Chapter 6

McKenna

For the first time in all the years Addison and I had been friends, I’d been lying to her.

Normally, we had a chick-flick night with ice cream and wine every Friday while Collin worked. But for the past three weeks, I’d told her I was on night shift at the hospital, claiming that someone was out on maternity leave and I’d been covering for her.

The real problem was that I was playing Addie—and probably myself—by doing anything and everything imaginable to avoid her next-door neighbor, aka the guy I was somehow developing real feelings for. Feelings that Prick-Head Paul was supposed to have eliminated in me for good.

But tonight, exactly one month since Gavin and I had hooked up, I was totally going to surprise her—and prove to myself that the avoidance game had gone on long enough.

Only her new Civic sat in the driveway, thankfully. That meant she was home alone. All I had to do was sneak to the front door, avoid peeking into her neighbor’s window to see if he was running on his treadmill, and then boom, things could return to normal.

With a couple of nineties rom-coms tucked inside my purse, and a fresh carton of Ben & Jerry’s in a bag hanging off my forearm, I was determined to make up for lost time.

I knocked twice, like always. Once to make my presence known, and the next to make sure Max wasn’t in there screwing one of his many flavors—though I didn’t see his car. Unlike every other time I’d stopped by, nobody answered…at least at first. But then I heard it—a grunt, followed by “Fuck me” and then “I’m coming, hold on.”

“Oh God.” I took a step back, looking over my shoulder toward the driveway, more than ready to run.

No, no, no. I knew that voice.

There was no time to escape, because a second later he was there. And quite frankly, my legs weren’t capable of moving. Because the moment that door whipped open and I saw him standing there, I was screwed with a capital S.

“McKenna…” He said my name on an exhale, while his hypnotic green eyes raked over me in one long, agonizing swoop. His cheeks grew bright red—making him look bashful and adorable, not a tough guy like his friends tried to be. When he bowed his head, I took a second to look him over too, frowning when I noted a clump of black, sticky, gooey stuff clinging to the ends of his lashes and a smearing of something shiny and red on the corners of his lips and clinging to his beard.

“H-hi.” I cleared my throat, attempting to remember why I was there in the first place. His intensity tended to make me forget pretty much everything.

“What are you doing here?” He folded his arms over his massive chest. The same chest I’d touched… The same chest I’d stroked, nibbled, kissed…

I blinked. “W-where’s Addie?”

He frowned and that beard of his shifted, conforming with the movements of his jaw. “Grocery store. She asked me to watch Chloe for half an hour.”

“You? Watch Chloe?”

“Yeah. Me.” His eyebrows drew together as he propped one hand against the doorframe, a dare in his words that said Challenge me, and you will lose.

I highly doubted this man could ever beat me in a match of wits. Regardless, he had me mesmerized, as always. His hotness, his coyness, the vulnerability I knew he embodied… Total. Human. Catnip.

I swallowed, watching his forearm flex. Gavin was humongous in every sense of the word. I might have been a little tipsy when we had sex, but the delicious soreness between my legs the next morning proved that big was worth it.

My face grew hot at the memory, my mouth opening and closing like a dunce’s. Who was I? Where was I? And why the hell did I have an unexplainable urge to drop to my knees before him?

Because you like him.

I frowned and held my chin high. “Mind if I come in and make sure you didn’t tie the tyke up?” Without waiting for a response, I ducked under his outstretched arm, holding my breath as I did. Unfortunately, the air in my lungs did little to block the heavenly, masculine smell he emitted. Spice, pine, soap… The combination made my lady parts tingle and my thoughts spin in remembrance.

I didn’t do men for more than a night. Not anymore. Not since Penis-Head Paul. So, what was my issue? One and done, that’s the way it was supposed to be. Not third time’s a charm, damn it.

Ignoring his are you kidding me expression, I headed into the living room, finding the coffee table filled with all things princess. Crowns, feather boas, fake earrings, and… “Is that makeup?”

He cleared his throat. “Yeah, um, give me a second, would ya?”

I grinned at him, watching as he bowed his head—this time rubbing at the clingy black goo on his eyes and, yes, the red lipstick on his beard.

Oh. My. God.

He’d let the kid put it on him?

Be still, my beating heart.

“Sure. Take your time.” My lips twitched as I watched him rush down the hall. The bathroom door shut a second later, followed by some seriously explicit content as the water began to run. I giggled, knowing exactly what he was doing. Washing it off.

Something tugged on the leg of my pants, forcing me to look down. I couldn’t help but smile wider when I found the little lady who had enamored my bestie—and maybe even myself—standing at my feet.

Chloe was dressed in jammies, yet she wore a fancy crown.

“Hey, kiddo.” I crouched in front of her, touching her shoulder. “Are you having fun with Uncle Gavin?”

She nodded wildly, her eyes bright and blue like her daddy’s. She pressed her tiny hands over her mouth a second later and giggled, looking over my shoulder. I stood and turned, finding Gavin shirtless and using his T-shirt to dry his face, the abs of that gloriously flat stomach making my throat run dry.

My knees grew weak at the image, and I plopped onto the edge of the chair, trying to curb the shaking in my hands. Jesus, I needed to get it together.

“Beaner. Grab your pretty princess stuff and put it back in the bag before Addie gets home, okay? Remember our secret? No telling her about the makeup.”

Her head bounced up and down and she hauled the stuff into her arms.

With my bottom lip pulled between my teeth, I watched him sit on the coffee table in front of her, holding out the bag. As a team, they piled up all of the stuff and stowed it inside. Seconds later, Chloe ran down the hall, her feet pattering against the floor.

I looked at his lap, briefly scanning his long legs tucked under a pair of mesh basketball shorts. They came to just above the knee and were navy blue, the letters USMC written along the edge. “You wanna sit on my lap?”

“Um…” Sweet Jesus, yes! Yes, please!

“You keep staring at my shorts.”

“Oh, uh, no. I was just…” I looked away and nibbled harder on my lip, the temptation far too…tempting. If I sat on his lap, I might not be able to get off so easily this time. Not just in the sexual sense—though Gavin was very skilled at making a lady come—but in the emotional sense too. Because, well, I wasn’t as strong as I wanted to be, and being in his arms was something I’d vowed not to do again. Mainly because I’d liked it so much.

“I’ll pass.”

“Hmm.” He nodded, elbows on his knees, hands dangling out front.

Surprisingly, Gavin seemed unaffected by my presence now that he’d cleaned up. Bored, almost. And as much as I didn’t want to admit it, that nonchalance sent my ego spiraling into a hole. The guy was far more immune to my charms than I’d thought he’d be, which bothered me more than I wanted it to. If anything, he was acting like our one-night stand had never happened. Which was weird. Because everything I’d come to know about this guy from Addison was that he was all-or-nothing about life relationships—friends, family, and lovers.

Oh…and he was picky, which could’ve been why he was acting unbothered by my presence. Maybe he wasn’t as taken with me as I’d thought.

I chewed on my thumbnail, trying to keep myself in check, but a crash sounded behind me, breaking my thoughts. I’d never been more excited about a Chloe act of trouble in my life.

“Beaner, no.” Gavin jumped up from the couch and grabbed the little nugget as she tried to climb into her high chair. Somehow or another, she’d snuck back into the room. Showed just how inattentive I was to kids.

“You’re gonna get hurt, kid.” Gavin tucked her against his side, and she all but melted against his chest. With a grin on her face, she met my gaze from across the room.

I narrowed my eyes. Little stinker did that on purpose. The girl was playing him to a T…and because of it, I’d never adored her more. Apparently, she was going to take after her pseudo-auntie Kenna after all.

From the back, I watched as Gavin’s shoulders and muscles moved, secretly thanking all the gods in the world for the fact that he hadn’t bothered to put on a shirt yet. With practiced ease, he picked Chloe’s high-chair tray off the floor with one arm and set her inside with the other. He cursed under his breath as he fumbled with the buckle.

I sat on the armrest of the chair, watching. “She’s not gonna fall out once you put the tray on. I wouldn’t bother with that.”

He froze. “It’s safer to keep her buckled.”

“It’s not necessary.” I stood and moved to the chair across from them. “Once you get the tray on, she’s stuck. Ask Addie and Collin. They do it all the time.”

“You’re kidding, right? The nurse is telling me I shouldn’t care about safety?”

“I do care about safety. I’m just saying the buckle isn’t entirely necessary if you are right there with her.” I pulled my ice cream from the bag, then popped the lid off my container. No thoughts to my madness, not caring if he saw my dirty little habits either, I dug two fingers into the mass of chocolate and coffee bean goodness. I shoved the ice cream–coated digits between my lips and moaned at that first bite.

“You’re like a damn porn star with that stuff.”

I blinked, meeting his heavy stare. “This is nothing, trust me.”

Chloe babbled loudly, yanking his attention away. “What is it, kiddo?” he asked as she tossed a handful of crackers across the room. The rainbow Goldfish crunched against the wall and rained down the plaster like a waterfall. Seconds after that, her hands were in the air, reaching for me—or, more so, my half-hidden B&J’s.

I grinned. “Girl’s got my taste buds.”

“You’re not related.” Gavin frowned, scooping out another handful of crackers, only for her to toss them against the wall again. He shut his eyes, clearly frustrated. He was as good with kids as I was, it would seem. Which was not good at all. Still, when a tot tossed crackers across the room, that usually meant she didn’t want them. Common knowledge.

“So? I’m a woman, and she’s a girl. Our taste buds are inevitably going to share some similarities, right?”

Standing, I moved around the table and to the left of her high chair. Digging my pinkie into the chocolate portion of my B&J’s, I pressed it to her mouth. She opened right up, smacking her lips and clapping when she was done.

“I sure as hell hope my niece doesn’t have your cravings.” He shook his head.

I snorted out a laugh. Who would’ve thought that broody-pants Gavin St. James had an actual sense of humor?

He grumbled something else under his breath and took Chloe out of her chair once she was done snacking on my ice cream. She clung to his neck with one arm and tucked a thumb in her mouth, her signature move.

He moved around me and went back into the living room, only to set her in a little chair with light-up buttons that played music. She bounced her legs, waiting as he scoured Netflix. Once he’d stopped on some show with a giant, talking bunny, he kissed her on the forehead and went back into the dining room to clean up the Goldfish mess. While he was occupied, I grabbed my ice cream and headed into the kitchen to put it in the freezer.

I hustled back into the living room, for some reason afraid to leave him alone with the kiddo, even though he seemed to have things under control.

Chloe’s gaze was still glued to the TV when I rounded the corner, but Gavin was nowhere in sight. Part of me wondered if I should hang with her, but another part was curious to find out where Mr. Beastly had wandered off to. Because I didn’t claim to have perfect pseudo-parenting skills, I went with my gut and followed him instead.

My curiosity got the best of me as I meandered down the hall. I stopped to look up at the pictures on the wall, finding some of Gavin and the guys, along with Chloe, or Chloe and Addie, or Chloe and Collin. I trailed my finger over one particular picture. A blond lady with Chloe’s smile and round nose. It was her biological mother, Amy, the one who’d died a few months after Chloe was born while the guys were finishing their second tour of duty in the marines.

What little I knew of her was that she was a good person who loved her daughter to pieces, unlike my own mother. That was yet another reason why babies were not welcome in my uterus. No way would I subject a kid to my ability to screw up like she had.

“I only met her once.”

I jumped at the sound of Gavin’s voice, but I didn’t take my eyes off Amy’s picture. In her arms sat a tiny bundle of pink. Chloe Bean—or Beaner, as Gavin, Collin, and Max affectionately called her. Addie was determined to remind Chloe who the woman was, and how much she had loved her.

“She was beautiful.” I smiled wistfully.

Gavin leaned against the wall next to me, arms folded over his chest. His body was like a furnace, yet his breath was cool against my cheek as he yawned. He smelled like cinnamon toothpaste, as though he’d just brushed.

An odd sensation ran through me at the thought. Was he planning on kissing me? Is that why he’d brushed his teeth? And could I push him away if he did? Was I sadistic enough to want him to kiss me after I’d worked so hard to avoid him? Hell, my favorite pair of boots was now in the county dump because of how hard I’d fought to run away from him.

Escaping through a window hadn’t been one of my finer moments.

“Beaner’s lucky she has so many people who love her. I’m glad she’s not alone.” His voice cracked as he stared at the floor. His feet were bare, yet they looked clean, healthy. Everything about Gavin, other than his long hair and beard, said perfect order. Control.

I looked down at the chipped nail polish on my feet and my stained yoga pants. I was a hot mess of disorganized and disgusting.

“She’s very lucky.” I cleared my throat, the topic too close to home. No way would I tell him that my family life growing up had been like something out of an unhappily-ever-after Cinderella story. The wicked mother. The absentee father. The only difference was that I got an amazing stepbrother and stepsister out of the deal.

“Collin will always miss Amy, but he loves the hell out of Addison. They’re sickening.” Gavin smiled as he said this, longing in his eyes.

My chest warmed at the view and I pressed my hand over my heart, willing the sensation to skedaddle. Clearing my throat, I said, “Personally, I think it’s unhealthy to be so attached to someone. You should be your own person. Live your own life. The thought of finding a soul mate goes against human nature.” I shrugged. “I try to tell Addie that all the time, but I’m pretty sure it goes in one ear and out the other.”

He took a step closer, brows furrowed. “You don’t believe in love?”

“Maybe I used to.” I looked at the floor and sucked in a cleansing breath. “Believe in it, that is.” The topic of love used to make me uncomfortable. But talking to Gavin about it was relatively easy for some reason. “Or rather, I used to believe in the idea of love.” Yet along the way, the motto forever is for penguins, not humans had become my go-to phrase. From there on out, I’d vowed to make myself superficially and temporarily happy instead.

“That’s sad.”

I frowned. “How so?”

He leaned in closer, his body nearly flush with mine. Desperation filled his gaze as he lowered his head until his lips were mere inches from my mine. “Because sometimes, McKenna, the things we fight against are the things that are best for us.”

I shivered and leaned against him. “Gavin…”

As if his proximity hadn’t almost brought me to my knees, he shrugged one shoulder and took a couple of steps back, sticking his hands inside the pockets of his low-slung shorts. Because I was a masochistic son of a gun, I quickly zeroed in on his protruding hip bones, wondering what it might be like to touch him there just once more.

I refocused on his mouth, finding a frown pulling down the corners of his lips. It was almost as though he knew what I was thinking, feeling, remembering…

My throat burned in irritation as I swallowed. “I-I’m not fucking you again.”

A muscle in his jaw ticked, and his frown turned into a quick, unnerving smirk. “Fine by me. I’m not looking for another fuck-and-run anyway.”

I cringed, guilt somersaulting in my stomach. Before I could respond—apologize, even—he took off down the hall toward the living room, shoulders pulled back and head held high. Why the hell did this man have to be different from all the others to me?

What I needed was to remain calm, unpretentious even. Because if Gavin knew how much he affected me, he might think we had a chance together. Which we didn’t. I mean…

No. Absolutely not.

“Well, good,” I called after him. “I’m glad we settled that. Because I’m a just-friends kind of gal anyway, St. James. Permanence isn’t my thing. And now that we’ve slept together, I think it’s best that we, you know, keep our distance.” Then why was I chasing him down the hall, trying to make known what he obviously already knew? And why was my traitorous heart skipping as I watched him swoop Chloe into his arms as though he were her prince?

“Fine. Distance. Whatever you want.” He nodded at me as he passed, his arm bumping mine.

“Yeah. Distance. Fan-tabulous!” God, why was I being so loud? And why was I yelling it at his back like a six-year-old?

From Chloe’s room, he hollered for me. “Hey, Brewer? Come give a guy a hand.”

My shoulders fell. I’m not sure why they did. Because disappointment was not racking my body as I stepped into the room and saw that all he really needed was diaper help.

“I haven’t ever…” I motioned toward the changing table, hating how I was worried about my lack of maternal skills in front of him when that had never bothered me before.

“You’re serious?” He frowned.

I squirmed under his intense gaze but managed to close the distance between us. “As serious as anyone can be when not wanting to look and sound like a freak.”

He urged me forward with his chin, his patience and the fact that he wasn’t laughing earning him bonus points. Not that I was keeping score.

“Come on, then. We’ll master this together.”

Hands flexing at my sides, I watched and learned from a nonexpert who looked, in fact, like an expert. “That doesn’t seem too hard,” I said.

“It’s more time-consuming than anything.” He shrugged and hummed something under his breath. “Especially when she’s wiggly.”

It was strange, changing diapers with a man I’d slept with but never actually had a relationship with. Life was constantly a surprise in the making. Especially when it came to Gavin St. James.