Chapter 26

McKenna

Leaving my sister to go to Galena had been one of the hardest things I’d ever done. No matter how many times I offered to pay for her to come with, she refused, saying she wanted to try to be alone for once. In a way, I think she didn’t want to be around my friends. Not because she didn’t like them, but because she didn’t know them well enough to want to be with them like I did.

“She’s fine.” Gavin squeezed my hand as we walked along the small sidewalk toward our cozy, little cottage near the back of the inn’s property.

I’d put my cell phone in my purse after texting Hanna for the fifth time in the three hours we’d been there, trying to grab hold of the optimism Gavin seemed to be filled with.

“Yeah, I feel better knowing that she’s staying with Emma for the weekend, but it’s still hard, ya know?”

“You’re a good sister.” Gavin reached behind his head, tying his hair into a bun. He’d been wearing it down all day, and it only made him that much sexier. Heck, everything about this man was epically sexy. Not to mention he had a heart made of softness that rivaled the clouds and heaven above. I’d never been a fuzzy, unicorns-and-rainbows kind of lady, but one month of dating Gavin, and I was pretty sure I’d morphed into a classic romance heroine.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, St. James, but there’s no need to lay it on so thick.” I hip-checked him. “I’m a guaranteed lay.”

His green eyes sparkled with amusement, but his words were serious. “I’m not kidding. Hanna’s lucky to have you. Don’t pretend that you’re not amazing.”

I grinned and poked him in the ribs. He grunted, reaching for my hand as we came to the door of the cottage.

“Come on, now. What’s a guy gotta do to compliment his girl and have her believe him?”

“Absolutely nothing.” I stepped forward and kissed him once on the cheek. Like a teenage schoolgirl, I couldn’t help but wonder if the next step in my infatuation with him would be doodling Gavin, Gav, or Gavvy all over my file folders and charts at work.

He pulled out the key, but before he opened the door, he turned to me full on, eyes suddenly narrowed with concern. “If you’re really worried about your sister, we can leave right after the ceremony tomorrow.”

“And miss out on more sex with the hottest guy who’s ever been inside me?” I licked my lips, scoping him out from head to toe. I tugged the tail of his button-down shirt, the one he’d bought after I’d gone down on him in a dressing room at the mall last week. He called it his lucky shirt, and I couldn’t agree more. “Hell no.”

“You like this, don’t you?” He chuckled under his breath as I moved in to kiss his chin. The sun was setting, reflecting off the Mississippi River that sat at our backs in the distance. It warmed my forehead almost as much as Gavin warmed my insides with his words, his hands, his body.

“What exactly do I like, hmm?” I grinned, moving to his throat, his beard tickling my nose. Slowly, I lowered my hands to his elbows. “Because if you mean spending nights with you, then yes, I like that a lot.”

“Not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?” I frowned, pulling back to look up at him.

One side of his mouth curled higher than the other in that Gavin way I adored. “You like what we’ve been doing this past month.”

“What, having sex any time we want and then waking up to do it all over again in the morning?”

“No.” He pressed his forehead against mine, his face stoic, his breathing suddenly unsteady. “Being mine.”

My insides melted, dropping to puddles at my feet. Yet the heart inside my chest kept beating, increasing its speed with every breath he exhaled against my lips.

Is that what I was?

His?

And did I want to be his?

“I…do.” Yeah. I did.

With my toes curled inside my shoes at my admission, I lifted my hands and dipped them into the neck of his shirt. A growl rumbled from his chest as he gripped my hips and tugged them against his. “I’ve waited a long time to hear that, Brewer.”

As his hands grazed the top of my backside, I tipped my head to the side and said, “Take me inside.” I needed him more now than ever.

Until Max called his name from behind.

“Fucking Max,” he groaned, pulling back so our noses touched. “Sorry. I gotta go.” But Gavin’s hands said otherwise, trailing over my hips, squeezing tighter.

“Not yet. Max can wait,” I mumbled against his lips. Screw the fact that we were about to have an audience. I needed this man. Needed my man.

“Hmm,” I moaned as he kissed me deeper, pulled me closer, and pushed me back against the door. He hitched my leg up. The skirt I’d been wearing all afternoon slipped so high that the wind brushed against the lace of my panties underneath the hem.

One kiss, two, three. But then he was pulling away, wiping at his mouth with his arm, his hands going in his hair and his eyes squeezing shut as though he was in pain. “I can’t stay. I’m already late.”

“I know.” My shoulders dropped, and I couldn’t help but pout. Screw a bachelor’s night. I needed a Gavin night instead.

Max laughed behind him. “Wow. Okay, then. I’m gonna go grab some popcorn and pull up a seat to watch the show.”

I glared at him from over Gavin’s shoulder, watching as he hopped and jumped down the sidewalk steps like a little kid.

“Go away,” I grumbled.

“You two tryin’ for twins or what?” Max laughed, hip bumping me as he moved in from my right. He mock-punched scowling Gavin in the shoulder, not taking the hint.

As he shook his head, Gavin looked down at me, heat still in his eyes, accompanied by a silent promise that said soon.

“Just so the two of you know, Colly’s likely to chop off your nuts if you’re late, so you better make ’em useful while you can.” Max whistled the theme song from Jaws, slapped Gavin’s shoulder, then took off up the sidewalk again.

With a growl buried deep in his chest, Gavin turned and unlocked the cottage door.

I laughed, shaking my head, as he scooped me into his arms. “You’re a glutton for punishment, you know that, right?”

He smirked and turned the handle with his free hand, carrying me inside. “Totally fucking worth it.”

And I couldn’t have agreed more.

* * *

“Collin may have been a huge dipshit as a kid, but I’m ninety-nine percent sure you made him a better man as an adult.” Lia winked at Addie, who was hunkered down on one of the couches that sat in the main lobby of the Goldmoor Inn. Three other couches surrounded a big coffee table that was piled high with chocolates and wine—wine I sadly could not drink. Addie sat on one couch, Lia and her mom on another, and me on the biggest one of all, with Chloe sleeping at my side, her head on my lap.

We’d been there since the guys left around seven, conversing about life and love and all things in between. It was amazing—the first time I’d ever felt like I was part of a family. Even though none of these people was biologically related to me, I wondered whether this was what I’d missed out on for so long. And if that was the case, I cursed the world for robbing me of the happiness it gave me. Cursed myself for not finding it sooner. Temporary happiness had nothing on this.

I stroked Chloe’s hair, marveling at all the curls on her head, just as Lia piped in with, “You’re going to make a good mom, Kenna.”

I blinked, meeting the stares of the three women around me. Mrs. Montgomery stared the hardest. Not with disdain, but with wonder and curiosity. It was a look that both confused and terrified me.

She tapped her chin and leaned forward. Brown hair fell over her cheeks in a menacing way, though she looked like the least menacing person I’d ever seen. “I’ve known Gavin for a while now,” she began, “and have never seen him as happy as he is with you.”

My face heated at her words. Embarrassment hit me worse than any nausea I’d felt during the first trimester thus far. I cleared my throat. “Oh?”

“Yes. It’s completely mesmerizing, really. That boy”—she tsked—“was a hot mess when I first met him all those years ago.”

“Right?” Lia nodded quickly. “I mean, I thought it was just me.” She turned toward her mother, wrapping her black, lacy, fingerless gloves around the woman’s wrist. They were so close, always looking as though they held special secrets only best friends shared. A pulse of jealousy passed through me at the thought, and I glanced quickly at Addie, who wore a smile on her face—one only I could see through. No doubt she wished her mom were here for this too. They may not have been close toward the end, but once upon a time, they’d shared what only a mom and daughter could.

“It’s pretty amazing, isn’t it?” Addie yawned and rubbed her eyes. “I’m really happy for you two, Kenna. Seriously. Not sure if I’ve mentioned it enough.”

“We’re all happy for you. Especially since Gavin has been through so much,” Lia added.

The thing of it was, the three of them only knew the half of it about Gavin and what he’d been through. And as selfish as it sounded, I liked knowing I held his deepest secrets, just as he held some of mine.

Lia raised her glass in the air, words slurring ever so slightly. “And let me tell you what… That baby you’re carrying?” She pointed to my stomach. “It’s going to be extremely lucky to have two amazing parents.”

My shoulders stiffened at her words, thoughts plaguing me in unfamiliar and insecure ways. If I hadn’t become pregnant, would Gavin and I be where we were now? Likely not, which had me thinking a million different thoughts. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted this baby. But if I gave this baby up, I’d not only lose Gavin, but all the new and wonderful feelings he’d inspired in me over the last couple of months.

The hand that wasn’t on Chloe’s head trembled against my thigh. I squeezed my nails into my palms, willing my head to shape up or ship out, because I couldn’t fathom the thought of Gavin not being in my life.

Conversation between the three women surrounded me, happy giggles and talk of the wedding. I sighed, wishing I could join in the celebration. But doing so only hurt my heart more. So I looked down at Chloe in my lap instead, eyes blurring with unshed tears.

She’d barely moved in her sleep, other than the slow rise and fall of her chest. The little girl seemed so at ease with me, her fickle self only wanting to sit on my lap, not her grandma’s or her aunt’s, not her dad’s or her Mama Addie’s, a name she’d only just recently started saying. It felt natural having her there, which was something I hadn’t expected.

Is that what it’d be like with my own child? One with Gavin’s smile or green eyes? Sandy-brown hair or curled, bow lips? Was that excitement brewing inside me at the simple thought of imagining myself with Gavin, raising a child that was one part him, one part me, one part all his or her own?

His boy. A son? His girl. A daughter?

The couch indented as Addie sat on my other side. “You okay?” she asked, her hand on my shoulder.

When I looked up, I spotted Mrs. Montgomery smothering Lia against her, rocking back and forth in a monstrous hug, oblivious to me, thank goodness. It was bad enough that I was concerning Addie with my quiet mood. She was set to get married tomorrow, yet there I was, worrying her with my crap.

“I’m fine.” The truth was too big to keep from my best friend, but for tonight, I had to try.

Addie tucked her arm through my elbow, and I laid my head on her shoulder. There the two of us sat, quiet and contemplative, our minds likely worlds apart from each other.

As if sensing the tension in me, Chloe rolled onto her back, her gaze locking with mine. I held my breath as she studied my face. She blinked a few times, likely attempting to remember where she was, maybe even who I was. Just when I was sure she was seconds from bursting into tears, she smiled softly, curled herself closer to my stomach, and touched a hand over the small bump just showing through the middle of my sundress.

I shut my eyes and inhaled shakily through my nose, fighting back the tears.

God, talk about a sucker punch.

Footsteps sounded from behind my couch. I blinked opened my eyes just in time for Lia and Mrs. Montgomery to stand and greet our visitor.

“Hey, Dad,” Lia said first, waving. Mrs. Montgomery smiled fondly at her husband, stepping closer to kiss his cheek. They shared a look, one of contentment and love. It pulled the chain a little harder around my heart, seeing a married couple of their age so incredibly in love.

Mr. Montgomery’s resemblance to his son was uncanny. Same eyes, same hair, same bone structure in the face. But he was much softer than Collin was. He wrapped an arm around Lia’s shoulders and hugged her to his side. “You ladies need me to take her?” He glanced down at his granddaughter.

Addie nodded. “Sure. She’s exhausted.”

He looked at me, his brows furrowed a little. It was unnerving to be under his scrutinizing stare, even as kind as he was. The man radiated silent power, probably from years of protecting his family. “I’ve got an observation, if you will. One that my gorgeous wife can assure you is based on good intentions.”

My shoulders grew stiff. I looked to Mrs. Montgomery, whose eyes held an expression that was soft and sincere. “Oh?” I’d never talked to this man, other than a hi or bye in passing. So what observation did he have that was suddenly so important? And why did this feel like an intervention?

He cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable as he rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “Well, see, I’ve learned about your dilemma. And…” He looked at Addie, then Lia, then back at his wife, who nodded him on. “Gavin was telling me how you’re not sure you want to be a mom.”

My jaw locked.

Just. Fucking. Great. Did everyone need to know about my life choices?

“Dad.” Lia touched his arm, her voice a warning. “If you even try to mansplain this, I’m gonna—”

“What? No. I don’t mansplain.” Lines formed between his eyes as he scowled at his daughter. “Your mom and I just want her to know that we weren’t prepared for children when we got pregnant with Collin.”

“So? What does that have to do with Kenna here?” Lia propped her free hand on her hip.

Mr. Montgomery smiled at me, his face suddenly warm and welcoming. I didn’t look away, mainly because I wasn’t one to back down with the unexpected. “Children are a blessing, but you know what? Not wanting them doesn’t make you any less of a person. That’s my two cents.” He winked at me, then motioned for Chloe, hands wiggling. Had he been talking to Gavin about this? Obviously. The thought warmed my chest that Gavin could count on this man, even if things looked grim.

A strange sense of approval washed over me just then. These people I barely knew, they’d come together in reassurance…for me.

Mr. Montgomery pulled Chloe close against him. She stirred again, her eyes popping wide against his chest. “Papa,” she whispered, giving him a sleepy smile, only to snuggle against him as though he was her own version of a superhero.

I waved at him and Mrs. Montgomery both, contemplating his words, wondering if under different circumstances, my own dad would have said something similar.

“You should listen to my daddy. He’s a smart man.” Lia grabbed the wine bottle off the table, sticking it under her arm. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go wait for my Maxwell in the hot tub.”

“Night, Lia,” Addie said, laughing under her breath.

With a smile, I curled my feet up onto the couch. Addie did the same, still tucked close to my side. We didn’t get to do this much anymore—be just me and her, no men.

“You ready for tomorrow?” I asked.

“More than my next breath.” There wasn’t a doubt in her words.

A large, picturesque window sat over the fireplace. We couldn’t see anything but a few random stars, but it was peaceful, nonetheless—and the exact opposite of my current emotional state.

“Is it scary knowing he’ll be it for you?”

She shook her head. “It’s almost as if I’ve found something I didn’t know I was missing.”

I bit down on the inside of my cheek, comparing my thoughts to hers. “No regrets? No thoughts of running away?”

Addie didn’t answer right away. I wondered if she was asleep and leaned forward to find her eyes starry, her smile wide. “Sorry. I was just thinking of that night in O’Paddy’s when we first met Collin and Gavin.”

“You mean the night you pulled a me and left them both in the parking lot like a little kid?”

“Yeah. Not one of my finer moments. I know.” She rolled her eyes, pausing for a moment. “Do you remember what you said to Gav at all?”

“In my inebriated state, there’s no telling what I said.” Sadly, that night was basically a blur.

“Yeah…” She grinned widely. “So you kind of told him that he was going to be your future baby daddy.”

My mouth dropped open. “You’re shitting me.”

She giggled. “Nope. Irony is a total bitch, huh?”

I pressed my hands over my face and groaned as she started singing the song.

“Seriously, Addison? Ironic?” I snorted. The wackiness of my bestie never failed, even on the night before she was to get married.

“Come here, you.” She reached for my hand and yanked me up.

“You’re nuts.”

“I know.” Eyes twinkling, Addie whipped out her iPhone, found that ridiculous Alanis Morissette song about irony, and banged her head to the beat as she sang along.

Because I was an impromptu karaoke addict, I started singing too. We danced and sang so loud that I was sure the owner of the inn would be coming down to ream us out at any second. But the longer we sang and the louder we got, the less I cared. And the less I cared, the more I realized that fate and irony went hand in hand, giving you things you wanted, even if you didn’t realize that you needed them. Like Addie needed Collin and Chloe. Like Lia needed Max. And I needed Gavin.

I’d been scared for so long about decisions and screwing up that I’d forgotten what it was like just to live. The impulsivity my mother had warned me away from had given me something that made me happier than anything else in my life, and I wasn’t just talking about dancing in the middle of a fancy inn.

Talk about irony.

Once the music ended, we hugged each other tight. Addie was the one to speak first, and what she said was a doozy. “He loves you so much, Kenna.”

I pulled away to look at her, my smile slipping away. “Gavin?”

She nodded. “Yeah. He looks at you as though you hung that moon in a world of endless stars.” She flung her hands into the air and tossed her head back.

“Oh, poetic Addie.” I laughed and patted her back. “It’s a good thing you’ve found your Prince Charming.”

She hip-bumped me, and my pregnant ass nearly wobbled to the floor. She wrapped her arm around my shoulder, steadying me. “I’m not the only one, you know.”

I scoffed. “Yeah, Lia and Max are quite the pair, huh?”

“Don’t be dumb. I’m talking about you, goofy.”

Wrapping my arm around her back too, I guided her to the hallway silently as she continued to chat about us being able to live the dream. And even as we laughed our way into what she called the Mississippi Suite, I couldn’t help but believe her words. She might have been tipsy, but she was right. Addie was always right.

“I’m getting married tomorrow.” She turned to me in the nearly darkened room and smiled widely. “Can you believe it?”

I leaned against the doorframe with my arms folded. “Yes, you are, beautiful. Yes, you are.”

She sighed, spread her arms out to the sides, and fell flat on her back against the mattress. Minutes later, she was asleep. And as I crawled onto the bed beside her and tossed the blankets over our bodies, I realized just how lucky I was to call her my best friend.