The sound of voices woke her the next morning. Abby blinked several times before her eyes flew open, the events of the evening before flashing like a flipbook in her mind—the dance, the bar, the drive to Denver, and the night of passion with Jackson that had continued until the first signs of morning had cracked through the bedroom window.
Rolling over, she saw he was no longer in the bed, and the clock on the table said 9:35. She lay still, listening once more as she heard his voice, coming from outside on the deck.
Who was he talking to? Dani? She cringed, wondering how this all looked to her daughter. Sure, she’d been grateful to see him the night before, but having him there in her house when she woke up might be a different story.
But then she heard the toilet flushing in the bathroom down the hall.
Must not be Dani he was talking to.
“I really do appreciate the invite,” he was saying. “But I don’t think I’m going to try out.”
Try out? For what? Getting out of bed, she moved closer to the window. Standing with her back to the wall, she listened, feeling guilty for eavesdropping on his conversation, but desperate to hear.
“Yes, I realize that there will be limited spaces…I’m just not sure I want to play professional hockey anymore,” he said.
Her mouth went dry. Who was on the phone? Obviously someone presenting him with an opportunity to try out for a team…And he was turning it down?
A mixture of panic and relief made it difficult to breathe. She should be happy he was saying no to whatever opportunity he was discussing, but she just felt sick. She’d assumed hockey was a thing of the past for him. He was twenty-nine, and he seemed happy with coaching and his business. Hadn’t he said a hockey career wasn’t something he’d consider anymore?
That was certainly the impression he’d given her the night before.
“Yes…I know what I’m turning down,” he was saying and her heart shattered at the sound of disappointment in his voice.
He could say what he wanted, but he still wanted to play.
“Thank you, Coach Turner…if I change my mind, you’ll be the first to know. Thank you again, sir.”
Coach Turner—the head coach for the Colorado Eagles. Jackson had just turned down an opportunity to try out for his old team. She’d heard Dani talking about minor league players being called up to play a lot recently…but truthfully, she paid very little attention to the sport anymore.
Her mind raced. Was this the first call from Coach Turner, or had Jackson been mulling this decision around for a while? If so, why hadn’t he said anything? And if not, why was he making such a hasty decision?
Hearing the front door open, she moved away from the window quickly and sat on the edge of the bed. Her emotions were a whirlwind as a million thoughts ran through her mind. He couldn’t not take this chance on his dream, not when she knew deep down he still wanted to play. But yet, she knew if he did follow his dream, she wasn’t ready to follow it with him. She had a new life here in Glenwood Falls with Dani. And she’d just gotten her full-time position with the school.
The night before it had felt like they’d turned a corner, that they’d left the past behind. She’d realized it was okay to let herself go with him; she’d felt safe, secure, loved…
She’d realized she loved him.
Oh God. Had she made a huge mistake? If he was still hoping for a career in hockey, then how could they be together? She’d said herself she could never love another hockey player. Never live that life anymore. The stress it put on a relationship was tough. The stress it put on a family was tough. She couldn’t put Dani through that again. And at least Dean had a semipermanent contract in one city. Who knew where Jackson’s career could take him. Moving all over the country wasn’t an option for her at this stage in her life.
She fought for a breath as she stood and paced the room, panic setting in. Damn, what had she done? What did she do now?
It was time to distance herself. She’d gotten too close, too fast. Her head hurt and her heart ached even more. She swallowed the lump rising in her throat as the bedroom door opened.
“Good morning, pretty girl,” Jackson said, coming into the room and falling onto the bed.
The sight of his easy smile, the relaxed happiness in his eyes, and the way his black T-shirt fit snug across his chest and shoulders, the short sleeves stretching across his biceps, made her new resolution to once again cool things between them feel like an impossible task. “Hi,” she whispered, hating the weakness she heard in her voice. She needed to be strong if she was going to push him away.
His smile faded slightly. “You okay?” he asked, standing and reaching for her.
She moved out of reach, needing to put some distance between them before she could say what she needed to say. If he touched her, held her, kissed her, she’d never be able to do this.
“Abigail?”
“I heard you on the phone just now,” she said.
He walked toward her. “Well, then you heard me say I’m not planning to try out.” He placed his hands on her shoulders and bent at the knees to look in her eyes.
“But why wouldn’t you? This is an opportunity of a lifetime—to get this second chance, especially at your age,” she argued, moving away. His touch was dangerous. It weakened her resolve, and she had to do this. She refused to be the reason he didn’t at least try out.
“Hey, that hurts a little,” he said with a small, nervous sounding laugh. “Look, Abby—you’ve been perfectly clear the hockey life is not what you want for you and Dani anymore, and I understand that.”
Her heart raced and her mind reeled. What was he saying? That he wasn’t going to try out because he thought that’s what she wanted to hear? She cleared her throat and forced her voice to remain steady as she said, “I don’t know why you think you need to take Dani and me into consideration for any decision you make.”
His face fell and the look of confused hurt almost broke her. Summoning every ounce of strength, she continued, “I think you should try out.” The lie felt like peanut butter stuck to the top of her mouth.
He frowned. “You do?”
“Yes. I mean, this is the career you’ve always wanted, right? A second chance doesn’t happen every day.”
He looked as though he was weighing the intent behind her words. “But you’ve said you’re done with all of that…”
She forced a hard expression, praying all of the feelings she had for him were hidden deep inside and nowhere on her face. “I am. But my life decisions have nothing to do with yours.”
He stepped back as though she’d slapped him. “So, what you’re trying to tell me is you’d be okay with me trying out because you’re not considering a life with me anyway?”
Floor, just open up and swallow her now. She swallowed hard as she nodded. “That’s exactly what I’m trying to tell you.”
His eyes narrowed. “You don’t mean that.”
God, how had she let things get complicated? All she’d wanted when she’d moved back to Glenwood Falls was to get her life back on track—build a new home, create a new life for her and Dani, and she’d been succeeding in that.
Why had she once again allowed her heart to get involved, possibly jeopardizing everything she’d worked hard to achieve? Why had she once again fallen for a man who could break her heart? Whether it was now or later, he would.
“Jackson, we both knew this—us—was a long shot, and now you have another chance at your dream. You should take it, because that’s what you’ve always wanted.”
“What if that’s not the most important thing anymore?” he asked, a note of desperation in his voice, pleading with her not to break his heart.
She swallowed hard. She knew that while he may believe that now, hockey was always the most important thing, and she wasn’t ready to repeat past mistakes. He may care for her, may even love her, but the game always won in the end. If she did take a chance on him—and he decided not to try out—he’d only resent her in time. “Don’t give up your dreams for a woman who doesn’t share your feelings,” she said as firmly as her quivering voice would allow.
He stared at her for a long moment. The silence was excruciating, and she wasn’t sure how much longer her legs would hold out or the tears would stay lodged in her chest. “I think you should go.”
“Abby…”
“Jackson, I thought I could do this, but I can’t.” She turned away from him and shut her eyes tight, a part of her hoping he would wrap his arms around her and make her believe this time could be different, that she could trust him, love him, have a life with him. The other part of her knew that no matter what he said, some things just didn’t turn out the way you wanted them to.
He must have realized that, too, because a second later, she heard the bedroom door close behind him.