Chapter 17
Rena
The promotion was great. And I was excited about it. I’d been happy as a secretary, but to get noticed without trying was a wonderful feeling. Still, I had so much on my mind it was hard to be super excited about it.
Apart from when he told me about the promotion, I didn’t really see much of Brent. It had only been a few hours that we’d been together at work since last night, and there was a lot that needed to be done. It wasn’t like we could spend all day cuddling or something.
But the atmosphere between us was definitely tense. It was such a big contrast to last week and how we’d been together while we were in Boston. I felt it, and it stung a bit. I knew he was freaked-out about the condom breaking, and he had every right to be. It was a big deal—he’d made a point of using protection, and it had failed him. It wasn’t something anyone planned for. No one put on a condom thinking it would break.
It freaked me out a little, too. Since last night, I berated myself for not being on the pill. I had stopped taking it a while ago because I’d been struggling with the side effects. Birth control seemed to affect me in a way it did with few others, and I hadn’t taken the time to research other forms of birth control besides a condom. I should have done it, I knew that, especially because I had been gunning for Brent. I had been planning for him to fuck me for so long.
Again, I hadn’t at any point thought “this condom will probably break.” I hadn’t ever been a person to focus on the negative that way, and we’d been so swooped up in the heat of the moment every time, it hadn’t even crossed my mind.
Now it was a different story. He had come inside of me, and if that condom had broken, it meant I had a chance of falling pregnant. I wasn’t ready for a baby at all. I had thought only days ago that I would consider giving my baby up for adoption if I fell pregnant now because I wasn’t ready for it.
But I’d worked out the dates of my last period and when I knew I had ovulated. It was very late in my cycle, and I knew the small facts. I knew that if we didn’t do anything in that fertile window, the sperm couldn’t survive in my system for that long if it didn’t find anything worth doing something with.
I was confident in my math. My cycle had always been very regular. I wasn’t as worried about it as Brent was, which was a relief. A lot was changing for me now. Brent had finally noticed me as a woman. I had been promoted. I just found out I had a sister when I’d always thought I was an only child. To fall pregnant now, or even to worry about it, was a stress I didn’t need.
On Sunday, I went to see my mom. I felt like my whole life had been turned upside down, and it felt good to do something normal and stick to a routine that finally made me feel calm again. My stomach had been clenched so tightly for days now.
Mom hugged me, and all that tension evaporated. Going home was exactly what I needed.
“How are you doing, my honey?” Mom asked.
“I’m all right,” I said. “I’ve had a rough week.”
Dad came out of the house, and I hugged him.
“Hello, pumpkin,” he said, dropping a kiss on my hair. I had missed him. His business trips were never very long, but knowing he was away made it worse.
We sat down to lunch together and joked and laughed. I told them about my promotion, and my parents were ecstatic. They’d always supported me, wished for the best for me, laughed and cried with me. I looked at the two people who had taken me in and raised me, and a lump rose in my throat. I was so lucky to have them.
The lunch was so much like old times I ached. I thought about Zoe, the sister I never knew I had. She hadn’t grown up with all of this. She’d had a completely different life. I didn’t know if her life had been good. All I knew about her was her first and last name, and that she apparently looked like me and had a lot of money. What memories did she have instead of the ones I had?
After lunch, Mom headed out into the garden while my dad parked in front of the television to watch whatever sport was in season. When we had our fingers in the soil outside, Mom glanced at me.
“What’s bothering you, sweetheart?” she asked.
I sighed. Of course she’d noticed something was up. My mom knew me better than anyone.
“I met with Morgan Taylor,” I admitted. I hadn’t told my mom when I had gone. I hadn’t known I how felt about it, and I wanted to make my own mind up about it.
“Really?” She stopped what she was doing. She sat back on her heels and looked at me, curious, unsure.
I nodded and told her everything Morgan had said. I told her about the third sister who’d apparently died very early. I told her about Zoe, who wanted to meet me.
“I don’t know if I’m ready for that. I’m scared that if I meet her, life as I know it will be over. And everything is going so well for me.”
“I understand that,” Mom said. “It’s a risk, but every choice we make is a risk that everything will change. No matter how happy we are.”
She was right, of course.
“Are you sure that’s the only reason you’re reluctant to meet Zoe?”
I pulled up my shoulders. “I guess not. I know that Zoe was adopted, too. But she went on a search for our birth parents. I’m worried that I’ll have to meet them now because she found them.”
“Are you not ready for that?”
“I don’t know if you are,” I admitted, finally saying what was really bugging me.
Mom shook her head. “Honey, don’t let that hold you back. I’m so happy that you’re thinking of me, but no matter who you meet, I will always be your mom. I adopted you and watched you grow into a beautiful woman. And I will always have you. I’ve had you for all these years, which they didn’t.”
It was true. Just because I knew who my birth parents were didn’t mean I would stop seeing my mom and dad, stop visiting, stop having a lifetime of memories with them.
“Don’t let your worries about how I feel stop you from doing what you really want.”
“I don’t want you to think you’re less important.”
“I never will,” she said. “I was privileged to raise you. I was blessed to have you. None of that will change. I am happy, and what will make me even happier is if you follow your heart.”
The moment my mom said “follow your heart” I thought of Brent. Where had that come from? I shook off the thought.
“Thanks, Mom,” I said. I finally felt better about it.
She smiled at me and nodded, and we carried on gardening as if nothing had happened. We caught up, sharing our lives together as we weeded the garden and pruned some of the bushes.
When it was finally time to leave, my heart was light and I was in the best mood. I walked into the living room to say goodbye to my dad. He had fallen asleep the way he always did, his head hanging to the side and his mouth open, and he was snoring lightly.
I shook his shoulder to wake him up.
“I’m on my way,” I said when my dad jerked awake.
“Of course,” he said. “I was just resting my eyes.”
My mom and I both laughed. My dad had been doing this for as long as I could remember. I hugged him, and my heart burst with love for these two people who had given me a life.
Outside, my mom hugged me.
“Do what you need to do, honey. I just want to ask one thing.”
“What?” I asked.
“Keep me in the loop. Tell me what’s going on. Don’t bottle it up.”
I nodded. “I will,” I promised.
I climbed into my car and headed back home. When I arrived home, I sat down in front of my home computer. I took out the letter Morgan Taylor had sent my mom again. So much had happened since I’d received it. There was so much to wrap my mind around. But maybe this was the right step, after all.
Instead of emailing Morgan like before, I dialed the cell number on the business card she’d given me. This time, I wanted to speak to her in person. I needed to hear if she was relieved about finding out I wanted to meet Zoe or if she was skeptical. I didn’t know how it would make a difference; Morgan’s opinion in the matter hardly counted. But I was nervous to take the next step.
The phone rang a few times before Morgan picked up.
“Morgan, it’s Rena. I’m sorry I’m phoning on a Sunday.”
“It’s not a problem, Rena. How can I help you?”
I took a deep breath. “I would like to meet Zoe. Will you be able to set it up for me?”
“Of course. I’ll contact Zoe in the morning, and we’ll get the ball rolling on this.” She sounded like she was smiling, and I pictured her face again. She had seemed very soft-natured and kind when I had met her. She didn’t seem aggressive or invasive the way I’d always pictured private investigators. So much for stereotypes. “I’ll let you know what Zoe says, and we can set up the meeting.”
“Thank you,” I said.
“Zoe will be so excited to hear that you want to meet her. She’s been looking forward to it for a long time.”
I thanked Morgan again, and we ended the call.
My sister was excited to meet me. It was good to know that she was so positive about it, but I wasn’t sure I felt the same. I hadn’t had as much time as Zoe to process everything, and I felt that maybe she had an advantage. She’d made the choice to find out about me and to contact me; this had been thrown at me out of nowhere.
But meeting her was the right thing to do. If I had family, a sister, I wanted to meet her. I wanted to know what kind of life she’d lived. I wanted to know how she was different from me and how she was the same. It was uncharted territory for me, but I wanted to find out what was going on rather than ignore it existed at all.
A while ago, I would have been okay pretending that none of this had happened. But everyone close to me was encouraging me to do this, and I would be lying to myself if I said I wasn’t at least a little curious.