Chapter 19

Fox

The Bilkington liquor store sat at the corner edge of the main downtown square, across the street from the bright green baseball fields. It had been three days since I’d driven into town, and I felt almost like a ghost, my eyes seeing the emptiness of the town, the dilapidated buildings directly beside the larger concert hall, the church. Nothing about Bilkington seemed to be standardized. Rather, it was a strange mix of Indiana trashiness and moral buildings, like churches alongside stinking gas stations. What was it that Talia saw in this place? Did she see beauty? Artistry? Because, after years in Los Angeles, all I saw was a place that was better off burnt down.

Sauntering into the liquor store, I ripped several bottles of scotch, whiskey, rum, and tequila from the deep aisles, feeling the eyes of Marv, the liquor store owner, on my neck. I glanced back toward him, giving him a nod. This was our now typical song and dance, something we did ever week or two.

“All right there, Fox?” he grunted.

“Sure thing, Marv,” I said, sliding the bottles onto the counter. I reached for my wallet, drawing out several twenties. They felt sharp against my fingers, fresh from the ATM. The liquor store, of course, didn’t take credit cards.

“You know, I heard some people talking about you again last night at the bar,” Marv told me, scanning the liquor bottles. “You seem to have really ignited some sort of anger in this place, just by coming back.” He chuckled, eyeing me. His teeth were rotting in his mouth, blackened. I remembered what he looked like before I’d gone to Los Angeles, when I’d had to bribe him to give me booze. I’d given him cash, along with my old tape demos, telling him – in the arrogant words of a seventeen-year-old – that I was going to “make it one day.”

“It was that brother of yours,” Marv continued. “Andrew, isn’t it? The one with the pregnant wife? You seen him around lately?”

My throat felt constricted. I leaned my head back, watching Marv with squinted eyes. “You know, I haven’t bothered much with him. He doesn’t give a fuck about me. So I washed my hands of him a long time ago.”

“Well, he was saying that you were the reason that little Talia girl—that pretty woman, you know her, don’t you? Anyway, he was saying it was your influence that’s going to get Lily-Rose taken away from Talia. Said something about the grandmother coming back in? Trying to get custody?”

Reaching forward, I gripped the handle of the large whiskey bottle. Anger washed over me as I twisted it open, making the stench of the whiskey swirl through the air around us. A million questions surfaced. But I knew that revealing my worry to Marv would show him a different side of me. It would show that I had compassion, and fear.

It would void my entire image.

I slid the bottles into a brown paper bag and paid Marv, with no comment. It seemed he’d already forgotten our conversation, as he began to whistle as he worked, his nicotine-stained fingers moving quickly with the coins and the cash in the till.

Outside, the July sun beat down upon me with ferocity. I slipped across the pavement, raising the whiskey bottle and glugging it. The liquor burned my throat, causing small sweat beads to form on my forehead before immediately traversing down my face. Across the road, I peered at the far edge of the field where Lily-Rose’s baseball team was playing against another team, in dark blue shirts. They were all kids from the community, scampering around one another. Lily-Rose’s hair swirled behind her, and her thin limbs flailed, as if she had no control. I watched as she strained to catch a fly ball, only to let it drop to the ground beside her.

“Shit,” I whispered. The girl was a lost cause.

On the bleachers, I spotted the cause of this drama: Chris Campbell’s white-trash mother, with her bright whitish-blonde hair swirling through the hazy July heat. She smacked her hands together, calling out Lily-Rose’s name. “You’ll get it next time, sweetheart!”

For whatever reason, her words tore at my heart. I stretched my fingers across the field’s gate, feeling a strange pulse of paternal instinct. Suddenly, all of the hours Lily-Rose and I had spent together at that piano bench – her little eyes peeking up at me, so hopeful for our brewing friendship – flashed before my eyes. My heart hammered, remembering what I’d done. I’d abandoned her, like I’d abandoned so many others.

And now, this horrible woman was attempting to rob Talia of the only family she had left.

I staggered back from the fence, feeling my head swirl from the whiskey. The baseball players scampered from the field, falling in line for the customary handshakes at the end of the game. From where I stood, I could see Talia’s car in the back area of the lot, her small face peering out, watching the end. As Lily-Rose swarmed from the field, she first fell into Evelyn’s arms before dragging her heels toward Talia’s car.

I knew they’d be going home. And I knew I didn’t have much time to say what I needed to say.

I could give them a single word of advice. I could ensure that Talia could keep Lily-Rose. And then, I could remove myself from their life, once and for all, knowing they had one another.

In my car, I smacked at my cheeks, trying to yank myself back to sober. Driving slowly, I eased toward Talia’s blue house, my windows open, an old nineties track blaring from the speakers. Talia’s car was positioned in the center of the driveway, as if she were trying to halt anyone else from approaching. And as I strode up the steps, she opened the front door, leaving the screen door closed between us.

“What the hell are you doing here?” she stammered, her voice low.

I brought my hands upward, feeling as if I’d been struck. “I know I deserve that, after last time,” I said. It was strange. I hadn’t spoken so much, to anyone, in the previous week. Already, my throat felt strained. “I’m sorry about that, Talia. And I wouldn’t bother you now if I didn’t think it was really important.”

Talia opened the door, revealing a meek, pale face. Her bottom lip quivered, yet she still didn’t find the words to speak.

“I heard about what Evelyn is trying to do,” I told her, towering over her on the porch now. My shoulders huffed as I spoke. I imagined stepping closer, drawing her cheek against my chest, stroking her hair.

A small tear crept down Talia’s cheek. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. If she actually goes through with it, trying to… to have some sort of custody battle? I don’t think I’m strong enough for that.”

“Of course you are,” I said, my hands becoming fists. “I know how much you love that little girl. No one in their right mind would take her away from you. And… and I’m going to do everything I can to keep her here. Okay?”

Before Talia could respond, Lily-Rose’s sweet voice came from the kitchen. Her rapid feet cantered across the wood floor, and suddenly, she was upon me, her eyes glowing as if I was some kind of Santa Claus. She hugged my legs tightly, causing her baseball hat to fall to the ground at her feet.

“Where have you been?” she muffled into my legs.

I met Talia’s eyes for a long moment. Still more tears escaped her eyes. She wiped her cheeks dry with her sleeve, shrugging. “We missed you around here,” she sighed.

Following some kind of paternal instinct – or maybe it was the booze, I don’t know – I dropped to my knees and put my hands on Lily-Rose’s shoulders.

“Lily-Rose, I heard that you didn’t want to play at the benefit concert. Even after all we did together to prepare,” I said, speaking slowly, softly.

Lily-Rose’s eyes turned toward the ground. “Talia said I lost my cool,” she sighed. “I always lose my cool.”

The expression made a small smile form on his lips. “You know, I used to get really mad sometimes,” I said to her. Reaching up, I pushed her hair behind her ear, feeling like I was forcing her out of hiding. “Sometimes, I would lose my cool so bad that I couldn’t talk to anyone for weeks. But you know what? I don’t get so angry anymore. I’ve learned how to control it.”

Lily-Rose looked incredulous, as if I had the secret to the universe. Her lips quivered. “How? How do you control it?” she asked.

“It always comes back to the music, Lily-Rose,” I said. “As long as I can sit at my piano, or strum my guitar, or write a new song, I can calm my mind. It sounds kind of simple, maybe, but I promise, it works every time. You should try it.”

Lily-Rose’s eyes turned back toward Talia, who nodded. I patted my hands on her shoulders once more, whispering. “You should go try it now, Lily-Rose. Play your benefit concert song for me. I haven’t heard it in a week, and I miss it.”

Within seconds, Lily-Rose’s tentative fingers found the keys. I remained on the porch, still sensing a distance between Talia and me. She slid her fingers across her chest, blinking at me.

“Why did you come here? You said… you said you were going to help us?” she demanded, trying to keep her voice low.

“I was thinking back to my buddies in Los Angeles, what they did to keep custody of their kids. They always had a social worker come over and do a home visit. They make a report, so you have something on paper to prove that your life with Lily-Rose is valid and good and right for her. If Evelyn ramps up her desire to keep Lily-Rose for herself, then you’ll have that in your back pocket already.”

Talia’s face looked increasingly relaxed, and kinder. Her eyes glinted. Reaching forward, she placed a hand on my chest, and I immediately felt a wave of lust fill me. My cock stirred against my pant leg, filled with the memory of the way her tongue and lips had drawn over it, her lips coming all the way to the hilt.

“I’ll even come by when the social worker comes, if you’d like. I’m the music teacher, and I can vouch for you,” I stammered, stepping back slightly. I couldn’t be yanked back into this vibrant, sexual world. Even though I so wanted to toss Talia against the porch swing and rip her legs apart, drawing my tongue into her soft pussy lips.

“Just let me know when she comes. Just let me know when I can help,” I echoed with finality, before turning back toward my car. “I’ll be here for you.”