CHAPTER 11
Kylie
Carter and I were at the beach the next morning. It was early, not even six and the morning was just about breaking but I needed to get away. I needed the fresh air and I needed the quiet.
Once I got back to the apartment, I had woken up Julia, paid her and once she left I just sat in Carter’s room in the dark and watched him sleep for a few hours. At five, I tried not to wake him as I lifted him off his crib and took him out to the car.
So now he was in his Spiderman pajamas and had just about managed to wake up, and I had never seen him this excited before. As far as he knew, his mommy had surprised him early in the morning by bringing him to his favorite place.
I sat in the sand, keeping a keen eye on him as he ran around and made castles. His laughter and his joy made me smile, but I still couldn’t stop thinking about what I had done.
The beach was deserted, except for a few early morning surfers trying desperately to catch a wave. I watched the waves gently crashing, the seagulls calling out and flying overhead, the sandy salty sea breeze was in my hair, tangling up my curls and I didn’t care. This was the most peace I could have asked for. Something about watching the sea made me calm.
I had just spent the night with a MC member. Again.
How had this happened? I couldn’t wrap my brain around it.
When I left Tony, he was just getting started with Dragon Knights and even though we didn’t keep in touch anymore, I had a pretty good idea that he was heavily involved with them now. That was exactly the kind of lifestyle that I wanted to keep my son away from. I thought I had learned my lesson, but clearly, I hadn’t. Something was wrong with me! Which made me keep falling for men like Hunter and Tony.
Then I was thinking about him again and the night we had shared together.
Until I saw that patch on his jacket, I was happy. I thought it had been the perfect evening. For the first time since Carter was born, I had done something completely for myself and I didn’t feel guilty about it. And now I regretted every second of it. Especially since I knew that over the course of the night, I had started to fall for this mystery man. The man who I knew nothing about. But who had turned out to be exactly like my ex.
“Mommy! Look!” Carter called out to me and I clapped my hands at his cute little sand castle. He was excited, running around the castle with his small precious feet and I felt a tug in my heart.
I had come so close to putting him in danger. I was glad that I hadn’t brought Hunter back to my place. That I hadn’t told him any more about our lives. But those blue eyes! That chiseled strong jaw! His tongue between my legs! That laugh and that voice…why had I felt safe around him? How could I have been that foolish?
I wanted to cry out, tug at my hair…I was mad at myself, disappointed and at the same time, I couldn’t stop thinking about how Hunter had made me feel. I tried reminding myself of how Tony had made me feel in those initial months of our relationship too. Hadn’t I felt the same back then? Didn’t I think I found the perfect man in Tony too?
I cursed slightly under my breath when I realized that I hadn’t. Tony had never made me feel as special or as safe as Hunter had. Tony had just made me feel used. He had psychologically manipulated me into making me think that I needed him. He had made me feel like I was nothing without him. While Hunter…I felt like I was getting addicted to him.
My phone buzzing in the pocket of my jeans snapped me out of my thoughts and for a moment, even before I had pulled it out, I thought it was Hunter calling. My heart leapt, my hands shook as I slipped my phone out. What was I going to say to him? I shouldn’t even be answering his call. I had snuck out of his apartment to get away from him. I needed to avoid him at all costs.
It wasn’t Hunter calling. It was Tony.
I stared and blinked at my phone screen, watching Tony’s name flashing. When he hadn’t followed us out of the parking lot that day at the daycare, I had assumed he would leave us alone. At least for a little while. But it was six in the morning and he was calling my phone.
I ignored the call, slipping my phone back in my pocket and I stood up from the sand and walked towards Carter. I wanted to feel him in my arms again.
“Come here to mommy,” I said to him when I got close and Carter ran into my arms. I wondered if he could sense that there was something not quite right, because he was hugging me even tighter than usual.
Then he turned his dark sparkling eyes up at me and smiled a toothy grin.
“Thank you mommy! This is best!” he said and I lifted him up in my arms and kissed his cheeks.
“Did you have fun baby?” I asked, trying to hold back my tears. I was emotional because I was mad at myself. Carter nodded his head enthusiastically.
“But now mommy has to go to work and you need to go spend the day with Mrs. Meyers okay?” I said, walking back towards our parked car. Carter pouted and then threw his arms around my neck and I stroked his hair.
There was nothing more I wanted than to spend the rest of the day with my son, but I couldn’t miss work. I was responsible for his livelihood.