CHAPTER 2
Kylie
I was filling out a form at the reception counter, and with my blonde curls falling over my eyes; I realized that my hair was a mess. I hadn’t really had the time to do much about my hair other than tie it up in a bun and hope that it stayed in place for the rest of the day.
In the glass partition behind the counter, I glanced at my fuzzy reflection. Even through the blur, I could tell that I looked tired. I’d been working fourteen hour shifts for the past week, covering for a colleague since there were only three of us trained physical therapists at the VA. Besides, I could really do with the overtime.
Nobody told me that being a single mom would involve responsibilities that I wouldn’t be prepared for. In fairness, I was only twenty-three when I got pregnant with Carter. I was too young, and I thought I was in love, and I believed Tony was the man for me. So even if anyone was giving me advice back then, I wasn’t really listening.
Now, three years later, I had a growing child who needed day care so that I could work and provide for him. And Tony…the farther I could stay away from him, the better it would be for me and Carter’s safety. Being a single mom was never a part of the plan, but this was the reality of my situation.
Thankfully, I had already earned my degree in physical therapy before I got pregnant. Which meant that at the very least, I could earn a decent amount of money to care for Carter. However, it was still a struggle with juggling day care and work. I was trying to make the best of a bad situation and make sure that my son grew up in relative comfort.
In the reflection, I could see how tired my green eyes looked, how messy my tight blonde curls were but if I was being honest with myself, I had stopped caring about my appearance three years ago. My sole focus was Carter and his well-being.
“Get something to eat, you!” Mia, one of my friends and colleagues at the VA called out to me as she passed by me in the hallway. I grinned at her and now that I was reminded, I heard my belly rumbling. When was the last time I’d eaten? Six, maybe eight hours ago? I couldn’t even recall what I had eaten. I looked at my wristwatch and calculated that I had forty-five minutes before my next appointment. So, I turned on my heels and headed straight down to the cafeteria.
At the cafeteria, I smiled at some others, as I stood in the queue and picked up a sandwich and a juice box on a tray. With the food in my hands, I carried them to the farthest corner of the room and sat down. It wasn’t that I didn’t get along with my colleagues, I was just glad for the silence. A couple of minutes of silence and not having to make conversation; would give me some time to think because I did very little of that these days.
I chewed on my sandwich mechanically, not tasting the ham or the cheese in it. The food at the cafeteria wasn’t that great, but I didn’t care anymore; it was just fuel. To keep me going for the rest of the day.
Taking a deep breath, I looked around the cafeteria and sensed the chattering voices. Everyone else seemed chirpy and relatively content with life and I tried to count my blessings as I sat there. I had my son and he was the most important thing in my life. I was a young mother, only twenty-six, and yet I was being able to provide for my son. My career was stable and we had a cozy little rented apartment to live in. So, what was I missing? I tried to think hard. Was I lonely?
After my relationship with Tony ended, or rather…when I managed to get away; I knew that I would rather have been alone than live with a man like him. It wasn’t just the alcohol he was addicted to, but it was his violent abusive nature…the people he hung out with…I was lucky just to be able to get away. I was lucky to get Carter away from him. And yet, I knew that I missed having someone to rely on, an adult to come home to. To do anything else at night than just read Carter his bedtime stories. But I didn’t have a choice, now that I had him and now that I had experienced an abusive relationship; I was going to make sure that I never made that same mistake again.
Just as I was washing down the remnants of my dry sandwich with the juice, I felt my phone vibrating in the pockets of my scrubs. I slipped it out and saw that it was Joan Meyers calling. She ran the daycare that Carter went to. I panicked instantly. I wasn’t supposed to pick up my son for another two hours when my shift ended.
I answered the call hurriedly, hoping against hope that there wasn’t something wrong.
“Kylie!” Joan replied and I could hear the panic in her voice too.
“Joan! What’s wrong?” I said, my heart thudding against my chest. I had already stood up from the chair.
“He’s here. Your ex!” Joan sounded like she was speaking in a hush. When I first started taking Carter to day care, I had warned Joan about Tony. He was never allowed to pick up Carter, no matter what he lies he tried to tell them.
“Tony? Where?” I was weaving around the tables of the cafeteria towards the nearest exit. I cursed slightly under my breath for not actually deciding to go to court when it came to Tony. To get full custody. But given his background, and with what he was involved in, I didn’t trust my safety or Carter’s with trying to make things legal.
“Outside. He’s just standing outside in the parking lot, staring at the door. I can see him through the window,” she said and I was glad that I had told her about Tony and shown her his photograph. I wanted to make sure that a situation like this was avoided at all costs.
“I’ll be there in ten minutes. Just don’t let Carter out of your sight!” I screeched into the phone as I ran towards my car.
***
With my heart beating out of my chest; I parked my car some distance from the parking lot. I tried to steady myself, my fingers drumming on the steering wheel and my shoes tapping the floor. I could see Tony through my window, but his back was turned to me. I’d recognize his broad frame anywhere.
He was standing there, leaning against his Harley, staring at the door of the daycare; just as Joan had said. Nothing had changed about him. He was still as buffed up and muscular as before, with his tattoos trailing around his arms and neck, his chest wide and his biceps dangerously thick. I knew exactly what that man was capable of, how strong he was…I didn’t stand a chance against him.
I tried not to think, or have the flashbacks that I knew I was susceptible to, but seeing Tony now made me weak. I hadn’t seen him in nearly nine months. Every time he called, I didn’t answer and I quickly deleted every threatening voicemail he left me.
I could see his biceps clenched and I was instantly reminded of the force with which he had choked me once. The night I had finally managed to slip out with Carter and nothing but a messily packed backpack, and escape to my friend’s place. He had pinned me to the wall, his breath stinking of alcohol, his eyes bloodshot and bulging as he barked at me. He had lost his temper because I had met an old friend for coffee. A girl I used to go to school with who happened to be in town for the day. But it didn’t matter; Tony used any small excuse to react that way. If he was drinking and sometimes even when he was not, his violence could be triggered by the smallest of things.
One time he had knocked me against the kitchen sink, and I had ended up on the floor, unconscious for several minutes…just because I’d forgotten to buy his six packs on my way home from a shopping trip. Since the night I got away I have managed to have avoided him at all costs. I stayed with old friends that he never knew about so there was no way he could have ever found us. Once I had saved up enough money to get my own apartment I made sure it was completely on the other side of town, and near a police station.
I watched him now, chewing furiously on my bottom lip. I could feel my limbs freeze up, a thin film of perspiration covered my forehead. It was like I couldn’t get myself to move, to push open the car door and step out. As desperately as I wanted to get Carter to safety, I still couldn’t make myself get out of the car. Not while Tony was standing there, not while I could recall every abuse he had hurled at me, the pinch of his grip on my arm, the smell of his breath…
Once upon a time, four years ago…when I was too young and too foolish; I had been attracted to Tony. To his strength, to his rippling muscles, to the wildness in his eyes and the way he could throw me over his shoulder and fuck me against a wall. It made me feel special, like I was delicate and breakable in his hands. I thought he was sexy.
Then I got pregnant, then I moved in with him and eventually I tried to believe that his abusive nature was just a passing phase…that it was the alcohol that was making him act that way.
But he only got worse. And once Carter was born, and when I witnessed him barking at his newborn son…I knew that Tony would never change. I also knew that I had to get Carter away from his father who could hurt him in any moment of wild anger. I couldn’t stay. I realized that I was never truly in love with him. I loved the idea of him. It had only been about the sex and eventually even that began to feel like I was being used as property.
I gulped as I watched him now. I was afraid of him. I was afraid of what he was capable of doing. Carter was in there. There were other children in there. Tony was capable of hurting anyone to get what he wanted. I knew I had to find the courage from somewhere. I had to force myself to get out and face my fears. If there was anyone he was going to hurt, it had to be me.
Breathing in deeply, I tried to calm my thudding heart.
“Just tell him to fuck off. Threaten him with the cops,” I spoke to myself in whispers, under my breath, trying to convince myself that it was going to be all right. I still couldn’t. It was too hard for me. Even though it was broad daylight, and even though I knew that Joan would help, she would call the cops if it was necessary…I couldn’t bring myself to leave the car.
I panicked again when I saw Tony move. His arms fell down on his sides and he straightened up from his leaning position. That was the alert I needed and I looked up at the door of the day care. It was opening. My mouth fell open in fright. Joan was supposed to keep all the kids in. But now, I watched in horror as I saw Carter step out through the open doors.
I nearly screeched as I jumped out of my car. Carter was running down the steps and Joan was fast on his heels behind him, trying to get a hold of him before he got closer to Tony. I knew Carter had seen my car through the window. He was excited to see me. He was looking at me now as I ran towards him.
“Mommy!” Carter squealed with joy, as he tried to rush towards me.
“Carter, no!” Joan screeched behind him, just missing him by a few inches as he jumped off the last step. I had rushed past Tony, avoiding his eyes as I flung myself towards Carter and scooped him up in my arms in one motion.
***
“I knew this would sniff you out,” I heard Tony’s voice behind me as I hugged Carter tightly to myself.
“Do you want me to call someone?” Joan asked, staring directly into my eyes, her face was flushed pink in fright.
“Not right away, thank you Joan. You should go back in and stay with the kids,” I told her and finally turned to Tony. I listened for the sound of Joan locking the door behind her as she went inside.
Carter was clinging to me, completely unaware of the scene he had caused by rushing out of the building. Thankfully, he barely recognized Tony and I had taught him to stay away from strangers.
“What do you want, Tony?” I hissed at him, as I stood several feet away from him. Tony was grinning now, he was having fun. He liked to see me frightened.
“I’ve told you to call me Scar,” he said, his eyes narrowing a little as he spoke. I rolled my eyes at him. I didn’t care what name he liked his biker friends to call him.
“What do you want?” I repeated myself. Tony squared his shoulders threateningly and took a step towards me. I took a step back, clutching Carter tightly to myself. I was hoping he wouldn’t fidget too much because I didn’t want him wriggling himself out of my grasp. I could still sense my heart beating wildly in my chest. There was no way I could make a run for it, not with Carter in my arms. Tony would easily be able to grab us if he wanted.
“I’m here for my son, Kylie…you know I miss him,” he said, with the same grin on his face still. I stuck my chin up in the air, trying to assert self-confidence.
“I want you to stay away from him. I don’t want you getting anywhere near him,” I hissed at Tony again and he threw his head back and laughed. As though I said something funny. Even though he was laughing, I had noticed the look of rage in his eyes. He was not pleased by my behavior.
“Don’t be jealous, babe, I miss you too. I want us to live together again, as a family,” he said and this time it was my turn to laugh. It wasn’t funny. It was hilarious!
“We were never a family, Tony,” I began to say.
“Scar!” he corrected me again.
“And there is no way we are coming back to live with you. The sooner you realize that, the better it would be for all of us,” I said, gripping Carter tightly. Tony was still grinning. He wasn’t taking any of this seriously.
“I know we’ve had our differences, but I can fix things, babe. All you have to do is give me a chance,” he said and I clenched my jaw with temper.
“There is nothing to fix. It broke three years ago and there is nothing you can do about it. I don’t want to be with you. Just accept it,” I said and decided it was time to go. I had a feeling that Joan was watching us and I trusted her to call the cops if Tony tried to come close to us.
“Don’t be like this, babe. You’re just being stubborn,” he said, in a casual flirty voice as I walked past him, keeping a firm grip on Carter in my arms.
“Stay away from me!” I said as I rushed towards my parked car. I was still afraid, I was frightened that he would follow us, that he might block my path to the car. But thankfully, he didn’t. Tony remained standing where we had left him and he didn’t even respond to what I had just said.
At the car, I quickly strapped Carter in to the backseat in his car seat and jumped in the front. I kept my eyes averted from Tony as I started the car and strapped myself in.
“Mommy, was that daddy?” Carter asked and I felt my fingers shaking as I started the car. I knew I needed to be calm while driving, especially with my son in the backseat, but my nerves were frayed and I couldn’t get a hold on myself.
“You don’t have to worry about it, honey. Did you have a nice day?” I spoke in a cooing voice to Carter as I stepped on the accelerator.
“Miss Meyers let me do drawing,” Carter said. He had already forgotten what had just happened.
As I drove away, I looked in the rearview mirror. Tony was still standing there. The grin had dropped from his face now and he was glaring at us. I caught his eyes in the mirror. Dark and threatening. I knew this wasn’t over. He wasn’t just about to let it drop like this, but for the time being Carter was safe and Tony hadn’t done anything.
“That’s very good, honey. You can show them to me when we get home,” I spoke to Carter, driving out of Tony’s view now.
I could hear my phone buzzing in the seat next to me. I had rushed out of the VA without informing anybody. I had already missed my appointment with a patient and my colleagues couldn’t get a hold of me.
“Baby, you will have to come to work with mommy today. Only for a little while,” I said.
“Yay! I love going to work!” Carter squealed with joy behind me and I smiled at him through the rearview mirror. He had my blond hair, but it was shaggy and straight like his father’s. He had Tony’s dark eyes as well and I gulped. As much as I loved Carter, as desperately protective as I was of him; I knew that the older he got, he would remind me of Tony every day.
Carter was smiling at me now through the mirror and I blew him a kiss. I wasn’t going to let anything happen to him. I’d protect him with my life if I had to.