CHAPTER FIVE
Justin had intended to keep things light and fun to start. But he hadn’t been able to stop himself from baring a piece of his heart to Taylor.
By the time she came outside, the sun had gone down, and he’d been sitting out in the garden for an hour rereading the same page. He’d read other books by this author and knew it was probably a gripping story. But all he could see when he looked at the page was Taylor in pain. And though it had been nothing more serious than cramps from dehydration, the sight of her hurting bothered him. A lot.
Thankfully, she seemed to be herself again, with bright eyes and a big smile. She kept looking down at the ring on her hand as it sparkled in the light of the moon and the lights she’d strung throughout the garden, almost as if she couldn’t believe it was real. He felt his heart swell knowing how much she loved it.
His mother would have absolutely loved to see Taylor wearing her ring. At long last.
“So,” he said, deliberately pivoting away from big emotional moments for the time being, “how are your folks doing? And your brother?”
“They’re good.” She took a small sip of champagne, then set the glass down. “My dad is getting close to retirement and pretty much lives at the golf course already. My mom was thinking of running for city council, but decided to put that off.”
“Why?” He’d met Caroline Cardenes several times. It had been obvious that Taylor’s mother hadn’t approved of him or his friendship with her daughter—she’d seemed to think that he was a playboy who was angling to lead Taylor into the path of danger. He’d tried to make her understand that keeping Taylor safe and well was as much his priority as it was hers, but she’d never warmed to him, always polite but brittle whenever they spoke.
Taylor picked up her glass and took another tiny sip before answering. “The city council would be a big-time commitment, and I think she wants to wait until her decks are cleared a bit more.”
“Is something going on with your brother?” Austin was five years younger than Taylor and had always been a bit of a troublemaker. Possibly, Justin thought, because her parents had always been overprotective of their kids. It was only here in St. Helena in her new B&B that Taylor seemed to have pushed her way free of her parents’ protective borders.
“Actually, Austin is doing really well. College wasn’t a great fit for him, but now that he’s started working at a gaming company, he seems to have found his niche.” She refilled his glass. “What about you? I need the full rundown on all of your brothers and sisters. I talked briefly with Olivia and Maddie when they called to check in about your week here, but we weren’t able to catch up properly. Start with Maddie. She sounded so mature on the phone.”
“You’re going to freak when you see her at Drew and Ashley’s wedding,” he said. “One second she was a little girl and the next she wasn’t.”
“How are you dealing with that, Mr. Protective Big Brother?”
“Badly.” They both laughed, though he was speaking the truth. “No one will ever be good enough for her, but telling her that would be as good as shoving her into some loser’s arms.”
“You’re right. There’s nothing you can do but suck it up when she brings home Mr. Wrong.” She shook her head and made a face. “It’s something every girl’s got to learn for herself.”
“What happened with your ex?” Now that she’d given him that Mr. Wrong lead-in, he had to know. “Why did you break up?”
She looked over at the pool, almost as if she didn’t want to look him in the eye when she answered. “After graduation, Bruce had all these plans for us in Rochester. Really detailed ones where I swear he must have sat down with my parents to map it all out—where we were going to live, work, how many kids we were going to have.” She grimaced. “Everyone heard wedding bells.”
He wanted to be angry at Bruce, at her parents, on Taylor’s behalf. But how could he blame them when he was sitting here wanting the exact same thing, wanting those wedding bells ringing for him and her?
“I was the only one who didn’t hear them,” she continued. As if she could read Justin’s mind, she said, “I know you didn’t like him. But he’s a nice guy, has a good heart, means well. And staying with him was safe, the kind of safety that I knew my parents wanted for me. Being with Bruce kept me tethered to Rochester, and it gave them hope that I wouldn’t leave forever.” She sighed. “You know it isn’t really about me. They’re still just so destroyed from losing the baby they had before I was born.” Justin was one of the very few people who knew this about her family. “I think part of the reason I’ve played it safe is because I hate the thought of causing my parents another moment of grief. Even though we’ve never actually sat down and talked about their lost child, it feels like it’s colored everything in our lives.”
“I know what it’s like not to want to talk about the hard stuff,” he said. All too well, considering he and his father still hadn’t ever really talked about their grief. “My mom was always after us to speak up, though, even if we were scared. Especially if we were scared.” It was only after her death that they’d all clammed up on each other. Sean and Drew had been lucky to have Serena and Ashley to help them deal with their grief. Justin had been lucky too—without Taylor by his side, he didn’t know how he would have coped that first year.
But that wasn’t the only thing Justin had been afraid to talk about—he and Taylor had never brought up their kiss. Not once since it happened. And he couldn’t help but think that had been a mistake. A huge one. Because what if they’d both gotten it wrong? What if they’d wasted the past five years because neither of them had been brave enough to have a potentially difficult conversation?
He wouldn’t bring it up tonight, not when he really did want to give Taylor some time to see how good they were together first. But he wouldn’t wait much longer. He’d already waited so many years…
“So many times in the past few months,” she said, breaking into his thoughts, “I’ve thought about trying to talk with my mom about the sister I never knew, but something always stops me.”
Again, he nodded. “It’s tough. I mean, my dad and I still haven’t ever really talked about losing my mom. So I completely get where you are with it.” But he hadn’t gotten the full story about her ex yet, so he said, “Even though you thought it would worry your parents, you still broke up with Bruce.”
She rubbed her neck, looking uncomfortable. “This is going to sound really lame after everything you and your family have been through, but the truth is that breaking up with Bruce was the scariest thing I’d ever done, because it meant I finally had to figure out how to live my own life on my own terms.”
“You already knew how to do that,” Justin argued.
“Not really. College was just another map someone else drew for me—take this class, graduate with this major, apply for this job. I thought I was being bold by staying in Palo Alto after graduation instead of moving back to Rochester, but even after I got the job in the lab and was living in College Terrace, it just didn’t fit properly. None of it did until I came here.” She dropped her hand from her neck, as though at last she’d reached the part of the story where she could relax. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally flailing. Still trying like crazy to figure everything out long after I already should have. And probably screwing up more than I’m getting right. But I’m having fun. More fun than I’ve had since you left for Germany.”
His eyebrows rose. That was quite an admission—that he’d been the most fun part of her life, until now, at least. “I haven’t had much fun since then either. But today is a pretty great move in the right direction.”
They smiled at each other, a moment filled with enduring friendship. But also, he could have sworn, something more. Something deeper, richer, sexier. Something Justin hoped Taylor wouldn’t want to deny any more than he did.
The front bell chimed, and with the windows open, they could hear it in the garden. “That must be the pizza,” she said. “I’ll be right back.”
“You’ve been running around all day. I’ll get this.” He left before she could argue and came back a few minutes later with the huge pizza box. “I figured we’d eat straight out of the box the way we always used to. No point in getting plates dirty.”
Nodding, she flipped open the cover and grabbed a piece. Hot cheese dripped and fell onto the cardboard as she took a bite. “Mmmm. So good.”
He had been about to grab his own piece, but the pleasure-filled sound she’d just made shifted his focus to an entirely different kind of hunger.
When she noticed he wasn’t eating, she said, “Aren’t you hungry?”
“Starved.” So starved for her that he couldn’t even think of reaching for pizza.
Her eyes locked with his again, and then she was suddenly shoving her chair back, her expression distinctly uncomfortable. “This pizza is making me really thirsty. I’d better get us some water, otherwise we’re going to be chugging champagne. And we all know what a lightweight I am!”
Her laughter sounded slightly forced, and then she was hurrying off, obviously intent on putting some space between them for a few minutes.
Justin let out a low curse in the middle of the garden. So much for playing it cool and taking time to convince her they were perfect together. All he’d managed so far was to make her feel so uncomfortable that she ran away.
When she came back with the ice water, rather than drinking it, he would be better off dumping it over his head.
* * *
Taylor knew she couldn’t keep hiding in the kitchen whenever her feelings for Justin got too big, too hot, too intense. All he’d said was that he was starved and she’d practically gone up in flames. Even though she very much doubted there had been any undertones or hidden meanings.
When Justin had asked her why she and her boyfriend had finally broken up, all of the reasons she’d given him were true, but she’d deliberately left out the biggest one: He wasn’t you.
Back in college, she’d been too big a coward to let Justin know how she felt. Holding on to her boyfriend had meant that Justin would never consider her anything more than a friend—which also meant that he would never crush her heart if she confessed her feelings and he didn’t return them.
Now, for the first time since their friendship began, they were both single. Four months ago, she might have decided this was her big chance to declare her feelings, and risk having her heart destroyed when he didn’t return them.
But that was before her diagnosis. PKD could be so debilitating—according to her doctor, she’d been losing kidney function at warp speed these past few months—that unless she had a successful transplant, and soon, any crush she had on Justin, especially if he magically felt the same way, could be moot. He’d already lost his mother to a devastating disease. She couldn’t let him risk loving another woman whose body was a ticking time bomb.
Reminding herself of all the reasons that being with Justin as more than a friend would never come to fruition helped settle her down as she filled a pitcher with ice water and grabbed two more glasses. This week was all about rekindling a precious friendship, nothing more. She wouldn’t let herself get all hot and bothered again.
Feeling better, she went outside. “We were talking about Maddie when the conversation somehow steered off course. She told me a little bit about her restaurant work, and it sounds amazing.”
“I’m really proud of her,” he said with a grin. It was one of the things she loved most about him—how close he was to his siblings. “She’s been working at a restaurant in the city, but I know she’s also been trying her hand at baking on commission for some stores and businesses in the area.”
“Everything she used to make when she was in high school was so good, I can’t wait to see—that should be taste, actually—where she’s taken her talent by now.” Her slice of pizza was cold as she picked it up, but keeping reminders of heat to a minimum was for the best. “Tell me about Sean next. Although, since I’ve been seeing his photographs everywhere, I have a pretty good idea how he’s doing, at least professionally.”
“He’s on fire.” Justin took another slice out of the box. “We always knew he was talented, but it’s nice that the rest of the world agrees. Seeing his work on the cover of National Geographic was epic. He tried to play it cool when he called to tell me, but then Serena grabbed the phone and couldn’t stop bubbling over about it.”
“They really are the perfect couple, aren’t they?”
“Always were,” he agreed, “even though their start was messy.”
Taylor knew all about how Sean and Serena had gotten together at a Stanford frat party when Serena was a freshman and Sean was a junior. Serena had been the world’s most innocent supermodel-turned-coed, and Sean had been drunk and reeling from his mother’s death. The next morning, when he’d gone to apologize for coming on too strong and found an overzealous fan bothering her, he’d instinctively protected her—and they’d ended up forging a friendship. One that had quickly and beautifully turned into love.
“I read Serena’s book. It was fantastic!” Taylor had always been a fan of historical fiction, and even though she was biased, she believed Serena had written a truly compelling Victorian-set mystery. “It almost felt as though she’d lived in Victorian England.”
“They spent a lot of time in England a couple of years back, Serena doing research while Sean took pictures.”
“It’s all so romantic,” Taylor said with a sigh. One she hoped didn’t sound too envious. “Now give me the dirt on Olivia. I know she’s still working on her PhD, but even though I couldn’t squeeze too much out of her over the phone, I couldn’t help but think she’s focused on more than just work right now.”
He raised an eyebrow. “I think there might be a secret guy stashed in the shadows somewhere.”
“She told you that?” Olivia and Madison knew firsthand how nuts their brothers could be about vetting the guys they dated. Taylor had always figured Olivia wouldn’t let on that she was serious about someone until it was a fait accompli, maybe even after eloping, just so her four brothers wouldn’t try to change her mind.
“No,” he admitted. “But she was even cagier than usual.”
“I’ll have to see what I can get out of her at the wedding.” Before he could say anything, she added, “And don’t even think of asking about what I find out, because I’m sure she’ll make me promise not to tell you a thing.”
“You’ve never been able to keep a secret from me,” he said in that low drawl that always gave her thrill bumps.
Somehow, she managed to keep the smile on her face. Thank God he’d never guessed the biggest secret of all: just how much deeper her feelings for him went than friend. She’d better move on or risk falling into dangerous territory. “I already know Drew and Ashley are blissfully happy, and I’d have to be deaf not to hear his songs everywhere.”
“It’s the same in Germany—in every cafe, restaurant, store, even at work in the lab—his songs are playing. I used to brag about being his brother, but I finally realized I should stop.”
“Why?”
“No one ever believes me once they hear me sing.”
“Sing something for me now.”
“I can’t believe I forgot how evil you can be,” he teased.
“Please. No one has ever covered Celine Dion quite like you.”
Before she could prepare herself, he launched into “My Heart Will Go On,” making her gasp at just how horrible it sounded even as she laughed herself silly. On nights when she’d wound herself up tight with lab work and test prep at Stanford, he would often surprise her with a Celine Dion song. Hearing him butcher “The Power of Love” or “It’s All Coming Back to Me Now” never failed to loosen her up.
It wasn’t until a couple of dogs in the neighborhood howled that she realized she should shush him. By then, however, he was up out of his seat, putting on theatrical Las Vegas-style moves to go with the words.
Her stomach hurt from laughing so hard. “God, I’ve missed you,” she said, wrapping her arms around herself.
“Is your side hurting again?” He’d gone from laughter to concern in a second.
“No.” She was glad it was the truth for once—and also that there was still one more Morrison to ask about to deflect Justin’s attention from her. “I’m assuming Grant is continuing to take over the business world?”
“You know Grant. He’s always on the lookout for another business model to blow up, another industry to turn inside out, another research endeavor to fund.”
“But do you think he’s happy?” Grant had never been anything but kind to her. At the same time, she could never quite read him.
Justin paused to think about her question. “I know it’s important to him that he makes good changes in the world. But I suppose it doesn’t leave much time for anything else.”
“Life’s too short to waste any of it,” she said softly.
“I agree,” Justin said. And then the next thing she knew, he was taking her hand and pulling her from her chair and into his arms.
Wanting nothing more than to melt into him, she made herself stay stiff. “What are you doing?”
“I want to dance with my best friend. And since we both agree that life is short…” He drew her close so that her cheek rested against his chest and she had no choice but to relax into giggles as he started humming Celine Dion again, brutally off-key.
“Why don’t we let the frogs and crickets take care of the music?” she suggested.
And as they swayed together in the faint light of the moon, Taylor knew no night had ever been this perfect. At the end of the week, he would be gone, but she would cherish this moment in his arms forever.