- GAGE -
Dad’s skin was even more pale than when I saw him last, and it’d been less than a week. He didn’t respond to my presence and had a distant stare in his eyes.
“Dad?” I took the seat next to his bed and reached for him. His forearm was icy under my fingertips. “Here. We’ll put a blanket over you.”
His gaze travelled to mine, slowly. “I’m sorry,” he rasped.
“What for?”
“For bringing you back here.”
“Dad, I wouldn’t have let you … I wouldn’t have missed this.” I didn’t want to be here for numerous reasons, but I knew I had to be here, or I’d regret it when he was gone.
He shook his head, or tried to. It was the subtlest of movements. “I regret not keeping you in Australia when you were a kid.”
“Then you wouldn’t have Odie, and—”
“But you wouldn’t have to hide whenever you came to visit. I’m a selfish father, and I did wrong by you.”
Shit just got real, and tears pooled in my eyes. “Dad, that is so bullshit. The people of this town are to blame for my issues. Not you, and definitely not Odie. You think you would’ve been happy alone? Or that there aren’t bigoted people in Australia who’d probably pull the same thing? I hate to say this, and I mean no offence, but I don’t know if we would’ve survived each other if it weren’t for Odie. He’s the level-headed one of us all. You and I are … explosive.”
Dad laughed but it turned into a cough. He was so weak he couldn’t lift his hands to his mouth. The cough turned to vomiting.
“Shit, Dad.” I grabbed the bedpan—which was empty, thankfully, and tried to catch the spew. Second time today I dealt with someone else’s vomit. Still a winning day over any others I’d had in this town.
Odie came through the door and rushed over. “I’ve got this,” he said. “Go help Pip. I think she’s in more pain than she’s letting on.”
Pip held onto her stomach as she walked with a limp. I rushed to her side to help. “I’m okay,” she said. “Your dad needs more help than me. I just need to lie down.”
“Odie’s got it.” I helped her down the hall. “Do you need a spew bucket too?”
She shook her head. “Bed.”
I led her to my room instead of the guest room, because sleeping next to her last night was the only time I’d slept longer than an hour at a time since Dad’s diagnosis. She collapsed onto the bed, and I climbed in behind her, spooning her.
“Can I get you anything?” I asked.
“Just sleep for now. You should go be with your dad.”
“I’ll wait until you fall asleep,” I whispered.
It didn’t take long at all. Her breathing practically evened out before I’d finished my sentence.
“Gage!” Odie’s voice sent shivers down my spine.
I ran out to the living room as fast as I could to find Odie at Dad’s bedside with tears streaming down his face.
“Is he—” I choked out and held my breath.
Dad coughed. Thank God.
Odie wiped his nose with the back of his hand. “I think the pneumonia is back.”
A few weeks ago, we thought it was the end when Dad was hospitalised with pneumonia. They told us when he was diagnosed that it would most likely be a secondary infection that’d kill him. But the antibiotics worked, and he was released to come back home. That was the reason we thought it was okay for me to go back to Australia for a few days. He’d just gotten through pneumonia. He wasn’t ready to let go yet. It was also the reason I had to go home for Pip. I hadn’t handled the hospital well, and I knew I couldn’t say my final goodbyes without Pip there for support.
“We have to get him back to the hospital,” I said.
“No,” Dad rasped. “No … hospital.”
Odie and I stared at each other, as if having a telepathic conversation.
We should take him anyway.
It’s not what he wants.
I’m not ready for him to die.
But he is.
No doubt, all these thoughts were running through Odie’s mind too.
Odie cleaned up the mess while I sat by Dad’s side.
“You’re wrong, Dad,” I whispered, going back to our original conversation. He looked asleep, so he probably couldn’t hear me, but I hoped he could. He couldn’t die thinking he’d fucked me up by raising me. That was the small-mindedness of this stupid town getting to him. I heard the whispers growing up and saw the odd stares as we’d walk down the street as a family. The grand old debate those nutty people liked to bring up that a same-sex couple shouldn’t raise kids. Why? Because straight couples could do it so much better? Look at Lucy—she turned out a real winner with two hetero people raising her. Although, they’d probably condone her infidelity as the right thing to do because it was against me.
Lucy and her family poisoned this town against me. Not my dads. It was Lucy and Jason who made me want to forgo relationships and having friends.
Betrayal stung, and they were the worst offenders. Dad and Odie were the ones to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart.
“I love you, Dad. The only thing I would change about my life is not having the balls to come home more often to see you. If I knew …” Tears streamed down my face. “If only I knew …”
Arms came around from behind as Odie hugged me. “He doesn’t blame you,” he whispered.
“He blames himself, and he shouldn’t.”
“It’s the morphine. He was talking about your mom when I told him you’d gone back to Australia for a few days, and he hasn’t spoken about her in years. He’s out of it. He doesn’t know what he’s saying.”
“I’m going to go check on Pip.” I stood, but Odie didn’t let me go.
“How are you dealing with the fact she’s pregnant with your best friend’s baby?”
“Déjà vu all over again.”
“I was worried about that. You do know it’s not the same thing, right?”
“Is that supposed to make it any easier? Look, I get it. In nine months, it won’t even matter. But being back here, watching her go through morning sickness, the thought of watching her belly grow …”
“We told you not to wait—”
“I know,” I growled. “I don’t have anyone to blame but myself.”
“What I mean is it’s not too late. It’s not her baby. She’s not with Garrett or Blair. It’s completely different this time ’round, but if you let it get to you and you make a big deal out of it, you could lose her for real. Then she really will start her life with someone else.”
“Maybe she deserves that.”
“Don’t make me clip you ’round the ears, boy.”
I managed a laugh. “You sound just like him.” I pointed to Dad. “And, okay, I get it. I’ll try to tone the attitude down.”
“Go make sure she’s okay.”
***
Checking on Pip turned into lying next to her and crashing. When I woke, I was alone and the room was dark. My phone read midnight.
Jetlag can kiss my ass.
Dad and Odie would be asleep, but I had no idea where Pip was. I went to check the bathroom to see if she was in there, but when I turned on the light, it was empty.
My eyes caught on the bench where three pregnancy tests were lined up.
When I took two steps closer and saw the bright lines confirming she was, in fact, still pregnant, instead of the disappointment I expected, I was still indifferent.
I told myself I had to support this surrogacy or I’d lose her. It’d be hard, but I needed to show I was okay with it, even if I wasn’t one hundred percent on board.
Voices carried from the den and down the hall when I stepped out of the bathroom.
“He loves you,” Dad croaked.
“I know,” Pip said. “Maybe in the way love is supposed to be, but maybe not. He needs to sort through his issues before he could say for sure. I know he loves me in the way family love each other, and I promise you I’ll always be there for him.”
She didn’t get it. I had no issues when it came to her. No doubts.
She was my best friend.
My soul.
My everything.
I was the one who fucked up, but I couldn’t lose her again.