The last time I was here was…Jeez, it had to be senior year,” Abigail said, as they entered the fall fair grounds a few days later and headed toward the ticket booth. The park was lit up with amusement rides, carnival games, and craft tables. Loud rock music played on overhead speakers, and the sounds of laughter and squeals of self-induced terrified fun could be heard all around them.
“It’s been a while for me, too,” Jackson said.
She frowned. “Really?”
He shot her a puzzled look. “Overpriced, cheapo carnival toys and pee-in-my-pants rides aren’t exactly my thing.”
She laughed at the too-accurate description of the event. “Actually, now that I think about it, you really weren’t impressed when we came here years ago.” She shrugged. “But I just thought you were annoyed to be around me again, as usual.”
As they reached the booth, he pulled out his wallet and handed Taylor forty dollars. “Here, get enough for you and Dani,” he said before turning back to her. “I was annoyed to be around you, but only because you were there with Dean.”
She handed Dani her own money and said, “Well, I’m sure it didn’t help that I forced you to get on every ride with me twice because of Dean’s weak stomach, and then I remember you spent the money you were saving for new hockey equipment trying to win the oversized six-foot teddy bear at the ball toss game for Becky.” A teddy bear that had sat in the corner of her bedroom until she left L.A. Dean had tossed one ball and won it for her, after Jackson had spent a small fortune trying.
“As I remember, you got the bear,” he said grumpily.
She laughed. “The truth is, I didn’t want the bear! You guys were so determined to see who could win it, I didn’t have the heart to say anything, but the thing was awkward and heavy and kinda ugly.”
He laughed, too. “Well, for the record, I wasn’t trying to win it for Becky.”
“You were trying to win it for me?”
“I would never have admitted to it, but yeah. Seventeen-year-old boys would do anything to make a pretty girl smile,” he said, turning to look at her. “Including getting on rides that terrified the shit out of them.”
“You were scared?” He hadn’t seemed scared. In fact, she’d been the terrified one, burying her face into his chest and clinging to his shirt as they’d rode the creaky, ominous-sounding roller coaster. Then feeling super awkward for getting so close to a guy who hated her, once they’d gotten off the ride.
“The ride freaked me out, but what I was really afraid of was that you’d notice the problem I was having in my jeans,” he whispered.
She shook her head. She still couldn’t believe he’d liked her back then. And he’d never said a word. He’d sat back and let Dean date her, take her to prom, marry her…She stole a quick glance downward toward his crotch and raised an eyebrow.
“What? I was seventeen and you were crazy hot. You’re still crazy hot, but I’ve learned to control myself these days.”
“Really?” The passionate sex the previous weekend seemed to indicate otherwise. Not that she’d been a voice of reason, either. She still wasn’t convinced their “let’s be friends and see how things go” plan was going to work. Not when her pulse raced at the sight of him and when the smell of his cologne made her want to cuddle closer to him. Nope, definitely not “friendly” feelings she was experiencing.
“Well, you could help a guy out a little by not wearing those skin-tight jeans that hug your hips and ass so perfectly…” He moved closer and put his hands on her hips. She swallowed hard, her breath caught in her chest. His touch made her dizzy. She only managed to resist the temptation to lean into him and pull his arms around her waist because there were far too many people around.
“Or these V-neck sweaters, teasing the life out of me with the hint of lace peeking over the top.” His gaze left hers to drop to her chest and goose bumps surfaced on her exposed skin as a shiver of anticipation ran through her. “Those beautiful, sexy…”
“We got the tickets!” Dani said, approaching suddenly.
Jackson quickly dropped his hands and Abigail stumbled away from him lightning fast.
“Great!” she croaked. “Let’s go spin until we puke.” She released a slow breath, ignoring Jackson’s gaze still on her as she fought to control her thundering heart. He may have hidden his attraction to her ten years ago, but he certainly was making up for lost time now.
* * *
Jackson watched from the safety of the ground as Abby, Taylor, and Dani climbed into the front seat of the roller coaster. This friendship plan of theirs was already getting derailed. How did he expect to spend time with her and keep his hands and lips to himself when all he wanted to do was hold her, kiss her, make up for the years he’d been too afraid to act on his feelings?
“Why the front? Can’t we move back a few rows?” Abby asked, sounding nervous. Yet, she was doing it. She got points for bravery at least.
“The front is the best row. You can see everything better,” Taylor said.
“Great. So we can see falling to our death better. Just what I wanted,” she said, moving over to allow the two girls to climb in.
“You sure you don’t want to get on with them?” she asked Jackson, her tone pleading.
“Not a chance in hell. Have fun,” he said, as the kid operating the ride lowered the bar over their knees.
The lock snapped shut and Abby’s face paled.
“This is going to be epic,” Dani squealed.
Jackson laughed and waved as the ride started and the rickety train car struggled to make the slow, torturous climb to the top of the first drop. His stomach turned just watching the thing.
He still had no idea how Abby had talked him into getting on it with her. Sure, he’d had a crush on her, but his feelings must have run deeper even back then, because there was no way he would have gotten on otherwise.
Thank God the seats could only hold three, otherwise he may have abandoned common sense once again and done it. If for no other reason than to have her body pressed against his, and have a valid excuse to hold her for three and a half minutes in front of the girls.
Years ago, holding his best friend’s girlfriend while his buddy watched from below had made him feel guilty as shit. But it had been Dean’s fault, refusing to get on the ride with her. His buddy had missed the opportunity, and he’d gotten a chance to be the guy Abby smiled at, clung to, laughed and screamed with…And now it seemed once again, Dean’s loss was his gain.
And this time they weren’t teenagers. This time she knew how he felt about her. This time things were different. And he refused to feel guilty about any of it. He deserved to be happy, and so did Abby. After what Dean had put her through, it was a lot less difficult to put this new relationship with Abby ahead of his former friendship.
New relationship? Maybe not yet. But he had every intention of waiting until she was ready to take a chance on love again. Though he hoped he could help her get there and fast. The idea of waiting too long for the chance to make love to her again was tortuous.
His cell phone rang in his pocket and he reached for it, checking the call display. Coach Turner. He hadn’t returned the man’s first call. Mostly because he hadn’t made a decision yet. A month ago, he would probably have taken the chance, but now things were different. He let the call go to voicemail and tucked the phone away. He’d have to get back to him. And he’d have to tell him no, he thought, an unexpected disappointment creeping into his chest at the thought. Then his gaze met Abby’s and the disappointment faded entirely.
He watched as the roller coaster stopped at the top and hovered, the front car dangling precipitously over the steep plunge. All of a sudden the roller coaster in front of him seemed a lot less threatening than the emotional ride he was on within himself.
* * *
“No one wants to go on the Ferris wheel?”
All three shook their heads.
“After I braved all of those insane rides and lost my Ray-Bans on the Twister?”
Dani sighed. “Forget it, Mom. It’s boring. It just goes around in a big, slow circle.” She turned to Taylor. “In L.A. we had one with cages that rolled and rocked and it went a lot faster. That one was fun.”
“For you! I had to get the fairgrounds security to come unwrap my hair from around the metal on the cage.” Most terrifying moment of her life, being rattled around inside a cage, with her hair stuck, and Dani thinking it was hilarious.
“I warned you to put your hair in a bun,” Dani said, as though the embarrassing incident, resulting in the shortest hairstyle she’d ever sported, had been her fault.
“Fine. I’ll go on it by myself,” she said, tearing three tickets from the sheet and heading off toward the Ferris wheel.
A second later, she smiled as she heard Jackson say, “Wait up! I’ll get on with you.”
“Great!” she said.
Though a minute later, sitting in the gently swaying chair, her shoulder touching his, her thigh brushing his, and the soft scent of his cologne filling her senses, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to relax and enjoy the ride. Her pulse was racing faster now than it had on the roller coaster.
Spending time with him when they had to keep things casual in front of Dani and Taylor and the rest of Glenwood Falls was proving impossible. They hadn’t kissed since the dinner date that wasn’t a date, and she was dying for it. His scent had disappeared from her bed pillows and she longed for its return, too. She forced a steadying breath. They couldn’t rush things. She’d meant what she’d said in the restaurant—she wasn’t quite ready yet. There was no doubt that she was attracted to him, and she knew she liked him a lot more than was safe, but another failed attempt at a relationship was not what she needed right now. So she had to be sure…of him, of herself, of everything before she allowed things to go further.
“You okay?” Jackson asked.
“If by okay, you mean completely tormented, then yeah,” she said.
“Good to know the feeling’s mutual,” he said with a smile.
“Stop that. Those dimples don’t help,” she said, forcing her gaze away at the sound of his laugh.
“I’ll try to be less irresistible.” The ride started and the chair went higher, and Jackson turned to look at the mountains against the dark sky in the distance. “Great view from up here…as long as I don’t look down,” he said, clutching the side of the chair.
She nodded. “This was always my favorite ride. If you look that way, you can just barely make out the top of the houses in the neighborhood where we grew up,” she said, pointing to the left.
He leaned closer and nodded. “You’re right.” He turned his face toward her and an odd expression flickered across his features.
“What?”
He shook his head. “Nothing.”
“No, really what?” He couldn’t look at her like he was seeing her for the first time without explaining the meaning behind it.
“It’s just…” He stopped. “It’s going to sound like a dumb line.”
“Give it a shot anyway,” she said with a smirk, enjoying the slight look of embarrassment on his face. He reminded her of the young boy she used to think hated her, and the smirk faded. For the first time her heart ached for that boy. She’d always fought for his approval, but he’d had to deal with seeing her with someone else. He’d had it much worse.
“You just look so beautiful—the flush of color in your cheeks from the adrenaline from all the rides, your hair all messy, the way the lights reflect against the color of your eyes—it’s…breathtaking.”
Well, her breath had certainly been taken away.
He trailed the back of his hand along her cheek. “You would think that ten years would be enough to erase these childhood feelings, but since you’ve been back here, they’ve only grown. And the other night…”
“Something happened,” she whispered.
“Something amazing happened,” he agreed. He traced a finger along her lips, and she swallowed hard.
“But now that I know how great we are…or could be together, we both have to suffer,” she said softly, laying a hand on his leg in an attempt to steady herself from the intoxicating dizziness she was feeling that had nothing to do with the ride.
He studied her. “Are you suffering, too, Abby?” he asked, his lips just inches from hers, his hand covering hers on his thigh. Her body ached with desire. She slid her palm farther up his leg and his eyes widened. He cupped her face and the need in his eyes matched the reaction happening beneath her hand. “Damn, I want you so bad,” he grumbled.
She couldn’t think straight. She couldn’t breathe. All she wanted to do was kiss him. Actually she wanted to do far more than that. “Glad the feeling’s mutual,” she murmured, feeling a dull, throbbing ache between her own legs.
His lips met hers and a second later, her other arm went around his neck and she pressed her body into his. She didn’t care if everyone in town saw them. Right now all she wanted was the kiss he’d resisted taking the first time they rode this Ferris wheel together.
Unlike their previous kisses, this one was torturously slow. He took his time, grazing his lips over hers, the feel of his breath against them causing her palms to sweat in anticipation.
She needed more. Craved more. She moved closer, pressing her mouth to his, her tongue separating his lips. The kiss was long, hot, and wet, and she was struggling with the need for air and the urgent need for more of him as the ride went around and around.
His hands cupped the back of her head and she clung tighter to him, all hopes of taking things slow, being “just friends” slipping further and further away. They’d been fooling themselves to think they could take a step back after the night they’d shared. Her common sense and ability to think clearly vanished when he was so close, so real, and so incredibly tempting.
“Mom!”
The sound of Dani’s voice above the music and the fairground crowd made her eyes snap open, and she pushed Jackson away. Damn.
The ride had stopped and the chair had reached the bottom. The ride attendant rolled his eyes as he opened the door to let them out. Dani’s expression was a mix of confusion, hurt, and anger as she turned and ran toward the restrooms.
Shit. Moving past Jackson, Abigail ran after her daughter. “Dani, wait…just hold up…” She stopped short as her daughter disappeared into one of the porta-potties and slammed the door. She struggled to catch her breath, more from the effect of Jackson’s kiss than the dash across the fairgrounds. “Dani, please come out.”
“Go away!”
“Dani, we should talk about what you just saw.” Though what she would tell her daughter, she had no idea. She could barely comprehend the emotions spiraling through her, let alone explain it to her nine-year-old.
“No.”
“You can’t stay in there all night. Come out, let’s talk.” She wiggled the handle on the door. This was a disaster. The last thing she wanted her daughter to have to deal with right now was the idea of her mother and her hockey coach together.
“Dani, please come out.”
“I don’t want to talk to you.”
Jackson and Taylor stopped next to her. “She won’t come out.”
“Let me try,” Jackson said, tapping on the door. “Dani, how can you stand it in there? Isn’t it stinky?”
Abigail punched his arm. “Seriously?”
“I’m not laughing,” Dani called out, but the slightest edge had been removed from her voice.
Abigail clung to it as she tried again. “Please just come out…” She glanced at Jackson. “Where it’s less…stinky and we’ll talk about what you saw.”
“No.”
She sighed. Fine. She’d have to try to explain it through the porta-potty door…with other people nearby, listening. Though, half the park had probably witnessed the kiss anyway. “Look, sweetheart, that was…” Incredible. Mind-blowing. Probably going to happen again. “…nothing. I know it looked like something.” It certainly felt like something. “But it wasn’t. Nothing is happening between Coach Westmore and me,” she said. Not yet anyway…Oh God, who was she kidding? There was so much happening between them.
Now Jackson punched her in the arm. “Seriously?”
“Can we deal with us later? I’m trying to get my daughter out of a porta-potty,” she hissed.
Taylor rolled her eyes as she pushed them both aside. “You two suck at this.” She knocked on the door. “Dani, it’s me.”
“Why aren’t you locked in one of these, too?” Dani called out, sounding betrayed that her friend hadn’t joined the porta-potty revolt.
“Because, as gross as it was, seeing them trying to eat each other’s face…”
Thanks, Taylor.
“It’s also kinda awesome,” she said, surprising her. “I mean, think about it. We are best friends, which is cool, but wouldn’t it be even cooler if we were cousins?” The excitement in her voice rose.
Abigail’s mouth fell open. Cousins? Taylor had witnessed one ill-timed kiss between them and already she was marrying them off? She was more like Becky than anyone realized. She shook her head and went to say something, but Jackson touched her arm, nodding toward the door.
The red latch signifying occupied switched to green.
Oh thank God.
The door opened and Dani came out slowly. She still glared at her, but she hugged her friend. “Cousins would be pretty cool,” she mumbled.
Fantastic.
When she turned to Jackson, he was grinning.
She narrowed her eyes as she shook her head. “Do not get any ideas,” she hissed as she followed the girls back to the fairgrounds.
“Far too late for that, pretty girl.”
* * *
“Thank you so much, Dad. Dani will be so thrilled,” Abigail said two days later as she gathered her things to head home after class. She still hadn’t heard from Dean about whether or not he could take Dani to the Father and Daughter Fall Formal that weekend, so she’d decided to ask her own dad.
Going to the dance with her grandfather may not be what Dani wanted most, but Abigail was desperate. Her daughter was at least speaking to her now; there had been a two-day silent treatment after the kiss incident, and she knew Dani still wasn’t crazy about the idea of her with Jackson. And she wasn’t sure if her reassurance that a repeat of the kiss wasn’t going to happen anytime soon had made anyone feel better.
But right now, it was probably for the best. She was still getting her new life on track, and despite the intensity of her feelings for Jackson, she couldn’t ignore the fact that her divorce had been finalized less than two weeks ago. She couldn’t possibly move on that fast. Right?
“What time should I pick up my date?” her dad asked, breaking into her thoughts.
“Oh, um, six fifteen…” Her cell phone beeped with an incoming call. “Dad, hold on just a sec.” She glanced at the call coming in and her heart stopped. Dean. “Actually, I’ll have to call you back.”
“Okay, sweetheart.”
Clicking over she cleared her throat. “Hello?”
“It’s me.”
No shit. “Yes, caller ID is a fairly accurate psychic.” It was the reason for his sudden call that remained the mystery. He’d blocked her incoming emails, and the one time she’d tried to call, it had gone straight to voicemail.
“I’m just calling to find out the details of this dance on Friday,” he said tightly.
He actually planned to attend? The man who gave away all of his custody and visitation rights was suddenly interested in a school dance? The same guy who hadn’t called to see how his daughter was in over a month? She wanted to tell him to screw off, that they didn’t need him, but she knew how much him being there would mean to Dani.
Therefore, it was the first time in many months she didn’t want to punch him in the face. At least not as hard. But she was still pissed at the lack of contact with his daughter. “How did you know about it?” Had he somehow still seen her email, though it had bounced back?
“Dani called me yesterday,” he said.
She did? Abigail had told her she could call her father anytime she wanted, she just hadn’t known Dani had done it. “The dance is at six thirty at the elementary school gym.”
“I’ll pick her up at your place. You’re still staying at your parents’, right?” His tone held an unconcealed note of condescension.
And she’d never felt as smug in all her life as she said, “Actually, no. We have our own place now.”
He was silent for just a second too long, letting her know she’d hit her mark. She felt like doing a happy dance on the teacher’s desk.
“Fine. Just text me the address.”
“Sure.”
“And I’d like to have her overnight.”
Her mouth fell, and any victory or relief she might have been feeling vanished. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, at the hotel in Denver. I’ll be playing there Saturday night.”
Dani had mentioned that, but she’d been doing her best to forget. She’d foolishly been hoping Dani would as well. She clenched her jaw. “We didn’t negotiate any visitation schedule,” she said, forcing her voice to remain calm and confident.
“Abigail, don’t start that shit. I didn’t fight you for custody because I travel too much and I never would have won, and I wasn’t able to commit to a visitation schedule for the same reason. But I expected that we would be adults about all of this and when I had time to see Dani, you wouldn’t have a problem with it.” His voice was hard and cold, and she almost shivered.
She swallowed hard. Damn it. She knew he was right. Despite everything, he was Dani’s father. More importantly, Dani loved him and she’d never forgive her if she refused visitation requests.
The truth was, she had no reason to. Dean may have been an asshole to her, but as far as Dani was concerned, he’d never hurt his daughter. Never would hurt her.
“Abigail?”
“Yes, I’m here. She can stay overnight with you in Denver,” she said, feeling sick about it already.
“See you Friday.”
She disconnected the call and sat staring at the phone. See her on Friday…As if life wasn’t complicated enough.
* * *
Did she let him in or make him wait out on the step?
Abigail glanced at the phone in her hand. Dean’s text was two words.
I’m here.
She wouldn’t get any answers from that. What was the protocol for divorced parents? Too bad the divorce papers hadn’t come with a How to Deal with an Ex instruction manual. She sighed, standing on tiptoes to peek through the small frosted-glass window in the door. If he was still sitting in the rental car, she’d just let Dani go to him once she was ready.
Damn it. He was pacing the driveway.
Her heart nearly stopped at the blurry image of her ex-husband in a dark gray suit and light blue dress shirt standing near the car. He never wore a tie, and that evening was no exception. Despite the distance and the frosted glass, she could make out the tanned, muscular chest beneath his open-collared shirt. His dark, wavy hair was longer, reaching the collar of his jacket, and he’d started to grow his beard, as he did at the beginning of every season. Unlike a lot of the other hockey wives, Abigail had always liked the beard; it made him look stronger, tougher, sexier somehow…and still did.
She sighed. Did he have to be so good-looking? Divorcing an unattractive man had to be easier, she thought as she reluctantly opened the front door.
He glanced up and her breath caught. For a brief second, she almost forgot this was the man who’d cheated on her and broken her heart. For just an instant, he looked like the same man who would stand in her driveway, waiting to pick her up for dates on Friday night.
But he wasn’t that man anymore.
The silence hung heavy on the cool breeze blowing the leaves from the deck into the porch and finally, he held up a hand in greeting. “Hey.”
“She’s almost ready. You can come in and wait. If you want.”
He looked hesitant as he checked his Rolex. “Sure,” he said.
A second later, the awkward, strained silence moved into her entryway.
“Nice place,” he muttered.
Yeah, the hallway is pretty great, she thought. “Feel free to come in,” she said, leading the way into the living room. She wondered if he knew this house was Jackson’s. She wasn’t sure how often the two men spoke these days…or what they spoke about. The idea that her ex may have been giving Jackson information or insights into their dissolving marriage made her stomach sick.
Dean followed behind her, scanning the room. “The furniture actually looks better in this smaller space,” he said.
She nodded. He’d never been a fan of the light tan and blue checkered pattern sofa and chair anyway. She’d picked it out when they’d first moved into the house in L.A. He’d been busy with training camp and hadn’t been available for consultation. Over the years, she’d learned not to wait for him to make decisions.
“Does the fireplace work?”
She nodded again. Small talk with a complete stranger was easier than this.
His gaze landed on the photos on the mantel and he moved closer, taking in each one.
She was silent, waiting to see if he’d notice or comment on the fact that he wasn’t in any of them. She’d purposely sorted through their family photos, selecting only shots of her and Dani. There were several of him in Dani’s room, but not on her mantel.
“Was this from the trip we took to Maui?” he asked, picking up her favorite: one of her and five-year-old Dani in snorkel gear on the beach. Dani held up a starfish, and the smile on the little girl’s face reflected the happiness they’d all felt on that trip. They’d spent days lying in the sun and nights sitting on the deck watching the sun set over the ocean.
It was the last vacation they’d taken where she could honestly believe they were a real family unit. Dean had still been committed to their relationship, and his mind hadn’t been on someone else while he was making love to her. She pushed the thoughts aside as she answered. “Yes.”
“That was a great trip,” he said quietly, setting the photo back down.
She remained silent.
He picked up another shot of them from the year before, about a month before she’d caught him cheating. It was taken at the birthday party they’d held for Dani in their backyard. They were standing in front of the rented bouncy castle. “I’m pretty sure I was in this one.”
“I’m pretty sure I cut you out,” she said, taking the photo from him and setting it back where it was. She didn’t like him touching her stuff.
He cleared his throat as he turned away. “You seem to have settled in nicely. This house must back onto the lake, right?” he asked, glancing out through the window that faced the backyard.
She was back to nodding again.
“And Dani’s settled in at school?”
Again the nod. Jeez, she looked like a moron bobbing her head up and down. Say something. The problem was, without the tense arguing they often did when they spoke, she had little to say. Things really were over between them, and small talk with a man who’d hurt her wasn’t coming easy. “Dani’s doing really great, adjusting and making new friends,” she said.
“That’s great.” His eyes trailed the length of her and he paused before saying, “You look really great, too, Abigail.”
Her teeth clenched. Not as great as the two cheerleaders she’d walked in on him with. She forced the image and the thought away as she took a deep breath, choosing to ignore the compliment. “Dani!” she called down the hall instead. “Your dad’s here. Are you almost ready, sweetheart?”
“Just a second,” came her excited reply.
“She’s a little nervous about wearing a dress and heels,” Abigail said quietly. They’d gone shopping the day before, and seeing her little girl try on the semi-formal dresses had brought tears to her eyes.
Dean smiled. “I’m sure she’s going to look as beautiful as you do.”
The second attempt at a compliment irritated her even more than the first. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to finish getting ready myself.” She was already set to go, but suddenly him being in her new home, in her new space was making her feel stifled, and she needed to regroup.
“Hot date?” he asked behind her, his tone a mixture of annoyance and jealousy that he attempted to mask behind a joke.
She stopped, almost wishing that were the case. “I’m actually chaperoning tonight.”
“I’ll admit that makes me feel a lot better,” he said.
“Well, as long as you feel better,” she said sarcastically, as Dani’s bedroom door opened.
All trace of annoyance at Dean disappeared as she saw Dani. Her hand flew to her mouth and embarrassing tears sprang to her eyes. Her hockey jersey–wearing daughter was almost unrecognizable in the lavender dress and white one-inch heels. Her dark hair was pinned back in a high ponytail and the pale lipstick she’d given her looked so sophisticated.
“Do not cry and embarrass me in front of Dad,” she hissed.
Ah, there was her daughter. She smiled, as she quickly wiped her eyes. “Sorry, I’m good,” she said, moving back to let Dani pass her in the hallway.
“Dad!” she said happily.
Dean smiled and accepted her hug. “Hey, princess. Wow, you look amazing,” he said, letting out a low whistle.
Dani beamed. “I’m ready. Let’s go.”
“Okay, sweetie. I’ll see you there.”
“Do you want a ride?” Dean asked. “We’re going to the same place.”
Maybe, but not together. From now on they would probably be attending a lot of Dani’s important life events separately. And that was okay. “No, thank you. I’ll meet you both there.”