED ME. I saw the desire burning profusely in his rich brown eyes. Yet, like always, he denied his yearning and walked away from me. I always allowed him to run from his feelings. Not this time. As desperate as it made me, I would force him to make a choice.
Goose bumps trailed up my arms and a shiver shot down my spine as I stood outside the bathroom door. My body filled with anticipation, my naked flesh eager to have Shame’s hands caress every inch of my skin. When the water shut off, the spot between my legs burned hot as fire. My heart raced and I grasped for courage as the door handle turned.
When the door flung open, I drew in a long breath and gazed at Shame’s glorious figure, draped in nothing but a towel. My eyes moved to his face, taking in his expression, which was a tortured mix of anger and need.
“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice careful.
In three steps, I closed the gap between us, leaving mere inches. Warmth filled me to the core as the electricity charged between us. Shame exhaled a strangled sound as I removed the towel from his waist and tossed it to the side.
“I’ll be a good girl, leave Southie and never look back, because that’s what you want. But in return, you have to give me what I want.”
His tongue swiped over his bottom lip once before he bit down. I shivered as his gaze worked slowly over my exposed skin, and then I nearly fainted when his fingers grazed a line from the tips of my shoulders to my wrists. His hands slid behind my back and he pulled me close to him. The skin-on-skin contact took my breath away and made it difficult to focus on his intense expression “And what is it you want?” he asked.
“You know.” I blushed.
“Say it,” he commanded.
He wanted to me to prove myself, to show him I was no longer a child. I would have to be brave enough to utter the words.
I reached for one of his hands and brought it to my breast. My nipple hardened immediately under his touch. “I want you to make love to me.”
His nostrils flared as he lifted his hand and clutched the side of my face. I fully expected his denial and was prepared for him to chastise me, and tell me all the reasons he had to refuse my offer. Only resistance didn’t come.
Instead he whispered, “That isn’t a lover’s answer.”
My stomach kept flip-flopping. I couldn’t catch my breath. He reminded me of how inexperienced I was, but I was not about to give up. “Okay then. You tell me what I want.”
His lips curved up slightly, his eyes sultry and determined. “You want the fantasy, the constant energy we feel to buzz between us until its unbearable, the pull so relentless, we finally cave. You want your face held.”
His hands rose and caressed my cheeks. “You want my tongue in your mouth, to taste me, to nibble on my bottom lip. You want the kiss to be a frenzied, hungry vow of what’s to come. You want your hair pulled, your back scratched, your lip sucked, and my hands everywhere.” He grinned and I released a ragged breath.
“You want to be licked, your neck kissed, as well as the spot right behind your ear.” His breath caressed my skin as he planted a kiss on that spot. “You want dirty promises whispered to you.” And then he whispered how he would fuck me until I begged him to stop, but he wouldn’t stop. My knees nearly gave out.
“You want a tortuously slow climb, and when you’re about to fall, you want me to start all over again, the pleasure to mount until you cry, ‘please.’”
He took a moment to stare directly at me and grinned. Each breath I exhaled was more shallow than the last. “You want to be told to beg,” he continued, ignoring how my mouth fell open. “To hold my cock in your hand and know every inch will be inside of you, and you don’t want me to wait another second. You want your back to arch, feel an involuntary smile on your lips, commands growled at you, slow at first and fast near the end as we race to the point of no return.”
He grabbed my arms, yanked me close and bit my bottom lip once, before continuing. My entire body was on fire. I was breathless and afraid I would faint, but I didn’t want him to stop.
He smiled again as he brushed the pad of his thumb over my lips. “You want to feel your legs quiver and your toes to curl, to dig your nails into my ass and yell, ‘Don’t stop.’ You want to sink your teeth into your bottom lip, as your neck cranes back, and your eyes roll back in your head, to feel me jerk inside of you and my body tremble . . . that moment when nothing else matters, those few euphoric seconds where we don’t remember this is wrong.”
My breath caught. In my mind I screamed, “Yes. I want all of that.” But no words came from my lips. Shame tucked some hair behind my ear. My nipples hardened and goose bumps spread my skin.
“I know you, Dimples. I know exactly what you want. And I know after you have it, you won’t know what you want, because there is no going back. Everything will have changed. You’ll be terrified of what that means. You won’t take it back, but it may ruin you. So we don’t have to go any further than the fantasy. You can leave right now and all will stay the same. Or I can give you what you want. The choice is yours.”
How did he do that?
He had turned the tables and put the choice on me. Maybe he thought I would chicken out. A part of me wanted to. I was naked, exposed, and yes, even a little frightened. I was also all in.
“Give me what I want,” I voiced as a command.
I again expected he would stop things, deny me, and find a way to send me on my way a dejected mess. To my surprise, the fire in his gaze only grew in intensity.
Shame dropped to his knees in front of me. His hands slid up my thighs and continued until they reached my waist. My entire body broke out in chills. My senses heightened. I could smell his soap, hear the faint hum of the bathroom fan, and feel every nerve in my body tingle. I had never wanted anything or anyone so badly in my entire life.
With his hands gripping my waist, he dropped soft, warm kisses on my belly. I swallowed hard as the anticipation grew. One of his hands lowered and massaged gently behind my knee before he placed it between my thighs. I released a soft whimper, desperate for him to touch me, and to feel how much I wanted him.
I didn’t wait long. His fingers slid through my folds and I cried out. Shame groaned and glanced up at me. “Ah, so wet.”
The huskiness of his voice turned me on even more. “I want you. Please.”
He nibbled his bottom lip, maintaining my gaze as his finger slid inside of me. I sucked in a quick breath. He moved his finger in and out of me a few times and I thought my legs were going to give out. When I spread my feet slightly, he added another finger. The sensation was mildly uncomfortable but my want for him grew fiercer.
My body broke out in sweat as I worked my hips to meet his hand. I wanted more. I wanted to feel him inside of me, to share an intimacy with him we both desperately needed. We were adults now, our love consensual, and we were no longer denying our feelings or our desires.
As much as I enjoyed his touch, I feared I allowed him too much time to change his mind, to realize he didn’t want this. I ran my fingers through his soft hair and whispered, “Now. I need you inside of me . . . please.”
Shame rose to his feet, his expression wary, but still determined. I finally had him.
“Lie on the bed,” he instructed.
I slid all the way up the bed, bringing my head to rest on his pillow. His scent filled my nose and sent my desire into overdrive. Shame stood at the edge of the bed, stroking his considerable length. I could barely breathe. My eyes stung with sheer adoration and joy. I finally had everything I ever wanted.
“I give you what you want, and you leave Southie and forget about me.”
My chest heaved heavy with his request to confirm our deal. Still, I arranged for the terms and I couldn’t stop now.
“Yes,” I breathed, although I lied.
I would leave, but I would never forget Shame.
Desire will not simply go away. We will succumb to temptation. It is human nature.
SHAME
I was a selfish prick and a liar.
Despite everything I told her, I didn’t want Breeze to be happy in a life without me. When I saw her standing in my bedroom naked and willing, I wanted to ruin her for any man who came after me. I wanted to mark her, stake my claim to her—destroy her.
As she offered herself to me, I wanted her virginity because it meant she would always have a piece of me. Consequences be damned, I would have her. I would make sure anytime she was with another man it would be my face she saw. Like I said, I was a selfish prick.
Over the years, she learned how to manipulate me. She offered me an arrangement she knew I couldn’t refuse, so I took it. Because as I stared at her perfect breasts, her soft pink nipples and her pussy, nothing else in my life meant anything. It was only the two of us. If only for that one night, we would pretend it was possible to love each other.
I climbed up her body, bracing myself above her as I absorbed the reflection of love in her gaze. “We don’t have to do this,” I said, giving her one final opportunity to back out.
“Yes, we do,” she whispered. “We deserve this.”
She deserved so much more than me. I smiled as I nudged her thigh with my leg, urging her to open up to me. Her heart raced against my chest as I lowered my head and kissed her. I groaned into her mouth as our tongues joined.
Who was I kidding with this arrangement?
Breeze would be the one to ruin me.
She was stronger than I was.
Our kiss was passionate, filled with five years of pent-up desire and frustration. Our frantic breaths combined as I lifted my head. Our gazes remained firmly joined while I pushed the tip of my dick inside of her. Her features twisted to a painful expression, and I stilled, giving her a minute to absorb the discomfort.
“Are you okay?” She nodded, her teeth sealed tightly together. “I can stop.”
“No,” she cried out. “Don’t!”
It was the answer I wanted because I didn’t think I was capable of stopping. It took incredible restraint not to slam into her and fuck her until I was numb.
I pushed in a little further, examining her expression for cues to stop. She was so tight it was almost uncomfortable for me. It wasn’t a physical discomfort, but a mental strain. I had never been with a virgin, or anyone else I felt the need to be cautious with. I didn’t want her to hurt.
She smiled, and her dimples made my heart swell. I loved this fucking girl so much it was painful. She lifted her hips, encouraging me to push deeper and I did. I lost control and thrust forward until I filled her completely.
“Ahh—” Breeze cried out. “Oh, God.”
“I’m sorry,” I rushed out with a ragged breath.
“No, it’s okay,” she whispered, but tears spilled from her eyes.
“You’re crying.”
Again, her dimples dug deep as she smiled, filling me with warmth. “I’m happy.”
As I pulled out slowly, I realized I was in her bare. It was the most intense feeling I had ever shared with a woman, raw and unabashed . . . conscience free and pure, a union not tainted by anger and despair.
I had rules I lived by. Always. But with Breeze I had broken every single one of them. I didn’t know if that made me weak or strong, if it made me a better man or one more loathsome than my reputation. As I stared into her twinkling green eyes, so full of love and appreciation, I didn’t care about my code or the rules.
That was our night.
I worked with Breeze, and allowed her to set the pace. She was incredibly tight, and I hated seeing her in pain, even if it was the pleasurable kind. There would be a time to push her, but it wasn’t tonight and it wouldn’t be sexual. It would be the day I forced her to leave Southie.
Tonight, though, I would be gentle. Eventually I could feel her tense muscles relax and knew she had adjusted to the physical discomfort. Her soft moans made it more difficult to go easy on her and I gained speed.
Each time I reared my hips forward, she lifted her ass from the bed and cried out my name. I loved the way it sounded from her lips. Her scent filled the air, intoxicating me further—a vanilla-infused innocence. Our ragged breaths combined in song, one I wished I could hear every day of my life. Her legs wrapped around my hips as she cried, “Yes,” into the air again and again.
Soon, I felt the climb toward a moment I craved with her since the very first time I laid eyes on her. Her pussy began clenching around my dick, and I knew she was going to come. I pushed harder, deeper, keeping my eyes on her face, until her body jerked and her eyes rolled back in her head. Her loud moans brought on an immense feeling of satisfaction as I prepared to follow her into ecstasy. And then . . . I hesitated.
As much as I wanted to come inside of her, I wouldn’t take any risk that might keep her in Southie or with me. I pulled out. She locked her feet around my hips, cried, “no,” and tried to get me to push back inside of her. I ignored her efforts and jerked off until I shot my load all over her beautiful stomach. My chest hurt. I could barely breathe. I had never experienced anything more intense and I knew I never would again. She owned me. In that moment she took a piece of me I would never get back.
I grabbed her hand, placing her fingers in my cum, and spread them over her belly. She let out a deeply gratified moan, and I smiled at her.
Her eyes widened as I brought her hand up and slipped her fingers in between her lips. She responded perfectly and sucked on them. There was so much I could teach her and I wanted to, only there wouldn’t be time.
“I lied,” I growled. “Don’t forget me.”
“Shame.”
“Forget this life, but always remember it was me that did this. It was me who made you moan and lose control for the very first time. It was me. I was your first.”
Her eyes glossed. “You still want to me to go?”
I kissed her forehead once. I wanted her, but as long as Dixon was around, she was a weakness I couldn’t afford. Our time to forget who we were had come to an end.
“That was the deal,” I reminded her.
Her expression hardened. I wanted to cave, but I had to do what was best for Breeze. She thrust her hands into my chest. “Get off me!” she screamed. I rolled to my back and she sat up. She glanced at me over her shoulder. “I hate you.”
Those three words gutted me. They also enraged me. Her arm felt tiny in my hand as I took hold of it and gritted my teeth. “Don’t ever say that to me again.” A tear dripped down her cheek. “You wanted this, but it can’t change things. You knew that going in. I’m protecting you. The Villains will hurt you if they knew how I felt. I won’t let that happen. So, you can ignore me, cuss me out, and leave this town, but please . . . don’t hate me.”
“I wanna go home,” she cried.
“No!’
She flinched at my tone. I waited for her to lash out.
Without another word, she got out of bed and left my room. Her bedroom door slammed shut. Anger consumed me. I wanted to scream and throw shit, but I was too hurt, too conflicted.
There was an option for Breeze and me. All I had to do was leave the club. I loved her, but I owed my old man. Yes, Dixon ordered the hit to end his life, but I was responsible. Pop died because of me. With being in charge comes the knowledge someone may take you out, but if I had not been leaving that morning, if I had not wanted out so badly, maybe Pop would still be alive. He would have gotten a heads up on Dixon’s plans and made arrangements. Sure he would have ended up in the shadows like Dixon, but he would still be breathing. I couldn’t abandon the club without letting the old man down. My sense of loyalty to my pop outweighed my love for Breeze. Right or wrong didn’t matter. The club was the only part of Pop I had left. Losing Breeze was my punishment to bear.
The only emotion capable of smothering desire is anger. Only we can never tamp out the flames completely. We will feel that need burning again, because we cannot stay mad forever. It is not in our nature. We are sexual creatures.