Chapter Ten

 

And boy, did Cash give me what I needed. By the end of that week, the only contact I’d had with Cash was the nightly text he sent saying goodnight. At least I spent those day alone wisely.

I worked with Sal some, as was originally my entire plan for the summer. But I also made some phone calls. Something Cash had said to me had hit home. I didn’t even tell my brother or Sal about it—or the girls.

I’d been bitching to myself about how I wanted to have a normal life, a normal relationship, and now I needed to make it happen. After several calls, I had an appointment Thursday afternoon with a therapist in the city. She’d been so nice on the phone and I hadn’t gotten into why I wanted to go see her.

But the appointment was made and I was going.

I went into work that Thursday morning knowing I’d have to take off early to get to her office in time. And I’d have to tell Sal why, so I sent Gio a text asking him to meet me there before he went into Romano’s. I only wanted to explain this once.

He was already at Sal’s when I arrived.

“So, what’s up?” Sal didn’t waste a minute.

“I thought we should talk about what I said the other night and I have something to tell you guys.”

Gio immediately looked away from me and I wanted to know why both the guys were being so evasive with me since the night I’d told them more than they’d ever wanted to know about me. I cursed my parents for making things so awkward between the three of us.

In no world should talking about a boy be weird for me, even with my brothers. And in no world should those guys have to hear about how I’d lost my virginity.

’Course, that experience itself should’ve been different as well.

“I’m sorry I put that information out there between the three of us. Everything was happening at once and I wanted everyone to go away.”

“You don’t apologize for that,” Gio said, finally finding my eyes again. “It wasn’t that you said it that pissed me off. It’s the fact that you went through it. I should’ve found a way to stop it sooner, Gemma. I’m sorry.” His jaw tensed. “And I’m so fucking pissed off that I let all of it happen in the first place. You’re my little sister. I should’ve been able to protect you better.”

If I didn’t know Gio so well, I’d say there were tears forming in his eyes. I never imagined that they felt guilt over me. It had been every man for himself back then.

“We both should have done something the minute we found out that you weren’t safe from them. It was one thing when it was us. I don’t know why we didn’t.” Sal held his head in his hands. That guy had been so riddled with guilt that I didn’t want to be the source of more.

“We’re all at fault for going along with what they wanted, but we were conditioned since birth to do as we were told, so what were you going to do? I don’t care about that. We’ve all had to do terrible things or let terrible things be done to us. We’re all the same.”

“Things can be good, ya know?” Gio sucked his bottom lip into his mouth for a second. “Sex can be good, Gemma. With the right person. I want you to have that. Is Cash the right person?”

“I think he might be. But I’m too fucked up on the inside right now to drag him down with me. Which brings me to what I wanted to tell you. I’ve made an appointment for this afternoon. I need to talk to someone. Cash suggested it and I think he’s right.”

Gio stood and came over to me, then pulled me to his chest. His arms were strong, protective, around me. “You do whatever you need to. And we’ll do whatever we need to do for you. You’re not alone in this. I’m sorry you’ve felt like you were.”

With a little open communication, I had the day off. Sal said he’d take care of everything and I headed into the city early.

Walking around in a bigger city was so familiar, but it didn’t feel like home. Harbor Point already felt like home. But I liked the way being small in a big place made me feel on the inside.

I did a little shopping, had lunch, then plugged the address to my appointment into the GPS and headed over.

The office was small, tidy, and the receptionist was super nice. After a short wait, Dr. Peters greeted me with a big smile. We made some small talk before she brought up the reason I was there.

“So what brings you in today?” Her blue eyes popped off her tan skin, almost making them look unnatural, as if they could see into my soul.

If she weren’t a blonde, the contrast would’ve been creepy.

I was surprised when I’d first saw her that she wasn’t older. I would’ve only guessed her to be around thirty or so and she was beautiful.

“I’ve met a guy,” I said. No use beating around the bush. “I want to be able to have a relationship with him. See if it can go somewhere, but he’s so great and I’m fucked-up.” The tears started falling before I knew I was crying.

What the hell was that about? I grabbed a tissue and cried into it for several minutes. She let me get it out. Amazingly, I felt a little better after crying for a few minutes.

“Why don’t you start at the beginning?” she asked gently.

So I did. I told her everything. Everything I’d been holding inside for years.

The men I’d had sex with, the reasons why, how that made me feel used and gross.

I told her about Cash. The situation we were in and even about Sal and Gio. Telling my story took up almost the entire hour. Since it was the first time I’d told anyone literally everything, I thought it would be harder than it was. Actually, speaking the words was like lifting a weight off my shoulders and chest. I honestly thought my posture was better.

“Well, Gemma, it sounds like you have a great support system in your brother and Sal, who have had similar experiences.”

That shocked the hell out of me and wasn’t what I’d been expecting.

“It sounds like you have people you can turn to. That’s important. But let me be clear, Gemma. You are not used up. You are not what your parents did to you. From this hour I can tell you that you are a beautiful, intelligent young woman who has been dealt a very raw deal. But that’s over. And you can absolutely have a beautiful relationship with this young man or another young man. We need to work on you believing that. I’d like to see you three times a week at first if that works for you.”

I’d been wiping tears from my eyes with a tissue from one of the many boxes around the couch where I was sitting.

“I’m that much of a mess? Three times a week?”

Dr. Peters laughed at my summation of her request. “No. You’re not a bigger mess than anyone else. But it seems like Cash is important to you and that it’s beyond time to get you in control of your life. So three times a week for some pretty quick results. We can do less of course. We can move as slowly as you like. From that sounds of it, the quicker, the better.”

“That sounds great.” I let out a relieved breath. I honestly felt lighter already. “But what if… I mean, if I avoid Cash, he might get tired of waiting.”

“I don’t want you to avoid him.” She scooted to the end of her chair and put the appointment book she’d been writing in onto the end table. “See him when you want. Don’t see him when you don’t want. Hell, if you decide you want to make love to him, do that too. The most important thing for you to know right now, Gemma, is that you and you alone are in charge of your body. No one is going to do anything you don’t want them to. And you have the right to say no to anything and everything. But you also have the right to say yes. Understand?”

I nodded again because I was too emotional to speak. If I did, I was afraid I’d never stop and our time was up. My body was mine. I didn’t have to bend to anyone else’s will unless I wanted to.

I drove away from Dr. Peters’ office building with a big smile on my face.

Halfway home, the sky opened up, unleashing a torrential downpour of melon-sized raindrops. The sky was so dark, it looked more like night than late afternoon and that damn rain was so thick, I almost couldn’t see.

I was just outside of town when I heard a loud thumping from the back of my car and I slid sideways in the puddles that dotted the road.

Shit. That wasn’t good.

“Fuck,” I muttered under my breath while getting the car off to the side of the road before I lost control and hit a tree.

Luckily, I was in an area where there was enough room to get the car completely off the road because no one would’ve seen me if I had to stop with my hazards on.

The downpour was too thick.

I slid the car in park, then had to suck it up and step out into the rain to see what had happened. The storm was so loud as I sat on the inside, but once I stepped outside, it was positively deafening. Running to the back of the car took a lot of effort against the apparent hurricane that decided to hit the Harbor Point area. But sure as hell, the rear driver’s side tire was completely blown out flat.

Awesome.

I’d never changed a tire under normal conditions, let alone conditions I couldn’t see in. So I ran back to the driver’s door and hopped back in out of the rain. Once I got the door shut, I wrung my hair out because I was now a completely drowned rat. Then I dug my phone out of my purse to call Gio. I needed help and he should’ve still been at Romano’s.

I couldn’t sit there on the side of the road while the weather gave no sign of letting up. It wasn’t safe. Another car could come barreling around the curve and slam right into me. No one could see me.

“Romano’s.” Bianca’s voice came across the line clear as day.

“Hey, Bianca, it’s Gemma. Is Gio super busy?”

“No. I’ll grab him, hon.”

The line was silent for thirty seconds before my brother came on.

“Gemma?”

“I have a flat tire and it’s raining balls out here. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to change a tire on a sunny day.”

“Where are you?” he asked.

I told him the road and the last cross-street I’d passed.

“Ok. Hang tight. I’ll come get you.”

“Thanks, Gio.”

I was only about five or ten minutes from the city limit, but with this rain, it could be longer. I cranked the heat to high because being soaking wet was giving me the chills. Then I prepared to wait while scrolling through the internet on my phone.

About fifteen minutes later, something with a set of unusually bright headlights pulled up behind me. The rain had calmed enough that I could make the vehicle out and it wasn’t Gio’s truck.

Instead, Cash hopped down out of the truck and trotted toward the passenger’s side of my car. I unlocked the automatic locks so he could jump right in.

“Shit, it’s pouring,” he said, running his hands through his now-drenched hair.

I didn’t care that water was trickling all over my car.

Cash Waterford was a sight for sore eyes. The T-shirt clung to his muscled chest and even his jeans looked soaked through.

“What are you doing here?” That hadn’t come out the way I’d meant it to. “I mean… ”

“I was at Romano’s when you called. I had the truck, so there wasn’t any reason for Gio to come out.” He gave me a sideways glance. “That OK?”

“Of course it is. I feel bad, though. I should be able to change a tire.”

“You should but not in this shit. A car could come down the road and not even see you. Call me. Call your brother. Hell, call my brother but don’t try to do it yourself like this.”

“Got I,” I said because apparently he was worried about me getting hurt in that scenario.

“Ok, the way I see it,” he continued. “We have two choices here. I can change your tire and you can go on your way. Or we can leave your car here, I can give you a ride home, then come back once the rain lets up. It’s up to you.”

I blinked, not sure I was even breathing. He’d said a lot of words, but I’d been focused in on the way his lips formed the words.

“I’ll do whatever you want,” he said.

“I’d love a ride.” Because I didn’t want him out there changing the damn thing anymore than he wanted me out there.

“Then let’s make a run for it.”

I turned off the car and we both hopped out. After I hit the lock and shut the door, I froze. Everything Dr. Peters had said ran through my brain. Cash called out to me twice, but when it was clear I wasn’t moving, he started toward me. He never got the chance to take a step because I launched. I ran for him because I’d missed him and I wanted to be close to him.

Then I slammed into him like a freaking train and he caught me easily.

As his arms wrapped around me, my lips found his. When my tongue slipped into his mouth, I tasted Cash and rain. Excitement ran through my body, even if the falling water threatened to drown the both of us. I couldn’t be bothered to care.

“I fucking missed you,” he said over the noise outside while holding me tightly to him.

I squeezed him harder in return. We only stood there a second before he got me moving and inside the warm cab of the truck. Then he hopped in the other side. He’d left the heat on, so it was toasty warm, but I still shivered.

“Here,” he said, pulling a hoodie out from behind the seat.

I wrapped him around me as best I could. The hoodie wasn’t actually him, but it was as close as I was going to get in the moment and it smelled like him. Once we were both buckled, he got the big thing moving.

I wasn’t even nervous or worried with him driving the way I had been when I’d been behind the wheel. I could trust Cash. He wouldn’t let anything hurt me. As the rain picked back up and visibility dropped to almost zero, he suggested we go to his house to wait it out since he lived closer. It made sense.

Haley and Aiden were snuggled up cozily on the couch in the living room when we got there. It was cute. I remembered when Cash had held me against him like that and I missed it. But right then I was cold and shivering.

Both Haley’s and Aiden’s faces blanched when they saw us burst through the door, soaked and dripping water all over the floor.

“I have some extra clothes here,” Haley offered as she jumped up off the couch and headed into Aiden’s room.

She returned quickly with yoga pants and a T-shirt. I muttered a thank you.

“Why don’t you go take a hot shower and I’ll get changed?” Cash didn’t wait for an answer. But a hot shower sounded like a slice of heaven. I was chilled to the bone, as my Grandma would say. And man, did I milk the hot water.

I was in there so long, I began to feel bad. But at least I wasn’t freezing anymore. Until I stepped out of the little steam room I’d created. The cooler air in the house hit me, chilling me again.

I hoped I didn’t get sick because of all of this.

“Sorry about that,” I told Aiden as he watched the steam billow out of the bathroom.

Cash kept an eye on me from his perch against the back of the couch.

“I didn’t mean to use up all the hot water.”

“It’s not a problem,” Aiden said back with a smile. “It’s crazy out there today.”

“Come with me.” Cash didn’t ask.

He led me into his room. It was dim and warm and he shut the door behind us.

This was actually my first foray into his personal space. Nothing in his room wasn’t useful. Except maybe the little photo strip of the two of us from the carnival. I hadn’t remembered that he’d kept that until I saw it hanging on a corkboard above the little desk.

I found it like a heat-seeking missile and I wondered how often he actually looked at that photo strip. We had these easy smiles captured in those pictures and no sign of how nervous I’d actually been.

“You still look chilly,” he said from behind me. “Let me warm you up.”

Cash pulled the blanket back from his full bed. It wasn’t huge by any means, smaller than my king, but still plenty big enough for the two of us. I climbed in quickly and let him tuck the blankets around me. He joined me from the other side, letting the heat of his body soak through the thin clothing Haley had given me.

“My hair is wet. It’s going to soak your pillows.”

“I don’t care,” he said against my ear.

So I let myself relax into him.

“How have you been?” he asked quietly. “I’m trying to give you your space, but it’s fucking hard.” That wasn’t the only hard thing based on what I felt against my butt. There was absolutely no hiding it.

Suddenly, I remembered Dante and Dalton telling me his nickname had been “Tree Trunk” and I had to stifle a giggle.

“I’m fine,” I said instead. “You?”

“Better now.”

“You don’t have to do that. Give me that kind of space. I want to be around you.” I flipped myself over to face him. “When I got my flat tire, I was on my way back from seeing a therapist. I decided you were right. That I needed to talk to someone. So I went.”

“And?”

“I have a lot to work through, but I’d like to do that while still seeing you.”

Dr. Peters would be very proud of me, I thought. I don’t know why I needed her permission to be the boss of me, but I’d needed to hear it.

“Does that mean I get to kiss you? Because I want to so badly. It’s pretty much all I think about.”

I narrowed my eyes on him.

“Ok, maybe not all, but it’s a lot.”

I smiled up at him and nodded.

Cash didn’t waste any time claiming my lips as his own. His tongue stroked mine until we were both completely out of breath and gasping for air. Then we laid next to each other, gazing into each other’s eyes, just breathing.

“I think I owe you some answers,” I said quietly into his room.

“You don’t owe me anything.”

“Don’t you have questions?”

“A couple million, but it’s not about what I want.” His eyes drifted closed briefly.

“Ask them. I can’t guarantee that I’ll be ready to answer them, but I’ll do the best I can.”

He nodded but didn’t speak for a full minute. He was probably trying to decide what he wanted to ask first. But he ran a hand down the side of my face and stroke his thumb over my cheek.

“Are you all right?” That was where he started. He was worried about me. My heart filled.

“I will be.” I loved the hell out of the fact that that had been his first question. “Please don’t tell your family what I told you about my life. Unless you already have.”

“I haven’t. Of course I haven’t. And I wouldn’t.”