Mom stands over the stove, mixing a giant pot of tomato sauce.

“I’m not sure why you’re making enough food to feed the state of Texas. It’s just the three of us tonight.”

Jake was at the restaurant again, it being crunch time and all before the soft opening in a month or so. They were putting the final touches on everything, cleaning down the place, beginning to mix flavors in the new kitchen in the back. It was actually really cute to see how excited he was about it, and I beamed with pride whenever we were out and someone asked him how it was going. You could hear the tangible joy in his voice, and I for one was thrilled to have a bar I could hang out in that I could also bring my kid to.

“I don’t know … I’m still used to your brother being here. Even though, I know, he’s been overseas for two years. But once you’re a mother, some behaviors you just can’t go back on. Plus, I can send a bunch home with you for Jake. He’ll always eat it.”

That was true. Since he’d basically moved himself in, our food seemed to disappear in a matter of days.

“How are things going by the way?” If that wasn’t a fishing expedition, I wasn’t sure what was.

She’s lucky I’m in the mood to share. “Things are great, actually. He’s … well, amazing.”

“I should have thought to fix you two up a while ago. In fact, I may have mentioned when he was on route in the truck one time that I had a daughter. Funny how fate works.”

Yes, it was. “He’s great with her, too.”

Mom smiles, looking back. “That’s a good man right there, Samantha Jean. Don’t let him go.”

I wasn’t planning to. “Mom, did you ever want to date after Dad?”

The spoon she’s stirring in the pot slows, and I know she’s thinking about how to phrase her thoughts.

“I tried, honestly I did. But … your father was my best friend. Sure, I’ve thought about it as I grow older, having a companion might be nice after all. But … I’m not sure why, I just can’t seem to invest in anyone I meet. Your father might be gone for a long while now, but I still think about him every day. Maybe that’s what happens, you find the person you’re meant to be with and you have as much time as this earth grants you and then that’s it. I feel like … if I tried to make that happen with anyone else, I’d just be lying to myself.”

I frown. “That makes me sad for you, Mom.”

She smiles complacently. “Don’t be. I had a wonderful marriage for many years. And now I have you back, and I have my granddaughter. I have my hobbies and my work, I’m perfectly happy. Sometimes, you get what you need, but not all at once. That’s life.”

Her easy shrug as she goes back to making dinner, dumping the pasta and stirring in homemade meatballs to the sauce, gives me some … closure. For a while after I had decided to move home, those transitional months in Seattle where Derek and I weren’t really together but I had some hope, I was devastated. Devastated that I couldn’t make it work with the father of my child. Horrified that I’d become just another single mother statistic, that I hadn’t done things in the “right societal order,” so someone was punishing me. Why couldn’t I have the baby and the love and marriage?

But Mom’s words strike a chord. That’s life. I have my beautiful daughter. I struggled with becoming independent, but I did it. And now I had found that love I’d been looking for. It may have come together in a patchwork sewn together in the wrong order, but at the end of the day, I had one complete quilt.

“Let’s eat. You’re getting too skinny.” Such a mom thing to say.

Looking into the living room, I see Lennon asleep on the couch. She had a fun filled day with Grandma, and I decide to let her sleep, knowing that could make for a disaster tonight. But it was the weekend and I was okay with being a bad mom right now. My appetite didn’t want to wait, and I chose myself in the tiniest of ways.

Right as we were about to sit down, the table set with steaming bowls of comfort, my phone dinged.

“Turn it off,” Mom scolds me, still not allowing cell phones at her table.

“One second, Mother.” I can’t help but sound like myself at sixteen.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I stare at my phone, dumbfounded.

“You’re lucky she’s asleep.” Mom pointed to Lennon napping on the couch, a cartoon playing on the TV in the background.

I keep staring at the illuminated screen, relief and fury coursing through my body like antidotes to one and other.

“He left.” I can’t seem to form more words than that.

“Jake?! Oh, honey—”

I cut her off, because she’ll just go into some speech about how strong I am. “No, Derek. He’s moving. To Argentina.”

She crumples up the napkin in her fist. “That bastard.”

There is nothing I can think of to type back. I want to tell him to go fuck himself. I want to wish him well. I both want him out of our lives and in hers as well. I feel guilt that I’m glad he’s moving to a country where he will no longer be a factor in my parenting of Lennon. That this most likely means he’s moved on from trying to be a father, and won’t file for custody. But it’s also euphoric, not having that worry sitting on my shoulders anymore. I’ve won the parent contest, and that little devil sits on my shoulder grinning.

But at the same time, my heart breaks for Lennon. How dare he abandon that beautiful little girl? With her amazing spirit, and sassy personality … as Jake had said, how could he not want to be here for every moment of this? It was gut wrenching.

“Do I ask if he is coming back? Do I mention anything about what he said about court? I don’t even know what to say right now.” Tears spring into the corners of my eyes, and I don’t know if they’re from relief or upset.

She gets out of her chair, moving to rub my shoulders and kiss the side of my forehead. “Take this is a blessing in disguise. That man never wanted to be that little girl’s father, not what it truly means to be that anyhow. He’s leaving. This is his way of skating away untouched, his easy out. Let him have it. You and she are both better off without him, and you get to keep her right where you want her. Tell him good riddance, and if anything this is just fodder for you to hit him where it hurts if he ever did come back and try anything.”

I nodded, knowing she’s right. But I need just a little bite of revenge. I needed to stick it to Derek, get some closure. I’d been so tight-lipped when it came to him, tried to take the high road. For once, I was going a little low.

So I picked up the phone and called him. I wasn’t doing this over text like his coward ass.

He picks up on the third ring. “Hey, Sammy.”

I don’t even say hello. “Were you going to say goodbye to your daughter, or just leave like usual?”

So yeah, I was a little more bitter than I thought I was before I’d gotten on the phone.

“Don’t be like that … this is a huge deal for me. You know I love her.”

“Actually, Derek, I’m beginning to think that I don’t. Were you even going to speak to her? Explain to her why you weren’t going to be here for her, again? Especially after what you pulled when you showed up here?”

There is a pause. “Yeah about that, I think I got ahead of myself, Sammy. I wasn’t going to really take you to court.”

I have to bite my fist before answering. “No, because that would require follow through. Have a nice trip, or stay, or whatever you’re doing. But please, don’t contact your daughter if you aren’t serious about being in her life. It will be painful for her at first, but not as painful as a father who only loves her when he remembers to.”

More silence. And then he clears his throat. “Understood. You’re right, Sammy.”

Jesus. I bite back an expletive. I hadn’t really expected to lay down that ultimatum, but part of me hoped he’d fight for her. That he would get angry or yell at me for saying that. Complacency and unaffected defeat were even worse. Because it meant he truly did not care.

“Goodbye, Derek.” I click off before he can say anything else.

Mom just hugs her arms around my shoulders, knowing that there didn’t need to be any words.

It felt like the end of an era. What I hadn’t realized when I’d moved back to Washington DC was that I still had that resentment of Derek eating away inside of me. I’d needed to tell him the business, to be a badass mom and serve him up some truth.

And now I needed to go home with my girl, and vent to the one man who would reassure both of us that there were still males of this species worthy of being with.