Chapter 10

Gavin

Everything about her was wrong, even though she was exactly the type of woman I would normally go for. Smart, funny, sweet…a brunette with gray eyes and dimples, beyond gorgeous. Hell, she even laughed at my stupid joke, when I managed to tell one. Her name was Sienna. Max had gone out with her once, but she wasn’t his type. Unlike a lot of the other women he went out with, they’d managed to stay friends.

Had I not been hung up on a certain blond, I would’ve thanked the hell out of Maxwell for hooking me up with this woman.

I really fucking hated how my mind worked.

Still, I was out of the house, not thinking about Kenna’s rejection, on Thursday. Not thinking about how broken she’d looked when I left her crying in her bathroom. Though the longer my date lasted, the more I wondered if Kenna was okay. If she was drinking enough water. If she was eating enough, or if she was still throwing up. I’d have to call Addie again, though I was pretty sure she suspected something, since I’d been calling twice a day about Kenna.

“So, you’re an EMT? That’s what Max told me.” Sienna moved in closer, clearly interested. The lights above our restaurant table only made her look more beautiful.

“Yeah.” I was usually a man of few words. But the way I was behaving tonight, she probably thought I was the closest thing to a mute there was. I needed to end this now. Tell her I wasn’t feeling it. That she deserved better than me. But the words wouldn’t come out, and instead, I sucked down the rest of my beer.

I tugged at my beard and leaned back in the booth, needing space. She frowned, obviously disappointed, but didn’t say anything. Not like a certain someone would.

I should have appreciated that. Not being pushed. But I realized how badly I craved it. From Kenna.

The rest of the dinner passed in awkward silence. I found myself looking at my cell phone a hell of a lot more than I should. I felt like an asshole about it, even apologized, explaining how my friend was sick and I was worried about her.

After the check was paid, and we headed out the door, Sienna took my hand as we walked across the parking lot.

“I had a really good time tonight.” Her smile was soft and pretty, but she didn’t make my heart beat faster.

“You did?” Because I was more than positive I’d fucked everything up. Maybe she was just being nice. Or maybe I wasn’t trying hard enough.

“Yeah, I’d love to go out again sometime.”

“Hmm.”

She frowned at my answer, leading me to her car. We’d met at the restaurant. She told Max she felt safer doing so. And because I was all about making someone feel safe, I’d agreed.

“Are you heading home after this?” she asked as we stopped in front of her car.

I nodded.

“Do you maybe want to watch a movie or something?”

It took me a second to realize what she was asking. And because I knew Max would be pissed if I didn’t try harder, I said, “Sure. My place?”

Her smile grew wide. “I’d like that.”

I nodded again, a little stupefied over why she still wanted to hang out. In the end, she followed my Suburban, parking along the street outside the duplex.

Twenty minutes later, we were on my couch, scouring Netflix. She’d grabbed a folded blanket off the floor by her feet and laid it over our laps. Beneath it, she reached for my hand and squeezed as she pulled it onto her lap.

I tried like hell to enjoy the sensation, the soft feeling of her skin against mine. Tried to make myself feel something—anything—for this woman. This was the first date I’d been on in months, and with a pretty great woman at that. But nothing felt right.

A quarter of the way through the movie, Cat—which is what I’d decided to name the cat—jumped onto our blanket.

Sienna gasped and jerked toward the other end of the couch, causing Cat to arch his back and hiss. “You have a cat?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Well, can you lock it up?” Lip curled, she shooed a hand toward the hall. Her reaction was the first sign that this was not, indeed, the woman for me.

“Are you allergic?” I asked.

“No. I just… I don’t like them. They’re too hairy.”

Someone knocked at my front door just then, saving me from saying something asshole-worthy. Cat jumped down, beating me to the door, and out of the corner of my eye, I watched Sienna stand and grab her coat. Apparently, cats were deal breakers for her.

I swooped Cat up and tucked him to my side. He purred, nuzzling against my stomach. I grinned. A woman who didn’t like cats was a deal breaker for me too.

The knock grew more insistent. I looked out the window and froze.

Kenna.

* * *

McKenna

Addie squeezed me tighter, the scent of her strawberry shampoo soothing my frayed nerves.

I’d come over to have pizza with her, Chloe, and Collin, but one bite in and I was done for. The nausea was so awful that I barely made it to their bathroom in time to be sick. It would seem the food poisoning I’d been diagnosed with had turned into all-day, every-day morning sickness.

Like the perfect bestie she was, Addie had followed me into the bathroom, then held my hair and stroked my back. But she was silent the entire time, and I knew from that alone she had suspicions. It only took her one question to turn me into a blubbering mess.

Do you know who the father is?

Part of me wanted to lie, mainly because Addie had warned me away from Gavin from the beginning. And since Pisser Paul had come and gone, she knew my stance on relationships. Still, a person could only tell so many lies before getting caught up in them. So…I told her everything. From the elevator, to the kiss in the elevator, and how I’d run right afterward. Then I told her about the night we’d spent together five weeks ago, after Lia’s last night at Jimney’s, and the next morning when I’d jumped out the window, ripping my favorite leather boots in the process.

Then I cried. Again.

“You know condoms are not always effective. And for as active as you are sexually, I’m surprised you aren’t on any other contraceptive.”

I cringed, wishing she were wrong. Because I wasn’t as head-in-the-game as she thought. I was a half-asser in all things in life, someone who made reckless mistakes. For instance, sleeping with a man I knew I shouldn’t have slept with.

“Birth control and I don’t mesh.” I blew out a quick breath, thankful she wasn’t going to nag me about Gavin being the father. Still, I didn’t like that she was shaming me at all.

I pulled back, putting distance between us on the bed. Trying to stave off my tears, I looked around the room that now belonged to her and her boyfriend.

“Still, Kenna…”

“What, you think I planned this or something? I wasn’t exactly in the right frame of mind that night.” But then again, I wasn’t that drunk either. Peach schnapps be damned.

Her eyes widened. “What? No, no, no. God, no, Kenna. You know I didn’t mean it like that. I—”

“That’s what it felt like. You of all people know I don’t want anything serious right now, relationship-wise. And a baby? That’s never been in my plans. I want to travel more. Get my master’s. I’m not cut out for this life.” I jerked my hand around her room, only to let it slap against my thigh.

“What life do you mean, exactly?” Her eyes narrowed.

I stood from the bed and walked over to her dresser, picking up a four-by-six photo of her and Collin from sometime last fall. They were in Chicago together, cuddled up on the sidelines at one of his rugby matches. She was dressed in a hoodie, and Collin wore those tiny shorts and no shirt—even though the temperature was freezing, from the looks of it.

“I want more than this, Addie.” I showed her the picture, shaking it slightly, then set it back down.

“So, you’re saying that since I don’t have an actual job, I’m lower than you?”

It was my turn to cringe. Crap. I really needed to reengage my mouth’s filtration system. “No.” I turned to face her. “That came out wrong. I’m sorry.”

“Well,” she scoffed, “you know this wasn’t how I’d planned on my life turning out, but I’m happy with it, and I don’t really care what other people think. Including you.”

I sighed, too tired to fight. “Addie…”

She lifted her chin, staring down her nose at me. I knew that look, that fire in her eyes. My blowtorch of a best friend had been lit.

“What I meant was…” I held my breath, then slowly blew it out. “I didn’t plan on having kids.”

Her shoulders fell—whether from relief or disappointment, I wasn’t sure. “We’ve never wanted the same things in life, Kens. But we’ve always agreed on supporting each other’s decisions, no matter what happens.” She moved closer, all five foot four of her standing in front of me, pride in her dark eyes. “And just so you know, I did get that job for this fall at the preschool in Matoona. And I like staying home with Chloe. And Collin doesn’t care what I do, as long as I’m happy. He’s not like my father, or my mother, or anyone else I’ve ever met. He doesn’t pressure me—”

“He wants to get married, doesn’t he? Isn’t that pressure enough?”

Her smile grew softer, but she didn’t answer right away. My best friend—who loved children and wanted a brood of them someday, along with a happily ever after—had always feared marriage.

“He does. And I want to marry him too. It’s just taken me a bit to decide that. But Collin has waited for me. Been patient with me and my decisions. And as crude and rude as he can be, he’ll always support me in whatever I choose. Just like Gavin will likely support you no matter what you choose.”

I sighed to myself, finally seeing her point. It was a wonderful, torturous kind of hell to have such a smart, supportive, loving best friend.

The two of us had known each other since college, but we’d never compared our lives. We just lived them side by side, there for each other when need be. Addie had a domineering, controlling, asshole father and a mother who’d never stood up against him, while I had a mom who wanted nothing to do with me and a father who always forgot about me. The difference between Addie and me was that I didn’t strive to find someone in my life to make me happy. At least I thought I didn’t. But she craved it. That warm, fuzzy kind of love that gave someone a sense of purpose.

Collin was her purpose. And he was hers.

“Listen, this”—she pressed her hand against my flat stomach—“isn’t the end of the world. I can help you with whatever happens, whether you decide to raise it on your own or give it up for adoption. I’m here, okay? I’ll support you.”

“Why?”

She jerked her head back as if I’d hit her. “Why what?”

“Why would you do that for me?” My eyes swelled with more unshed tears.

Slowly, she shook her head, looking stupefied, yet her gaze never left my face. “You’re really asking me that?”

I shrugged, at a loss for words.

“Because, Kenna, no matter what happens, you and I are lifer friends. You got me?”

My lips trembled. As if someone had pulled a plug, draining all my emotions into one dripping waterfall of sadness, I lost it. Gushing tears, sobbing—lost it.

“Aww, don’t cry.” She smoothed a hand down my back as she hugged me close again. I wasn’t that much taller than her, but I felt tiny in her strong arms.

A few minutes into my sob fest, soft footsteps sounded along the floor behind us. I sniffed, embarrassed by my weeping, and pulled away to see Chloe toddling into the room, followed by her daddy. She reached for the edges of my shorts, then stabbed a thumb into her mouth. Her wide eyes met mine in that way only a toddler could. Big, honest, and hopeful.

Could I do this? Raise a kid? Be a mom? I had never planned on it. But the idea seemed less daunting as I looked into this little girl’s eyes.

Collin cleared his throat as I looked up. Clearly uncomfortable, he rubbed a hand up and down the back of his neck. “Sorry. I was gonna tell you ladies that I’m taking Chloe for ice cream.”

Addie kept her arm around my shoulder as she turned. With her other arm, she reached over and ran a finger through Chloe’s curls as she said, “Sounds good.” She looked my way. “You want to come along?”

“Thanks, but fourth-wheeling it with you guys on a Thursday night isn’t my idea of a good time.”

I couldn’t help but smile as I watched Collin walk over and scoop up his daughter. He might have bugged me with his bossy tendencies, but I couldn’t fault him for it that much. He’d been through a lot. At least he had two other men in his life, along with Addie, a super-supportive sister, and decent parents to help him.

“We’ll meet you in the car.” He bent to kiss Addie’s temple. Next to her, he looked like a gushing giant—which he pretty much was when it came to my best friend. I’d never doubted his love for Addie; I just doubted the way he went about loving her.

He was nothing like lumber-sexual Gavin, though their height and weight matched. Gavin was quiet and broody, yet thoughtful. Collin was broody and broody, and loved my best friend as though that were his only job in the world. Gavin wasn’t quite as agitated about the world as Collin was, and when Gavin looked at me…

“Shit.” I gasped at the thought, leaning over to press my hands to my knees, remembering how much he seemed to like me. Thinking back on it, Gavin looked at me the way Collin looked at Addie. How was that even possible? We barely knew each other.

“You all right?” Collin asked.

Addie answered for me. “She’s okay. Just still dealing with that stomach thing.”

“Five days later?” His voice rose in disbelief, and Addie’s hand froze between my shoulder blades. I held my breath, and I could hear her doing the same.

“Dada, bye-bye,” Chloe squealed, saving me from having to explain something I was not ready to explain.

“Okay, Beaner, let’s go.” God. That kid was my Wonder Woman in Diapers.

Once the front door clicked shut, I righted myself—along with my head. “You can’t tell Collin.”

“About the baby?” Addie bit her lip.

“Yes. Please don’t.” I blew out a breath and leaned back against her dresser. “I need to tell Gavin first. It’s only right.”

She nodded in agreement. “Are you going to…you know, go over there tonight and tell him? I think he’s home.”

I knew what needed to be done, that I couldn’t wait any longer than necessary. I already felt like a bloated cow, and according to my monthly cycle, I was only about five weeks along. Someone would pick up on it sooner or later, and I couldn’t ask Addie to keep the news from Collin for too long either. They had a no-secrets policy, something I still didn’t fully grasp. And again, Gavin had a right to know.

“I think so.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay behind, just in case something goes wrong?”

I shook my head. “If he blows up on me, I’ll know what needs to be done.”

“And if he doesn’t…?”

The hope in her eyes could have been bottled into something that changed the world. My best friend still believed in my happiness, way more than I did.

“I’ll be fine.” I kissed her on the forehead and smiled, not feeling the positivity I tried to emit. If I was being honest with myself, I think I was more scared he’d accept the truth. Then in turn, would he push for more? With me? I’m not sure if I was ready for that either—if I ever would be.

I walked Addie outside and said my goodbyes, inhaling a giant breath before I swung right toward Gavin’s place. Rolling out my shoulders, I didn’t take the time to think about what I was about to do and just did it, knocking on the door with a hell of a lot more bravery than I felt.

A few minutes passed, and he’d still not answered, yet I heard noises inside—voices, more than one. My chest grew tight, my heart racing too fast, yet instead of leaving, I knocked harder. I’m not sure why. Maybe I needed to see what I already knew was there?

Affirmation that proved I was right to not want more with a man?

Rooted in place, I knocked one final time. And then the door opened.