SEVENTEEN

 

 

Waking up in someone’s arms, that was something that Justin had been completely sure was just not in the cards for him anymore. He’d had his chance at that sort of thing, and he’d let it get away. He’d chosen his daughter, and that had always seemed like it would have to be enough for him.

But it was more than that, too. He’d gotten even more than he’d ever had with Jade’s mother, something far more real and meaningful to him. Not only had he woken up and Ken was still there, not only had he found those strong arms around him in the morning, but he’d gotten to lie in those arms and whisper softly to each other in the early hours of the morning before Justin had to get up to get Jade to school.

Ken had stayed for breakfast, though he’d been willing to leave if Justin told him to. Maybe that was the reason that Justin had wanted him to stay. Ken had been nothing but respectful of the boundaries that Justin put up to protect his daughter, and that, God help him, made Justin trust him more.

Jade was cool with it, too. Well, no. It was more like she was euphoric when she found that Ken was still over, and the details of the whole thing were beyond her enough that she didn’t worry about it. She probably thought that Ken had slept in the guest room, and that was good enough for her. Justin was happy to let her continue to think that.

“Bye, Ken. Bye, Dad!” Jade called out over her shoulder as she ran off into the morning, heading for the school. Was it just Justin’s imagination, or did she have even more energy than usual? She certainly seemed happy, almost bubbly, ever since she’d found out about Ken.

“She’s sweet,” Ken said, grinning at him. He had tagged along in the passenger’s seat, though neither of them had talked much about why, or what was going on. Justin had wanted to, but he’d been worried that he’d somehow end up jinxing it.

“Yeah,” Justin admitted and then reached over and took Ken’s hand in his own. He was allowed to do that, right? After the things that they’d said, and done, the night before? “So what now?”

“I’m supposed to meet with my mom. Tasting cake samples or something.” Ken shrugged. “I’m not even sure why I’m supposed to be there. I’m pretty sure that’s up to Luna, but I’m not gonna turn down free cake.”

Justin laughed, and Ken grinned at him briefly. The moment felt so open, so easy and honest, that Justin did something stupid. Something that he had promised himself that he wouldn’t do.

“So have you figured out your situation? You know, with the whole date to the wedding thing?” Justin dropped his gaze, not able to meet Ken’s eyes for the moment. He had to be coming off as so pathetic right now, nosing around like a dog after a bone, trying to get Ken to invite him.

“Yeah, I think so,” Ken said, and his voice seemed pretty neutral, at least. Justin still didn’t quite dare to raise his gaze and try to read his face, but it didn’t sound like Ken was angry. “I think I have some idea who I want to bring.”

Justin waited, but that was all that he got. Ken said nothing more, and Justin sighed to himself as he started the car again. After what had happened the night before, he would have hoped that Ken would only think of him, but it seemed that wasn’t the case.

Was he going to take someone that his mother picked out for him, just to maintain the peace? Justin wouldn’t be exactly thrilled about that, but he could at least understand it.

What he was more afraid of, though, was the option he thought was probably more likely. Aaron. If Ken did invite Aaron, what would Aaron say? Once, Justin had been certain that Aaron would turn him down flat, but now, well, he wasn’t sure about that at all. Or not enough to risk it. Not when he had seen the look in Aaron’s eyes, as brief as it had been, at the last Lost Boys rehearsal.

Not that it was his risk to take. But Justin let himself retreat back into himself, a turtle poking its head back into the safe protection of its shell, because he really, really did not want to know the answer to the question that he could ask to clear this all up. He had pushed enough already, and if Ken told him more, he was pretty sure he wasn’t going to be able to handle it.

“Uh, do you remember where I left my car?”

When Ken did finally speak, it was nothing about the wedding, and his voice was strained, Justin thought, a little bit stilted and awkward. What did that mean, if anything? Had Ken been able to tell that Justin was upset? Had Justin shown too much?

It was hard, feeling so close to someone one moment and then having no idea what was going on in their head the next. Justin was no good at this sort of thing, and not only that, but he was also wildly out of practice.

“Back at the beach,” Justin spoke softly, trying as hard as he could to keep his heart out of his voice. He even thought that he did relatively well at it. Ken probably wouldn’t have any idea that Justin was as close to the breaking point as he was.

“Oh, right,” Ken sounded uncomfortable now, and Justin stole a peek at him but had no idea what to make of the look he saw on his face. “Okay. Would you mind giving me a ride over?”

Without a word, Justin shook his head. Of course he didn’t mind. He wouldn’t mind keeping Ken around for a little bit longer, either, but he wasn’t going to force him to stay, especially when it seemed like maybe Ken wasn’t quite as over Aaron as Justin had hoped.

For the ride over, there was no talk, none at all. Justin didn’t know what to say, without coming off as completely insane. How could he demand of this man, who was only sort of his, maybe, an explanation?

He couldn’t. Maybe he had been out of the dating pool for a few years, but that didn’t mean he had forgotten all of the social niceties. He would sound batshit crazy, and any chance that he and Ken did actually have something would go up in smoke. Or was he overthinking this?

Probably. But he couldn’t be sure. So he held his tongue because that was the most natural, normal thing for him to do anyway. It was actually easier for him to swallow his doubts down, to hold them deep in the pit of his stomach so that no one could see how they gnawed away at him.

Back at the park where they had had so much fun less than twenty-four hours ago, Justin pulled the car to a stop beside Ken’s and then looked over at him. What should he say? He had to say something, or this could turn into even more of a disaster than it already had.

“Oh, hey, babe,” Ken spoke up, and if Justin hadn’t been sincerely and truly in love with him already, Ken would have had his heart just for that. “Jade was talking about her recital. Do you have anyone to do her makeup yet? I remember from when I was in dance as a kid they were pretty picky about that sort of thing.”

Justin shook his head with a sigh. Truth to be told, he hadn’t even really thought about it a lot. He’d done it last year but the results, well, they hadn’t been very good. He just wasn’t skilled with makeup.

“Okay. No worries. I got you,” Ken said, with an easy smile. “We’ll get her ready, no worries.”

Justin blinked, not quite sure what to make of that. But Jade, he knew, would be thrilled to death. He’d never thought that Ken would be highly into makeup, but then he had to wear a fair bit of it when he was on stage. Well, that made him more qualified than Justin was, by a fair bit.

“Thanks,” Justin managed, and then Ken was bending over and pressing their lips together in a brief, but confusing, kiss. What is this, this thing going on between them? Justin wanted to ask, but it was so nice just to kiss and be kissed, to feel Ken’s hand as it clasped his, and he didn’t quite dare to ruin things between them by asking for too much.

“I love you,” Ken said, smiling, and this time there was no way to blame sex for the words. This wasn’t just pillow talk, they were both in their right minds, and Ken was still saying it.

Before Justin could pull his mind together, before he could even think about how he wanted to respond to that, Ken was gone. Only the scent of him remained, that and the heat that lingered on Justin’s lips from the brief, but intense, kiss. Helplessly, Justin watched as Ken made his way to his own car, gave a friendly wave and an intimate smile, and then disappeared into it.

What had all of that meant? Justin wasn’t sure that he even knew, but what he did know was that it was going to be harder and harder for him even to consider being without Ken now.