CHAPTER TWENTY
Justin hadn’t wanted to believe this could happen, but he wasn’t blind.
His father had been avoiding Taylor all night. He’d neither congratulated them on their engagement, nor come over just to say hello. And Justin didn’t think it was a coincidence that Drew and Ashley had set up the seating so that Justin and Taylor were on one end of the long table and his father was at the other. Everyone obviously knew Dad had issues with his intention to donate a kidney to Taylor.
What’s more, Justin couldn’t miss how subdued Taylor had been after returning from her private talk with Grant. She’d looked pale and guilty, when she had absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Based on a couple of conversations Justin and Grant had had during the week, he knew Grant was prepared to support his decision to be her donor. The only person Justin hadn’t been able to talk things through with was his father—he’d left messages, but none had been returned.
Earlier, when she’d asked him about his father’s reaction to their engagement, Justin had still been firmly in denial about the possibility that he might not support his relationship with Taylor. But that was because he honestly couldn’t believe that his father would turn on her out of fear.
Justin had been gritting his teeth all through dinner. He didn’t want to make a scene and ruin Drew and Ashley’s celebration—but that didn’t mean he would let his father leave without talking with him either.
The evening should have been great. The food looked fantastic, and his siblings and Ashley’s parents were in top form with alternately funny or heartwarming stories about the bride and groom. But Justin couldn’t enjoy himself. Not when he could see that Taylor was trying so hard to act like nothing was wrong, with a smile pasted on her face as she laughed in all the right places. He held tightly to her hand, but she wouldn’t look at him.
Somehow, he made it through dinner and dessert and what seemed to be an endless number of toasts. As soon as everyone started to get up from the table, he gave Taylor a kiss, told her he’d be right back, then made a beeline for his father.
“We need to talk.”
He didn’t wait for a response as he headed out of the cave, past the stone patio, and into the first row of vines. The smell of the soil beneath his feet and the crisp night air should have filled him with pleasure. But just as he’d been unable to appreciate the meal and the company tonight, he couldn’t ground himself in the beauty of the land either.
“Justin.” His father’s voice had him turning, jaw clenched. “I know you love her, but—”
“Do you?” Fury whipped through Justin as he glared at the man who had always been his hero. “Do you really know how much I love Taylor?” The two of them had never talked about his mother—not really, not in anything more than tiny little remembrances that didn’t come anywhere near the heart of their loss. But Justin was done trying to hide from his grief—and he sure as hell wasn’t going to allow his father to use his own grief as some sort of weapon against Taylor. “Do you understand that I love her as much as you loved Mom? I know you would have done the same for Mom, with no hesitation at all.”
“Of course I would have,” his father replied. “But your mother and I were together for more than thirty years. Whereas, while you and Taylor have known each other since college, you’ve only been a couple for a week.”
Justin was momentarily speechless, unable to believe that his father would try to pull out the equivalent of a time calculator, or a ruler to measure love, to judge the amount of time appropriate before you could help someone you loved.
“You always said you fell in love with Mom the day you met.” Justin’s voice was low, but hard. Never in a million years would he have thought his father wouldn’t be on his side, wouldn’t go to bat for him, wouldn’t support him. Justin was reeling from the shock of it, head to heart. “If you had found out Mom was sick early on in your relationship, do you expect me to believe you would have walked away from her? That you wouldn’t have put your own life on the line for hers?”
Michael looked haggard. “I’m your father. You must understand that I have to put you first. I know how safe most transplant surgeries are, but I also know there are risks—and that not every donor comes out on the safe side of those risks.”
Of course his dad couldn’t answer Justin’s question. And he didn’t need to, because they both knew the answer: Had Lisa Morrison needed a kidney, his father would have cut out his own to give to her with his own hands if it had come to that.
“Taylor loves you,” Justin told his father. “And she loved Mom.” His voice felt like it was going to break, and he had to pause. “You know if Mom was here, she wouldn’t stand in my way. Even if she was scared. Even if she didn’t like my choice. She would stand beside me, and Taylor, no matter what. No matter the risks.”
“Your mother was the better of the two of us.” His father’s words were raw and full of pain. “And she isn’t here.” He rubbed his hand over his eyes, leaving it there as he said, “I can’t stop thinking about how much she would have loved to see Drew get married. To think that you want to walk into a hospital and let them put you under, let them cut you open and take out one of your kidneys…”
His shoulders began to shake, and though Justin was still angry, it didn’t diminish how much he loved his father. Justin put his arms around him and held him while he cried.
It was a long while before his dad could pull himself together. Stepping back, he said, “I don’t think I’m making much sense tonight.”
“I know this first wedding among us kids is hard without Mom.” Justin’s jaw was no longer clenched with anger, though frustration still rode him. “But we’re all here for you. And for each other. That isn’t going to change.” Surely his father would come around once he had more time to see Justin’s point of view? “Why don’t we head back inside? We can talk more tomorrow.”
“I should probably take a few more minutes alone. You go ahead.”
Justin hated leaving things on such an uncertain note. But while he wasn’t going to push any further tonight, he also needed his dad to know one last thing. “Mom always said I got my stubbornness from you. She was right—I’m not going to change my mind on this. And I know it’s going to be hard to change yours. But I’m not going to stop trying. Because the one thing I know for sure is that Taylor would never, no matter how badly she needs help, let me give her a kidney if you weren’t on board.”
“I’m sorry, Justin.” His father sounded beaten down as far as a man could go. “I can’t give you my blessing. Not tonight.” He looked haggard as he admitted, “Maybe not ever.”
Until that moment, Justin had been absolutely certain that he would be a match and Taylor would agree to the transplant and they would all live happily ever after. But for the first time, Justin felt fear take hold inside of him. Fear that he wouldn’t be able to help her the way he wanted to. Fear that no other donor would step forward in time.
He heard Taylor’s voice a beat before she poked her head around the row of grapevines. “There you both are. Everyone is wondering where you disappeared to.” Her voice was deliberately light. She walked up to his father and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I can’t believe I haven’t had a chance to say hello to you all night. It’s so nice to see you again.”
“And I haven’t had a chance to congratulate you both on your engagement.” Drew and Ashley had asked everyone to raise a glass to them during dinner, but though Michael had joined in with everyone else, Justin hadn’t been convinced his father’s heart was in it.
He wasn’t convinced now either.
Hating how uncertain, how fragile Taylor looked as she stood before his father, Justin put his arm around her and pulled her close. “You must be exhausted from our all-nighter. We should head home and get some much-needed sleep.”
She sent his father an apologetic look as she explained, “A couple staying at my B&B had car trouble in Calistoga last night. Justin and I went to help and weren’t able to make it back until early this morning.”
“It sounds like an awful lot of work, running your B&B,” Justin’s father said. “Are you sure you’re up to it?”
Justin watched as Taylor’s shoulders instinctively went back. “Oh yes, I’m sure.”
“It’s just that Justin told all of us about your diagnosis,” his father said, digging the hole deeper with every word. “I’m so sorry to hear it.”
“Thank you for your concern.” She didn’t sound at all like herself. It was as though she was talking to a stranger now, rather than the man she’d treated as a surrogate father for so many years. “I have great doctors, and it’s my understanding that dialysis can be a viable solution for many years if necessary.” She forced her lips to curve up at the end, even though there was no accompanying light in her eyes. “Don’t worry. Everything is going to be okay.”
Justin felt as though a two-by-four had just slammed into his stomach. In not so many words, had Taylor just told his father than she wasn’t going to let Justin donate a kidney to her? She kept saying everything was going to be okay—but how could it be if she wouldn’t let him help her?
Before he could push past the ache in his gut to set everyone straight on the fact that he was going to be her donor, damn it, come hell or high water, Taylor told his father, “I really should get home for some sleep. I’m looking forward to seeing you at the wedding tomorrow.” And then she tugged Justin out of the vineyard.
Ten minutes later, after saying good night to his siblings, they were back in his car and on their way home. Justin was deeply torn. On the one hand, he wanted to shield Taylor from his and his father’s emotional stalemate. But on the other, he hated keeping anything from her.
Before he could get out so much as a word, however, he realized she was curled up in the passenger seat, fast asleep.
His heart turned over just from looking at her. He would never let anything happen to her.
Never.