Chapter Eighteen
“They want you to end it?” Lucia asked him a week later.
For an entire week he’d been avoiding her, but now, on a Saturday morning, he didn’t have any choice but to face her. To tell her the truth that after talking to his parents, he’d drunk himself into a stupor, and he was completely lost about what to do.
She’d tried to talk to him during high school hours, but again, he’d blown her off, working his way through lunch breaks, doing everything he could to avoid the problem at hand.
“It’s for the best. At least they think it is.”
“Oh,” she said.
They stood in his kitchen, and he felt sick to his stomach. He kept looking everywhere but at her.
“What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know, Lucia. I … don’t … this is not easy for me.”
“I know that.”
“Yeah, well, it’s hard. You’re leaving soon.” He ran a hand down his face. Upstairs in his drawer beneath his underwear was proof that he didn’t want her to go, but could he be that selfish? Could he allow himself to hope for a future? “Look, I know if you want to report this—”
“Will you stop?” She yelled at him. “I’m not reporting you. This wasn’t one-sided. I get that. I’m not going to ruin your entire career because you want to end this. Just come out, and say it, Jack. Say that you want to end it. Tell me to leave. To leave you the fuck alone.”
He stared at her chest, seeing her pant.
What to do?
She’s going.
You can’t keep running from this forever.
You’ve got to make a choice.
Be the grownup.
I don’t want to lose her.
We can make this work.
How?
“It’s over,” he said.
The words cut him to the core, especially as he heard her sudden intake of breath. She covered her mouth, and tears filled her eyes.
“We can’t … I can’t keep doing this. It was a mistake, Lucia. This. You and me. We have got to stop this.”
She nodded her head, but it was tearing him apart.
“Okay.” She paused, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I’ve got to … I’ve got to go.”
She didn’t linger, and as she brushed past him, he closed his eyes, flinching as his door closed.
It didn’t slam shut.
She closed it quietly.
He listened to her car door close, and she pulled out of his driveway.
Jack didn’t know how long he stood in his kitchen, ten, fifteen minutes? An hour.
He finally moved from his kitchen and sat down in his chair.
His home was no longer a safe haven to him.
It was a nightmare now.
Everywhere he turned, images, memories, sounds filled his head, reminding him of how happy he’d been.
Lucia giggling as she unwrapped her present.
He’d felt so … happy.
Getting drunk, thinking about what his parents had said, it had all weighed heavily on his mind. He didn’t know what to do or what to say.
In the end, he’d known he couldn’t keep her to himself.
Instead of being the selfish bastard that he was, he’d let her go.
Closing his eyes, he counted to ten, trying to concentrate on the evenness of his breaths. He tried to think of everything that would take him away from the pain that was currently filling him.
He’d hurt her, and now he had to pay the price.
He didn’t know if it was going to be a price worth paying.
****
Hugging her bear to her, Lucia stared at her best friend. She’d called Marie and begged her to come over to help her deal with the pain that was exploding inside her. She hadn’t been able to stop crying.
At least she’d been able to avoid her parents, who were out doing some shopping.
“He ended it?”
“Yeah. He’s right to,” Lucia said. “It was wrong all along. It was never supposed to happen. I get that.”
“You’re miserable.”
“It … it hurts so much, Marie. I don’t … I can’t seem to stop crying.”
Marie moved toward her, holding her close, hugging her tightly. “You think it’s something his parents said?”
“Could be,” she said, in between sobs. “I don’t know. He just ended it, but he was different, Marie. He didn’t even open his arms or kiss me.” She sniffled. The instant she’d entered his home, she’d sensed a difference.
Whenever he opened the door to her, he’d pull her inside and kiss her as if his life depended on it. That hadn’t happened.
“I’m so sorry, Lucia.”
“It’s not your fault. It just … it hurts. He’s been avoiding me all week. I should have known something was up.”
“Do you want me to go over there and kick him in the balls? I totally will.”
“It won’t help.”
“It’ll make me feel better.”
She chuckled. “No, it won’t. It’s not … he’s right.”
“No, he’s not.”
“He is. Think about it, Marie. Even if we stay together we’re going to have to plan this elaborate scheme to be together. It’s not supposed to be that hard. Love is supposed to be easy.”
“And it is easy between the two of you. Believe me, Lucia. I’ve seen the way you two stare at each other. I bet he’s a mess right now, exactly like you.”
“He seemed okay.”
“The key word being seemed. He’s not. I can guarantee it.”
She wiped her face, trying her best to clear the tears up, but more just kept on coming. “It’s probably a good thing he’s done it now.”
“No, Lucia. It’s not a good thing. There’s no way that this can ever be a good thing.” Marie tucked some hair behind her ear. “You have a right to be upset. What are you going to do when you go back to school? You’ve still got to sit in his class.”
“I’ll sit in the same place, keep my head down, study, do everything I can. It’s too late in the year to change classes, and Jack is a damn good teacher.” Her lip wobbled, and tears spilled. “I just wish I knew what I’d done wrong.”
“You’ve not done anything wrong,” Marie said. “I’ll be with you every single step of the way. You’ve got to get this crying under control though. Walking into his class and bursting into tears is not going to help you.”
“I know.” She heard her parents return, and she hugged Marie a little tighter. “Don’t go just yet.”
“I’m here.”
Marie stayed for dinner, and with some help Lucia didn’t look like she’d been sobbing her heart out as they once again ate Chinese. Marie dominated the conversation, talking to her parents, giving Lucia the break she needed to get to grips with everything that was going on.
She felt completely heartbroken, torn apart, and wrecked. She never knew she could feel this devastated in all of her life.
By the time Monday arrived, she finally had herself under control. She parked her car and said goodbye to Marie as her friend was once again on the opposite end of the building. Going through the motions, she got her bag full of books, making her way down to the library to cram in some study time.
Working through her lessons, she felt a sense of dread as they were getting closer to her English class.
Finally, with no chance of running away, she entered the classroom, and Jack was standing at the board. No one else was inside, and she ignored him, about to pass him as he stopped her.
She pulled her hand away and forced a smile to her lips.
“What’s up, Mr. Parker?”
At least she hadn’t gotten out of the habit of calling him that.
“Lucia, please,” he said.
He had more than a day’s growth of beard, and he looked a mess.
“I’ve got no questions for you now, so I’m going to go and take a seat.”
“I miss you.”
She ignored him and moved away.
Other students started filing in.
Ignoring the man that had broken her heart, she got to writing notes, listening as he worked through one of the tough exam questions from a previous exam year. She didn’t try to think about the pain inside her chest, or the twisting of her gut. She ignored all of that, and wrote down her notes, being meticulous of every little detail.
At the end of class she was out the door, rushing away, not wanting a chance at being alone with him.
Marie was waiting for her at lunch, and she was thankful that it was getting warmer so they could eat outside, not that food had any appeal right now.
“You look a little pale,” Marie said.
“I’m fine.”
“No crying fest?”
“None.”
“I saw him. He looked like crap.”
“I know. I had a class with him today.”
“You can’t pretend to not be affected by this, Lucia.”
“I’m not.” She paused, licking her lips. The banana she’d been trying to eat felt like it was stuck in her throat. “I’m … I’m trying to get through. Bursting into tears in his classroom will cause problems, Marie.”
“You don’t want to ruin his reputation.”
“He’s a good teacher, and I love him. I don’t want him to lose the one thing he loves the most.”
“Lucia, he loves you.”
“No, Marie. He doesn’t. If he loved me … he wouldn’t have ended it. We were never meant to be, and it didn’t last.”
They finished their lunch, and Marie didn’t say another word. Instead, she talked about her ranch hand, who was currently in Spain. Lucia listened with half an ear, but it wasn’t long before everything was silent as she moved between classes.
For so long it had always been just her and Marie. She’d never been the kind of person to make friends easily, not that she minded.
Marie was her closest and dear friend.
By the end of the day, Lucia was exhausted.
Eating was a chore.
Sleeping was always broken.
During the day, she was taking extra care not to remind her mother about the gym she didn’t attend.
Maybe this was all for the best.
She stopped by her locker, and Marie joined her.
Her friend was talking about one of the classes when Marie went silent.
Closing her locker, Lucia turned, and there was Jack.
“Miss Deen,” he said.
Marie looked concerned, and she didn’t want her friend to worry.
“I’ve got to get home,” she said.
Not giving him the chance to stop her, she herded Marie out of the school, practically forcing her into her car when they got there.
“That was really rude. He wanted to talk to you.”
“I don’t want to draw attention, Marie. He’s being reckless. This was a mistake, and I can’t have him ruining his job. I just can’t.”
“But what if he wants to ruin it? What if he wants you rather than his career?”
She shook her head, driving Marie home. “It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s over.”
“You’re both so stubborn. It has been a weekend, and look at the state of the two of you. Seriously, one of you needs to be a grownup.”
“Marie, I love you, I really do, but he’s right.” She pulled up outside Marie’s home. “We’ll talk later, okay?”
“Sure, sure. Yes, so long as you’re not sobbing on the phone.”
She made sure Marie was inside before driving to her own place. Arriving at her home, she saw there were no cars in the driveway.
Breathing a sigh of relief that she didn’t have to fake being happy, or fake being anything, she climbed out of the car, and made her way in. Dumping her bag on the floor beside the door, she entered her very vacant home.
No artwork remained on the walls.
Pictures were all gone.
She didn’t think they had that many, but glancing around, she actually saw they’d had quite a few.
Her life was all different now.
So many changes.
Too many changes and there was nothing she could do about any of it.
With her arms folded across her body, she walked from room to room, noticing the changes. They were not subtle either. In the kitchen, her gaze was drawn to the calendar.
Lifting up the months that remained, she saw the date they were moving circled with a giant red tick in the center.
There was no going back.
Only moving forward.
This was what she needed to focus on.
Not her feelings for Jack or what had happened between them in the past few months.
The future.
Without Jack.
Tapping her fingers against her thigh, she took a deep breath.
“You can do this, Lucia,” she said.
The sound of the doorbell made her jump. She wondered who it could be, and without checking the peephole, she opened the door.
Jack stood on the other side.
She gasped, and for a few seconds, neither of them said anything.
“Can I come in?”
“What are you doing here?”
“I have to see you.”
“Jack, this is a very bad idea.”
“I don’t care, okay? I’ve done a lot of bad stuff, but you know what, I’m not a bad person.”
She frowned. “I know you’re not a bad person.”
“I don’t mind having this conversation in the doorway or your neighbors knowing, Lucia. I’m not going anywhere, please.”
She gritted her teeth. It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him to get lost, but she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t bring herself to throw him out.
“Come in,” she said.
Tucking some hair behind her ear, she moved away from the door, heading toward the kitchen.
It seemed the only safe place to be.
Filling up the kettle, she placed it on the stove to heat up.
Pulling out two cups, she tried to keep her hands busy, and she hoped he didn’t see that her hands were shaking.
She’d been making his coffee for some time now and knew what he liked. Cream and sugar unless it’s first thing in the morning, and then he preferred it black, no sweetener. It was strange how she recalled this little detail right now, and yet at the time, it hadn’t felt like such a big deal.
“Lucia?” He spoke her name, and she closed her eyes.
This wasn’t easy.
She didn’t want to turn and face him, and yet that was exactly what she did.
“You shouldn’t have come here, Jack.”
“I had to see you.”
“Why?”
“Because…”
“Because what?”
“I shouldn’t have left it like that.”
She glanced over his shoulder, not knowing what to think. “I have no idea what you’re saying.”
“I didn’t want to end it.”
“You avoided me for a week before doing it.”
“Look, my parents are difficult.”
“And you think mine are easy?”
“You’re not in the wrong though, Lucia.”
She frowned. “What?”
“I’m a teacher. I’m a thirty-year-old man, and I’m panting after a girl twelve years my junior.”
“Wow, you’re going to do this.”
“I’m older than you. I should know better.”
“I don’t care, Jack. I didn’t care, and I still don’t. Nothing happened that I didn’t want. I’m eighteen years old. I know what I was doing. I knew my own mind and that when I kissed you that day, I wanted to. You didn’t do anything wrong.” She turned away from him, closing her eyes. “I … I think you should go.”
“One, never ever fuck a student. Two, never ever fall for a student. Three, don’t ever break any of the first two rules.”
She turned toward him.
“Those were my rules. What I promised myself. I never wanted to fall in love with a student, Lucia. I never intended for this to be more, but you were always there. If not in the library being yourself and smiling, then at the side of the road. Talking to you, you didn’t feel like a student to me. I’ve never felt this way for another person, never, not at all.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m in love with you, Lucia Deen.”
She stared at him, shocked.
Had she heard him right?
“You’re in love with me?”
“Yes, I’m in love with you, and I have been for some time. Being with you, knowing that you’re going to go away, my parents, the reality of our situation, all of it—it’s like a fucking bomb went off inside my head and I couldn’t make it stop.”
“And now?”
“Now, I don’t want it to stop, Lucia. I love you. What I said to you on Saturday was fucking wrong, and stupid. I don’t want to end this. I never wanted to end this. I love you, and I know you’ve got to go away, but I’d rather be with you than not. I can’t look at you and know that I won’t be able to hold you. I love you, Lucia, so much.”
She couldn’t resist it.
Running into his arms, she threw herself at him, holding him tight. “I love you too.” She laughed and told him again as his arms tightened around her. She couldn’t believe what was happening.
He gripped the back of her head, kissing her hard.
She moaned his name, never wanting him to stop.
“I made a mistake,” he said.
“I forgive you.” She cupped his cheek and stared into his blue eyes. “We can make this work.”
“It’s going to take some time.”
“I don’t care. I know we can do this. We can make this work.”
He sunk his fingers into her hair, his other hand going to her ass, gripping her tightly.
She felt on cloud nine.
Jack loved her, and she adored him.
His tongue traced across her lip, and she opened up, moaning as he plunged inside. Feeling him, holding him, Lucia was completely lost in anything that wasn’t Jack Parker.
“What is the meaning of this?”
They both jumped apart as Lucia gasped. Her parents were standing in the kitchen. Her father’s face was pure red as he stared at her, and then at Jack.
“You’re my daughter’s teacher. What the hell are you doing in my house? Kissing my daughter?”
“Dad, it’s not—”
“I’ll deal with you in a minute.”
She couldn’t recall ever seeing her father so angry. When she glanced from his face to Jack’s the rage was apparent. She didn’t know what to do. She’d never seen him like this. It was like he was a different person.
“You think I don’t know what I just saw? Men like you, perverts, should be fucking castrated.”
“Sir … I love your daughter.” Jack held his hands up, but that didn’t help.
Lucia cried out as she watched her father throw the first punch.
“Dad, stop it!” She yelled, screamed, and her mother held her back.
“No, Lucia, he needs to handle this.”
“He’s wrong. He’s got this all wrong.”
“That man is a predator.”
“No, he’s not. Stop him, Mom, please, stop him.” Considering her mother was so thin, she was surprisingly strong as she kept her away from the two men fighting.
Jack wasn’t fighting back, and she screamed.
They moved out of sight.
She heard a lot of shouting and fighting, and then the door slammed shut.
“I know how to deal with scum like that,” her father said.
Finally, her mother let her go, and Lucia rushed toward the door. Her father was standing there and wouldn’t let her go past.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“I’m making sure he doesn’t go near young children again. He’s already touched my daughter—”
“No!” She grabbed the phone out of his hand. “I was the one to pursue him.”
“Lucia, he has you brainwashed—”
“I kissed him.” Tears fell down her cheeks, but whatever her dad was going to do, she had to stop him, now, before he did something that would hurt the man she loved.
“Excuse me?”
“Jack, Mr. Parker, has been nothing but the perfect gentleman. He made sure I got home safely, and he took care of me. I … was the one that kissed him. I wanted to be with him. I love him, Dad.”
“You’re eighteen years old. You don’t have a clue what love is. He’s your teacher.”
“And he cared about me more than you and Mom did!” She cried out the words, seeing her father pause. “Jack … he never touched me until I turned eighteen. I went to him when you and Mom failed to remember me. He’s the only one who cared.”
“Lucia—”
“No!” She held her hand up and stared at her dad. “I love him. I know you don’t believe that, but I do. He loves me too. I want to be with him. He’s a good man. A good teacher, and I swear to you, nothing happened that I wasn’t begging for.”
She gasped as he slapped her face.
“Bill!” Her mother yelled.
Flicking her hair over her shoulder, Lucia stared up at her father. “He’s a good man.”
“You say you love him, that you’ve not been brainwashed by him.”
She nodded. “Please, don’t do anything to hurt him. He doesn’t deserve that.” She held the phone in her grip.
“Bill,” her mother said.
“We’re leaving immediately,” he said.
“What?”
“You say that he’s not a threat, and I believe you, but you’re coming to England with us. You will not have any contact with this man. Do you understand me? If I find as so much as a phone call or a text, or even an email, I will make sure that his career is in ruins. I know who his parents are. I know who he is, Lucia. I will not have my daughter carrying on like this. You will prove to me that you mean every single word. Do you understand me?”
She nodded her head, sobbing.
To protect Jack, she was going to have to let him go.