Chapter 24
Brent
I tried to call Rena, but she wasn’t answering her phone. She had to know it was me. I desperately needed to speak to her. I had no idea what had gotten into her. Maybe she was panicked about the fact that she was pregnant with my child.
Pregnant.
She had kicked me out of her apartment like a dog, telling me to leave when I had done all the right things. She had been upset with me for offering to stand by her side.
I hoped she didn’t think I was going to let this go. Because there was no fucking way this was the end of it. I wasn’t going to let her do this on her own. It had taken both of us to get her pregnant, and I wasn’t a piece-of-shit loser that would make her raise that baby alone. Besides, it was my baby, too.
When the condom had broken, it had been a shock to my system. Shit like that wasn’t supposed to happen to people like me. But my money wasn’t a barrier, warding off everything that could go wrong. All it would do for me was to help me deal with the situation. But it had still happened, and whether Rena liked it was beside the point. She was stuck with me now. I wasn’t going to take no for an answer until we took the time to sit down and talk about it like adults.
If she finally decided that she didn’t want me in her life, there would be nothing I could do about it. But until she told me in so many words that she wanted me to leave her alone, I was going to fight for her. I was going to fight for my child and make it work between the three of us. It wasn’t only the right thing to do, it was what I wanted to do.
The time ticked by, and I waited for Rena to come into the office. Now that she wasn’t my secretary anymore, she didn’t come in so early. She came in at a normal time like the rest of us. I, on the other hand, had come to work early because I had been restless, unable to sleep later than the crack of dawn. Which made this a waiting game.
I made myself a cup of coffee before sitting at my desk and typing up an ad for a new secretary. HR usually did it for me, but I was bored. They could put it out after I was done with it. I needed something to kill time.
The idea of a new secretary was a strange one, but it couldn’t have happened at a better time. Now that I had promoted Rena, the balance was better. If we were going to be parents together, I wanted us to be equals. I didn’t want her, or anyone else, to think that she was below me because of her station.
Rena should have come in by nine, but she wasn’t at her desk when I went in search of her. Her office was empty, and Margaret hadn’t seen her. Maybe she was late.
Or maybe she was wholly uninterested in a life here with me.
I walked back to my desk. I had work to do. I couldn’t run around looking for Rena all day when I had a company to run.
When I returned to my desk, there was an email waiting for me. Rena had let me know she wasn’t coming in today.
My stomach sank. I had hoped to see her. We had left things so open-ended it was driving me crazy. The second part of her email made me feel a little better. She was taking the time to meet with her sister.
I was proud of her for taking that step. I had seen how hard it was for her when she’d found out about her sister. I had seen how tough it was to meet with the PI. She was doing the right thing, reaching out. My only regret was that I wasn’t there with her. I wanted to be there for her when she went through this difficult and exciting time.
Why was that? I had never cared for any of the women in my life before. I hadn’t wanted to be there for them through breakfast the next morning, let alone be there for a life-changing event. But I wanted to be there for Rena. My thoughts were with her. What would she be going through? What was it going to be like? I hoped for her sake that her sister was a wonderful person and that the meeting went well. I hoped Rena would have the urge to phone me if she struggled afterward and would talk to me about what bothered her.
I didn’t think she would do the latter, though. Judging by the way she’d told me to leave and locked herself in her bathroom, she wanted nothing to do with me. I still didn’t know what I’d done wrong.
I received a few emails from investors, and I had to focus on that for a while. I was grateful for the distraction. I needed something to take my mind off Rena and everything that had been happening with her.
The investors were interested in putting money into some of the latest products I had planned. If I could get them to do that for me, it would change the entire marketing scene for my company. I would be able to do a lot more in terms of production as well. If this worked, my company would take that next step, and the only outcome would be more money.
It was what I was hoping for. I had to sit down with Joe again and talk to him about how we were going to approach it, but that would happen in due time. For now, I forwarded the emails and my answers to him so he knew where we were headed and could prepare himself for the future in the same way I was.
The rest of the day was hard. I tried to focus, but Rena and the baby popped into my mind every now and then, distracting me. Rena was so different from any of the other women I had been with before. When I was with her, I wanted to stay. When I left her, I missed her. I had never felt the way about someone the way I felt about Rena. Not even Gina, I had to admit. And Gina had been the woman I had considered marrying, once upon a time.
Would I marry Rena? If it meant we would raise the baby together and we would build a life, I would do it in a heartbeat. Rena was the type of woman I could see myself creating a future with. I hadn’t ever felt this calm about the prospect of marriage.
And the baby. I wasn’t panicked about Rena being pregnant at all. I didn’t feel anything negative. I was curious. I had never thought about having kids, and the idea wasn’t one I hated now that it had come this far. It really surprised me that I wasn’t upset about getting Rena pregnant or that I was now tied to a woman where I had preferred to be a lone wolf all these years.
I tried a little longer to work, focusing on replying to emails, looking at the numbers for our surveys, and taking care of documents and filing. After a while, I gave up trying to work and walked to the tall windows. I looked out over Chicago’s skyline, thinking about the things I’d been trying to push away all today. I thought about making a commitment to Rena, about moving in with her and raising a child with her. If I had thought about all these things a month ago, I would have laughed and shrugged it off as improbable.
It was insane how things changed in such a short span of time. I had become a different person, a person I barely recognized. And with Rena, it’d been so easy.
What would I be like as a dad? Would I be a good dad? I didn’t know what a dad needed to do, or how I needed to be. My dad had been a distant kind of man, someone with a killer work ethic and no sense of familial obligation other than the money he offered to pay for everything we needed. I didn’t want to be like that. I wanted to be involved in my child’s life. Money wasn’t everything.
Maybe Joe would be able to answer my questions, I thought. Joe was happily married, and he had two children, a boy aged seven and a girl aged five. He loved his children, and he put his family first no matter what. I didn’t want Joe to know everything that was happening between me and Rena, but I wanted to ask him what it was like. Maybe I could talk to him without giving too much away.
Joe was in his office when I knocked on the door, typing on his laptop. When he saw me, he grinned.
“I was expecting you. A bunch of investors, huh?”
“It’s looking good for the company.”
“Hell yeah. We’re moving on up.”
I nodded. Joe frowned and closed his laptop.
“What’s on your mind?” he asked.
“Not much,” I lied. “How are your kids doing?”
“That’s a sudden topic change. They’re good.”
“What was it like having them?” I asked. “Did you ever think your life would turn out the way it has when you decided to have kids?”
Joe laughed. “Those are very deep questions. And very out of character for you. Why the sudden interest? Don’t tell me you broke one of your rules.”
I shrugged, not answering any of Joe’s questions. Joe waited only a short while before deciding I wasn’t going to give him an answer, and he carried on.
“Having kids is the best, man. It’s the hardest thing I’ve done, but it’s amazing. If I had to go back, I wouldn’t change a thing.”
I nodded slowly, turning it over in my head.
“The moment you have a baby, it’s like nothing you planned for your future matters anymore. A lot of people say they won’t let having kids change their lives, but you can’t help it. They become the center of your universe, and you watch this little miracle grow, becoming aware of the world. They look at shit differently. They teach you to look at the world differently, too. But I can’t explain to you what it’s like, not really. You can’t know until you have kids of your own.”
Joe made it sound like something I might like. When he spoke about his children, it wasn’t hard to see that they were his world. He loved them so much, and it was plain as day. I wanted that. But I didn’t know if I could do something like that. I didn’t know if I could be that dad. And if Rena didn’t want me in her life, there would be nothing I could do.
Or if she decided to give up the child. That was still an option, and I couldn’t stop her from doing that if it’s what she really wanted.
“Do you want to tell me what this is all about?” Joe asked.
I shook my head. “It’s nothing. I have to get back to work.”
I stood and left Joe’s office. He had a lot of questions, I knew. But I wasn’t going to answer them until I figured out exactly how I felt and what I wanted. I walked back to my office not feeling any calmer. I hadn’t gotten the answers I had needed. But to get those answers, I would have to ask the right questions. And I wasn’t ready to voice them yet.