- GAGE -
I always said I didn’t need closure when it came to this place. I was done with everyone in this stupid-ass town when they slapped the cuffs on me. What I didn’t realise was the minute I stopped caring about what they thought of me—the more bearable Clarion became.
I was able to walk through the mall, with or without Officer Wentworth tailing my ass. Not long after I arrived home this time, he pulled me up and asked why I was back again. I threatened a harassment lawsuit, and he’d left me alone since. I asked Odie about it, and he said it wouldn’t be the first harassment claim against the man. Turned out, the guy was an asshole to more than just me.
But the stares from the townspeople were still the same, except instead of ducking my head and avoiding eye contact, I glared right back. It was … freeing.
Without worrying about their constant scrutiny, and being secure in the fact they couldn’t persecute me anymore, I could walk through that town and see it for what it once was. My home. The place I grew up. Dad and Odie’s entire life.
Being back here again with a new perspective let me see why Dad and Odie never left and why Odie was reluctant to leave now. The thought of staying permanently so he wasn’t alone had occurred to me, but I’d only do it if Pip would come too.
I hated she wasn’t here with me, but if anything, the space between us was strengthening our relationship. She was more confident when we Skyped. It was as if she thought I was going to do another runner, and every time we talked as though nothing had changed between us, she relaxed a little more.
I didn’t need to prove to her I could be the guy she needed. It took me stepping away from her to realise that. When I was trying to win her over, I wasn’t acting like myself, and she knew it. It was no wonder she was insecure.
This time, when I came back to Virginia, I did what I was supposed to do the first time I was here. I made sure to let her know that even though I was ten thousand miles away, I was—and always would be—hers.
But something had happened while I’d been over here. I wasn’t sure what, but just like she knew I wasn’t being myself, I knew something was wrong with her, and she and Blair were keeping it from me.
Our last Skype session, I found out Blair and Garrett had moved in with her until the baby would be born, but that wasn’t supposed to happen for about another two months. She claimed everything was fine—muttered something about bedrest—but I had an inkling it was bullshit. Blair and Garrett were overprotective, sure, but for them to move in? Something was definitely wrong.
“What’s with the face?” Odie asked when I went into the kitchen to grab a glass of water.
“Something’s up with Pip.”
“Go home.”
“Not happening. Not yet.” I didn’t want to jump on a plane only to have to turn around and come back again if I was overreacting. And I had to face it, there was a very good chance I was jumping to conclusions. I couldn’t think rationally when it came to Pip. Plus, I’d done enough flying lately to last me a lifetime.
Odie sighed. “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you I’m fine.”
“Everyone needs to stop lying to me. You’re fine, Pip’s fine, the baby’s fine. You’re all lying.”
“Your whole life is in Australia. Has been for a long time. Don’t let me hold you back, son.”
“You’re not. And you’re forgetting my whole life before Australia was with you and Dad. Dad’s gone, so I’m not going to leave you by yourself.”
“What will it do to get you to believe me that you don’t have to worry about me? I’m sad, but it’s only grief. I’ll get past it.”
The urge to run home to Pip was overwhelming, but staring at Odie, I knew something was still not right. I didn’t know how I knew, but I did. Something bigger was keeping me in Clarion, Virginia, and I wasn’t leaving until I worked out what it was.
“Come to Australia,” I said, thinking he wouldn’t agree.
“I’m not ready.”
“Not move. Visit. Book a flight and come home with me to get away. I’ll stay there when you fly back.”
Odie wrung his hands together.
“When you’re ready to do that, we’ll talk about me going home. Until then, you’re stuck with me, old man.”
He stalked out of the room muttering that he was serious about wanting a puppy instead.
***
The day clarity hit me, I was expecting it to be in the form of Odie finally giving in and saying he’d come to Australia with me. The stubborn son of a bitch was still holding out. It’d been four weeks since I told him I’d go home when he was prepared to visit. He wasn’t ready to leave Clarion, even for a short period.
I thought it was Odie keeping me there. I was so wrong—I just didn’t know it.
In the six months I was home when Dad was sick, and the time I’d been back since he died, Lucy and I had managed to avoid each other. I hadn’t seen her once. I ran into Jason again a few weeks ago, and I kept walking, completely ignoring his pleas for me to hear him out.
I saw her for the first time in eight years in the juice aisle at Trader Joe’s. My heart thudded to a stop and then sped up. My feet stalled, and the breath knocked out of me.
My sharp intake of breath made her glance up at me from her bent over position where she compared juice brands.
Her eyes met mine and widened in recognition. The box of juice she held fell to the floor, exploding on impact and covering her in orange liquid.
I hated that she was still beautiful. I hated even more that she looked well. Her long blonde hair was like silk, and her skin was flawless. She had piercing blue eyes I couldn’t drag my gaze away from. In my head, she’d become a strung-out, skinny-ass junkie with track marks on her arms and bags under her eyes. I hadn’t heard that was the way her life went, but I’d fantasised about it.
Shit, that made me a horrible person.
“G-Gage,” she whispered.
Our eyes were locked, neither of us willing to look away.
“Wrong aisle,” I stammered and turned on my heel.
“Wait!”
I froze, unwillingly, somehow stuck in the hold Lucy always had over me. When I spun back to face her, she was closer.
My nostrils flared, and my jaw hardened.
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I … I heard you were back, but I—”
“Didn’t have the balls to face me.”
“I didn’t think you’d want—”
“You’re right. I don’t. I should get home. Odie needs me.”
I tried to leave but couldn’t. There was so much I wanted to say to her but didn’t realise it until that very moment.
“How is he doing?” she asked. “I wanted to go to the funeral—”
“Like you care?”
“That’s not fair, Gage.”
I scoffed. “Not fair? Want to talk about what’s not fair?”
Tears filled her eyes. “I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough for you.” Her voice came out as a whisper. “But you didn’t make it easy on me either.”
“Easy?”
“You got out of this town. You joined the military and left me to defend you against everyone here. You left me with my parents who forced me to give up the one thing I wanted. I wanted everything with you.”
I stepped closer and lowered my voice so I wouldn’t yell. “Yeah, and while I was out earning money to create the life we wanted, you were fucking my best friend. So, don’t play the victim card here.”
“I had nothing! I only had you, and you were gone. Jason … Jason was an escape from having to put on a fake smile every damn night as I sat at the dinner table with the very people who forced me to abort our child.”
Well, fuck. I’d never focused on what I left behind for her to deal with when I was in the army.
“I was young and scared and alone, and the one person who was supposed to be there was away fighting a war, when he should’ve been at home fighting our war.”
“It’s not like you or your family gave me much choice in the matter.”
“Jason and I didn’t mean to go behind your back, and I didn’t mean to fall for him.”
Just like I didn’t mean to fall for Pip. I ran a hand through my hair.
“I never did … I mean, not fully,” she said. “I loved him because of Gemma, but that wasn’t enough. It was never going to be enough. He could never replace what we—”
“Don’t say it. I don’t think I can handle it.”
“Are you at least happy? I told myself that as long as you escaped this place and got your life together, being miserable would be worth it.”
I was prepared to rip into her—tell what my life had really been like for the last eight years.
Lonely.
Angry.
Withdrawn.
But that was when I noticed I must’ve had Lucy-goggles on at first glance. She was beautiful, yes, but up close, she looked a lot older than twenty-eight. The sides of her blonde hair were streaked with nearly invisible grey. Her eyes were dull, and she had frown lines. We’d both been miserable these last eight years, but there was one huge difference: I was happy now. I had the woman I was supposed to be with all along.
The heartache I suffered from Lucy was a necessity. A sucky one—but necessary.
For the first time in God knew how long, I smiled at Lucy.
“So glad my misery makes you happy,” she grumbled.
“It’s not that. Although, it does make me feel better that I wasn’t the only one suffering.”
She sniffed and closed her eyes. “God, I’m so sorry. I will always be sorry. But at the same time, I can’t be.” Lucy stared over her shoulder. “I wouldn’t change Gemma for the world.”
Right. Her kid. The kid that was supposed to be mine. The kid that could’ve been mine.
So much what-if, could’ve been, and supposed to be. It didn’t matter anymore.
“I was smiling because you’re right. I am happy now. Pip makes it worth it.”
“Is she your …”
“She’s my future. I’m going to marry her.” She wasn’t on board yet, but I didn’t need to say that aloud.
Lucy’s smile was faint. “Congratulations.” She sniffed again, and the urge to hug her and wipe away her tears pissed me off. I could hate her all I wanted, but that didn’t stop my protective instincts coming out when it came to Lucy. I hated that too.
“Mom! Look what I found.” A young girl came bounding up to us. She had Lucy’s blonde hair, but her face was all Jason—in a feminine way. I wondered what she would’ve looked like with my genes, but I had to look away before the pain became too much. “Can I pleeeease get it?” She held up a jumbo chocolate bar.
Lucy’s eyes flicked between her daughter’s and mine.
“I’m gonna go,” I said. “Good to see you again.”
As I walked away, I realised I wasn’t lying.
Clarity. That fucker was a bitch.
Even worse? Having to admit to Pip that she was right.
I thought I didn’t need closure when it came to Lucy. Turned out, I already had it. I just needed Lucy to make me realise it.
I had to get home to Pip. The sooner the better. I refused to live without her anymore.
Arriving back at Odie’s place, I stayed in the car while I contemplated how to handle this. He needed to come with me, but I didn’t want to buy a ticket until I was sure he’d agree to come.
I had to act like he had no other choice.
Groceries in hand, I walked into the house with my head held high and pretended to be confident in my words. “Bad news, old man. I need to go home. I need to see Pip, because being away from her is killing me.” I kept talking in a jumbled rush and avoided eye contact as I packed away everything in the bags. “And you’re coming with me. No arguments. I’ve already booked you a flight and you can come home in a couple of weeks. You need to get away.”
I heard him come into the kitchen, but I still refused to look at him. I couldn’t lie to Odie. He always saw right through it.
“When do we leave?” His voice was off.
My eyes flew to his, and I immediately knew something was wrong. His skin was pale, his eyes were red and puffy, and his hand shook. He was holding my phone—I must’ve left it when I went out.
“What happened? What’s wrong?” I asked.
“It’s … it’s Pip.”
I stumbled and caught the edge of the kitchen bench to hold me up. “What happened?” I asked again.
“We have to get you home.”
Déjà vu hit like a fucking freight train. “I’ll get us on the next flight.”