I’d been hunched over the puzzle for hours. It was time to stretch my back and get my body moving. I was making more progress than I thought I would on the puzzle, and that felt good since it was an insane puzzle.

There was nothing to indicate what piece I was holding. Usually the photo of the puzzle would give you a small hint of where it could go, but each bubble was the same. It had the same color, the same reflection, and the same shape.

Much like my days. Everything blended together. I tried to keep track of the days and weeks I’d been there, but I couldn’t remember anymore. It probably would’ve been a more accurate record if I’d stayed out of bed the first week or so. My days and nights had run into each other and I no longer knew what time it was. I wanted to ask Brody how long I’d been there, but I was going to wait for Tim. He was more honest about things than Brody.

I wondered what Bryce was doing and if he’d gone out with that woman again. It was cruel to show me that photo, but it wasn’t going to change how I felt about him. I still loved him even if he had moved on. I wasn’t sure I ever could, but if my father was telling him I ran away and not involving the police, why wouldn’t he believe him? My father would’ve been the first person to tear the city apart if I were truly missing.

There was no reason for me to think the police were looking for me. Even if they were, my father wouldn’t cooperate. He hated the police more than he hated Bryce. I was my only hope of making it out of that room. I couldn’t let distractions about Bryce and a mystery woman cloud my mind.

I blew out a breath and started the workout routine. Just like clockwork, Brody walked in. “You have a knack for coming in just as I start exercising.”

“Maybe that’s because you exercise all the fucking time. I told you to take a day off. You’ll hurt yourself if you overuse your muscles.”

“This is low impact stuff. I save the heavy things for morning and night.”

“You still need a day off. Come and eat dinner.”

Brody hadn’t eaten with me since the night we had faux sex. He’d stick around and work on some of the puzzle, but he didn’t bring his dinner up. I wondered what changed.

“You’re eating tonight?”

“If you don’t mind. I have something I need to do, but I wanted to spend time with you first.”

“Is that supposed to be sweet?” It kind of was, but it wasn’t a trait he exhibited much.

“No.” He took a bite of his hamburger. “I just don’t want to eat alone today.”

“I don’t mind as long as you keep your hands to yourself.”

“The only thing I’m interested in here is the burger. If you don’t hurry up and eat, I’m going to have yours, too.”

I walked over, picked up my burger, and took a bite before I sat down. He wasn’t getting his hands on my food or any part of me, either.

“I swear it’s like taking care of a child sometimes.”

“Did you just call me a child?”

He stopped with his burger in mid-bite and looked at me. “Yes, I did. Any adult would see the food and come over, but I have to tell you to come eat dinner.”

“A few ground rules had to be set before I came over, but I was going to eat.”

He didn’t respond to that and spent most of the meal in his own thoughts. I wasn’t going to argue. We’d done enough of that lately. The silence was welcome. It didn’t last long before he asked more strange questions.

“How many kids do you think you will have?”

“That’s random.”

“No, not really. We just talked about you being a child. I was wondering how many kids you’d have.”

I lost my appetite but kept eating anyway. I couldn’t let him know that was a sore subject. It was personal and between Bryce and me. “Um, however many Bryce wants.”

“However many he wants?” He shook his head. “How many do you want?”

“If I could have one of each, I’d be happy.”

“If you do forgive him for the blonde, when do you think you’ll start that family?”

“What’s with all the questions? How many kids do you want?”

“Me? I don’t want kids. It’s nothing but mess and headaches with that. Even if you do get them through the curious years where they stick everything in electrical outlets, they grow up to be teenagers who suck the life from you and the money from your wallet. No, thanks.”

“There’s more to a family than that. There’s love and—”

“Do you really believe that shit? Given your family history and how you grew up, I’d think you’d be the most jaded of all.”

“I’m not jaded. It’s helped me appreciate what a good family can do for a person. If I’m ever lucky enough to have kids, I’ll love cleaning up their messes and be grateful for the headaches.”

“If? Why do you say if?”

With my mouth full, I motioned to the room around us. He nodded and ate the last of his burger. I had to get out of that room, but I hated to think of the things I might have to do to get out. I set my burger down.

“Something wrong?”

“Yeah, I’m eating too fast.” I took a drink of the water he brought up. “Did you have a pregnancy scare with one of your women?”

He scoffed. “Not likely.” He kept moving his plate as if he were nervous or concentrating on something. It made me nervous. I never knew what would come out of his mouth during those times. “A friend of mine just started taking clomiphene. I guess it’s supposed to help you get pregnant.”

“It’s one thing.” I pushed the half-eaten burger to the center of the table. I was finished.

“Why do I get the feeling you know more about that drug than you’re letting on?” He motioned to the burger. “If you know something that can help my friend, I’d be grateful to know what to say to her.”

I rested my elbows on the table and leaned forward to place my hands on the back of my neck. I always felt sick when I thought about the struggles Bryce and I had. I closed my eyes as the tears threatened to spill.

* * *

The car ride on the way home was the most excruciating car ride I’d ever taken. Waiting to hear Bryce’s reaction to the news we just got was eating at me more than the wait for the news itself.

He was silent after we’d heard. He had no questions for the doctor. I wasn’t even sure if he’d listened to everything. I just knew his reaction scared me, and I was never frightened of him.

I would give him the space he needed to process everything, but I wasn’t going to leave him alone. I didn’t think he’d harm himself, but I didn’t want him to harm us, either. He’d said before if the results didn’t come back with good news, he didn’t see a future for us.

I didn’t care if we never had children. As long as I had him by my side, I could do anything. We could adopt if we couldn’t have children of our own. We could do many things. Our lives were not over just because children may not be a part of it.

He pulled into the driveway and sat there with his hands on his lap. The car was still running, but he didn’t move. I sat there, too. I wasn’t getting out of the car without him.

“I’ll be back later. I know you have a lot of work to do for the boutique.”

“I’m not getting out of this car unless you get out with me. We’re a team, Bryce.”

“I need some space.”

“You have plenty of space inside. Or, I’ll remain quiet in the seat next to you, but I’m not letting you go alone.”

“I need to deal with this, Lane. Please, just let me deal.”

“I need to deal with it, too. We both need to deal with it, but it isn’t the end of the world. We can still have kids. It’s just going to take a little more effort.”

He looked out the window and gripped the bottom of the steering wheel. “Let me deal with this on my own.”

“What would you say if the tables were reversed?”

“I’d fucking let you go!” He turned to me and spoke softer. “I’d fucking let you go.”

“No, you wouldn’t, and I’m not letting you go, Bryce. There are things we can try. Low sperm count isn’t the end of the world.” I wanted to break down because I knew the letting go he was referring to was us, not just letting him go for a drive. I wasn’t ready to give up on us or our family yet.”

“Were any of those a guarantee? No. Not one single thing was a guarantee. Why do that? Why put us through that torture and expense to end up with nothing? Nothing!”

“We aren’t nothing. We still have each other, and if children are never part of our future, we still have us. I think us is pretty fantastic. I think us is a full life.”

He shook his head. “You would be a great mom.” His voice broke at the end, and I couldn’t contain my emotions any longer. I allowed the tears, but refused to let go of my voice.

“And you will make a great dad. We have to keep the faith that we’ll be able to prove that to the world one day.”

“How? Adoption?” He hit the steering wheel. “Do you really think anyone is going to give us a kid with your father as the grandfather? Huh? Do you?”

That hurt. He’d never thrown my father in my face before even when all the crap happened with the job he loved. “I’m sure we’ll have obstacles, but we are good people.”

“Good people.” He scoffed. “Things like this shouldn’t happen to good people.”

“But it has, and we have to work through it. We can work through it.”

“I don’t deserve a woman like you. Or better yet, you don’t deserve a broken man like me.”

“You’re not broken.” I turned his face toward me. “You are not broken. You’re hurt and a little uncertain of the future, but we will have babies one day.”

“I wish I could be that certain.” He closed his eyes tightly. “I want your life to be perfect. I want you to have as many babies as you want, and you shouldn’t have to jump through hoops to get them.”

“We may not have some crazy romantic story to tell our kids how they were conceived, but they will be our kids no matter what. That’s the only thing that matters. Our kids.”

He looked into my eyes and held my face. “I don’t know what I did to have you in my life, but I’m never letting you go.” He kissed me.

* * *

My voice was shaky, but I held it together. “If you tell your friend only one thing, tell her not to lose the rest of her life or herself to this. Do not get so focused on getting pregnant that the rest of the world suffers. She’s going to need that world to lean on whether she gets pregnant or not.”

“This is something you have to handle, isn’t it? I didn’t know you were on medication. Is there something I need to pick up?”

I shook my head and sat up. “No, I’m not taking it anymore.”

“You’re not trying anymore?”

“We will once we’re married, but right now we’re not focused on it. It became too much.”

“So, he can’t get you pregnant. Are you sure you want to stay with a guy who can’t give you a family?”

I looked at him, ready to defend Bryce no matter what the doctors said. He didn’t need to know Bryce was the problem in our quest for children. “If Bryce was the problem, I wouldn’t be taking that medication.”

“You’re not taking it. You just said so.”

“We want to focus on us and the wedding. We’ll go back to the doctors after we get married. Nothing has to be decided today.” As if anything could really be decided while I was stuck in his house.

“I think it’s something you should discuss before you make a big mistake and marry this man.” He stood. “You two used a condom when you fucked in the car. Why even wear condoms if he can’t get you pregnant?”

“You’re not listening! I’m the problem. I’m the one who was taking that medication. Do not blame Bryce for this.”

“I’m not blaming him. He didn’t ask to be born with a limp dick.”

“Nothing is limp about him. Unlike other men I know, he can and does go for hours. And if you really want to know, the condom is for easier cleanup. That wasn’t the first time we fucked in the car. I can’t keep my hands off him, but I don’t always have time to clean up the mess.”

He scoffed. “You can try to sell it all you want to, but I’m not buying this little act. You had to get yourself off. I saw you. A real man could get you off and get you pregnant.”

I didn’t respond. It was pointless to argue with him when he thought he was right. It was interesting to me that he even cared, but then I remembered he was hired to get me away from Bryce. If Bryce couldn’t convince me to leave him when we found out, no one else was going to convince me, either.

“I’m not sure why you’d want to marry a man like him anyway.”

“A man like what? A man willing to stick with me even though I may not be able to give him a child he desperately wants? A man willing to put up with the bullshit my father has put him through just to stay with me? What kind of man is Bryce? He sure as fuck isn’t a man who holds women hostage for their own entertainment.”

“My entertainment? When have I made you entertain me?”

I looked to the floor, and his gaze followed. His chest rose with the air he took in, no doubt to try to calm himself. It didn’t work.

I stood before he made it over to me, but I still couldn’t block him. He was too big. He grabbed me by the throat and shoved me into the wall.

“That was all you, little girl. Don’t blame me for that or for the fact you got turned on, too.”

He kicked my legs apart while still grasping me by the neck. He cupped my vagina with his other hand and started grinding the heel of his hand into me.

“Don’t try to deny that I didn’t find your clit that night. We both know I did.” He pressed his hand harder against me and continued the circles with his hand.

I tried to ignore the stimulation, but it was too much. I closed my eyes and prayed he stopped before I climaxed. I couldn’t have him hold that over my head, too.

He leaned in and whispered, “That flush creeping up your neck is all I need to know about you. You want me to fuck you and show you the power a real man can have.”

It was difficult to keep my voice even with his hand still moving, but more was at stake than just the hand job he was giving me. “A real man doesn’t need to kidnap women.”

I closed my eyes and took slow, deep breaths when he used his fingers as he did that night to give a more concentrated touch to my clit. He had no problems finding it with my clothes on. I could only imagine what he would be capable of without clothes.

My legs betrayed me and started shaking. I pursed my lips and blew out a breath. I didn’t want to have an orgasm by his hand. I was able to get him off before me the other night, but there was no way I was plunging my hand down his pants to do it again.

He leaned in again and whispered into my ear, “It’s building. You can’t stop it, and you don’t want to. I don’t want you to. I want to see you lose control again.”

I took a breath when his hand pulled away, but sucked in another when his fingers slid into my underwear. He took his other hand off my throat and turned me around to lean my back against his chest. His hand inside my pants went faster.

“Oh, God.” I hated myself for not stopping it. I hated myself for giving in, but I couldn’t help it. It felt so good, and I hadn’t had much feel good in the weeks I’d been there.

I grabbed the back of his pants and held on for the ride he was giving me. “Fuck.” I put my head back onto his shoulder when his fingers moved faster. It wouldn’t take long, and I was ready for it to be over.

I wanted to move my hips, but I didn’t want to participate. I couldn’t control the moans or the erratic breathing I was experiencing, but I would not move my body and participate. It didn’t matter. Enough damage was done by not stopping it.

“You’re so wet. I can only imagine how it feels to slide in and out of you.”

I whimpered. I was so turned on, but I didn’t want to have sex with him.

He put his free arm around my waist to hold me up and moved his fingers as fast as he could over my clit. “You’re close. So, so close. You want to come, don’t you?”

I let out a cry and nodded. I felt ashamed. I felt like trash. Even if I did get out of that room, Bryce would never forgive me. I would never forgive myself.

Brody let go, dropping me to the floor, and walked away before sending me over the edge. “You’ve got toys that will finish the job for you. I’m not your fucking puppet.” He walked out and slammed the door, leaving me in a pile on the floor. I deserved that. I deserved so much worse.