“MAYBE YOU SHOULD go and see a doctor, Adeline,’’ my father says, his voice solemn in the receiver.
I sniffle and grunt. It’s been three days like this. People think I have the flu and it helps that more and more people in Chicago have it. They talked about it on TV yesterday morning. But if I’m sniffling it has nothing to do with the flu and everything with my never ending tears.
“I’m fine, Dad.’’
“No, you’re not. Last year when you had the flu, you came to work, and Brock had to threaten to grab you not so very professionally in front of the employees to convince you to leave. It’s been three days since you left your apartment and you wouldn’t miss work for days if you were fine.’’
I roll my eyes and sniffle again. I grab a handkerchief and blow my nose not so very elegantly. But once again, I don’t care. “Drop it, Dad.’’
He sighs in the receiver.
Since I called in sick, my father went back to Cox Company more frequently to handle my workload and be there in case our clients needed to talk to the boss. My mother isn’t thrilled, and I get her. After all, my father shouldn’t put up with all this now, not when his heart is not what it used to. But still, I can’t get myself to leave my bed other than to take a shower, pee or grab something to nibble on as to not die of hunger.
I’ve never been that pathetic in my life, and I don’t care.
“Mr. Zann called again, and he’s demanding you,’’
I grunt. Zann has been harassing me with emails. Some were professionals, and I redirected him to my father while others were everything but professional, openly asking me out for dinner that would be followed by a tangle between the sheets. These emails I ignore. But if there’s something I know about that man is that he’s not one to let go easily, not when he’s convinced that he can have everything, anything and everybody. It would be funny if only I had my best friend to laugh with me.
“You don’t need me to handle a difficult client, Dad.’’
“No, that’s true, but when that client says that you’re the reason why he decided to sign with the company, then it’s obvious that I can’t answer to his needs.’’
I snort. His needs. Well, I won’t be answering to all his needs either. I tug the covers upward and hit my pillows. “The truth Dad, Zann wants to sleep with me. He’s a pompous ass, and I’m in no frame of mind to deal with him.’’
“Oh.’’
“Yeah, oh.’’ I glance at my TV on the opposite wall of my bedroom and sigh when I notice a re-run of Grey’s Anatomy. I don’t like this TV show. Why can’t they put on something with blood and guns? It would distract me instead of this soap that will make me think about Brock every time characters are fighting or kissing. Or having sex.
“Listen, Adeline,’’ my father says, clearing his throat with what seems like embarrassment. “I didn’t tell your mother or anybody, and I tried to respect your privacy, but I know you’re not ill.’’
“I—‘’
“No, listen. There is something wrong with you and Brock. I know it because he told me.’’
“He told you?’’ I ask in a tiny voice, shaking as another sob threatens to overpower me.
“I asked him because he lost his temper with your assistant and he doesn’t look good. He didn’t tell me what the issue is but said that he’s considering a job offer in New York City and I know for a fact that this boy has been dreaming for the better half of his life to work here with you. And now you’re holed up in your apartment, barely answering the phone.’’
“What do you want me to say?’’
I let out a defeated sigh as more tears fall, dampening the pillow under my head. It’s getting so real. Brock talked to my father about that other job, and he wouldn’t have if it weren't a done deal already. I can’t waltz at work, pretend I’m fine and in charge when he is planning on leaving. I can barely stop my flow of tears long enough to read an email so a whole workday? Impossible.
“That you’re going to act like a CEO. Your CFO is thinking about leaving, and it’d impact badly on our image, but also on our stability.’’
“Sometimes there’s more than work on the line, Dad.’’
“I know that.’’ He pauses, probably still flabbergasted. I’ve been putting work before everything else for so long that I’m surprised to remember that work isn’t the most important thing, not always. “You’re losing your best friend. Is that why you’re not coming back to work?’’
I let out a small whimper and sniffle louder. “I already lost him, Dad.’’ My voice is tiny, pleading my father like a little girl. It hurts so damn much. A sob breaks the silence between us and I hear him hiss.
“Honey, I’m coming so please open your door when I get there. Alright?’’
“I don’t want you to see me like this.’’
“You’ll open that door, Honey.’’ And he hangs up.
I drop my phone next to me on my mess of a bed, and once again, I let the sobs wreck me. It’s like all the tears I never let fall, all the pain I pushed through for so long come back with a vengeance.
Brock has always been my weakness, that one person able to see over my cold and severe façade and now… Now I don’t know how to go back to be the tough business woman I’m supposed to be. I don’t know how to piece myself back together. I don’t even know how just to lessen this pain.
Knocks at my door force me to fight against the sobs. I bite my lower lip and stand up, my legs wobbly from disuse and my head dizzy from crying so much. Even my throat is scratchy.
I amble to the door and open, without once thinking about my appearance.
My father makes a low noise deep in his throat, walks in and grabs my shoulders to pull me into his chest. His big arms circle me, tightly holding me in his embrace, securing me. Feeling a body, feeling his warmth and the reassurance, the comfort only a parent can give, another bout of sobs escape me, and I don’t fight it.
I bunch the front of my father’s dressing shirt in my hands, and I snuggle closer to him, my tears probably ruining his expensive suit, but he wouldn’t care about it.
I don’t hear the soothing words he’s muttering above my head, but the low hum of his voice slowly calms me down. When I was a kid, I remember that his voice alone could put me back to sleep after a horrible nightmare.
“Brock…’’ I hiccup and take another deep breath. “Brock is leaving, and I don’t…don’t know wh…what to do.’’
He leads me to the couch and keeps me against him as he slowly lowers us down in a sitting position. Not once I put my face away to look around me. I’m twenty-seven and yet I need my daddy’s comfort. How messed up is that?
“If it’s really what he wants, you can’t do anything.’’
“I can’t do this without him.’’
“What do you mean?’’ One of his hands slowly runs up and down my back, bringing me back to a numb state, anything better than that sharp pain in my chest, something physical to a situation that is not.
“Being CEO, being happy, living.’’ I glance up and meet my father’s eyes full of fear and concern. “He’s always been my happy place, Dad.’’
He frowns and brushes away my hair sticking to my face. “What happened then? I’ve never seen you like this, or him for that matter.’’
“In short words, we had a… hm… physical relationship for a month.’’
He tenses and clears his throat uneasily. I bet hearing your daughter talking about an affair isn’t the best for a father, more so when you’re his only child. “I suppose it ended.’’
I nod. “It was temporary. I mean, it wasn’t supposed to happen, but when we slipped, we couldn’t exactly stop there. I thought it was nothing, but on his side, it meant more than just…you know.’’
“We all know Brock has been in love with you for years.’’
“I don’t feel the same.’’
My father shakes his head and tilts my head upward, a finger under my chin, just like he used to do when he wanted to give me a lecture as a little girl. “If you didn’t, you wouldn’t feel like this. Losing your best friend would be hard, but knowing you, you’d push through, head high, shoulders square and eyes fierce. What I see right now is a young woman mourning the man she’s in love with.’’
“No, it’s not that.’’ I’m quick to dismiss his words.
“You don’t know this because you weren’t born yet, but your mother left me once maybe five or six years before you were born.’’
“What?!’’ I straighten up, my eyes wide open. “But why? You two have always been so close.’’
“I made the mistake of taking her for granted. I was married to her so I thought she wouldn’t go anywhere. Cox Company wasn’t in its prime at the time, so I put in more and more hours. At home, I was always on the phone, and if I was finally down with your mom, I couldn’t help but talk about the company. I didn’t listen to her, didn’t ask how was her work. So, she left, and for a whole month she refused to see me.’’
“What did you do to get her back?’’
“I groveled, took a week off work and went on a trip with her. We talked again, and she agreed to give me a second chance. But the most important thing is that I was such a mess that I couldn’t work anymore.’’
I pull back and cross my arms over my chest. I know where this is going and I’m not sure I want to face this.
My heart pounds harder in my chest, and suddenly, no more tears run down my face.
“You’re afraid, and I understand. You had crushes in the past, had a few serious relationships, but none of these men could see all of you because you kept them at a safe distance. I don’t know why, but you’ve always been like that. Brock is the exception, and as you said it, he’s your happy place. When you’re with him, you brighten up. That pain in your chest, it’s not only because you’re losing your best friend, it’s also because you’re losing your love.’’
“It’s not like that for me. I mean, he’s always been my best friend.’’
“Open your eyes, Adeline.’’ He puts a hand on my shoulder and squeezes softly. “You’re mixing up your love for a best friend and love for a man. You’ve always seen your future with him there, you can’t think about work without him, and you don’t want to move out of this building because you’re living on the same floor. It’s more than friendship, as important and intense that friendship may be. Your heart is breaking, and that’s why you’re so depressed. Be honest with yourself, admit your feelings and find him before it’s too late and he accepts that job offer in New York.’’
“Didn’t he already?’’
“He has a call scheduled tomorrow morning from what he told me.’’
I nod and stare at my flat stomach, that same stomach that could have rounded with Brock’s baby. I can’t believe how disappointed I was when I realized that I wouldn’t have that kind of link to him.
I push deeper inside myself and close my eyes. Imagining him with another woman makes me sick, imagining myself with another man makes me queasy, but most of all…I can’t picture my days without him, without seeing his sleepy face in the morning, without feeling his soft and hot kisses. My heart speeds up some more, beating harder, fighting off the pain, the heartache.
I re-open my eyes and gape at my father. His mouth stretches up into a contented smile, his eyes dancing with happiness.
“I really love him, don’t I? I…How did I miss that?’’
“You’re always guarding yourself, settling for something safe you can control. But love can’t be controlled, not when it’s the lasting kind.’’ He kisses my temple. “What are you going to do?’’
I blink and shrug. “I’m going to take a shower and dress and then…I don’t know, I’ll knock at his apartment, and hopefully, he’ll answer. I’m not sure if he’s going to listen to me after the awful things I said. I don’t know if he’s home yet anyway.’’
“He is. He dropped me off on his way home after I told him to go before he sends someone into hysterics.’’
I cringe. Brock has never been one to lose it on someone, not at work at least. He’s very serious and hard about the employees sometimes, but it’s always fair. “I’m sorry, Dad. It’s my fault.’’
“If you come back to work tomorrow and if Brock decides to stay with you and with us, then everything will be worth it.’’ He stands up after another kiss to my temple and walks out, leaving me to my new resolve, my new goal.
I’m ready to get him back and have my happy ending.
I can’t be afraid to go for it because no matter the outcome, it can’t be worse than the nightmare I’m currently living.