By the time he was done with work on Friday, Dean was in need of a distraction. He was missing Charlotte like crazy, and he’d seen her just the day before. The fact that he wouldn’t see her again until … well, he wasn’t even certain exactly when, made it so much worse.
This was what falling for a woman felt like, which meant he was in trouble.
After making sure everything was shut down and locked, he headed for the alley where his car was parked.
The week had been long and busy. Teaching someone new was incredibly stressful, although Dean was really impressed with his new apprentice. Part of him had almost hoped John would prove to be unfit for the job—for Charlotte’s sake at least—but the opposite had proven true. John was a quick learner and asked good questions. He had an analytical mind, which helped him understand the scientific processes of distilling easily. Dean’s initial instincts had been spot-on. John was basically the dream apprentice he’d been waiting for: eager, curious, and driven. If Dean ignored the fact that the guy had slept with Charlotte, given her a ring, and then broken her heart, then he liked John.
The guy was great, even had the kind of sarcastic but friendly personality that Dean could get along with. Yet, despite how well things had been going, Charlotte had figuratively been in the room with them at every turn. They’d both known it, and John had even mentioned her casually a time or two. Or three. Each time had been a reminder to Dean that his jealousy was more intense than he’d expected it would be.
He’d thought of her constantly. Their previous Saturday night and Sunday morning together. The look in her eyes as she’d put that chocolate chip cake in her mouth. Even the feel of her goose-bump-covered skin under his fingers. He couldn’t stop, and every time he thought of her relationship with John, he was conflicted.
There was no doubt in Dean’s mind that John wasn’t fully over Charlotte. At the very least, seeing her again had brought up a lot of fond memories—that was obvious by the look on his face and the tone of his voice when her name was mentioned. It probably didn’t help having to watch her with someone new, but Dean refused to feel guilt for that. He’d waited a long time to have her all to himself.
But at the same time, he could hardly fault the guy for his feelings. Charlotte was beautiful, successful, and now off limits.
A small part of him couldn’t help wondering if maybe fate was trying to bring two people back together and Dean was standing in the way of Charlotte’s happiness. John was young, handsome, and seemed to be a good guy. The way he’d ended their relationship didn’t mean they couldn’t try again, did it?
Yeah, on second thought, hell no. John could have Charlotte over Dean’s dead body.
Once in his vehicle, Dean felt restless and decided to head over to his father’s for a visit. It had rained recently. Maybe his lawn needed mowing. Some manual labor might work wonders on keeping his mind off things. Wondering exactly where Charlotte was. Who she was with. What she was doing.
Pulling into his father’s driveway, Dean turned off his ignition and got out. It was still warm even at seven in the evening, and the humidity was starting to kick in. Grabbing some gym clothes out of his trunk, he made his way to the front door and let himself in after a quick perfunctory knock.
“Dad?” he called out.
“In the john,” a muffled voice said from within the house.
Dean chuckled to himself at the choice of words. He made his way into the small kitchen where he’d eaten many meals as a child. Across the top of the cabinets was a row of Stag alcohol bottles and Dean smiled. His father wasn’t much of a drinker, but he was incredibly proud of his son.
He opened the fridge and found several containers of fruit, a bag of salad mix, and about six or seven packages of pudding cups. Even at eighty-three his father was getting along just fine. Always had. It about killed Dean to think that the man wouldn’t live forever. Losing his mother had been hard, and they hadn’t even gotten along that well. It was almost impossible for him to imagine a world without his father in it.
The sound of the bathroom sink was followed by a creaky door, and then his dad walked into the kitchen. “You in here making me dinner?”
Dean let the fridge door shut and opened the freezer. “I would, but I’m not sure what I could whip up with forty pudding cups.”
“Those are my favorite. Eat one while I watch Jimmy every night.”
Dean shook his head and shut the freezer. “How about I order some pizza and then mow your lawn.”
“I guess that sounds okay. I don’t keep you around to do my chores, though.”
“No, I just like to give you a hand once in a while. I get bored,” Dean lied.
“You know the cure for that, don’t you?” His dad sat down to the kitchen table and let out a sigh. He sure didn’t move as fast as he used to, but he was still mobile. Independent.
“I’m sure you’ll tell me.”
“A man your age needs a wife.”
Dean refrained from pointing out that having a wife hadn’t done either one of them much good. His father constantly hounded him not to go through life lonely. Dean knew the man was worried about him, but while lonely might not be ideal, it was consistent. Safe.
“What about you? You’re not dead,” Dean said, just as a deflection. He grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it with water.
“Who says I don’t have a woman in my life?”
Dean’s eyes went wide and he turned to look at his father, who had a bemused expression on his face. “You never know is all I’m saying.”
“Hmm.” Dean decided not to even go near that comment. He pulled out his phone. “What kind of pizza you want?”
“I’m not picky. Whatever you like.”
Joel Troyer had always been a kind man. Accommodating, pleasant, a jokester. He wanted everyone around him to be happy and to feel welcome. It was his nature, which was why Dean had never understood why his mother left. Except for the fact that she’d married a younger man after their divorce. Not once had his dad acted bitter or angry. Sad, yes. Those first couple of years had been rough on him, and Dean had worried he might never pull out of his funk. But eventually he did, and never, ever had he badmouthed or blamed Dean’s mother for the demise of their marriage.
Dean hadn’t been so forgiving. To a teenage boy, watching his mother flaunt herself, date various men, and then settle on a guy a decade younger than her had stung. He’d been livid, and while he knew his father would have done anything to get her back, Dean’s feelings had grown to near-hate. Eventually his ire had thawed somewhat, but the two of them had never been close after that.
His dad had never gotten an apology as far as Dean knew. He’d always wished he’d just made a scene, given her a piece of his mind. But he never had. Even to this day, if he mentioned her name, a smile came to his face. Dean would never understand it. A good man like his father didn’t deserve to go through life alone.
As far as he was concerned, his mother had given up the best thing that had ever happened to her. Then again, if she’d stayed there would be no Alex, and that meant Dean had to believe that maybe she’d done them all a favor. His father loved Alex, too. Everyone who met her did. The two of them—his dad and Alex—were similar in nature, both mild-mannered and kind. Made Dean wonder if somehow she’d inherited a Troyer gene through osmosis.
After calling in a pizza order, Dean found his father in the living room, sitting in his favorite chair, watching the evening news. “How’s the wedding planning going?”
Dean sat down on the sofa, deciding maybe they’d eat before he went out and tackled the yard. “Good. Better than I could have expected.”
Joel laughed. “You got a knack for it, huh?”
“Don’t know about that, I just enlisted some help.”
“Good idea, I s’pose.”
“Yeah. She’s a wedding photographer who shoots a lot at the building so she knows her stuff. Best decision I could have made.”
“I guess so, if it puts that look on your face.”
Dean’s eyes went to his father’s. He couldn’t help laughing. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
His dad just chuckled. “I can always tell with you. She pretty?”
Realizing there was no point in playing dumb, Dean just answered the question. “Of course she is.” She’s gorgeous.
“Is it serious?”
“I don’t know yet. It’s still new.” Dean put a leg up on his knee and fidgeted with the sole of his shoe.
“Gotta start somewhere.”
“You’re right. Makes me nervous, though. She’s a lot younger than I am.”
Joel’s eyes widened. “She legal?”
“Christ, Dad, yes she’s legal. She’s close to thirty.”
“Oh well, hell.” Joel waved a hand in Dean’s direction. “She may as well be your age then.”
“There’s almost twelve years between us. We didn’t even grow up on the same popular music. Or television shows.”
“Pssh. Please. Give the woman some credit.”
“You of all people should understand,” Dean said, getting defensive.
“You’re damn right,” Joel’s voice bellowed, and Dean’s head jerked up in shock. His dad rarely raised his voice. “I understand completely what it feels like to be alone. I don’t want that for my son.”
“Dad—”
“A few years between a couple never hurt anybody. You’re a healthy man. Look better than most guys do at twenty-five. You’re welcome for those genes by the way.”
Dean laughed quietly. “Part of the problem is … I’m sure she’ll want kids, Dad.”
Joel sighed. “That is something to consider. Have you told her?”
“No. I’m scared to death.”
“If it’s meant to be, she’ll understand.”
“Giving up children is a lot to ask a young, healthy woman,” Dean said.
“There are lots of ways to have a baby.”
Dean hesitated before he went on. “I have an appointment on Monday to test again. Get a second opinion.”
His father’s eyes cut to his. “You sure about that? The last time…”
“I know, Dad, last time was rough.”
“That’s an understatement.”
“Yeah, but it was also close to ten years ago. Maybe … I don’t know. I doubt things have changed, but … I just need to go back in. I want to be able to tell Charlotte I tried again for her when I tell her I can’t ever give her a baby.”
“You certain you feel that strongly for her?”
“Yeah. I think I do.”
His dad ran a hand down his face, leaning back in his chair. “Wish I could change this for you, son.”
Dean smiled. “I know, Dad.”
“I’m proud of you, though. I was starting to fear you’d never try again.”
“Making a baby?”
“No. Not that. Loving someone.”
Dean looked down at his lap. He’d been afraid of that, too. Part of him still wasn’t certain he’d allow it to happen, but Charlotte made him hope.
“You have to risk the pain.” His father scooted to the edge of his recliner, resembling a sprinter about to take off at the gunshot. “Because if you keep going through life trying to safeguard yourself from ending up alone, only one thing will happen.”
“And that is…”
“You’ll definitely end up alone.”