I sat at my kitchen table staring out the window at the shining lights of the city, a crescent moon looming overhead. I had no idea how much time passed since Evelyn had left, but I knew it didn’t matter. The point was that she was gone. She didn’t’ even give me the benefit of the doubt. She was unwilling to listen to me, but I wasn’t mad at her over it. The truth was I couldn’t even blame her. Someone with my reputation wasn’t exactly in the position to go through something like this unscathed. The only thing I resented was that I really had tried to show her I was different. But it just blew up in my face.

 

I couldn’t even remember the last time I felt so depressed. I hadn’t cared about someone or something like this in ages. This felt completely different. My driving force had always been money, pleasure, and the elusive acceptance of my father. Then Evelyn came along and changed all of that. For the first time, a woman actually captivated me. For the first time, I wanted to get to know her and not just get what I wanted between her legs before pushing her out the door. I was open and vulnerable with her on more than one occasion.

 

I stood up and walked to the window, slamming my hands on it. I leaned my weight on my arms and stared out the clear glass. All I could think about was how my father was right—somehow I had found a way to fuck it all up.

 

And then, as if on cue, my phone rang. I ran over to it with the smallest sliver of hope that it would be Evelyn, but it wasn’t her name on the screen. It was my father calling; it was like he could sense when I was down and got the urge to kick me even further into the dirt. Still, I decided to take the call. Anything my dad had to say, no matter how unkind, would be better to focus on than the misery I felt weighing me down since Evelyn walked out. It felt like she had walked out of my life for good. 

 

I barely had the chance to say ‘hello' when he was already speaking over me with a boisterous, "Congratulations!"

 

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I turned around to lean back against the window. As I stared at the dark and empty kitchen, groceries lying forgotten on the floor, I realized I hadn’t thought even once about the real estate purchase. I didn’t feel like celebrating and, in reality, didn’t think there was anything to jump for joy over.

 

“Oh,” I croaked.

 

Luckily, my father was too wrapped up in what he wanted to say to pick up on my lack of enthusiasm. For the first time in my life, I was thankful for how self-absorbed my dad was. “Picking up that commercial property is a true accomplishment, son. I have to hand it to you, you’re quite a good businessman. I’m proud of you for that, Remi. Maybe someday you will be ready for the family business after all.”

 

I stopped breathing for a few seconds. Everything went silent. My father actually said the word ‘proud’ to me—just like I had always wanted him to say. I had lived my life believing this day would never come. Now that it finally did, all I could manage was half a smile. I thought it would bring me a lot more joy to hear those words fall from his mouth, but it didn’t. When I played out a million different fantasies of him saying he was proud of me, I was always overjoyed.

 

Now all I could think about was Evelyn.

 

She was right. As long as my happiness was tied to my father’s approval, I would never truly be happy. I needed to separate myself from the idea that the key to feeling truly successful and living happily was in the words my father just uttered. Now there I was, having heard them and I didn’t feel a single ounce of joy. I slid down to sit on the floor as my dad rambled on about the business in the new location.

 

I couldn’t listen. None of it mattered. This time was just like any other with my dad talking my ear off about things that were of no consequence to me. Even if I was the one who had made the purchase, this turned out to be only what I thought I wanted and nothing more.

 

I listened to my father’s voice drone on and on until an idea finally hit me. If there was even a shred of possibility for me to salvage what mattered most to me, I was willing to do anything it took to get there.

 

“Dad, I have to go,” I said abruptly before ending the call.

 

I didn’t care about anything other than my new plan. With my sights set on what I knew was my real dream, I called the man in charge of my business development team.

 

If I couldn’t find happiness, I could at least give it to the person I loved.