CHAPTER ELEVEN
As Taylor got into Justin’s car, she felt much more relaxed than she had an hour ago, thanks to the fresh air, beautiful scenery, and laughter with good friends.
She had just reached for Justin’s hand when he turned to her from the driver’s seat. “We’ve got an appointment for blood tests tomorrow morning with the transplant team at UC Davis.”
Wait, what did he just say? He wanted to donate a kidney to her?
Of everything she’d thought they’d be talking about on their drive back to her B&B, this was nowhere on the list. After all, she’d only just wrapped her head around dating him when they both knew her health was in rapid decline. But to let him give her one of his kidneys?
Had he hit his head on something when she and Ashley had left to check out the guest house?
Taylor’s brain—and her heart—were full of so many conflicting thoughts and emotions that, instead of being able to clearly break down all the reasons he couldn’t do this for her, she said, “I can’t go tomorrow morning. I have to make breakfast for guests.”
As if Justin would reply, Well, sure, if you need to make breakfast, then why don’t we both forget about my offer to donate a kidney to you.
“Maddie is going to come up from the city to take care of breakfast and anything else you need done while we’re at Davis.”
Taylor knew she should be grateful. A live donor had the potential to make all the difference in the world, but the waiting list had over 100,000 people on it—and it could take seven to ten years for her to make it to the top.
But she was already terrified of hurting Justin simply by getting sicker and sicker due to her disease. She couldn’t imagine the depths of her grief, her guilt, if he ended up being a compatible donor and then something happened to him during surgery, or after.
Again, however, she couldn’t think in a line straight enough to say anything rational. Instead, what came out was, “I can’t believe you arranged all this behind my back while I was with Ashley.”
“I’m not going to apologize. Not for wanting to donate one of my kidneys to you. And not for loving you either.” To back up his words, he leaned over and kissed her—a kiss that sent just as many zings of pleasure through her as his offer to help her in the most profound way possible had sent zings of confusion and conflict through her. “I’m not going to lose you now, Taylor. Especially when I know that you love me and you know that I love you. I’m in this with you all the way, no matter what. So as long as there’s even a ghost of a chance that I can donate to you, I’ll take it.”
Forcing herself to take some deep breaths, she worked to bend her wayward thoughts back into straight lines. Justin obviously wasn’t going to back down about the two of them getting blood tests to see if he was a match. And the truth was that she would have insisted on the very same thing if she had been in his shoes.
Finally, she said, “I’ll go and get tested with you.”
But all the while, she’d hold on to the hope that Justin wouldn’t be a compatible donor. Because if he was, she’d have to make the most difficult decision of her life.
* * *
For the next several hours, Taylor was busy serving and then clearing up afternoon tea. A new couple checked in, and the Belmonts, who had already met with a local Realtor, wanted Taylor’s opinion on the properties they’d seen. Her mother called a couple of times, but she’d let both calls go through to voice mail, instead sending a text that said, Super busy, but doing good. Will call you tomorrow. Her day had been such a roller-coaster ride that she didn’t think she could pull off a normal conversation with her mom just yet—not when she was certain that Caroline Cardenes would instantly know what her daughter had been doing, and who she’d been doing it with, from nothing more than the sound of her voice.
Unfortunately, Justin Morrison had always been a tricky subject with her mother…
If only Caroline could see how good he was with Sophie and Addison as they sold lemonade and cookies on the sidewalk at a stand he’d hammered together from some leftover lumber at the back of her property. He was such a natural with kids. And she was happy that the Belmont children had distracted him from his computer. All too soon, she and Justin would be back in the deep end at the transplant center tomorrow morning.
After the lemonade stand sold out of its goodies, the kids went off to dinner in town with their parents. She and Justin ate chowder and cornbread, and once they’d finished eating, they sat out in her yard, with only the crickets for company and the moon shining full and round in the night sky.
Anyone looking at the couple holding hands in the moonlight would think everything was perfect. They would never be able to guess at the turmoil roiling just below the surface—or the fact that Taylor’s day had been full not only of more love than she’d ever known it was possible to feel, but also more confusion that she ever wanted to have to face.
Last night, she’d let herself be swept away in the magic of being with Justin at last, the heady romance of his kisses, the sinfully sweet culmination of years of longing. Tonight, she needed Justin’s love to wrap around her and fill up her reserves. Reserves that were running perilously low.
Before she could say a word, he was pulling her up from her seat. “I can’t wait to make love with you again. Not another second.”
“I can’t wait either,” she replied, relief filling every word.
She should have guessed that he would be feeling the same way, should have known that for all his confident words about helping her win her battles, his reserves would be just as low as hers.
Hand in hand, they all but ran through the garden to her cottage. Last night, when the floodgates had opened, she’d let her body soar, but she’d tried to keep hold of her heart.
Tonight, her heart was in charge. Where it went, her body would follow.
Once they were inside, she leaped into his arms, kissing him with all the love that filled her.
Lost in his kiss, it took her longer than it should have to realize how gently he was holding her. Too gently. As though she might break at any moment.
“Justin.” She slid down his body, no longer afraid to give free rein to her sensuality. Not with him. “You don’t need to treat me like porcelain.” She followed up her words with a rough tug at his shirt, pulling it out of his jeans and over his head. “I don’t want you to hold anything back,” she urged as she deftly undid his belt and zipper. “I want you to show me how much you want me.”
“So damned much.” He growled the words against her lips as he captured her jaw in his hands and held her captive with his kiss. And yet, when he lifted his mouth from hers, she saw the same concern in his eyes that she felt in his hands on her hips. “But I need to be careful with you.”
She understood why he felt that way. After all, the shadow of fear had underlain nearly every moment of every day since she’d collapsed at the town hall. Until last night, when Justin had swept away everything but pleasure for a few precious hours.
There were going to be countless big battles to fight during the day, but she refused to let those battles steal their nights too. Nothing, she vowed, was going to darken the beauty she and Justin had found together in each other’s arms.
“Trust me to know my limits. I promise you I won’t push past them.”
He gazed into her eyes for several long moments. Weighing. Assessing. Fighting with himself—with his desires and his worries. Finally, he nodded. “Wherever you take me, I’ll follow.”
She wanted to grab, to devour, to greedily gobble him up. But she needed him to trust her, to truly believe that she wouldn’t put herself in harm’s way during their lovemaking.
Still, just because she was going to go slow, didn’t mean she wanted him to keep his clothes on. Last night, she’d let him strip her while he remained clothed. Tonight, things were going to go in the opposite direction.
With his zipper already down, she needed only to give his jeans a tug for them to fall. His boxers went too, which meant that his gorgeous, tanned, muscular body was now fully at her disposal.
Joy—and a huge rush of sensual anticipation—bubbled up inside of her as she ran her hands over his chest. Muscles and tendons jumped beneath her fingertips, prompting her to press kisses all over his delicious skin. “You’re the yummiest thing I’ve ever tasted.” She couldn’t wait to take another taste, this time with her tongue in all the places she’d kissed.
His hands, which had slid into her hair, tightened. Though he was still gentle, she liked feeling his control slipping. Little by little, she intended to keep drawing away his self-control until he forgot everything but desire.
Moving slowly enough that he’d have no reason for alarm, she went to her knees in front of him, letting her nails drag lightly over his skin as she made her way down his body.
Oh my. He was beautiful.
Beyond beautiful.
Pleasure hummed in her throat as her lips made contact with his hot skin. And when her tongue shot out of its own volition to run a wet path up his flesh, he was so wonderfully, deliciously hard that her hum of pleasure turned into a full-on moan.
“Taylor.” His fingers gripped her even more tightly as he tried to hold on to his control. But she could feel his hips wanting to move. Knew how badly he wanted to take what she so desperately wanted to give.
As far as she was concerned, there was no choice to make. She needed him—all of him—and wouldn’t accept anything less.
His groans of pleasure reverberated through her small cottage. It was her favorite sound ever, one she’d never get tired of hearing. Heat coursed through her veins, pulsing hottest at her breasts and between her thighs. She wanted to rub herself all over him, wanted to drive herself high and then tease them both by lingering at the edge before they tumbled over together.
But first, she wanted Justin to let himself be wholly lost in her, the way she was utterly lost in him.
Wrapping one hand around the base of his shaft, she reached up to thread the fingers of her free hand with his. Her intimate kisses were no longer soft now, her pace no longer slow. Not when she could feel him pulsing with need and knew how close he was to ecstasy.
There were so many things she wanted, but none more in that moment than being the one to take him so high that he forgot about ever coming down.
And as she poured every ounce of her love into him, he finally let himself go, with her name falling from his lips again and again, as he told her how beautiful, how perfect she was, how much he loved her, that he’d never stop loving her.
Just the way she’d never stop loving him.
* * *
This was heaven. It had to be.
After Taylor had rocked his world to the core, Justin carried her into her bedroom and stripped her bare. She’d just driven him over the edge with her mouth, and he should be sated, but he wasn’t. Not even close. Fortunately, given the way she pushed him back onto the bed and prowled up his body, her hands, her mouth roaming with abandon over him, she was nowhere near sated either.
And yet, at the same time, he was terrified that he’d forget to be careful with her, that the force of his desire would accidentally hurt her.
“I love you.” She straddled him as she spoke, her hips restlessly moving over his, making him ache with wanting her again mere minutes after release. She took his face in her hands. “I’ve always loved you.”
For so many years, he’d loved her from afar, even when he was sitting right next to her, because he thought she loved her boyfriend. At long last, he knew that just because she’d been physically faithful to her ex, that didn’t mean her heart hadn’t been Justin’s all along.
“From the first moment we met,” he told her as he stroked her bare curves, “I wanted you. Craved you. Loved you.” He wanted her to understand that no one else had ever touched his heart. “Only you.” Regret over their lost years seized him again. “I should have fought for you. I shouldn’t have stood on the sidelines and let you be with anyone else.”
“Can’t you see?” Her voice was gentle. Passionate. “That’s one of the reasons I love you. Because you let me make mistakes. You let me go down the wrong path—lots of wrong paths—and then figure out for myself what the right path might be. Everyone else in my life has always kept me inside a safe little box, but you never have.” She brought her hands over his at her hips and threaded their fingers together. “Even now, you’re trusting me to know my own limits, instead of telling me what my limitations are.”
He understood why her family wanted to protect her, why they would never want any harm to come to their bright and utterly beautiful daughter, especially after losing a child. When they added in her diagnosis, that urge to insulate, to shelter, would be nearly irrepressible.
But no one thrived inside a cage, even one built with the best intentions. He couldn’t do that to her, couldn’t say he was only looking out for her while locking her up in a bubble where nothing could ever touch her. So he needed to start now, by trusting her to know her own body, her passion, her physical limits. He couldn’t make those decisions for her by holding back.
Tugging her hands, he pulled her up his body, swiftly enough that he heard air rush from her lungs. “Justin?” Her hips were over his chest now, and she was looking down at him with an expression of surprise…and what looked like heady anticipation.
“A little higher,” he said. “That’s where I need you.” He scooted down the bed beneath her, and then he did what he knew they both wanted: He lifted his mouth to her core, covering her hot, slick flesh and letting himself take a long, delicious taste of her.
Her hands tightened over his. “Justin.” His name was a moan instead of a question this time as he used their linked hands on her hips to rock her over his mouth as he alternately teased her arousal with the tip of his tongue, then went deep. Again and again, he brought her to the edge, then forced himself to slow down and draw out her pleasure.
He could have played like that all night, her spicy-sweet taste on his tongue, her lithe body molten over him, but soon, she was dictating the pace, her gasps coming faster and faster until she finally broke apart in a trembling climax.
Rational thought was nearly out of reach when he slid her back down his body a short while later. All he knew was that he needed to be inside of her more than he needed to breathe. Only at the last second did he remember protection, and thank God, tonight the little packet was waiting in the night table beside the bed.
Moments later, Taylor was lowering herself onto him. If he’d been in heaven earlier, now he was in a nirvana that only one woman on earth could show him.
Together, they moved in a fluid dance of love and mind-blowing pleasure. Her eyes were closed, her head flung back as she used his hands, his arms, for leverage while she rode him with sweet abandon, chasing her pleasure, and his too.
He’d never seen anything so breathtaking in his entire life as Taylor giving herself to him, and when she finally crested her second peak, he had to kiss her as her release spun out into his.
For long moments afterward, they lay panting in each other’s arms. She was sprawled over him, and he’d never felt so content. So happy. Or so amazed.
His soft laughter had her lifting her head from his chest. “Let me in on the joke.”
“No joke,” he said as he kissed her again. “It’s just that I can hardly believe so many of the fantasies I’ve had about you are actually coming true.”
She raised an eyebrow. “How many fantasies have you had about me?”
“Hundreds.” No, that wasn’t even close. “Thousands.” Even that wasn’t true. “Millions.”
She laughed, a sound that covered him with as much warmth as her body over his. “Promise me you’ll tell me all of them. Promise me we’ll do all of them.”
“Starting tonight?”
She gave him a naughty little smile that got his motor revving again in an instant. “We’ve wasted enough time, don’t you think?”
“Not anymore,” he said, then began to kiss every beautiful inch of her, the way he’d always longed to in his fantasies.
Only to find out that the reality was so much better.